An Important Declaration, Sophomore Year
Maya could feel her heart beating in her chest. For much of her early life, there had been a multitude of factors that had gotten in the way of her happiness. From her father to her anxiety, Maya had often felt like she wasn't even in control. Since meeting Carina, she had been determined to change that. Even if that meant putting herself in situations that made her palms sweat and her breathing speed up. There were a few takeaways that Maya had gained from the experience of meeting Andrew. The first being that just because she was panicking about the thought of something did not mean that it was going to go badly. This was a huge step forward for Maya, allowing her the opportunity to prevent her anxiety from being the debilitating obstacle that it had been thus far. The second being that there was a reason why making a good impression on Andrew had been so important, and it wasn't just that he was her girlfriend's brother. Maya had meant it when she'd told him that Carina meant everything to her, and that her ultimate goal was to show Carina how amazing she truly was. It had got her thinking about the nature of her feelings, and she'd realized that what she felt for Carina was far from a schoolgirl crush; she was in love with her. She was pretend to like her taste in music, let her eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over her head outside her window, in love with her. And she needed to tell her.
That had led Maya to this moment: palms sweating, breathing well beyond the speed limit, about to tell Carina that she loved her. She had barely been able to think about anything else since having the epiphany over a week before. A week that had been perhaps the best of Maya's life. However, it had also been one of the scariest. She'd woken up every morning in Carina's bed, wrapped in her arms. She'd begun each morning with a home cooked breakfast, the whole shebang: French toast, eggs, bacon, vanilla yogurt, granola, cut up strawberries, and authentic Italian espresso. After each breakfast she'd showered, gotten ready for the day, and watched an episode of an Italian soap opera while Carina and Andrew had taken turns doing the dishes. Then the three of them would go to the dog park down the street with the neighbor's poodle (he was too old to walk her himself) and spend the next few hours teaching her tricks until the ice cream truck drove by and they were required to indulge because it was the only one in all of Seattle that sold gelato. After gelato it was back to the house for pesto grilled cheese and tomato soup, at which point they would go their separate ways. Maya off on her run, during which she would talk to Mason on the phone, Andrew to a friend's to work on their science fair project, and Carina to the store to collect ingredients for whatever extravagant dinner she had planned for that particular evening.
Their dinner conversations were fabulous, ranging anywhere from the correct ratio of baking soda to vinegar needed for the perfect artificial volcano to the candidates of the upcoming head of state election in Italy. Fabulous may have been a bit of an overstatement, but Maya was bias in favor of any topic that did not involve throwing a serving bowl of mashed potatoes at the wall. After dinner was homework in front of the fire time, or in Maya's case, given that her father had her do hers as soon as it was assigned to ensure that she would stay eligible for sports, read in front of the fire time. Downtime was a word that had only recently entered Maya's vocabulary, so Carina had leant her one of her favorite novels. As the week progressed, Maya had finally begun to understand the appeal surrounding reading for fun and could barely put the book down. Once they felt tired, or more accurately, once Carina felt tired, they would say goodnight to Andrew, get ready for bed, and climb under the covers to do it all over again.
It wasn't the unprecedented amount of domesticity involved in the whole ordeal that been so scary for Maya, although that had put her well out of her comfort zone. It was the fact that every second that had passed, Maya's desire to make the nature of her feelings for Carina known to Carina grew exponentially. She was honestly surprised that she hadn't blurted out an "I love you" while they were brushing their teeth. If Maya hadn't been so new to the concept of relationships, she may have feared that it was the honeymoon phase tricking her into believing that she was in love with Carina when she wasn't, because the week that they had just spent together was the definition of a honeymoon. However, Maya was oblivious to the mere existence of a 'honeymoon phase,' and knew that what she felt for Carina was real.
When the week had ended, and Maya's parents had returned, it had been a culture shock going back home. No longer had her mornings started with a kiss and full stomach, but instead the usual protein shake and six mile run. The dinner conversations were back to being about breaking records and potential opponents for Maya to watch out for, now with the added bonus of Maya's parents attempting to convince Mason that his art was a pipe dream, and he would be happier in San Diego. At least they weren't ignoring him. Lane spent one afternoon drilling into Maya the importance of her diet and demanding to know what food she had eaten while they were gone, because according to him, she looked "plumper than a ripe peach." Maya called Carina in tears after that particular comment.
The experience of being back home only strengthened Maya's determination to tell Carina that she loved her. When she thought about her future, Maya didn't think about breaking records, or making her opponents feel bad about themselves, or standing on top of the Olympic podium, the things that she had always thought she wanted in the past. When she thought about her future, Maya thought about Carina. She thought about waking up every morning in her arms, about eating a real breakfast together, and going to the dog park, and indulging in gelato, and just existing with each other. She thought about being able to look into Carina's gorgeous brown eyes every day for the rest of her life, and about one day maybe having a mini Carina running around. Maya had always thought that she would make a terrible mother, and that having kids would just get in the way, but something about Carina made her forget all about those worries. And yes, okay, maybe she still thought about standing on top of the Olympic podium. But now when she thought about getting her gold medal, Carina was there too, in the stands, cheering her on.
It was Monday, and they were in the back of the library where the noise rule was rarely enforced. They often spent their afternoons in the library, because the three hours in between the last bell and practice were reserved for homework only. Maya got around that rule by bringing Carina with her. Junior varsity practice came first, so Lane couldn't entirely police her, because he had to coach. However, he had a deal with the librarians that allowed him to check the sign in sheet at the end of the day to ensure that Maya had been there. That was about where his power ended, and as angry as it made him to see her name, he couldn't ban Carina from happening to be there at the same time. Maya hadn't necessarily planned for this to be when she finally told Carina how she felt. In fact, she had been thinking about taking Carina out on a special date, each of the activities leading up to the eventual declaration. All of that had been thrown out the window about five minutes before. Garfield High shared a library with Lowell Elementary, so there were often kids there. A little boy, maybe about seven, had wandered into the aisle next to the beanbags where they were sitting. Maya and Carina had noticed him, because he'd looked scared, and was muttering to himself under his breath. Carina had cautiously approached him.
"Hey, are you alright?" she'd asked. He'd looked up at her, and almost immediately had begun to cry.
"My friends and I wanted to watch Monster House, and our parents said we could if they had the DVD at the library, so we decided to split up to find it faster, and I got lost, and now I don't know where my friends are, or how to get out," he'd explained in between sobs.
"Oh, baby, come here." Carina had gathered him in her arms, holding him tight until his tears subsided. "How about I help you find your friends? How does that sound?" He'd looked up at her again and nodded.
"Okay." At that point, Carina had turned towards Maya and gestured to the boy. Maya had nodded, understanding. She'd pointed to the binder in her lap, letting her know that she had to stay and work. Carina had nodded, and blown her a kiss, before returning her attention to the boy.
"My name is Carina," Maya had heard Carina tell him as they'd walked away. She'd smiled. Watching Carina interact with him, how gentle she had been, how she'd spoken entirely in his language to avoid startling him further or confusing him, how quickly she'd been to take his hand when he'd held it out to her as they began their journey to find his friends. It had made Maya fall even more in love with Carina, and she'd decided that she could not wait any longer. She'd also decided that she most definitely wanted kids.
Now Carina was back in the bean bag next to hers, twirling her pencil in her hand, subtly nudging Maya's sneaker with her own. Maya wasn't sure that the footsie was a conscious action, just something that Carina was doing without even realizing so that there was physical contact between the two of them. Maya smiled. She loved her. She really really loved her. Carina could feel Maya's eyes on her, and she turned, an amused expression on her face. Before Maya even got the chance to open her mouth, Carina beat her to it.
"Che cos'รจ? Do I have something on my face?"
"I love you," Maya blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer, "I love you like Montalbano loves Livia." Montalbano and Livia were characters in the Italian soap opera that Andrew and Carina had gotten Maya hooked on the week before. They were head over heels and sacrificing everything just trying to survive long distance.
"Maya." Tears appeared in Carina's eyes. She reached up and smoothed over one of the baby hairs that had escaped from Maya's ponytail. "I love you too." Maya let out a sigh of relief, the pace of her heart finally returning to normal.
"Thank god," she said. Carina laughed, and kissed her passionately, forgetting all about where they were and who could have been watching. Maya loved her, and she loved Maya, and that was all that mattered.