Alice at Last
Chapter Ten
Alice is silent as she walks, taking in everything around her as she follows the cat. All of this is surreal, as though she's done this before. She's certain that she has, in a dream at the very least. She is in a dream. Right. The same dream that she's been subjected to for the majority of her life and here she is again. But here's the thing, here's the problem, it doesn't feel like a dream. It feels like reality. She's conscious, fully conscious and aware of everything going on. She feels everything, smells everything, hears everything. Typically, she should have woken by now. Yet she hasn't. Why hasn't she?
She clutches her arm that throbs in pain, cursing beneath her breath. She stares at the blue cloth, a bit of blood beginning to soak through to which she almost becomes faint. She's never done well around blood, even now that she's older. That raises another question. She's injured. Yet she still hasn't woken. For some reason, this dreams seems to purposely defy all logic, as though giving her a giant middle finger, taunting her at the fact that it still continues even though it shouldn't. She must've hit her head harder than she reckoned. Maybe she fell into a coma and this is the result. Great. That's the last thing she needs.
"You're awfully quiet," the cat speaks, looking back at her. "You were never this way as a child."
"I don't believe I know what it is you're talking about," she responds, eyeing the creature curiously as he hovers in front of her. "You've yet to give me a name."
"Chessur. Although you can call me Chess… They claim that you're not Alice but I beg to differ. You still have the mess of hair you've had as a child but only a tad darker."
"You speak as though you're addressing an old friend," she comments to which he smiles widely. She freezes at the smile. It's so familiar.
And a smiling cat.
I didn't know cats could smile.
Neither did I.
It's only a dream, Alice, nothing can harm you there.
"Yet I'm harmed," she mumbles beneath her breath, looking at the ground as she continues, growing rather tired despite night just falling.
"What was that?"
"I'm just talking to myself," she sighs, "I do so when I'm tired."
He disappears before reappearing in front of her, startling her. She takes a step back, grunting as the back of her heel catches onto a root. She falls onto the ground, groaning as another curse follows. "Still as clumsy as always?" he chuckles to which she throws a glare in return.
"I didn't expect you to appear in front of me," she huffs. "You could have warned me." He says nothing, watching as she sits up. He watches in confusion as she remains there, catching the glimmer of tears that begin to roll down her cheeks.
"Alice?" he goes on the ground, walking over to her. "Why do you cry?"
"I just want to wake up," she mumbles. "I want to wake up in bed with my cat besides me… Where Hamish never asked me to marry him… Where… Where I can see Father again… Ever since he died, it seems to be just one long dream… Nothing seems real and I can no longer tell the different between my unconscious state and reality. I don't feel that I've gone insane but rather… I've lost myself. I'm not even the Alice needed in my own dream…" She grows quiet, her eyes closing. "I want to sleep… But not dream… Just for it all to be dark, silent… No pain… Tears, questions, uncertainty. Just… Nothing."
He goes onto her lap, his heart aching to see a once lively, happy child reduced to just… This. But he knows he cannot give advice. There isn't much he can do. So he just remains in her arms, curling into her. She lies down on the forest floor as exhaustion spreads over her, causing her to fall asleep.
The cat remains there. He's never been good with emotions but that isn't to say that he's without them. He cares deeply for everyone he knows. Well, mostly everyone. But he's made such a connection with Alice since she was young and he feels more obligated to provide her with the care that she appears to lack.
He doesn't know what she's been subjected to, what she's endured. Women seem to have more freedom in Underland as opposed to the Abovelands. It seems that she's been restricted and he remembers well what she used to tell Mirana, how much was expected of her for when she got older. He isn't sure how old she is… If she aged in Underland, he'd expect her to be around two or three hundred, giving her physical appearance now.
She would age accordingly to the Abovelands, right? Actually, he isn't too sure how relative Time is between the two. All he knows is that Hatter will be ecstatic to have her back. So will Mirana. She'd be overjoyed. What of the Red Queen though? She took quite a liking to the child. Maybe now that she's back, she can give her the love again. Or maybe not. She still seems to be Alice and he's noticed barely any change in her spirit. Her aura remains as pure as when she first arrived.
Chess sniffs the air, rust assaulting his sense. He shifts carefully out of her arms to not disturb her as he gently undoes the wrapping. He licks away the blood, ignoring the taste before going over the wounds. His saliva wouldn't heal the lacerations; the Bandersnatch is the only one capable of doing so. But it would help, even if only a little bit.
He stays up for the entirety of the night, keeping watch to ensure that her rest wouldn't become disturbed. Since she's human, she's weaker. Her energy isn't as strong and she is incapable of unlocking it for utilization and manipulation. Perhaps if she was taught when she was younger, she'd unlock some. He knows that it's there… Her muchness, what Hatter refers to it as.
The cat reties the cloth, wishing he had something more to treat it with. He lies back in her arms, missing the feeling immensely. He's forgotten what it's like to be held so tightly and securely, as if he were her lifeline. It comforts him more than he'd ever admit. The night is silent as the only thing heard is the soft purring emitting from him as he rests comfortably.
He feels her stir early the next morning and he gets out, stretching. "Mmmm…." is all he greets her with, yawning.
She sits up, looking down at him. "And yet, I continue to dream," she sighs, rubbing her face. "Even in my nightmares, I have nightmares."
"There are remedies for nightmares if you'd like them," Chess hums.
"Will that wake me from this dream?"
"I don't believe it works that way," she chuckles to which she rolls her eyes.
"No. Of course not. Never does," she sighs. "Where was it we were going?"
"The Hare and the Hatter. If we start up now, I think we'll get there by noon… If our pace quickens from last night, that is," he jests.
"Unless you can provide me with your evaporation skills, I'll walk even slower to teach you a lesson about patience," she responds, unable to help the amused smirk that falls upon her lips to which the cat's grin becomes wider.
"Still as charming as ever but you had more life in your step when you were younger," he comments.
"Yeah, well you can thank my governess for that."
"Governess?"
"My teacher, if you will. Always said that I got distracted easily, could never pay attention, the usual. All I wanted to do was explore but she tied me down to the desk… Shortened my hours of recreation… Said a child, a woman is to behave a 'proper' way."
"Tell me." Chess hovers above the ground. "What is 'proper' up there?"
"To sit still and have children and to take care of them until you die," she mumbles bitterly. "Repeat the cycle for generations and there you have it."
"Do you not like it there?"
"I've no freedom," she whispers in return, beginning to follow the cat as he begins to walk once more. "Not many women are to take certain jobs."
"What is the job that you wish to obtain?"
She hesitates, sighing eventually. "I wish to follow in my father's footsteps, become a merchant… But I know that I shall never live up to what he's accomplished and no one will hire a woman to be a sea captain. Even if I were to go, I have the possibility of being captured… They won't kill me but they'll rape me… Keep me for sex," she sighs again. "We are taken advantage of… We are objects. My governess even said so when I first met her. She said that we are here for reproduction. Nothing more… And it's that ideology that makes me resent society."
She looks down at her outfit. "I'm not even properly dressed. No corset, stockings. Just to prove a point, I wanna walk around naked and fight anyone who doesn't like the idea…" She gives a sad smile. "I'm ranting to a cat in my dream. I have gone insane. Honestly have," she huffs, sitting down on a fallen log. "… I wish everyone was like me though… It'd be far more fun."
"It we are all akin to one another, surely it would become boring, madness, or not," Chess answers.
"What is your world contrived of then?" Alice inquires
"I am happy enough here as I live. But yes, it is unfortunate up on the state of which you live. Perhaps you shall see Underland more fitting for you?"
"As much as I'd love to, I cannot live in a dream… It is impractical."
"Such a rich vocabulary. I wish I knew what it is you say. Unfortunately, I believe it falls upon deaf ears." He stretches. "My dear, would you mind carrying me?" He purrs, getting onto her lap and curling into her.
Alice laughs, running her fingers through his fur. "You remind me so much of my old cat, Diane." She smiles, thinking of her. "She's at peace now but I do miss her greatly. She'd purr just like you… Sometimes she'd just stare at me and I could swear that she was smiling. Her eyes were a deep emerald. Beautiful. Endless… An ocean. She lived long yet I cannot help but miss her. I wanted to get another cat but Mother went against it, saying the only reason I got Diane was because Father insisted." She sighs now. "… She said that my studies simply wouldn't give the time necessary to take care of her. I have no intention of continuing my studies though." She stops, looking down at Chess. "Forgive me for rambling."
"Do not apologize. I enjoy stories. I always love to hear those that people offer. I've heard many. Yours is nice, kind-hearted. The best sort of pet is, of course, a cat. I'm glad you're sane in that regard. Dogs being better than cats? Bah! That'll be the day."
Alice laughs, shaking her head at Chessur's response before standing with him, starting to walk again. "Just tell me which way to go."
He buries his face into her neck after giving her the directions, beginning to purr yet again, slowly falling asleep, absolutely content.
xxxXxxx
Iracebeth gently pets the Bandersnatch, her eyes locked on the chest that holds the Vorpal Sword. She glances under his chin, seeing the key dangling down. She begins to rethink of where its kept. Alice has a duty. If she is to get the Vorpal Sword, or at least attempt to, no doubt the Bandersnatch will instantly maul her to death. She shudders at the thought, glancing at the beast as he nudges her to get her attention, only then noticing the lack of one of his eyes.
She lifts his head, staring at the eye that's no longer there. "What the Hell? What happened to you?" She wipes some blood away with her thumb. The large beast huffs before placing his head on her lap. "I don't understand. How could you lose your eye? It looks as though it came right out of your socket. Oh, you poor thing." She ruffles up his fur, smiling as he becomes akin to a puppy, absolutely loving how much he just falls apart at simple head rubs. She spots red on his claws before lifting his paw, blood coating his nails. She wipes it, noticing the brilliant red. Human blood.
Underlanders don't have red blood; they have purple blood, one of the things that differs them from humans in the Abovelands. Her heart stops at a thought that crosses her mind. Alice just arrived back in Underland. She's the only human they've encountered for half an eon. "… You came across Alice," she whispers, fear filling her to the core. "Why would… why would you attack her? You know her scent. I don't- understand…"
She turns upon hearing footsteps approach, seeing Stayne. "I have news."
"Of what?"
"There is an ongoing search for the Vorpal Blade. No doubt Alice is with the search party."
"You don't know that," she responds, waving him off. She stops. "You were with the Bandersnatch. Did you come across Alice? His claw is covered with human blood."
"No, not that I know of," he answers truthfully, "When we got the Oraculum, we turned and came back. That was the only thing we were out searching for."
"Do you know nothing that happened? Look! He's missing an eye! You lead all these searches and expeditions yet you can't account for a single damned thing that occurs. Are you just that incompetent?!" She grows red with anger, standing and slapping him across the face. "I dismissed the general so that you could have this job yet never have you proven yourself worthy of maintaining this title!"
"The search was a success! We obtained the Oraculum!"
"If you lost fifty men in the process, it's not a success, then, is it?!" She fumes, staring him down. "You found the Oraculum. Okay. Fine, whatever, that's great. But the Bandersnatch got injured in the process and there's blood on his claws. Do you not know how this happened?"
Stayne scratches the back of his neck. "I mean… Fuck. He went with several guards, I thought that he'd be alright!"
"You imbecile!" She slaps him again, fuming. "Those guards only follow certain orders! They can't think for themselves!" She sits down, the Bandersnatch nudging her. "… You let the Jub-Jub bird out." She remembers. "Where is she?"
"…I-."
"Is she back in her tower?"
"N-not that I know of."
"You bastard! You lost her?!"
"I-it was not my intention."
"No! Of course not. Always focus on your damn self. Why do I even keep you here?!"
"Because I'm the best person to relieve your sexual frustration with," he states matter-of-factly.
Iracebeth laughs at that, shaking her head. "I didn't realize you were that fill of yourself." She grabs him by his cape collar, yanking him down. "There are plenty of other ways that I can fix my personal needs. You are not at the top of the list and I doubt you will ever be. Now go and clean yourself up. I don't want anymore blood on the carpet than necessary. It begins to smell after a while." She forcefully shoves him away. He stumbles momentarily before leaving, tracing the newly formed cut with a gloved finger, cursing beneath his breath.
The Red Queen watches him in disdain before heading to her bedroom, deciding it best to clear her mind, even if only for a short while. She heads to her balcony, looking down at the heads in the water that lead to the entrance of the castle, trying to remember when she last added a head to the collection. It's been years, she reckons. Right? Or has she lost track of Time again?
As she stares at the heads, she wonders why she ordered them to be put back. Once Alice came, she had gotten rid of them, stored the away so the child wouldn't be frightened. Funny enough, she doesn't even remember when she told anyone to put them back.
"Racie?" Alice looks up at the Red Queen as they both stand on the balcony, watching the sunset.
"Yes, Alice?"
"Why is it so dull here?"
"Dull?" she inquires, looking at the girl with confusion.
Alice nods. "Yeah. Everything looks dead. There isn't any colour… Why?"
"There's colour in the garden."
"Yeah but why not anywhere else?"
Iracebeth is silent as she takes her words into consideration. "I… I'm unsure," she speaks truthfully. "I haven't really thought of that."
"Mirana says that you like flowers and that you kept a garden with her when you were younger."
"We did, yes. Why are you bringing this up?"
"Because you look sad," the child whispers. "And I don't wanna see you sad. I love flowers since there's so many colours and they always cheer me up. Maybe they'll do the same for you if you fill your kingdom with colourful things."
She looks out at the dreary landscape. The child does have a point. The only predominant colours are ugly shades of gray and brown. "We're gonna need a lot of flowers then."
"What about trees? Father filled the garden with all different trees. And they have different kinds of leaves! They were pretty. Maybe you can do that so you don't need as many flowers."
Iracebeth grins down at the child. "Now how are you so smart for your age? I think you're lying to me. That's the only explanation. You're older than what you say."
"Nope!" She smiles broadly.
"You're lying," Iracebeth jests, picking up the girl and hugging her, pressing an affectionate kiss on her cheek.
"Am not!" She laughs in return.
The queen sighs, her heart aching as she recalls the memory, wishing that she had the child back. If only there was a way she could trade Stayne for her. She'd agree to that bargain within an instant.
She begins to wonder when she'll see Alice again… How much could she have possibly changed? How much does she actually remember? Would she even be happy to see her again? Disappointed that she reverted back to her old ways? Maybe she won't care at all. That her only task would be getting back to the Abovelands. Certainly she made a family up there. Maybe she's happy, content, settled down. A large part of her doubts it, especially with how she spoke about it when she was a kid. Life seems restricting for women up there. A decent part of her wonders why.
In Underland, both men and women are equal. If anything, the women are treated better, especially when it comes to procreation. Any acts of violence towards each other are punished accordingly but if a man ever laid a harmful finger on a woman, the punishment is doubled, perhaps more depending on the injuries. But to be bound to either man or woman seems like an awful fate to her, no matter how good she's treated.
She hears heavy footsteps approach the bedroom door and she closes her eyes out of annoyance. "If you put a hand on the door knob, I will personally cut it off. Do you understand?" She waits for any form of an answer, her stance relaxing when the footsteps retreat. That reminds her. Why the Hell is he still here? Maybe it's due to sexual hang-ups. Or because he's the only one who's stayed… Even after she denounced Mirana… She should have gotten rid of him when he tried to have his way with Alice. She would have instantly killed anyone else. The more she ponders, the more confused she gets.
When she first met him, he was sweet, charming, a man she dreamed of when she was younger. And the sex was amazing. It was passionate, sweet, true. She had fallen for him and she felt whole. She felt understood, heard. She felt loved, something she hadn't felt since she was a child. And she was fine… Until she found his true side beginning to show… Wanting more power and authority. She didn't see it… Well, she did. But she didn't want to admit it. Because without him, she would be alone. And then came Alice.
Iracebeth never had children around her so she was the first. She was surprised at how genuine she was, how truthful, how she actually cared about her, her feelings, thoughts and interests. She listened. She was emotionally available despite her age. She was supportive. And Iracebeth realized everything Alice was… Stayne was no longer. If only she could replace Stayne with her…