Warning: This chapter includes the disciplinary spanking of Ziva. If you do not want to read this, please feel free to skip to the next chapter once it is up for the public!
Thanks for the reviews to the following: A, Dawn248, DS2010, Fashionista-girl (for both reviews!), fiftyshadeswritergal, starie78, Troubled-Angel-26, and Ludy.
Thanks for the help editing, fiftyshadeswritergal!
Now, enjoy! And please remember to review!
...
Ziva was still sitting on the couch, arms folded defensively over her chest, when she heard the muted slam of a door and quick tap of footsteps on the front porch.
Gibbs was back.
She jumped to her feet as he entered the room.
Does his gut know? It must be if mine is so upset!
"Hello, Ziver," he said, smiling at her and walking to the kitchen to immediately grab a cup of cold coffee.
She paused.
A friendly greeting? Where is his gut now?
"Hi," she replied, her mouth dry.
"Um, that's good," Gibbs murmured, taking another gulp of the coffee. He turned to Ziva.
"How was your afternoon? Restful?"
He must not know or he would be demanding an answer by now. I ... I got him!
Ziva shifted a little.
"No, it was not restful. Everyone kept calling me. It was VERY annoying!"
This is good. Now that I am annoyed he will not ask anymore sneaking questions.
Gibbs shrugged casually.
"Remember, we only do these annoying things to prove our love for you."
Ziva's heart jumped to her throat, but she tried her best to control her expressions.
"Hmph," she muttered under her breath, but she regretted it as soon as she did. Normally such a sign of attitude would have gained her a glare or reprimand from the authorities in her life. But now, Gibbs just walked over with a smile on his face. She stiffened as he moved forward, but all he did was kiss the top of her head and walk back toward the kitchen.
"What do you want for supper, Ziver?"
The use of that nickname completely undid Ziva. Where was the angry, suspicious boss that she expected? Why was Gibbs asking her what she wanted for dinner instead of demanding which rules she had broken?
You are just feeling guilty. He does not know. He does not really know. Relax, Ziva.
"Anything else happen this afternoon?"
Ziva looked at him critically, but there was no sign of him questioning her beyond surface conversation.
I was fine outside. I have no need to be ashamed. I will just say it, Ziva thought with a touch of self-protective defiance.
"I went out for a short walk," she mentioned with forced nonchalance.
"Oh," Gibbs said softly. He opened a drawer and rattled around, calmly withdrawing a grater. "We'll have shredded carrots on a salad. Do you like that? Abby always does."
"Sure," Ziva responded, but her heart sank as he set the carrots on the counter and made direct eye contact.
"And why did you go outside, Ziva?"
"I wanted to."
"So no danger?"
"Of course not. It was safe for me to be outside."
"That's not what I meant. What I was asking was, was there danger for you to be inside?"
Ziva's shoulders tensed.
"No."
"Hmm." Gibbs left the kitchen and re-entered the living room. Ziva's wide eyes took in every aspect of him and was surprised, yet again. His face was kind, his eyes just the slightest bit sad but also gentle, his posture relaxed.
"It was only a short walk," she offered in a premptive shot.
Gibbs nodded thoughtfully. "I understand that." His look changed to be a little more stern. "But, Ziva, before I left today, did I not tell you to follow the rules and stay inside?"
"Yes," Ziva replied reluctantly, then quickly added, "But I was not outside very long! I stayed right on this street!"
Gibbs took her hand and led her to the couch. He sat down, guiding her to stand in front of him while he took her other hand, maintaining eye contact.
"Would going outside for ten seconds be considered breaking the rule?"
She shifted. "Such a short time does not matter."
"Oh, so a bomb can't go off in ten seconds?"
"Of course..."
"Then ten seconds does matter."
"...but there were not any dangers!"
"You could not know that," he snapped.
"I am trained to protect myself in any danger!" Ziva snapped right back at him.
...
Gibbs realized that the conversation was spiraling out of control. He paused and took a deep breath.
Just remember, when you confront her, that you need to breathe.
Jenny's advice from earlier was quite valid.
You'll only scare her away if you get too strict, although you'll reduce your authority if you go too soft. Balance, Jethro, balance.
He gave her hands what he hoped was a calming squeeze.
"The rules are there to protect you, because we love you. Jenny, Duck, me - we all love you, Ziver. That's why we have rules. And," he sighed, "because those rules are important to your well-being, they have consequences to help encourage you to obey them."
Ziva tried to extricate her hand, but Gibbs maintained his hold.
Stay firm. She will be fine. She will not hate you. None of the other kids have.
But then, none of them came from the same background as her.
I could not stand it if I ruined the one chance that she has at having a positive father role-model in her life.
Just stay firm - in love.
...
Ziva tried to pull away her hands again. Now she really wanted to run.
"What is the consequences that we agreed on if you went outside without permission?" Gibbs asked firmly.
Ziva's eyes darted anywhere but his face. Her heart was beginning to pound. She could remain calm and collected in a shoot-out, but being confronted by Gibbs? She realized that she was panicked.
Ziva David, look at me when I am talking to you!
"Ziver, please look at me."
LOOK AT ME!
"Good girl. Thank you for looking at me."
Ziva refocused slightly and frowned.
Why is he thanking me? He should be angry!
...
Gibbs' heart tightened. He had seen that little flash of disorientation. He could only guess who's voice was running through her frightened mind.
Ugly echoes.
"Focus, Ziver." He repeated the nickname again, hoping that the positive link would bring her back to the present.
...
Ziva blinked a few times, clearing her thoughts.
"I was fine," she protested.
...
I was fine. When exactly are you referring, Zi? Now or then?
Gibbs stood and gently led her to the wall where the rules were posted.
At least this will get her focused here.
"You broke this rule," he said, tapping the words. "And here," he shifted his finger, "is the consequence. I'm going to have to spank you, Ziva."
...
I am not scared of a spanking. I am not! I am not!
I do not care how you punish me! You can beat me until I bleed and I will never give in to you. See? I have proved my words.
...
Gibbs led her back to the couch and motioned for her to sit. She did so without even a murmur.
That was concerning.
He took a seat next to her and gently tipped her chin up so that he could look deep into her eyes.
"Who's voice are you hearing, Ziva?"
...
Ziva gulped.
How can he read my mind?!
"No one," she whispered the lie. "Only yours."
...
Gibbs sighed.
If this was Tony or Abby, they'd be in trouble for lying just about now.
"Then focus on me. Are you nervous about me giving you a spanking? Because if so, we could use a different form of discipline like we had discussed. I know a decision ..."
"I am fine with my decision," Ziva quickly replied. "You can spank me. I am not afraid."
Gibbs hated the false bravado she so evidently believed that she needed to present. But now he was stuck between disciplining her according to the rules or making the newly established rules null.
What do all those construction signs say? "Proceed with caution." That's what I'll do.
...
"Then we might as well get this done. No need to draw out unpleasant business. Do you want me to call Jenny over? Would that make you more comfortable?"
"Why would I want that?" Ziva asked. She could only imagine Jenny's disapproval at Ziva's breaking the rules.
If there is any chance of her giving me more punishment for breaking the rules, I never want her to know!
"I know Jen's spanked you before. Maybe you'd feel more comfortable if she was here. It's fine if you want a woman here."
"No," Ziva shook her head adamantly. "Do not call Jenny."
Gibbs looked at her appraisingly, then continued.
"If you're sure that you're ready for this, come here." He motioned to right next to his knee.
"Why?" she asked, although she already knew. Maybe even a few seconds would help her gather her bravery ...
"I"m going to bend you over my lap."
"But ... but that is for children!"
"Not only children." His eyes softened. "Trust me, Ziva, of all positions for a spanking, this is the best one for you."
"Why?" Ziva asked, trying to stall, but Gibbs saw through her. He gently took her wrist and pulled her toward him, not rushing, not forcing, just guiding her despite her reluctance.
"It keeps you safe - from squirming out of position and from me going beyond what you can handle," he explained softly, then carefully started to position her bent over his knee. She stiffened, but his gentle hand on her back guided her into her spot.
Ziva struggled to hold her head up, but the position made it difficult.
"Relax," Gibbs coached.
"That is rather hard to do when I know that you are about to hit me!" she snapped angrily.
...
Hit?
Gibbs did not even pause adjusting Ziva so that her legs could not touch the floor, preventing an easy escape if she panicked. She was throwing out words that she hoped would stop him. Both of them knew that she was not afraid of being hit.
What she was afraid of were consistent boundaries.
And love.
Love was terrifying.
And no one understood that fact more than Gibbs.
I can do this.
...
Ziva felt her breath coming faster despite trying to slow it to portray confidence. She was off-balance, head down, legs off of the floor, and bottom in the middle of Gibbs' lap. Jenny never took much time to prepare for a spanking, always quickly pulling Ziva over her knee for a quick flurry of spanks. This was different. Ziva had a feeling that Gibbs had a lot more experience than Jenny.
She hated people experienced in punishment...
"Ziva, I'm not spanking you because I think you are a bad person, or because I enjoy causing you pain, or even because I want to force you to obey these rules. I am going to give you a little spanking because I want you to know that I care about you - love you - so much that even when it includes something unpleasant, like disciplining you, I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you remain safe."
I WAS safe, Ziva thought to herself. It was the only information that she had left to fight the feeling that maybe she DID deserve to be here. And if she deserved discipline, then she would have to ...
"I know that you can control whether or not you process pain. You can put yourself into a mindset that whatever is happening to your body isn't real or important. I know. I've been there. But that is for dangerous situations. Right now, the only danger there is a small, manageable amount of sting that I'm going to be placing on your backside. So I'm asking you to promise me, Ziva, that you will do your best to stay right here while I spank you."
Unfair!
I will not respond. Maybe he will not continue.
"If you do not want to talk this time, I am going to continue on. If it gets to the point where you need me to end, tell me. I promise that I will stop, Ziva, as long as it is because you know that your mind cannot handle more. I know that your body can handle more than anything I would ever give you as discipline. I'm going to ask you questions between every few spanks to make sure that you are still paying attention to me and so that you can communicate if you get feeling overwhelmed. I will not be continuing your spanking until I get a response and know that you are okay. As I get to know you better, this will be adjusted, but for now this is how it is. Understood?"
Ziva refused to answer.
"As I said, I won't continue until I know that you are fine."
I do not think that I will be winning this fight at this point. I might as well ...
"Understood," she mumbled.
"Good. Now, do you know why you are being disciplined?"
So many answers! And ... so much more trouble I could cause. Just get it over with for now. I can always fight tomorrow.
"Because I went outside."
"Right. That broke a rule. Do you know why we have rules, Ziva?"
She squirmed, disliking the vulnerable position.
Make him angry. You might as well.
"Because you are bossy."
No slap, no angry response. Just, "Because we love you." He continued. "Usually I do not tell my kids how many spanks they're getting. A number does not necessarily mean a fair amount of discipline. But today, because this is your first time, I am telling you that I will only be giving you eight spanks, over your pants, with my hand. It will sting, but you can handle it. Are you ready to start?"
Ziva gritted her teeth, then choked out, "Yes, sir."
"Good girl," he whispered. Then ...
SWAT!
Ziva jumped at the contact, then immediately blushed red. Here she was, not even being able to hold her position for one small spank? It was noisy, but not very hard.
SWAT!
The second was a little harder on the other side of her bottom.
"You okay?"
The tone, so full of concern, elicited her cooperation.
"Yes, Gibbs."
SWAT!
SWAT!
"Why are you being spanked, Ziva?"
He already asked me that.
"I said!"
"Say it again."
"Why?"
She immediately winced after asking the question, expecting Gibbs to spank her harder for her question, but she felt the warmth of his hand resting against her lower back.
"I want to make sure that you remember why I am disciplining you now. That remembrance is what keeps this from becoming a punishment, possibly one that blends into some past ... hurts. If you start combining those two places in your mind, I need to stop. I'm trusting you to be honest with me. Now, why are you being spanked?"
"Because," she gulped, "I broke the rule and went outside."
"Correct."
SWAT!
He was right. It did sting. But he was also right about holding her over his knee. She could not move away - and somehow, that was comforting.
I can handle this.
"The last three spanks are going to be harder. It's okay if you want to squirm a little or cry. Do you understand?"
"I will not cry."
"I just want you to know that you can."
SWAT!
SWAT!
SWAT!
Ziva surprised herself as she jerked a little during the last spank. Gibbs was serious about her following those rules! And half a tear came to her eye as she heard the reassuring question, "Are you okay, Little One?"
...
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