Chapter 8: Time racing

She felt even guiltier and sped to the hospital. She was there in less than 20 minutes. For her, it was as if two days had passed. She parked her car next to the entrance. She didn't care and ran to the ICU. When she arrived, several people were in Jim's room. What was happening? Was he ok? Oh My God, he could not be dead? She was spiraling hard when she felt a hand over her shoulder.

"Hey, Chris." It was Andy. Chris couldn't retain her tears.

"Is he…" She lost her words. She needed to know. She was too unstable.

"No he's fine now… Dr. Paulsen was able to reanimate him. But he doesn't explain the heart attack. Will lead tests to determine why Jim's heart brutally stopped."

"I… I…"

"I know Chris. It was unexpected. But what he needs now is you next to him. Dr. Paulsen will come talk to you in a few minutes."

Chris took some minutes before entering Jim's room. She was afraid he was connected to these ugly, noisy machines again. She gathered all the strength that was left in her and pushed the door. Jim was lying here, only a thin tube was in his nose. The ECG was always here. She sat in the chair and waited, holding Jim's hand.

Dr. Paulsen came a few minutes later. "Miss Alonso, can we talk?"

Chris froze at the sound of his voice. She feared the worst. She shivered. Her fists clutched. She needed to know as far as she was anxious about the answer.

"Miss Alonso, thanks for coming so fast. Andy has already told you about what happened."

"Yeah… Yeah… She did…" Her voice was shaking, then broke.

"Mr. Street had a cardiac arrest. No one could foresee this, it was sudden. I'm leading tests right now to understand where this is coming from."

Chris kept nodding her head, trying to process the information. "The good news is that his heart is pumping well now but I can't explain why it stopped before."

"So what are you gonna do now?" Chris asked anxiously.

"First I'm waiting for the test results and then I'll make a decision. See you later, Miss Alonso."

He let her alone in the room. She didn't like Dr. Paulsen's look when he left the room. She pulled the chair right next to Jim's bed and caught his hand strongly, intertwining her fingers with his.

"You have no right to fail me! Not now, not after I broke my back on this chair. You need to wake up so I can redeem myself to you. Because I failed you this day on the street. Jim, please, don't let me alone. You do know I deeply care about you, I can't lose you!"

She spent the rest of the night with him. Holding his hand tightly. Listening carefully to the regular beeps of the ECG. She was woken up by Hondo who entered the room.

"Hey Chris…"

"Oh!" She jumped in the chair and almost knocked on Jim's bed.

"Easy, easy, Chris. Take your time. Dr. Paulsen called me last night to tell me what happened. He also told me you came as soon as you heard about it."

She nodded and quickly realized her hand and Jim's one were still intertwined. She removed her hand and freed Jim's one in the blink of an eye. But she did know Hondo had noticed it.

"I called the rest of the team, they'll be there too soon. Hicks warned Molly. They are on their way to the hospital. You ok, Chris?"

She remained silent for a while before moaning a vague "yeah". She huddled in the chair, bringing her legs to her chest and placed her head over her knees. Looking at Street tirelessly. Hondo understood he had lost her. She won't talk more. He got out of the room and waited for the others. He met them in the waiting room.

"Hey."

All faces were defeated. Hondo kept talking. "Not gonna lie, it doesn't feel good. Dr. Paulsen ran some tests but he told me he had doubts Street could make it this time. Chris is with him at the time. She had been called this night. She spent the rest of the night here. I've not told her about what Dr. Paulsen told me. She says she's fine but I can see she's exhausted. She's gonna need us."

He paused for a while. All were silent, serious. "Dr. Paulsen will come to talk to all of us this morning. Then we'll have to help Chris make the right decision". At the moment, he told this, he could feel a lump in his throat.

[…]

Dr. Paulsen met them at the end of morning in Jim's room. Chris was still seated in the chair, motionless, staring at Street as if she was able to wake him up only with the intensity in her look. Molly was on the other side of the bed, sobbing. The rest of the team placed all over the room, waiting for Dr. Paulsen to talk.

"Glad we can all meet about Mr. Street today. As you all know Mr. Street had a heart attack this night. I ran some tests and it seems that he had a heart failure. A clot blocked his aorta. We were able to dissolve it thanks to meds but it looks like it had affected other organs…"

"You mean like organs failure?" Molly swallowed hard and cried harder.

"Yes, Mrs. Hicks. His liver seems damaged as well as his stomach. It's very rare but I'm afraid Mr. Street could not recover this time."

They all lowered their heads. Street was dying. It was awful, horrible, terrifying. A pure nightmare. And they were in the middle of it. Hondo asked questions to Dr. Paulsen about what was about to happen, what they had to expect. Chris remained still, impervious to any of the outside noise. She vaguely heard words like "ending life", "failure", "death"… But she didn't listen to them because deep down, she knew Jim will wake up from his coma. She was sure of this. She could feel it in her guts and no doctor in the world could make her doubt about this fact.

"Chris? Chris?" She felt someone one shaking her. Forcing her to come back to reality. It was Hondo. "Chris, did you hear all of this? Dr. Paulsen would like to be sure you understood all he had said."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Miss Alonso, we will have great decisions to take in the few hours, in the few days. I need to be sure you know what it means. As Mr. Street's legal guardian, you are the only one who can decide when… When …"

"Please, end your sentence." She was cold. She was determined to listen to the end and to refute Dr. Paulsen's theory.

"When it'll be time to let Mr. Street go."

She swallowed hard. She knew they were talking about this for the last minutes and she had ignored them because she knew they were crazy. Street was not dying, he was resting and this story of failing organs was a bad joke he was playing on them to test them. She felt a hand on each of her shoulders. She turned to see Deac and Luca back up her, tears in their eyes.

"The later possible. Mr. Street has a lot to live before thinking of this."

The whole room was shaken by her cold, direct answer. Molly was nestled in her father's arms, Tan lowered his head just after meeting her look. She knew he was too believing in a miraculous Street coming back. He was his only ally at the moment in the room, the others were convinced he was done.

"Miss Alonso, I don't think you understand. Mr. Street's organs are failing… He is… Dying…"

She nodded "no" with her head.

"No, Dr. Paulsen said multiple signs of failure…Not breaking or… dead" She had troubles to pronounce the last word. "Failures can be fixed!"

Luca came closer and took her in his arms. She fought as first. She was not the kind of girl you could come and embrace so easily. He could feel her knocking him with her fists. In the chest. On the arms. She finally let go of her pain and cried. She knew it will not make things better but it will relieve her tired body. The others looked at them and joined this improvised hug. Only Molly and Hicks remained alone, on the other side of the bed. She was trying to restrain her extra tears while her father held her strongly over her shoulders.

The group separated after some minutes. They had to, even if they didn't want to. Hondo took his "person in charge" look again. He needed to, for Chris, for the whole team. Decisions had to be taken. But not today. The wounds were still bleeding hard. They were still under shock after Street's heart attack and his organs failing. They all needed to rest and to process the information.

"Time to go home. Time to take some time off, right Commander?" Hicks nodded. "Chris, take your time. I'll be back tomorrow morning."

She nodded, trying to restraint her tears. Trying to remain strong. But It was becoming harder minutes after minutes. Tan, Lucas and Hicks followed Hondo and left the room. Molly stayed alone with Chris. She needed more time with Jim. Both were crying in a corner of the room. In silence. Face to face with their own pain. How long did it last? Neither of them was able to say. They only knew the atmosphere here was heavy. Molly finally came closer to Chris. She needed to talk to tell things. But Chris was not on this mood. Molly understood quickly and returned to seat on her chair.

She remained for the rest of the day with her. Chris was silent, she didn't want to talk. To tell what anyway. But Molly was standing right in her feet. Just before it was time to leave, she came closer to Chris. She didn't care if she wanted to remain silent, she needed to talk.

"Chris… I know it's hard…And that you'd like to exchange anything you like to bring him back… I would too… For Jim… For my mom…" She swiped the tears rolling down her cheeks. "But I can't, despite everything I hope I could do or give… I'm broken, Chris. But don't you think it's time to let him go… He would hate being maintained alive when all his organs are failing…"

Chris heard Molly's words but it was as if they slipped on her and lost in the far away. She knew she had to answer. Even if you'd have preferred remain quiet. After a moment, she raised her head to look at her in the eyes. With her challenging look. "Goodnight, Molly." And she turned back her head towards Street.

She knew how harsh, cold, hurting she could be. She just had been. Even if she didn't want to . It was just a way to preserve herself. To protect her from the outside world, from any feeling. Under her shell, she feared anything. Molly looked at her, for a while before leaving the room.

"Goodnight, Chris…"

Chris remained alone once again. All was quiet. It was better this way anyway. Only the beeps of the ECG were troubling the silence of the place. She looked at him for a long time as her intense look could wake him up. "Crazy girl…" She whispered to herself. But still she was convinced Jim's case was not a lost cause. After a while, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it.

"You know, I'm here and I know you're here too. Somewhere you're begging to come back. You've just lost your way… But listen to me Long Beach: I won't give up on you. So find your fucking way back to me so I could yell at you for being so stupid!"

Tears ran along her cheeks. She was sad, she was broken. He couldn't let her alone. She would not recover from the pain of losing him. She jumped when Tabitha entered the room to check on Jim's vitals.

"I learned about Jim… I'm so sorry, Chris…"

Chris sniffed. "You know I don't think it's the end…"

"But you heard the doctor… His case is pretty serious… He's not sure he will be able to make through the next weeks…"

"I've heard all of this… I'm just saying I can feel in my guts, he's telling us something…How do you explain he was perfectly fine and then he had a heart attack… Don't make sense. I mean it's not logical… All the clues were pointed to him waking up soon and now he's on the verge of…" She swallowed hard, she didn't want to say this word. "Of …Dying… Tabitha, I'm not crazy, I know something is wrong… Can feel it in my guts."

Tabitha didn't say a word. She checked on Jim and walked to the door. "Chris, you should sleep a little. The day has been rough for all of us, even more for you."

And she turned the light off. Chris was alone in the dark, sure that Jim was trying to pass her a message. She just needed to understand which one.