Chapter 13 : One step at the time
This morning, when Tabitha came in Jim's room, she was a little sad. He was leaving from physiotherapy service. Not that she was not happy after all he had been through but she liked him as a patient. And she enjoyed seeing him interacting with Chris. It was for the best but she had a heartache to see him leave.
"Ready for moving to the third floor?"
Street let out a proud laugh. "Think I am… Can't believe this is the day."
"It is. Not gonna lie to you. We're gonna miss you in the ICU! Even if we know it's great for you." Tabitha smiled. Street blushed. He was not used to receive compliments like this.
"Anyway" Tabitha continued. "My colleague, Nic from physiotherapy will come to see you and will explain what will happen once you're there. Chris's not here?"
"Oh no she had to leave early. Big day at work. She'll be back to see me tonight. Why?"
"Oh just like this, to say goodbye."
"Oh Tabitha you know we're just two floors ahead from here. We can come and see you anytime!"
Tabitha smiled when she heard him use the pronoun "we". She had been knowing from the beginning for Chris and he. Even if they denied it, she could feel something was going on here. A kind of indefinable, magical chemistry. This kind of connection that had no need to be explained. It was here. She smiled at Jim.
"And I wanted to tell her my colleagues from physiotherapy are ok with her sleeping here. Told them about her anxiety to let you since… Since you had a heart attack the only night she wasn't at the hospital."
Street grinned. He couldn't hide his joy. He almost blushed when he noticed Tabitha was looking at him, with a small rictus on her lips.
"Thanks Tabitha… Means a lot…"
"My pleasure." And she got out of the room. She still had a lot of patients to visit.
Nic came later. She explained everything to Street. The content of every physiotherapy session, the numbers of sessions, the progress that was expected. "Don't want to lie, it's gonna be a hard time. But Dr. Paulsen told me you were a robust patient so it shouldn't be a problem."
Jim smiled at the physiotherapist. "Indeed… I just can't wait to be back to my old life. To my job… I've the impression to become crazy here."
"I don't promise you miracles but if you're motivated and focused on the objective, in one month, one month and a half you could be home. And in three months, you even may be at work."
Jim jubilated. Only three months and this nightmare would be over! He was intrigued. "Tell me more!"
[…]
He was looking at his new room with attention. He had been in this new service like 2 hours now and he was still processing all the news he had received from Nic and the medical staff. Tomorrow was the beginning of physiotherapy. He was so excited! Soon, he will be able to move and to do whatever he wanted, whenever he decided. "You don't realize how lucky you are till you are deprived of your own freedom." He whispered through his teeth.
Then he checked his phone. Still no answer from Chris. She must have been on the field again. But he couldn't wait to tell her about the good news. In a month, he could be at home and enjoy life with… He stopped his mind from drifting when he heard a voice coming from the doorstep. It was Molly.
"Oh Molly, what are you doing here, Are you ok? Kind of unusual to see you in the middle of the day without your files under the arm!"
"Jim, we need to talk."
He wasn't expecting that. Not that he didn't know they needed to talk. But Molly taking the lead on the conversation was something he didn't see coming. He stumbled on words. "Yeah… Yeah… Of course."
Molly entered the room slowly. She put her handbag on the chair and sat. She fidgeted her fingers, not knowing what to do with her hands.
"You're scaring me, Molly. What's happening?"
She took a long, deep breath before talking. "Jim, we need to talk. In fact, it's been days since I want to talk with but I've never found the right moment… And to be honest, I don't know if there's a good moment to talk about this…"
She was so elusive, Jim imagined the worst scenario in his mind: was she sick? Was she pregnant? Had she a miscarriage and he had not been for her in this awful moment? His mind was spinning, becoming crazy. He tried his best to contain his emotions.
"Jim… It's not working anymore…"
He was stunned by her sentence. Short, simple, direct to the goal. He was not ready for this, he doubted he would be one day. Molly took a new deep breath and kept talking.
"Us.. We seem broken, the connection is not here anymore. I've tried but I know this is a lost cause." She paused, hoping for him to say a word but he remained silent. He knew she was right. Their relationship had been great but something was missing, the magic probably.
"I love you Jim, I do love you, I love what we have but…" She broke and started crying. "Please say something…"
"Molly, I'm so sorry to make you hurt like this. I do love you, you're amazing. You're smart, you're pretty, you're a real gem and I'm so happy to have met you…"
She cut him abruptly. "But I'm not her, right?"
He was surprised she reacted so quickly, so vindictively. "What?"
"Jim, no need to lie. I saw you yesterday night… You were arguing about the remote control. The way you looked at her, the way you talked to her, with her. You've never looked at me this way. Not that you have ever mistreated me, Jim. You have always been a gentleman to me. Made me feel safe and loved and respected. But the way you act with her is another level. All seems so natural when you're with her… You don't think, you're just there, you're you, she's her and it seems… Obvious."
Jim was astonished. There was too much information at the same time, too much to process in only a few minutes. "What are you talking about, Molly?"
"Jim, you're in love with Chris, not me. I don't say you don't like me, you do appreciate me. You like me. But you don't love me. You love her. She's the one you want to be with you, even if you may not be aware of this now. But I saw things for those past two months. Things that don't lie. Things that made me realize I was not the right person for you."
He was in shock. He tried to reply, to explain. "But Molly, I…"
She stood up from the chair and nodded no with her head. "I know you love me. But I also know this is not true, at least not completely true. You love me, yes, but you are not in love with me." She put her hand over his. "You are in love with Chris, and it's ok. Looking back to our relationship, I must confess I should have known from the beginning, she was more than a friend. She knew you so well, I should have known it was suspicious. And all those amazing advice she gave me to please you… I just should have known… I've just been a fool…"
"Molly, wait. I love you, I do. What are you doing?" Jim panicked, seeing Molly's reaction.
Molly swiped her tears. "Goodbye, Jim. It's been a pleasure to have shared this short but intense moment with you. You're one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. One of the good guys girls are looking for. I'm just sad I'm not the girl you chose. Chris is very a lucky woman..."
"She's my best friend…"
"She's more than this, Jim. Stop lying to yourself. Embrace the truth, be happy. Tell her the truth. You'll find a way to figure it out with SWAT. Chris already found a way to change the rule there for women. I'm sure both of you can find a way for this to work… Just stop to avoid the unavoidable. Goodbye, Jim."
She waved at him before leaving the room, her handbag on her shoulder. Street remained speechless for many minutes, processing what had just happened. He was not in love with Chris, at least he was not anymore! He might have been some years ago but since, time had passed. He had moved on and…
He was interrupted in his thoughts by Nic dropping him his schedule for the next week. "Physio starts tomorrow! You must be so excited!"
He nodded energetically and smiled at Nic. Better focused on his rehabilitation now. Maybe he could see things clearer when he will be on his two feet and able to move on his own.
[…]
Physiotherapy went well. Jim was already at the end of his second week of rehabilitation and he could already notice the progress he had done. He was able to move from his bed to the bathroom without the help of anyone and for him, it was already a victory. Nic told him he was on the right path, that every step was counting. And if it kept this rhythm, being at home in less than a month was not a pipedream anymore.
Chris had been allowed to stay with him at night. She came every day after shift. When she was off, she spent the day outside doing her stuff and came back at night when he was back in his bedroom after his training. Tabitha introduced Nic to Chris on his first day at Physio. The night just after Molly broke up with him. Nic told Chris she could sleep here, it was not a problem. It was even a good thing as Jim was feeling better not to be alone in this ordeal. He also remembered seeing Chris blushing as Nic told her presence was one of the reasons why he was healing so fast.
The deal was that she couldn't be here during the day. The personal staff gave her a camp bed reserved for moms who accompanied their child at hospital. She kept her locker in the ICU nurse break room. He appreciated she was around. She didn't know how important her support was. And he guessed it helped her to be here when she had insomnia.
But he told nothing to Chris and the team about the break up. He didn't want to. He could have but deep inside him he didn't feel the need to tell them about Molly and he being over. Maybe later he will tell the truth but not now. It was still painful. But most of all it was confusing. All that Molly had said to him was still resonating in his mind. Could she be right? Was he in love with Chris? He knew she was special, but he was also convinced he had locked these feelings for a long time now, since she told him, she had a hard policy dating cops, any cop, anywhere and had flown away after their only kiss.
"Hey! Tough day?"
"Hey Hondo! Glad to see you around."
"Glad to see you on your feet!"
"Glad too! Fells like I live again, moving and walking. Nic told me if I keep this way I could be home in a month max."
"So you plan on accelerating things, kiddo?" Hondo laughed.
"Of course! Three weeks would be the perfect timing. I need to eat a BBQ in my yard, and drinking beer and eating big amount of meat."
"Talk like you're dreaming of it."
"Every night, Hondo. Every single night! I'm becoming crazy eating all these vegetables and mashed potatoes without salt. I need to eat something really tasty. Not those food anymore." He let out a laugh. Hondo joined him.
"Good to laugh with you again. We were really afraid… We thought we lost you… If it was for Chris, we would have given up on you, kid… And for this, I'll always feel guilty… We almost kill you when Chris was screaming to all of us something was wrong, that it didn't fit at all. And we thought she was mad at pain and suffering when she was the most lucid person in this room. I feel really bad… I should have known…"
"Hondo, no one could have known... Still ask myself how Chris could have guessed one of my medication was wrong! I mean it makes no sense… I think at this point we can just thank her stubbornness."
The two men smiled at each other and laughed. A clear and sincere laugh, as they had not shared for a long time. Street became serious all of a sudden.
"No hard feeling, Hondo. I'd have given up on me anyway…"
Hondo raised his head and smiled at Street. "You're becoming wise with time, be careful, Street." He let out a laugh.
"Learn from the best."