Chapter 16

Turning the light on in his hotel room, Jack threw his suitcase on the bed. Running his hands over his unshaven face he felt a sense of dread. He couldn't believe that Michaela was alive. And more importantly who knew she was? Opening the magazine for the hundredth time that day he looked at her picture and read the caption. "Well she's not in the witness protection program," he knew. "Damn it, Michaela! Damn you!"

Thinking back to her funeral all of her family seemed absolutely devastated. "There is no way they were faking that," he thought aloud. "What is going on Michaela? What are you doing?" Looking at the clock he realized that it was after one in the morning. He would start out fresh in the morning. "Perhaps I'll pay you a visit at the hospital," he grinned.

Snatching the mint that was on the pillow he unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth. Removing his shoes he placed them under the night stand. "You thought you could out smart me. You little bitch." Taking off his tie he threw it in the chair by the window. Pulling back the sheets he tiredly got into bed. "And you thought you were afraid of me before," he shook his head. "You're really going to wish you died."

Walking through the empty children's ward Sully pushed back the double wooden doors to the maternity quarter. Briskly jogging down the hall he prayed to himself that he would find her. His heart jumped to this stomach when Josef told him Jack was in town. The sickening feeling that something could happen to Michaela overtook his body and gave him an incredible strength to find her. Abruptly stopping in the hall something caught his attention. Turning to his left he looked through the windows of the nursery.

Michaela sat in a rocking chair softly humming to a little boy. He had been in an incubator for the past 6 weeks trying desperately to fight off an infection he had been born with. His parents rarely came to see him and when they did they only looked from afar. The child had yet to be named and was only held in the wee hours of the night when nurses took pity on the poor infant. Smiling, Michaela held him close to her heart. He was so tiny and every so often he would wake and stare deeply into her eyes and fall back to sleep feeling safe and warm in the strangers embrace.

Looking through the window Sully watched as Michaela tended to the baby. She held him so gently as if he were the most precious item in the entire world. Her eyes were totally fixed on him as she rocked back and forth. Breathing in he thanked God that she was safe, but as he watched her he wished he knew what she was thinking. She looked happy but sad at the same time. Knocking on the window he watched as her head quickly snapped up. She looked at him for a second before offering a little smile. Reaching behind her she pressed a button on the side of the wall. Hearing a beep, Sully noticed the door unlatch.

Walking into the room he slowly made his way over to her. Tentatively, he placed his hand on her shoulder. "How did you know I was here?" she asked.

"Just a feeling," he knelt down. "You're parents are worried."

Quickly her eyes shot down to Sully. "How did they know I was gone?"

"I guess your mom went to your room and when she saw you weren't there she became worried. They both came to my house looking for you."

"Oh dear," she looked away. "I figured they were asleep."

"You should probably call them," he told her. "They're pretty upset."

"They don't understand," she whispered. "My mother doesn't know." Holding the baby closer to her she looked at Sully. "I was pregnant once," she blinked away her tears. "About two and a half years ago."

Grabbing a stool, Sully sat down next to her. He had a feeling something was going to come out, something from Michaela's past. He didn't know if it was going to be good or bad, but he knew she needed him there. Not really knowing what to say at that moment he motioned for her to go on.

"I…I didn't tell Jack because I knew at that time he didn't want children. I needed a way to warm him up to the idea." Biting her lip she fought back against the suppressed memory. Fingering the tiny blue blanket she laid her head back and turned to Sully. "One night I decided to cook Jack all of his favorites. I wanted the day to be perfect. I…I thought I could change his mind," she shook her head. 'I thought I could change his mind."

By the tone of her voice he could tell that she was becoming upset. Taking the baby from her arms he placed it back in the cradle. Giving him a smile he tucked the blanket around him. Sitting down next to Michaela he took her hands in his. "What happened, Michaela? What did he do to you?"

Looking at Sully she knew for the first time in her life she needed to share this. She needed to talk to someone who would listen and be there for her, no judgment involved. Sitting up a little straighter she looked down as Sully's hands in hers and gave it a little squeeze. "Jack came home from work in a really awful mood. I…I remember that he went right into this study and sat in there for almost an hour and a half. I learned to never bother him when he goes in there. I knew that…." she trailed off. "But I wasn't thinking then," she shook her head. "I was just so happy. I wanted Jack to be happy." Grabbing a tissue on the rack next to her Michaela dabbed her eyes. "I knocked on the door and I walked into his study. I…I just walked right in. He…he was standing and looking out the window and he had been drinking. I could just tell by the way that he was standing that he had been."

Becoming agitated Michaela started to cry. "He started yelling at me and told me to get out. He wanted to be alone. He kept yelling at me, telling me that it was all my fault. I…I didn't know what he was talking about. I should have known better. I knew not to try and talk to him when he's like that. I was stupid."

"Michaela, no," Sully interjected. "You're not stupid. You didn't know what he was going to do."

"But I did," she shook her head. "I knew he was angry. But I kept pushing him to talk and come eat dinner. I knew he didn't want it. I knew it, and I kept pushing!"

"Michaela, stop," he held onto her shaking arms. "You need to calm down, okay? You don't have to talk about this now. Let me take you home, okay?"

As if Michaela didn't hear anything he said she kept talking. Her voice was as soft as a whisper and her eyes held a hazy appearance. She could see Jack in front of her and the scene playing out as if it were yesterday. "He started coming toward me and he had that look in his eyes. I knew that look and I started to back away, I knew I needed to get out of that room. I told him that I was leaving… that I would leave him alone, but he kept coming toward me."

Sully could feel Michaela's grasp on his hand becoming tighter and her palms began to sweat. He had never seen the color drain from someone's face so fast and it scared him. "Michaela?" he squeezed her hand. "Are you okay?"

"I…I just want to tell you," she whispered. Her face wrinkled to keep from crying further. "I just want to tell someone."

"Okay," he shook his head. "Alright."

Lifting her chin, she continued. "I was walking backward down the hall and his eyes; I remember his eyes were just fixed on me. I held my hand out; I kept telling him over and over how sorry I was for disturbing him. He grabbed my shoulders and just started shaking me. He was shaking me so hard…I can still remember the bones in my neck cracking. I could hear it in my ears."

"Michaela I…." he didn't know what to say. Tears started to form in his own eyes and he was becoming afraid because he didn't know if he could be strong for her.

"I could feel my foot just at the edge of the basement step. I remember I left the door open because I just came up from the wine cellar. I tried to grab hold of the wall to keep my balance." Shaking her head, the tears were now falling and she didn't do anything to stop them. "I…I was becoming so disoriented from his shaking and yelling at me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know about the baby so he would stop shaking me!"

"God, Michaela," he drew her into a hug. As the words of condolences slipped from his lips he felt the inadequacy of them. Nothing he could possibility say could take away the pain she had endured.

"The heal of my shoe broke as it dug into the basement step," she said. "I felt myself falling backward and I grabbed for Jack's hand. And…and I remember looking into his eyes, I remember seeing them grow large, but I don't remember him grabbing for me. I don't remember him moving." Staring off into space she let go of Sully's hand and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "I fell backward down the stairs that night and landed on the concrete floor. He never came down to see if I was alright. He…he closed the door," she shook her head. "He closed the door and I laid on that floor for six hours afraid to move, afraid to feel pain." Looking at Sully, she started to weep again. "I lost my baby on that cold, damp, concrete floor. I was alone, I was cold, and I….I lost my baby."

All at once Sully felt Michaela's body collapse into his arms. Her weeping was now uncontrollable and he knew she needed to get it out. She needed to tell someone. Not only was it a breakthrough for her, it was a breakthrough for them. He held her tightly and rubbed her back in small circles. He wanted her to know that he was there for her and wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't believe the monster that she was married to. Just now remembering he was in Colorado scared him all the more, but he knew he would do anything to protect her.

Looking up, Michaela wiped away a stray tear. "I…I'm sorry," she spoke.

"Don't," he held up his hand. "Don't ever be sorry."

"It's…it's just…" she couldn't find the words.

"What is it?" he lifted her chin. "You can tell me."

"It's…it's never going to happen Sully," she cried softly.

"What's never going to happen?" he wondered.

"I'm never going to have a child." Those words never felt as final to her as they did at that moment and it caused her to cry anew. "I'm never going to know what it feels like to hold my child in my arms. I'm never going to have someone love me so unconditionally and look me in the eyes and call me mommy. Oh, Sully," she cried. "I'm never going to know what it feels like."

"Michaela," he ran his hand down her long hair. "Of course you will."

"No," she shook her head. "No I won't."

"Michaela."

"Sully, I'm a single. I'm 36. I'm not-"

"One day you will make an amazing mother and wife. I know it," he caressed her cheek. "Because you're already an amazing you."

"I wish I had your optimism. But I'm a realist and I know-"

"Don't," he covered her mouth with the tips of his fingers. "Just let it happen. Let something happen."

"Let it happen," she whispered. "Oh Sully," she sighed. "I've been trying to let things happen since I've arrived in Colorado Springs. Sully…I…I let myself fall in love with you."

Smiling, Sully squeezed her hands. "That's not such a bad thing."

"And I let my mother make me believe it was wrong. I let her push you away. I don't want to push you away Sully. I don't care if I'm not really divorced. I don't care that it's only been weeks since I've met you. I don't care."

"Michaela," he began. "I don't want you to discredit your parents. They love you so much and tonight when they came to me looking for you, I could see in their eyes how terrified they were. They love you, Michaela. And they just want you to be happy, so of course they're going to be leery of me. They found me in your bed."

"I guess that wasn't the best way to introduce you," she frowned.

"They're your parents; they don't think anyone's ever going to be good enough for you," he smiled. "I'll just have to live with it. And besides who knows what will happen down the road. We just have to let it happen, right?"

"We just have to let it happen," she smiled, nodding her head.