Chapter 32: Reality
They entered Luca's house and sat on the sofa. Tan was overexcited by the news. Street and Chris didn't know if they should cry or laugh at the situation right now.
"Tell me more! I want to know everything. I was talking about you too to Bonnie weeks ago telling her I wouldn't be surprised if one day you would become a thing. Guys, you are like fire! I remember your first interactions and wow, so much tension there. It had to happen!"
He was so excited that he couldn't stop talking. "And I thought I was the talkative one?" Street turned to Chris with a large smile.
"Really, now, Jim?"
"What? Try to soften the atmosphere!" She rolled her eyes and eventually gave him a faint smile. Her way to tell him he could tell Tan everything he wanted to know. In the limits of the decency of course.
"It started after I told Lynch about Chris… She was pissed at me, as she often is and we argued … Hard and one thing leading to another… You know… We became a thing. A really awkward thing at the beginning but we had all figured out since… I mean I hope we have."
He gave Chris a large grin. A grin she gave him back. Tan watched them. He could tell it was not only a good lay. There was something else here. Something deeper. He even thought of Bonnie and him when he looked at his friends seated in front of him. His friends and teammates were not just having fun, having sex or whatever. They were in love. And it was nice to see.
"Happy for you, guys. You seem in a good place. Really. But I don't want to be the bad guy who…"
"We know…" Jim cut him quickly. "Just haven't found the good time… And we haven't really talked about this… We'll do…" He said hesitantly looking at Chris in the corner of an eye. He could see she was processing the information and slowly coming back to reality.
"Didn't want to bring the mood down, guys…"
"No, no, it's Ok. We know we need to tell SWAT about us. It's just… You know…." Jim was losing his words. Tan felt the uneasiness he had previously created.
"Don't be worry, Guys. I'll cover for you. Guess Luca already do, right?"
"Kind of…" Luca admitted a little guiltily. "For a couple of months actually…"
"Will do the same then, but it could not last forever. I imagine how scary it can be to be confronted to all of this. 20-David Squad is like a family and you two being a thing will probably change things forever for all of us and especially you two… But as far as I know, and I've been watching you for a while, you are made to be together. I've been knowing it from this moment Chris you had a big crush on from day one stole this journalist, Jilly, that was her name right? And you were not even pissed about it. You just looked her go on her date, more disappointed by the fact that she chose Jilly over you and not because you lost the girl. Chris has always been special to you. No matter what you said or not to me. And Chris, I've always noticed how you have been close to Jim, ready to defend his ass in front of the team, of Hondo, of Hicks, not fearing the consequences. Like a lion. Just standing by his side, despite the fact that he screwed up bad. What you have is special, don't fear the consequences, just go for it. You know, it doesn't happen often. I took my chance with Bonnie and I thank my stubborn ass everyday since…"
Luca remained silent, seated next to Tan. He talked after a while. "Tan is right, kids. No one can steal what you have. I've been watching you for the last two or three months. I can certify this is not only a crush. You're beyond this. Maybe it's time to tell the world about…"
Jim nodded, resigned. He had always known this day was coming. He just wanted to push it as far as possible to enjoy the little bubble he shared with Chris. She was, indeed, more into her shell. Processing each of Tan's words. She swallowed hard. She knew all of this. She knew it couldn't last forever but those last eight months spent with Jim had been the craziest and happiest of her life. And now, all this reality coming back to her right in the face scared the hell out of her. Even more because they had never thought of all of this with Jim.
"Thanks for covering for us, guys." Jim kept apologizing to Tan and Luca. " Didn't want to put you in this position… It's just… You know… It happened and till now, we are like in this bubble and…"
"No need to apologize, Street. I'm very glad for you two. And you have my silence till you decide to do anything. Just think about this…"
"Thanks." Chris whispered. It was the only words she could tell at the moment. She was still frozen by what had just happened.
Tan smiled at her. "Anytime, Chris…" He stood up and walked to the door. "Need to go. Bonnie needs me urgently. See you tomorrow at work…"
Luca told him goodbye and closed the door. "Anyone is hungry cause I'm starving."
Chris raised her head and smiled at him. She was hungry. Her stomach was growling. Luca saw her and smiled her back. "Let me heat the pizza I bought earlier."
"Thanks bro."
"You're welcome." And he vanished in the kitchen, letting Chris and Street alone.
Street heard Chris took a deep inspiration. He knew she was spiraling, he was too. He was afraid she left in a hurry, terrified by what had just happened. Instead she came closer to him and laid against him, nestled against his chest, her legs over his legs. She hugged him. He let her do. He was like paralyzed because it was the last thing he thought could happen. He finally let one of his arms embracing her shoulder, while the other stoked her legs.
Luca came later with the pizza. He let out a smile. They were really cute. He walked back to the kitchen, ate his part and ran to his room. These two needed time to think on their own.
[…]
When she woke up, Chris raised her sleepy eyes all over the room. Jim and she felt asleep in the sofa yesterday, before eating pizza. And this morning, they were still cuddling in each other's arms. She didn't complaint being here, feeling his reassuring body against her but right now what she needed the most was being alone and clear her mind. She dropped a kiss on his cheek and untied from his embrace, being the most careful possible not to wake him up. She walked to his bedroom, changed her clothes and ran to her car. She needed fresh air.
She stopped by Harry's to buy some coffee and cakes and ate them later when she parked her car at Hermosa beach. She loved being here so early in the morning. She was alone, facing the ocean. She ended her piece of cake, got out of the car and put her earphones. Time to run. She knew it was the best thing to do in this situation. To clear her mind, to see things more distinctly, to know what to do next.
She ran, enjoying the fresh air of the ocean, the mild wind brushing her face. She was tired but she kept running because the more kilometers she crossed, the more she was feeling better. She finally stopped and decided to go back to her car walking. Her running phone app indicated she had run five miles already. No need to make more with the day at work that was waiting for her. She removed her shoes and chose to walk in the water. Ocean was still cold at this time of the year but she didn't care. It helped to focus. She lost her gaze in the horizon, looking at this so big water stretch. Both so calm and so strong.
She finally decided to sit in the sand to enjoy the show of nature as the wind became stronger. Big waves were forming offshore. Scum was beating the sand and big clouds in the far away announced a rainy day to come.
"This is where you were hiding…" She jumped hearing a voice behind her. His voice. She turned slowly to check she didn't have dreamed.
"Jim? You …Here… But how… How did you find me…" She stumbled on her own words.
"Hope I'm not interrupting something… But I was afraid when I woke up and you were not here anymore… You know I've been afraid you panicked about yesterday and ran away…."
She gave him her squishy cheeks. She didn't know what to answer. Of course she was afraid, even terrified at some point. But escaping had never been a part of the plan. Not like some years ago when she did and it was absolutely useless. She had understood her mistake since. Jim was a part of her life, a large part and whatever she could do he always will be. And she was happy about this. No, this morning she just needed to process all that had happened last night and took stock of her, of their situation.
"You were afraid I ran away like last time?"
He blushed. "I might have…" He sat in the sand next to her.
"Sorry, Long Beach, not this time, you're stuck with me now… Not I just needed to clear my mind… And by the way, how did you find me? Did you put a tracker on my car or something like that?" She grinned at him.
He was shy all of a sudden. Astounded by her answer. And also glad she was not on the run of their relationship anymore.
"No… Just remember that one time you told me you love to come here to think… And after yesterday evening, thinking is the only thing that I do… So I figure out you'll do the same… And also I saw your running clothes were not at their place anymore…"
She cut him. For once, she was not the scary one in this relationship. Indeed she still was but he was more frightened than her at the moment and it was kind of cute of seeing him so insecure.
"What a good listener and observant you do, James Street." She gave him a large smile and grabbed his hand. "I'm not running away. Not anymore, Jim. You know that, right?"
He nodded. She knew he was still traumatized after she had done after their first drunken kiss. "The truth is… The truth is… I love you and this is what I'm so scared and so thoughtful… Because I've never felt like this before and it terrifies me."
It was told aloud. Finally. For good. She was in love with him. Never thought she had been in love before to be honest. She had loved Kyra, she had a crush on Jilly. She thought she loved Carlton. But with Jim, it was another level. A strange, thrilling and blissful level. She felt he pressed her hand tighter.
"I do love you too, Chris. More than anything in my life to be honest. You had brought me your friendship when I needed it, you had never let me down even when I was a real jerk. You have known from day one how to deal with the mess I was… Still am even if I'm working on it day after day."
He let out a laugh.
"I'm pretty messed up too, you know… What about being messed up together?"
"Chris Alonso, are you saying what I'm thinking you're saying?"
She nodded, pinching her lips like anytime she was trying not to smile too largely. "Jim Street, would you make me the honor to come to live with me in my apartment? I mean our apartment if you agree to…"
He bent and kissed her. She deepened the kiss. She didn't complaint about it. She loved when he was taking the lead and woke in her new sensations. As he moved away from her mouth, he whispered: "I'd be honored to…"
She gave him her idiotic, squishy face while he gave her his goofy smile.
"So you agree to talk to Hondo and Hicks about us today… Despite everything it's gonna change in our life?"
She nodded. "Guess it's time… Whatever the consequences… Not gonna lie I'm scared as hell but I'm more scared of losing you…"
"It'll never happen, Chris. You know that?"
She grinned. Then nodded. He was not going anywhere. Neither did she. And yet their life was about to take an irreversible turn.