Chapter 15 : Alone

Jim's phone rang. It was 1AM. He couldn't sleep since he was back from the hospital. Who could send him a text message at this time? He smiled when he saw the name on the screen.

*Are you sleeping? I can't…* It was Chris. He answered her right away.

*No I can't either… Is it weird if I tell you I slept better at the hospital?*

*:p*

*What?! You don't believe me?*

*In fact, I do… Not sleeping well since I'm back home… I must miss the beeps of the machines and the incessant back and forth of the medical staff, I think.*

*Must be this…*

*Don't know what else it can be.*

*Me neither…*

She saw he was writing something because the three little points appeared. And then they were gone. She was sad he didn't answer. She had so much to ask him. She wanted to know if she could come and stay with him for the night. But she didn't want to show him her weaknesses, how she felt bad when she was away from him.

Everyone believed she stayed at the hospital because she was feeling guilty. She had been. She still was. She will forever. As time passed, she felt like she couldn't be away from him. Like a strange and invisible string connected them. Like a force preventing her from being away from him.

But she didn't because it was fair to him. She told him horrible things to keep him away. Things she didn't think but that she hoped make him move from her and this kiss. Because there had been mutual feelings at this precise moment. There had been passion. Sparkles. Emotions. And she couldn't allow this to happen again. She was about to turn her phone off when the three points reappeared.

*I was wondering… Maybe you could come at my home… And we could watch a movie…*

Her heartbeat raced. She knew she shouldn't feel that way when it came to Jim. But truth was, it was. And she hated herself more and more every day for this.

*Yeah... Sounds like a good idea…*

*Great. Meet me there in 20 minutes?*

*Perfect. Be there. See you.*

She put her jeans and tee-shirt, took the keys of her car and drove to Jim's. As she parked in front of the house, she stopped a few minutes. Was she doing a mistake? What was she thinking? She couldn't go inside this house. She couldn't spend the night with Jim. It was against her principles. She swore she would never be involved with a cop again. She tried once and she almost lost her job. She took a deep breath and turned her car on. That was when she saw him waved at her from the doorstep. Standing still with his cane. He was smiling. His dimples were high. His eyes were cheerful. And she knew she was screwed.

She turned off the motor of her engine and got out. She waved back at him. "You were about to leave?" He laughed. She lowered her head, embarrassed. He saw she turned the car on.

"Oh… I've just forgotten to turn off the AC. You know how it is. You forget it and the day after you have no battery…"

"I imagine, I've never had a car. AC is not really useful on a bike."

He let out a laugh. She did as well. "Don't stay outside. I've made popcorn and hot chocolate… And there's a movie waiting for us… Fast and furious, if you're interested…"

"If you talk to me about fast cars and races, I can only enter."

She passed next to him and came into the house. Street was alone these days. Luca was on a mission with TLI in San Antonio for a week. He left in the early morning. "Not too hard to be alone? I mean… Luca must be the kind of person you feel he's not here…"

He let out a laugh. "Indeed. But I enjoy the silence… Sometimes Luca is way too overjoyed and it's tiring."

She smiled. It reminded her of the talking they had once in the armory, him telling her she didn't talk much and her telling him he overtalked all the time.

"I let you take place in the sofa. I come back with the sweets!"

"Let me help you…"

"No, you're my guest. Just sit." His tone was harsh all of a sudden. He saw her puzzled gaze. "Sorry… Just tired of people doing everything for me. It's not against you. It's just I want to be able to do things on my own. It's been months since I'm dependent of another person… And it feels annoying…"

She smiled. "I was just proposing because if your promise is true, you prepared both hot chocolate and popcorn… And you can't carry all of this in one time… And I can't wait to watch Fast and Furious…"

"You've got one point on this… I could use your help and it'll be quicker…"

She followed him in the kitchen and seized the ashtray which was on the table. He took the Thermos filled with hot chocolate and both sat in the sofa. He poured hot chocolate on two cups and placed the popcorn salad bowl between them.

"Ready?" She nodded and he played the movie.

This kind of nights became less and less isolated. Luca called Jim and told him he was staying in San Antonio some days more. Some TLI emergency that required all his attention. Chris kept coming at Jim's house all nights. Watching movies, playing cards or videogames. They couldn't stand being alone.

"What do you think about ordering Italian food for tonight?"

"I'm just leaving SWAT HQ. I can stop by Angelo's and bring us pizzas?"

"Deal."

She came to Jim's 45 minutes later with two giant pizzas in her hands. "Dinner's ready!"

"And the spot is ready! I've made virgin mojitos to go with the pizza."

She sat in the sofa, in the left corner as usual. He sat in the right one. It's crazy how you could get used to something in so few times. Street played the movie. A story of robbery and betrayal. Not the best choice of movies. She tried to remain focused but it was so annoying she started to yawn.

"Oh you don't like the movie? We can change if you like…"

"Oh no… It's just the day had been long at work. I'm a little tired but it'll be ok. We end and I'll go back home!"

"Ok…"

He played the film again. Chris waited for him to turn his head to yawn again. Silently this time. Except the more time passed, the more her eyelids were heavy. At one point she didn't remember exactly well she lost count of the time and felt deeply asleep.

"So what did you think of…"

As he turned to Chris, Street found her asleep, her head rested on the cushions. He got up and put a quilt upon her. She was so tired. There was no way he woke up for her to get to her apartment.

Nights like these became more and more common. Chris often slept on the couch. Not that he didn't like this. In fact, he felt better when she was around. The only problem was that Luca would be back in two days and there was no way he could see them like this. It was not appropriate according to the SWAT rules… Because despite everything he told himself, he knew Chris was not only his best friend.

This night, when she came after work, they would have to talk… During the day, Jim did and undid what he wanted to say to Chris. His mind was so messy, he lost the thread of his thoughts so many times, rewriting what he needed to say, to explain. She went late in the evening, the shift had been a tough one.

They had new leads on Karlsson but the man remained a perfect ghost. She told Hondo about the man being overseas and they started new research. But still nothing. Street could feel how frustrated she was. How tired and powerless she felt. Seated in this coach. Alone in her pain. He came closer and sat next to her. Just for her to know she was not alone in all of this.

"This man is a threat… For the whole community, for all of us…" She looked defeated. Definitively not her style.

"For you…"

She kept her look down. "Yeah… But I don't fear for myself… I'm more afraid for the people around me… The people I care about… Like you… I don't want anyone else gets hurt like you have been…."

Her voice broke as she ended her sentence. After many tergiversations with himself and his conscience, he put his hand over hers. As a way to reassure her. To make her know he was still here, for a long time. She stoke his thumb with hers. He saw tears were rolling down her cheeks but he preferred not to tell a word about it. It was already great she allowed herself to show him her weaknesses like she did.

"Chris…" She raised her head to look at him in the eyes. She swiped her tears with her sleeve. He made as if he didn't notice she had cried. "Luca called me earlier today to confirm he'll be back the day after tomorrow…"

She lowered her head again. She understood what he was trying to say to her. She felt he was heavy-hearted too. Like her at this precise moment. She nodded, looking at him. "So tomorrow is our last movie night, right?"

"I'm afraid so… I'm gonna miss them… You know the fun, the laughter… You…"

She gave him a faint smile and stood from the coach. "Time to make some popcorn, then. No need to talk about work again …"

She vanished in the kitchen. Jim knew she was not in the mood to talk. He would wait a little more. It was not as if he had already waiting four years to have this talk. She came back with a plate of hot quesadillas she brought from his uncle's and some beers.

"Surprise! Tonight is not again about popcorn, Uncle Sarzo made some extra quesadillas and dropped them at my apartment. Thought you may like to eat one of them."

"Are you kidding? I'm dreaming about tasting them. Luca and Tan can't stop talking about them. Give me one!"

She came closer and handed him the plate. He grabbed one in his hands and crunched in it with strength. She looked at him, amused. He had sauce all over the mouth.

"Be careful, the sauce is…Too late. Your trousers are dirty."

"Don't care! I've a washing machine for this and it's too good not to be eaten with passion."

"And put sauce everywhere?"

"Of course! That's the whole point. Where's the fun otherwise? You should try, it's fun."

She giggled. She would never dare do this and lose control. It was not her style. She lost herself in thoughts for a while. And what if it was her style after all? She grabbed a large quesillas from the plate and put it on her mouth. She could feel the sauce rolling down her cheeks and chin. It was fun. Jim was right. Losing the control could be very appeasing. That was paradoxical, completely contradictory but true. She kept eating while he was making fun of her.

"I'm not the one to have sauce everywhere now! Your jeans are a mess."

He laughed aloud. It was a long time since he had not laughed this way. She giggled on her own, trying not to spit the food that was inside her mouth. Once she was done with the mouthful, she let out a big laugh.

"You were right… For once."

"Told you it was fun! Just to know when you have to stop losing control. If it's just for fun, you can do all night!"

They kept eating using Street's method. Half an hour later, they were both a mess, her clothes were good to go to the washing machine.

"Look at us…"

"As it is our last movie night, at least make it right!"

"Chris, you're losing control was the thing I didn't know I needed!"

She grinned at him. "What are you offering as movie?"

He took the remote control and turned the TV on. "You choose!"

She stole the remote control from his hands and shivered while her hands brushed theirs. She tried to keep the control focusing on the screen. "What about Star Wars? It's been a while since I've not watched it…"

"Go for it! I love Star Wars!"

"Which one? Episode one?"

"Are you kidding? Episode one is boring… Let's skip the prequel and go directly to Episode 4 when the real things start!"

"Ok" She chose the right movie on the online platform and pressed play. As soon as they heard the introduction, they stopped talking and enjoyed the movie till it finished.

"Go for Episode 5?"

"I shouldn't… I work tomorrow and I should sleep by now…"

"It's our last night, remember… Let's do it well."

She smiled at him. He was right. From tomorrow night, she'll be back home, alone. She had to enjoy this last night of fun! Even if she was tired. This was only a detail. She could restrain for hours of sleep if it meant staying with Street. And she pressed the play button.

The first 30 minutes went well but as the film was playing, she could feel her eyelids becoming heavier and heavier. She did know the movie by heart so it was not a problem to answer Jim's questions when he was asking her opinion. She could do this the eyes close. So she was with him and at the same time, she could rest a little.

Her trick worked for a few time before she totally felt asleep. Jim felt a weigh falling on his shoulder. He jumped and turned. Chris was sleeping on his shoulder. He didn't dare to move, afraid of waking her up. He tried to keep watching the movie but his mind was elsewhere. He listened to Chris's peaceful breathing. It was nice to hear. An appeasing sound.

He tried to reach the remote control to turn the TV off. No need to keep it on when he didn't watch or listen anything coming from it. But Chris moved as soon as she felt him moving. He gave up on the idea of turning it off. Anyway, at one moment, it will automatically turn off. He looked at her and decided to imitate her. After all, he was tired too. This morning, physiotherapy had been hard and he really needed to rest. He closed his eyes and soon joined Chris in the arms of Morpheus.