Chapter 5: Recovery
She cried again for a long time. She needed to let all her pain, guiltiness and shame go away. At least for a moment.
"Time to go back inside." She nodded to Deac. Her eyes were swollen, her mascara and khol had tickled all over her face. She used her sleeve to wipe all she could. She didn't want the others to see she had broken.
"Maybe better?" Deacon joked, handing her a tissue.
"It is." She grabbed the tissue and continued to hide the tears she had just let out. He came closer once again and hugged her.
"You know I'm here for you, nights and days. Just call me."
She nodded in agreement. "Just don't say a word to the others… You know… I..." She lost her words.
"Copy, Chris. Your secret is safe with me. Just promise me to think a little more to you."
"I will." He smiled to her, hoping she was not playing with words.
They came back to the hospital. There, nothing had changed. The same white walls, the same busy medical staff running everywhere, Jim still in his bedroom, lying in a bed, still unconscious. The whole team was in the waiting room.
"Hey Chris, you're back!" Luca told maybe a little too loudly.
"Hey! Feels good to feel the fresh air." Deac nodded to Hondo behind Chris's back as to tell him, he got her. Hondo nodded back.
"So you're feeling better! It's cool. When do you come back at work?" Tan asked.
"Must see the doc again but he told me I have to wait at least a month before going to the field again. Something with adrenaline and commotion not making a good mix."
"Damn, that's long but health first. " Luca showed his big brother side, always looking after the others.
"Don't tell me this, I'm like a lion in a cage! I can't imagine being off for a whole month. Seems unreal. Even if I guess at the moment my ribs and bruises are happy with this." She let out a little laugh. Deac was happy to see her like this. He let her talk with Tan and Luca and went to see Hondo.
"Is she Ok?"
"She will. Still pretty shaken by what happened to Street. You know how close these two are."
"Yeah."
"Did you talk with Street's doctor? Did he say something new?"
"Street is still in a severe condition but his vitals are stable. A little miracle at the moment according to him. But he remains very careful. Street's life is very fragile right now."
Deac nodded, he was very serious. This moment was very serious. "So what are we doing?"
"Keep coming and visiting him, being there for him days and nights, catching this bastard who tried to kill him… Even if we are assigned at HQ till the IA investigates on the accident."
"Those again?!"
"Just procedure, Deac. It's Ok, we should be back on field in a few days. Now let's join the others or they will believe we're hiding things from them."
Hondo and Deac came closer to the team and talked with them till a nurse told them the visitors hours were over. "Already?" Luca was puzzled time had spent so fast.
"Chris, you come with us?"
"No, not right now, need to catch some things in Street's room before going home. See you tomorrow."
Chris entered ICU and walked to Street's room. She opened the door and was surprise to see that Molly was still with him. She thought everyone was gone for a long time now and they could be only the two of them. But she was wrong.
"Oh sorry, believe… Come back later."
She understood that at this precise moment she felt a hint of jealousy when she saw Molly so close to Jim when she opened the door. But she needed to shut it down because she had no right to feel like this. She closed this door years ago.
She started to run away from this trap. She didn't want to talk to Molly. Not right now. She was a very nice person but she wanted to be alone.
"Hey Chris."
Damn, Molly had decided otherwise. She turned, trying to hide her annoyance the best way she could. "Molly."
"I heard what you did last night… Thanks for having been here for Jim… I totally screwed up yesterday… I was so scared… Still am… But it doesn't excuse how I ran away…"
"It's OK. It's scary, freaking scary."
"Oh God, yes." She laughed nervously. "How do you remain so calm? I mean a part of our world may be falling down and you're so calm…"
"Oh believe me I'm not but freaking out won't help anyone, so…"
"You're right… But still…" She took a deep breath. "Think it's time to go home now. See you tomorrow, Chris. Anyway, do you need a ride?"
"Oh no, thank you… Still need to grab some stuff from the room and then I'll go home. It can take some time. Go. I'll call an Uber, don't worry for me."
"Ok, then… See you tomorrow… And thanks again for last night, Chris." Molly grabbed her handbag and got out of the room. "Goodbye, Chris. "
"Bye, Molly." She looked at her go away. She was walking fast. As if she was running from this place that she barely supported. Chris took a deep sigh and entered the room. Jim was still here, deeply asleep, as if the world could fail and he wouldn't hear a thing.
"Hey Long Beach. Came back to grab some stuff and I'm going home. Please don't make me a bad joke during the night or I swear, I'd come after you, idiot."
She took some minutes to gather the things she let in the room. A flask, a sweat, a hairband, her phone charger.
"Hey Chris!" She turned and saw Tabatha.
"Hey Tabatha. I know I shouldn't be here. Just grab some of my stuff and go home, I promise." Chris turned back and kept picking up her little stuff.
"Thought we wanted to stay for the night?"
Chris turned to Tabitha with a puzzled look. "What are you talking about? Guess no one can stay, I mean the doc said yesterday it was exceptional and…"
"Chris, if you want to stay, you stay. My shift ends in 30 minutes but I've talked with my coworkers and they are all ok. So, it's up to you, now."
Chris looked at Jim. She didn't want to leave this place. She didn't want to let him alone. Not after what he had done for her. "Really? But I don't want to annoy anyone…"
"So it's a deal. And anyway, his vitals are better when you're around. You send him good vibes." She smiled at Chris.
"It's just, I've nothing to change and…"
"Go home, change, take some stuff. We have an empty locker in our room. You could put your stuff here so no one knows you're staying at night. Come at the door when you're back, my colleagues will open to you. Have a good night, Chris."
"Good night Tabitha… And thanks, you know… For everything."
"See you tomorrow."
She called an Uber and went home to take some new clothes in a bag so she can stay a few more days with him at the hospital and not going back to her apartment. She enjoyed the moment to take a hot shower, washing her hair. Removing her bandage. Seeing the big bruises on her skin reminded her of the day when her whole world collapsed. What did he have to throw her away from the car and to be hit instead of her?
She swallowed hard and wiped the tears coming to her eyes. She opened the bottle of shampoo and poured some in her hand. She rubbed her scalp and her hair. She needed this moment of calm, out of time. She cleaned her body from all the traces of her fall. When she got out of the bathroom, she was feeling like a new person. She got dressed quickly, put her sneakers, grabbed her bag on the sofa and left her apartment.
On the way back to the hospital, she took time to watch at people in the street. They were laughing, smiling, some were dancing, others were drinking a beer. She smiled. She would like to be one of them right now. She would have liked to share a drink with his best friend. She parked her car two streets away from the hospital. She'd rather be careful. The others didn't need to know she was staying with Jim the next days.
She went to the ICU door as Tabitha told her. A young, small woman came and opened the door. "You must be Chris?"
"Yes."
"Tabitha told me about you. Please enter. And by the way, I'm Andy. I don't walk to the room with you. I guess you know how to get there. But come and see me if you need anything."
Chris gave her a smile. "Thank you."
Andy smiled back at her and returned to her work. Chris opened Jim's room door and was reassured to see him here. Even if he was tied to these machines, he was alive. She put her bag in the cupboard and sat on the chair she had moved the other night. It was still here. Nothing had changed since last time. She sat and waited for time to spend. Maybe Jim will wake up in the next hours after all. She tried to fight the weigh on her eyelids but she lost. She fell asleep on the chair, half twisted. But happy to be near him.
[…]
The day after she woke up. Tabitha was here, checking on Jim. "Slept well?"
"As good as you can on a chair."
"You do know this chair can be unfold right?"
Chris gave her a puzzled look. How could she have known this?
"You see the lever just here?" She showed with her hand a little black lever under the seat. "Pull it now!"
Chris listened to Tabitha and was surprised to see the lower part of the chair lift up. She let out a little laugh of surprise.
"Now you know! I mean to spend more nights here. The team knows, they won't say a word, don't worry."
Chris didn't know what to answer. All these people were so nice to her and she didn't know what she had done to deserve all this good attention. She simply nodded stupidly.
"See you later, Chris."
"Tabitha, wait!" She fidgeted her fingers as she always did when she was nervous. She needed to know. "What have I done for you to be so nice to me? I mean I…"
"Chris, you're a good person. All of us can say this. And the way you remain here for you friend on his first night, when others fled. It tells a lot about you…. You're a very good friend. You're a kind person. It's easy to be nice to you."
"But…" Chris blushed she didn't like to receive compliments like this.
"But nothing. You know, we see a lot of people here. The best but also the worst. And you're definitively one of the best. And your company seems to help Mr. Street. You see, we're not the only one to think you're a good person…"
Tabitha closed the door behind her, leaving Chris and Jim alone. Chris smiled thinking about the nice things the nurse just told her. She didn't deserve them, especially when she was the cause of Jim's problems. She placed her hand in Jim's one and waited for the time to pass. Maybe tonight he would wake up.
[…]
Days like this repeated for two, ten, twenty, thirty days. Chris had seen her doctor who was very glad of her recovery. Her head trauma was a bad memory, her bruises had almost disappeared and the stitches had been removed for two weeks now. "You're just much tired, you should take care of yourself, Chris."
"I will. Just you know, the headaches tired me a lot and the bruises were painful. Had troubles to find a good spot to sleep."
"Should be better by now, then." He handed her a paper. "You're gonna need this!"
Her medical leave was over. In a way, she was relieved because she needed to work. She loved kick criminals asses. She loved the idea that at her level, she helped Los Angeles to become a better place to live. But in another way, she was feeling guilty to let Jim. He was still in a coma but the doctor had finally extubated him a few days earlier. He was able to breath on his own. Another pace to his recovery. But he still was not awake. "Matter of time." Dr. Paulsen kept repeating her but she found he had less enthusiasm in the last few days. He must have been exhausted by his job.
She took the paper and thanked Dr. Spencer. "Take care of you, Chris. And be careful out there."
"Will do my best. Bye."
She came out of the office and went outside. She walked in the park in front of the hospital, she needed fresh air. She also needed new clothes because it was her last clean tee-shirt. She sat for a while on a bench and enjoyed the rays of sun on her face. Jim would have loved to take a sunbath right now but he couldn't at the moment. She made herself a promise. Once he'll be awake, she will bring him here and they will enjoy the sunshine on this same bench, eating an ice cream! He'd better hurry, spring was starting to bring mild weather.