As requested, here is chapter 3. But I want to quickly address a review I got that mentioned this tying into Derek leaving for Seattle: In my stories, that does not happen. I am Addek endgame. I can't see this ever changing, but as for right now, Addison does not cheat, and Derek does not move to Seattle.
Also, I noticed a few people mention that they ship Meredith and Derek but still enjoy my fic, so thank you!
Now, on to this chapter. It is longer than the other two, so I hope you enjoy.
…
"My marriage is over"
"He doesn't look at me. He doesn't touch me."
That's what she had said. That is what she really thought about their marriage. That is what she really thought about them.
"I am just his roommate."
Her words played over and over in his head. A painful loop he could not stop.
He looked over at the flowers and grocery bag lying on the floor. They served as a painful reminder of the hope he had as he entered their house. He had planned to give her the flowers and joke about the other purchase. He had been looking forward to the look on her face when she saw them. Red and pink roses. Those were her favorite.
"I know roses are so cliché, but there's a reason. They are the prettiest."
She said that back in medical school when they were just 22.
"Most people don't think that pink and red should be in the same bouquet, but they're wrong. But for it to work they can't simply be red. It has to be that deep red. As for the pink, it has to be light. Almost baby pink."
Typical Addison. Always making in complicated, but she was right. It was practically impossible to find a decent bouquet that contained red and pink roses. He spent so much time in medical school trying to find the perfect colors, but it was always worth it when she smiled. She liked that he remembered exactly the colors she wanted. That made it mean so much more, and they both knew it. They never discussed it, but they both knew. That was before though, and this was now.
Now Derek sat in their room, looking at the beautiful bouquet he had begged the florist to throw together for him, and her words were ringing through his ears.
But was she lying?
Of course, she was. That was just Addison being dramatic. Plus, she was talking to Savvy. That was probably why she was saying that. She had an audience that she knew was all ears, and she was playing to it. Their marriage was not over. Had he been working more? Yes. Did he treat her like a roommate? Of course not.
But did he?
No. He did not treat her like a roommate.
Right?
"God, what have we come to," he asked himself out loud.
...
"Happy fucking anniversary, Addison."
She could hear it over and over in her head. All day she wanted to hear those words. She wanted him to say them, but not like this.
She sat down on the couch and pushed her hair out of her face.
"Would you tell anyone else that?"
Honestly, no. She would not ever tell anyone else that. Savvy was the only one, and Derek knew that. He knew how close they were.
Or did he?
Probably not. They were always close, but recently they had become even closer (if that was possible). Savvy had been coming over to keep her company since Derek was never home. Poor Savvy was taking time away from her own marriage to help Addison dissect hers. Derek had no clue about this seeing as how he was always at work. Still, the look on his face stayed at the forefront of her mind. He was genuinely hurt by her words.
And the flowers!
He left but it was to get her flowers. But not just any flowers. He left to get her favorite flowers.
How did he manage to get them so quickly?
God, now she felt worse. He scrambled to get the flowers (her favorite flowers) and he heard her spitting on their marriage.
She was pulled from her thoughts by her phone buzzing in her lap. It was Savvy.
"Addie, what the hell? Is everything okay?
"He heard me, Sav."
Savvy was quiet for a second before taking a deep breath. "Okay, so he heard you. This might not be the worst thing. He heard you- Wait! I thought he went to the hospital?"
"That's the worst part. He didn't go to the hospital. He went to get flowers and something else," Addison said, tears starting to stream down her face again.
"Oh, honey. I am so sorry."
"No, I am the one that's sorry."
They were quiet for a second before Addison said, "Sav, he got me light pink and dark red roses."
She could hear Savvy smile through the phone. It was one of those smiles that starts with a sigh but ends with your mouth twisted into a grin. "Addie, this is at least some good news. He was probably feeling guilty that you made plans and he didn't, so he went to get you flowers and- Wait, what was the other thing?"
"I have no clue," Addison replied. "It was in a bag, but I never got to see because he stormed off upstairs after hearing me bash our marriage."
"Well, you know what you have to do right?"
Addison sat quietly for a moment and then said, "I have to go apologize for jumping to conclusions."
"No," Savvy quickly replied. "Well, yes. But you two need to have a constructive conversation about why you jumped to that conclusion."
"You're right, but I really need to apologize. He was so hurt, Savvy. I have to apologize."
"Then apologize but explain how you feel. Explain that you assumed he went to work because that's what he usually does. He leaves without telling you where he is going." They were both quiet again so Savvy said, "well, go. Do it. Fix things. There are still a few hours left of your anniversary. Go save it."
"Okay, I will," Addison said confidently. "After I finish my wine."
Savvy let out a laugh and said, "good. I hope I don't hear from you, so let me know tomorrow. I love you, good night."
"Good night, Sav."
Addison hung up the phone and sat staring at her wine. She quickly downed it and walked into the kitchen to pour another glass. As she poured she remembered something Nancy once said, "what a duo you two are. Derek with his expensive scotch and you with your aged wine."
Nancy was right. That's what they drank. Together. They drank those together. So many good nights they spent drinking those two things. She had tried to get him on the wine, and he agreed only if she would try scotch. So, they both tried. He couldn't stomach the wine, but the scotch worked for her. It didn't do what the wine did, but she did enjoy it. She had even planned to drink scotch tonight as a way of connecting, but that changed when he went upstairs. She needed something comfortable. She needed something she could chug before daring to talk to him.
She laughed quietly to herself, realizing she was in the same situation again. She needed to talk to him and she was downing wine to do it.
Okay, you can do this. Just go say you are sorry. Say you are sorry and fix this. Fix your marriage.
She downed the whole glass and started towards the stairs.
…
She had been crying.
That's what Derek saw in his head as he sat on their bed.
Tears were streaming down her face.
Addison did not cry. She never cried. Probably because her mother. Bizzy always said crying was so "common." So, Addison learned from an early age not to do it. There were a few times Derek saw her cry. She cried over sad movies, and if she lost a patient she was close to. She happy cried sometimes. Like on their wedding day. But this was different. She was not just crying. She was sobbing. Tears were running down her face, and she was out of breath. She had clearly been crying for a long time. This thought caused Derek to feel a pain in his stomach.
You did that to her. You are the reason Addison was sobbing.
"God, I am an ass," Derek said to himself for the second time that day.
You have to apologize. No, you NEED to apologize. You need to talk about this.
So, Derek gathered himself and he started towards the stairs.
Just say you are sorry. Give her the flowers and joke about bringing home the-
"Addison," he said, shocked.
"Oh, sorry," she mumbled, because they almost bumped into each other.
They stood there for a second, silent and staring at each other. Then they both spoke at the same time with an "I'm sorr-''
Silence fell again because they interrupted each other. Derek held up his hand and said, "Addison, we should talk."
"Yeah," she mumbled.
…
They both sat on the bed silent for a moment. He looked up at her and again thought about the tears that had been running down her face. "Addison, I'm sorry."
She looked up at him and said, "me too." She heard the sincerity in his voice, but more than that, she could see it in his eyes. No creases above his brows. Only pain in his eyes. "Derek, I'm sorry I said those things. I was just upset."
"I know. I'm sorry I stormed off. I was also upset."
They were both quiet again but Derek broke it by standing and picking up the flowers.
"They're beautiful," she said, wiping a tear from her cheek.
He handed her the flowers and said, "Addison, you said I treat you like a roommate."
She stared at the flowers, afraid to look up. He phrased it like a question, but it was more of a statement.
"Is that how you really feel," he finally asked.
"Yes."
He ran his fingers through is hair. This wasn't a shock. She said it already, so obviously he had considered it, but hearing her tell him, that was different.
"You're never here, Derek. You're never here but when you are here, you still are not here," Addison said, in a defeated voice.
He walked over to the window and looked out at their street. Several years ago, they bought this brownstone because of the neighborhood. They specifically picked it because of the good coffee within walking distance and the view. They both loved the feel of the street. It offered the quick pace that only New York could, but it was mixed with just the right amout of quaint. They picked it because it fit for them. It was exactly what they both wanted. Now, several years later they were both sitting in this house accompanied by so much hurt.
"Derek, please say something."
He turned around and said, "I love you."
She blinked hard. "I… love you too, but I think that-"
"No," he cut her off. "I needed to say that. I love you. I want to talk about this, but I needed to say that. I love you, Addison."
Her eyes filled with years and she tried to respond but couldn't.
He sat down next to her on the bed and took her hand. "I know things have been difficult, and based on what you said to Savvy, you need to hear how I feel. That is how I feel. I love you. I do not think of you as my roommate, and I do look at you Addison. I look at you. I see you."
"No, you don't," she responded, taking them both by surprise. "Derek, you do not see me, or at least you do not act like you do."
"Addie, I see you. Maybe I don't act like it and maybe I work a lot, but I see you."
"Then why don't you act like it?"
Derek took a deep breath and finally said, "I…. I do not know. Genuinely. I have no idea."
"Even tonight, you were going to go straight upstairs to work. You were not even going to see if I was home."
"I don't know," he replied.
"Well, I know. I know how you act. You act like I am not here, but when you are forced to see that I am, you get upset. You act like we are in college and I am your annoying roommate you got stuck with."
"Addison! I do not feel that way!"
"Then stop acting like that, Derek," she yelled. "Stop acting like I'm the person you are forced to share your precious space with. Stop acting like some easy surgery that a resident could perform is more important than me. Stop sleeping at the hospital. Stop-"
He mashed his lips against her, forcing her to stop talking.
"Derek, NO," she said, pulling away. "You know I hate that. You know I hate when you interrupt me. I am trying to tell you how I feel. And you know what, maybe that is the problem. You never want to deal with the difficult things. You want to be married, but you don't want to be a husband. You don't want to work through this. You want to kiss me and make it go away."
"Addison-"
"NO, DEREK. Things need to change. You need to stop sleeping at the hospital, you need to stop ignoring me, and you need to stop acting like we are only married when it is convenient for you. You said that you love me, so act like. Saying it during the middle of an argument does not fix things. You have to show me."
"Okay."
She blinked hard, shocked that he gave in so quickly. "Okay?"
He nodded and said, "okay. I will be better."
She sat down on the bed next to him and stared at the wall.
"Addison," he broke the silence. "I'm sorry I've been distant. I'm sorry I've been working too much. But I do love you, and I love our life, so I am so sorry I have not been acting like it."
She reached over and took his hand. "I love you too."
…
As always, thank you for reading and please leave a review if you enjoyed.
I have some other ideas about different fics that I want to address. I have quite a few stories about Derek and Addison in medical school that I would love to write. And by a few stories I mean that I already have a whole plot in my head.
If you guys want The Before to continue, let me know! I am open to writing more, even while writing something else.
If you are interested in a medical school fic, please say so because I have so many ideas!
Again, thank you for reading. xx