The Haircut

Maya scratched at the back of her neck as she made her way through Grey Sloan. Having never cut her own hair before, she'd been unaware of the consequences of going about her normal day without showering to get all of the excess hair off. Maya was attempting to find Carina, because she needed a hug from her fiancé after what had just happened with her dad. She'd checked the OB wing where she'd been told that Carina was in her office, on the opposite side of the hospital. It was odd to Maya that Carina's office was so far from where she worked, but it made sense because she hadn't originally been taken on at Grey Sloan as an OB, but instead as a visiting researcher. When Maya reached the door to the office, she stopped. She hadn't even thought about the implications of entering that room. It meant showing her choppy home haircut to Carina. Carina was going to love it no matter what, but that didn't make it any less nerve racking. Before Maya could knock, the door flung open. Her heart stopped in her chest before she realized it was just Amelia.

"Well, hello, Maya!" she said suggestively, raising an eyebrow, "I like the haircut." Maya shifted from one foot to the other. She loved Amelia, but she often didn't know how to act around her. Before Amelia, Maya had never met anyone who was more consistently flirtatious than her.

"Hi," she said.

"Maya?" Carina's voice emerged from behind the door. Amelia smirked at Maya.

"Well, I'll let you two get to it. See you around, Bishop." With that, she was off down the hallway, almost skipping. Maya slipped through the thin opening between the door, which had almost closed, and the wall.

"What's this about a haircut?" Carina managed to say before she stopped in her tracks. When Amelia had said haircut, she'd figured that Maya had just gotten a trim, but this was not a trim. Over half of Maya's hair was gone. Carina's heart rate immediately sped up, worried about what had led to this decision, given that she and Maya had not discussed it at all, and it didn't seem like something that had been planned. Maya looked down at her feet.

"Do you like it?" she asked timidly. Carina stepped to her, tangling her hands in the newly short bob.

"Oh, bambina, I love it. You look so sexy with short hair." Maya smiled. Now that, that was out of the way it was going to be a lot easier to bring up the real reason she was here.

"I saw my dad." Carina jerked up, her hands dropping from Maya's hair to her shoulders.

"Wait, what? I did not even know he was in town. Bella, did something happen?"

"I didn't know he was here either. He just showed up at the station. I thought I was going to get a lot of time to figure out how I felt about him being there, or to decide what I was going to say because we got called out right after he got there. But he followed us to the scene."

"Oh no."

"He pulled my hair. That's why I cut it."

"Mi scusi?" Carina couldn't quite believe that she'd heard Maya correctly. She'd known that Lane was severely abusive, but this seemed to be pushing it, especially in a public setting; he was escalating.

"When we got to the scene, he was trying to follow us into the restricted area, and I told him he had to stay behind the caution tape. When I turned around to go do my job, he grabbed my ponytail and tried to pull me back. Thankfully, the guys were there to pull him away, but yeah I immediately went back to the station and cut it off."

"That makes a lot of sense, Bambina. That was a serious trauma that you endured, and I imagine that having it happen around your entire station famiglia did not make it any easier. It is understandable that you would want to get rid of that reminder, and also the thing that gave your padre that power over you to begin with," Carina said softly, squeezing Maya's shoulder, "I'm so sorry that this happened, Maya. You do not deserve anything about the way your padre treats you. What do you need, bella? What can I do?" Maya brought her hand to her own shoulder, covering one of Carina's.

"I would really like a hug if that's okay."

"Of course. Sí, Maya, you can most definitely have a hug." Carina pulled Maya close to her, relishing in the feeling of knowing that even though, mentally, Maya was not okay, physically she was.

"Could you… I mean, well," Maya stammered. Carina kissed her temple encouragingly, "Would you be willing to touch up the cut a little? I didn't realize how hard it was to get your hair even when you were cutting it yourself."

"Bambina, I would love to." Carina had been planning on delicately suggesting it, had Maya not brought it up on her own. There was a period of time during med school when Maya and Carina had both been so busy that they hadn't had any time to go get their haircut. Carina had used to cut her father's hair when she was younger, because sometimes he'd refused to let someone else touch it. Since she already had the experience, she started giving Maya and herself weekly trims until they were free enough to go to a hair salon.

Maya was sitting on a stool in the middle of their apartment. There was a towel wrapped around her shoulders, and few others spread out on the floor. Carina was attempting to find the haircutting scissors that she insisted she'd put in a specific drawer when they moved in. Maya, on the other hand, was pretty sure that she remembered coming across them in the bathroom fairly recently.

"Dove cazzo sono le dannate forbici?" Carina muttered under breath. Maya looked up. Carina tended to slip back into full Italian when she was stressed or upset.

"Honey, breathe. It's okay. I think I may have seen them in the bathroom a couple months ago." Carina withdrew her hands from the drawer and turned to face Maya.

"Oh. Are you sure, bella? I could have sworn I put them in this cassetto."

"Carina, I love you, but I think you've been through that entire drawer three times. I don't think they're in there. It wouldn't hurt to check the bathroom, right? If they're not in there you can give me a big bald spot or something." Carina laughed, which had been Maya's intention. She could tell that Carina wasn't saying something that she wanted to say; when Carina buried things, she got anxious.

"Alright I will go check, but I'm holding you to that bald spot, bambina." This time it was Maya's turn to laugh. Carina emerged from the bathroom about thirty seconds later, the scissors in her hand. She held them up.

"You keep me sane, Maya Bishop. I do not know what I would do without you."

"Thankfully, you will never have to find out," Maya winked. Carina smiled, coming up behind her to kiss the top of her head.

"Could you sit up straight for me, amore?" she asked. Maya complied. Carina reached for the spray bottle, so she could make the ends of Maya's hair damp before cutting them.

"Car, before you have scissors in your hand, can I ask you something?"

"Sí."

"I can feel the anxiety radiating off of you, and it seems like there's something that you want to say that you're holding yourself back from saying, and I would prefer if you would just say it because I would like it if you didn't have to be constantly anxious about it." Carina sighed, putting the spray bottle back on the counter.

"You're right, Maya, as usual. However, I do not want to overstep in any way. The way that you choose to handle your padre is entirely up to you, and should be entirely up to you. Getting to decide that is one of the only ways you can get that power back, and that is so importante."

"But?"

"But if his actions today are any indicator, he's escalating. I am worried, bella. I think we should talk about maybe taking out a restraining order." Maya's breath caught in her throat. She'd known deep down that her dad was getting worse, but the thought that he could actually be dangerous to her hadn't even crossed her mind. Maya knew that was probably because he was her dad, and it was impossible for her to have an unbiased view on the situation, but she still felt stupid about the fact that the possibility of needing a restraining order hadn't even been on her radar.

"I knew it wasn't getting better, but I didn't think it was getting worse."

"I know, bambina. Unfortunately, when the abuser feels as if they're losing some of their power over the abusee, they will often escalate in an attempt to get some of that power back," Carina explained, "I know it does not seem like it, bella, but it is actually somewhat of a good sign. It means that you are actually getting through to him, that he realizes that you are pulling away."

"Sometimes I think it was easier when I let him have that power over me from afar."

"I get feeling that way, Maya. I really do, but then your whole life and routine would be interrotta every time he came to visitarlo. As hard as this is, it is easier in the end, and better for you." Maya nodded, leaning back against her fiancé. Carina wrapped her arms around Maya, and buried her nose in her hair.

"Thank you for telling me."

"Thank you for being willing to listen," Carina replied.

"I would be open to having a conversation about it. I'm not sure if it's something I want, but I know that you would feel a lot better if we had a restraining order, and I would like to hear why in more detail when I'm not waiting to get my haircut," Maya said. Carina chuckled.

"Sounds bene, Maya. I will go ahead and get this straightened out for you."

"Please do. Another hour, and I'm gonna have a rash all over my body."

"Maya!"

"I wish I were joking. They do not tell you in school that if you cut your own hair, you have to shower afterwards."

"I think that is because they just assume that it's, how you say, common knowledge?"

"Well, okay. Not all of us are hair cutting masters, Ms. DeLuca." Maya turned in Carina's hold, smiling. Carina smiled back, and kissed her. Maya kissed her back.

Carina left the kitchen, where she had just finished doing the dinner dishes, to find Maya on the couch, her head tilted back over the top, her eyes closed. Carina smiled. It was a nice sight: Maya napping. It was a very rare occasion, but when it did happen, Maya always woke up very calm. Carina didn't want to let her sleep too long, because she had a shift in the morning, but a couple of more minutes wouldn't hurt. Carina was still struggling a lot with what Maya had told her about why she'd cut her hair, but the short hair was really having an effect on her. Maya had always been beautiful, from the first time Carina had lay eyes on her sitting in the back of their sophomore stats classroom. But something about Maya with short hair, well, it wasn't something Carina had ever experienced before. It was new…and new was hot.

"Are you going to keep staring, or are you gonna come sit with me?" Carina jumped. She hadn't realized Maya was awake. Maya had been watching Carina watch her for about thirty seconds at that point. Carina dropped onto the couch next to the blonde, her hand finding its usual spot on Maya's thigh.

"Did you have a nice nap, bella?" Carina asked. Maya nodded, tucking some of the hair that had fallen out of Carina's ponytail behind her ear.

"Do you remember that day on the field? When we'd barely talked before, and you asked if I was okay?"

"The day we went out for the first time?"

"Yeah. Well, I was thinking a lot about that day while I asleep. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, thinking while you're asleep, but it happens everytime I nap. I guess I'm not totally asleep, but I feel safe thinking about these things, because I'm not fully awake either."

"Sí."

"Anyway, I was thinking about that day. And that day senior year where you caught me in the shower after my meet. That was the first time I'd done that in a really long time. That was because of you," Maya said, "After that first day where you stopped me from going into the locker room, you were always there. No matter what my dad said to me, you were always there."

"That actually makes me feel lot better. After you told me, that that was the way you often handled your padre yelling, I was so impaurito that you were doing it all the time. When I caught you that day, it broke my heart, mi ha spaventato, it freaked me out. Not because of what you were doing, but because it was the first time I had seen it, which meant that you could have been doing it daily, and I would have had no idea." Maya's heart ached. She'd hadn't realized that the unhealthy coping mechanisms of her past had, had such an effect on Carina. Now that she thought about it, it was a little obvious, but she'd been a little too preoccupied to notice the outside consequences at the time.

"I'm sorry," Maya's voice cracked, "I'm so sorry."

"Bambina," Carina's tone was soft, full of love, "I did not tell you that to make you feel guilty. You do not have anything to be sorry about. You did what you had to do to make it through, and all that matters is that you are not doing it anymore. And you aren't. Are you?"

"I'm not, baby, I promise. I'm not," Maya assured her. Carina sighed in relief, moving closer to Maya, needing to be closer to her.

"I am so so lieta that I was able to distract you enough that you no longer felt the need to do that. I just wish that I could have been there from the beginning, prevented that habit del tutto."

"Yeah I understand. I do need you to know, Carina, that none of it, not a single bit, was on you. It was all on me. Even though I was reacting to my father's actions, my actions were still my own. As much as it was what I needed to do to survive in that moment, it was still awful for me to be causing that pain and worry in those who cared about me by not caring about myself." Maya lay her head on Carina's shoulder, "From now on I am on top of my self-care. I am going to be the person you need me to be, and I know I have been for a long time, but I'm going to continue to be that way."

"I appreciate you saying that, Maya. However, you don't need to take perfect care of yourself all the time. I'm here to get the slack sometimes. You just have to make sure to let me in."

"Get the slack?"

"Is it not that?" Carina paused, as if she was looking through her brain for the answer to her own question, "It's not that is it?"

"No, it's not," Maya shook her head, "But you were very close, babe. It's 'pick up the slack.'"

"Oh. Well then I guess I'm here to quote-on-quote, pick up the slack." Maya laughed, pulling Carina in for a kiss.

"I will let you in."

"Good," Carina whispered against Maya's lips, kissing her again, "Did you ever get that shower in?" With that, the women were halfway across the room, the bathroom the only thing in their sights, besides each other of course.