There was something beautiful about watching the Toontown Central skyline as the sun descended behind the colorful skyscrapers in the distance. Unfortunately for C.U.M, they were not out to sightsee, but rather on an important undercover mission. Using their expert abilities of camouflage, the quartet of fruits had painted themselves green and disguised themselves as shrubbery outside of the mansion of the Mayor of Toontown. Speaking into a walkie-talkie, an orange monkey wiped his brow. "Hey, Kumquat, we have been here for like two hours and not a sign of him. I think your lead might have been a bust. Why don't we just call it a day. It's getting pretty late, after all. Couldn't we all go home and refresh, and start getting some new leads tomorrow? After all, there is always work to be done." A fat orange monkey whispered. "Besides, isn't this trespassing?"
The fat, orange cat disagreed, shaking his head slowly as not to cause any unintended sounds. "That's a negatory, to both questions, Agent Orange. We were hired to do a job, and we will complete that job. We didn't get to be Toontown's number one detective agency by half-assing our duties. To answer your other question, we aren't trespassing if we don't get caught, so stay quiet."
"It is a bit ridiculous though, don't you think? A notorious drug-dealer who was just released from prison after eight years is secretly meeting with the mayor of Toontown? I mean, what would Slappy have to gain from this? Or Jack for that matter?" A green dog muttered, clearly frustrated by the task handed to him. "I mean, even if they were like secretly friends, or doing whatever, we couldn't prove it was nefarious."
"I agree with The Lime. It seems a little suspicious when you think about it. Somebody probably made-up dirt on Slappy so they could try and get him in heat right before the election. We don't even know who requested this job. Why should we trust them? Hell, they could be setting us up for all we know." A yellow deer rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "If I had to guess, it would probably be Flippy Doggenbottom. I heard he is re-running for mayor again. Third times the charm, right?"
Frustration boiling over, The Kumquat had to cover his mouth and inhale deeply to allow the anger to simmer to a low heat. "Listen, you three can leave if you want, but know that you won't be paid. You act like we've never received an anonymous request. They paid up-front, so they must mean business. We have an obligation, and we'll follow through. Whether it is Flippy, or a rival agency setting us up isn't my concern. Now stay in your positions and let me know if you see anything."
The group fell into silence, nobody wishing to further aggravate their leader. While the boredom was one thing, the possibility of being caught spying on the mayor wasn't something any of them wanted to deal with, especially not without good cause. Just a few days prior, they had received a manilla envelope with a well-written and descriptive letter, and a bank note for ten-thousand jellybeans, a sum well above the normal asking price for a job. The letter had described how a recently released convict, Captain Jack, had been seen entering the home of Mayor Slappy and wished to figure out why. About twenty minutes passed, with each Toon trying not to fall asleep in the warm summer heat. "I'm glad he doesn't live in The Brrrgh, or this would be awful." The Orange finally spoke into the microphone, trying to break what he felt was an awkward silence.
"Hoo boy. Remember when we did that job in Mezzo Melodyland and The Lemon was trying to be all sneaky in the playground and stepped on the piano keys? Hoo boy, did that ruin that job real fast." The Lemon chuckled lightly, reminiscing about the early stages of the group's business.
"Hmm. Now that you mention it, wasn't that when we first started tracking Jack? Weird coincidence. Can't believe it has already been almost ten years, fellas." Waxing nostalgically, The Lemon allowed his mind to fill with memories of his younger days. "Let me remind you, I was the one who ended up getting the crucial evidence that ended up getting him arrested. I'll never forget him threatening to kill me when he got out. Ahh, good times."
Hushing the group, The Kumquat who had been stationed in the front of the estate eyed a pair of Toons coming up the dusty dirt road. "All mouths closed; I have confirmation on the possible targets." The Lemon, and The Lime who had been in the back slowly crept around towards the front so they could get confirmation of what they were looking at. There were no other estates on the property, so it was unlikely that it was just two random Toons.
A pair of voices could be heard conversing in the range of The Kumquat who had pushed down on his walkie's speak button, hoping anything would be picked up and transmitted to his subordinates. "Do you think he knows anything? I'm taking a lot of risk helping you out here." A deep, eerie voice spoke, sending a chill down the foursome's spines.
"My dad is a naïve fool. He wouldn't see a Toontanic coming at him in the pool. He probably doesn't even know I understand anything beyond fighting cogs and training gags, just like him." The second voice caught the detectives off-guard, as it was feminine, and much younger than Slappy who was in his mid-thirties. However, the first speaker was not Slappy either. No, it was clearly the black pig who had launched their agency to prominence a decade earlier. So, if that wasn't Slappy, who was the other Toon? "I'm taking much more of a risk than you are. My bacon would be cooked if anybody found out. You just got out of prison, I doubt anybody is looking into me, but you? I'd be surprised if you didn't have a Ranger tailing you twenty-four hours a day.
"Ho-ho, a pun. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in your family." The black pig was accompanied by a fuchsia-colored cat. Tall and lanky, she was the complete opposite of the rotund hog who was walking aside her as they approached the front door. "Just remember the deal, I get your father out of the picture, and the Ranger's are off my back once you are mayor. If you don't hold up your end of the deal? Well, you know what happened to Lord Lowden Clear, don't you?" The haunting laugh Captain Jack emitted could kill a freshly bloomed flower.
The Orange could hardly believe what he was hearing and seeing. Was that Roxy Quackintosh, the mayor's daughter? Why was she with a drug dealer discussing her father? Was she planning on having him killed, or something? "Did you all hear that, or am I just crazy?" The chimp whispered quietly into the device once the pair of Toons had walked inside.
Covering his mouth in shock, the yellow deer nodded, as if anybody would be able to see his actions. The Lime eventually responded, himself still recovering. "That was certainly her. Isn't she like seventeen? How does a Toonager and Toontown's biggest criminal end up meeting? What the heck is going on here? Should we reach out to Slappy?"
"What would we tell him?" The Kumquat reluctantly retorted. "Hey sir, we were spying on your house the other day when we overheard your daughter plotting to have you killed by Captain Jack. We'd either look crazy, or potentially like criminals." Sighing, the orange cat rubbed his ears. "I think we'll have to keep this one near the heart for the moment and keep watching their actions. We can't just let them succeed but we don't have any evidence of wrongdoing yet. A verbal statement won't get us anywhere without something more concrete."
"Poor Slappy. To think his adopted daughter would turn on him, and for what? Well, actually, for what? I really want to know." Mind racing with possibilities, The Orange began feeling overwhelmed. "Do you think we can get inside?"
Rolling out of his fake bush, The Lemon began crawling up to the window without instruction and was stretching his neck up to look into the window when he was pulled down by the rigid hands of another Toon. "Hey, what are you doing? Do you want to get us spotted again?" In an almost replicant scenario from the earlier story, The Lemon was prevented form accidentally giving away their position by his superior.
Bonking his friend on the head, The Kumquat yanked him inside the shrub he had dragged along. "That seemed unnecessary."
"Unnecessary? Geez dude, you don't even know where they are in there." The Lime yawned out. "You're lucky Kumquat is always watching us."
"But we need to do something! Did you guys not just hear what they said? Murder? Conspiracy? It sounds sketchy and we need to stop them!"
Grimacing, The Kumquat disagreed. "We need to remember, we're just a detective agency, not the Rangers. This isn't our job. We'll stand back and gather evidence. We'll report that we found no evidence of wrong doing to our anonymous client, and we will file a report with the Rangers when we can. After all, how much damage could a seventeen-year-old do?
"No point arguing now, fool. We have the evidence right here. You better hope you have a good lawyer!" Grabbing the box, the crocodile ripped open the weak material with her sharp teeth, ripping open the box and dropping it on the ground, wide-open, allowing everybody to see. "Oh… Oh my cog…" Sprout could only whisper in a conflicted tone.
The group of Toons all leaned over the opened box and groaned, some out of annoyance, some from the awkwardness of the situation. Inside of the secret package was not drugs, instead it was… "Oh my." Cotton Candy Cutie fanned himself with a nearby menu. "Well, this is embarrassing."
Jade closed the box and picked it up, handing it over to the rightful owner. "Sir, I'm very sorry about the misunderstanding. You must understand though, that you looked quite suspicious. I mean, who wears sunglasses and a trench coat to meet somebody indoors for a simple exchange?"
"I do, and this is why!" The lilac horse was fuming red. "I bought this privately because I didn't want other members of the club finding out about it until I revealed it! It is a one of a kind! I am a private citizen and I have a right to privacy! I want to speak to your supervisor!" The other horse who had delivered the package had quietly slipped off, not saying another word. "Are you happy? It's a carrot shaped dildo. Glad you caught me detective!"
"Shut up horse. You have nobody else to blame for yourself. Your fat friend here mentioned that there's been a lot of drug trafficking in your, er, club. Then you show up here, like this? You have nothing to complain about. Just get it shipped to your estate like a normal, Toon." Sprout began churning her arms back and forth, revving herself up like a motor engine prepared to blast off.
The light blue horse, now bright red in embarrassment, covered his face with his hands, hoping that this mistake would not have larger ripples in his community. "My deepest apologies. Please know that I do not take this lightly, and I feel awful. I worry about all members of my club and with the recent spike in deaths and addicted Toons, I didn't want to take any chances of it infiltrating even further. Is there anything I can do to make up for it?"
The fellow chonk horse contemplated the offer and eventually declined. "No, no that's whatever man. I mean, you did embarrass me and everything. But I guess I can let it go. Just, please let me go about my business in peace. I would never do drugs, and I would certainly never bring them into your esteemed establishment. Let's just forget this whole thing happened and we all just move on."
"I'm going to get your check." The waitress had been hovering behind the crowd, trying to figure out what was going on. Running off, she went looking for an excuse to escape the awkwardness.
"I still don't trust him." Brussel Sprout sniffed out, eyeing the stallion aggressively.
The pink duck intervened, placing her hand in front of the crocodile. "Let it go Sprout. You're lucky that he isn't going to press any charges. After all you did falsely arrest him, and likely assaulted him. You could lose your position in the Rangers for that.
The horse had not stopped locking angry eyes with his new foe. "Yeah, she's a total croc-pot. I demand an apology!"
"Grr. Like I'd ever apologize to a stupid horse. Screw this, I know I'm right and I'm going to prove it!" Like a lit rocket, the green Toon exploded out of the café once again, motivated by anger and hatred to show that the species she disliked so much was truly evil.
"Well, let's just go ahead and pay, Jade." Cotton Candy whispered. Unable to bring himself to face his club member, followed by his best friend, the two paid their bill and exited the restaurant.
Once the diner had cleared out, the lilac horse sat back down in his booth and refreshed himself with a glass of water. "Boy, that was close." He exhaled. Reaching into his box, he grasped the firm sex-toy and began to twist it. After a few seconds, the top had come undone and a large bag of white powder plopped inside of the empty box. Reaching his pinky inside of the bag, the mysterious steed dipped into the powder and placed it into his mouth. "Delicious. The guys at the club are going to love this."
"So, she ran this dude down, and it turns out that it was just a sex toy? Boy, I have been a Ranger for thirteen years and I've never heard anything like that. It is almost so ridiculous I don't know whether to laugh or be annoyed at her for doing that." Deputy Skids paced back and forth in the packed office of Sheriff Jade. Everybody had gathered there to follow up on what was an eventful first day for the quickly glued together mishmash of Toons. Crowded earlier, adding in the two other members of C.U.M, the two Sugar Fiends, and Cotton Candy Cutie, and minus Brussel Sprout was still quite the scene. "I appreciate her energy and passion, but she's going to need to learn to control her emotions. Can't have her ripping somebody's head off because they jaywalked or something."
"Well, I guess at least that at least eliminates a lead. Besides, I think we have other matters to attend to, right Skids?" Brownie was crushed beside the couch's arm, and a small wooden table, sucking in his rubs to prevent the wooden corner digging into his stomach.
The lime green dog had purposely worn his sunglasses inside to mess with Sprout after hearing about the story, but she had not returned yet. "Well, I was hoping for a full team, but I guess we'll just have to move on. So, what we have here are two of the most intelligent Toons I've ever met." Presenting Gummi and Stinky with his outstretched arms, the dog chuckled at the idea. "These two have kindly volunteered to go undercover and meet with their friend who has a connection to a dealer. They will be bringing Brownie along with them, as their druggy friend who really needs some sugar. They have already told their friend they will be meeting them in an alley on Lullaby Lane where the four of them will meet their dealer." Catching his breath, he waved to Jade to continue the explanation.
Picking up where her comrade had left off, the large fowl cleared her throat. "Er, yes. Well, with the help of The Lemon, and The Lime, me and Deputy will be disguised as ordinary trash cans. Fortunately, the Silly Meter is maxed out right now so any inadvertent movements likely wouldn't be noticed. This way we are ready to make a quick arrest, and Brownie can ensure that these two don't get into anything funny."
"So, then what? We arrest the dealer and bring him in? That all seems a bit complicated for a low-level goon. Why not just use all of this energy going after Captain Jack? He's the one we're looking for, right?" The Orange added in, getting some murmurs of agreement from his peers.
"I had considered that, Orange-o-tang. Get it?" Skids gleamed at his pun, only to be met with silence and a fake chuckle. "Anyways, we need as much information as possible before we try and go in further. Where is he hiding out? Something that could connect him to this. At the moment, we don't have a shred of evidence against that swine. He's sneaky, and very calculated. He doesn't leave anything, and nobody is willing to speak against him."
The Lime, holding back his frustration with not being able to disclose what he knew, provided his opinion. "Well, why would this low-level dealer croak then? Why risk it? The worst case for him is that he gets a few months in prison. If he gives up Toontown's biggest criminal? Well, he'd be sitting at the bottom of Acorn Acres Lake in two days."
"We trick him." A half squeak, half yell escaped the mouth of the chubby mouse. "We just need to make him slip up. Make him think we already know, and just make him confirm it. The odds that Jack tracks down such a minor player in the system and ties him back to us seems null. We'll be careful, and nobody has to know."
"I guess… I don't know. I just think after everything I've heard about this Jack fella, he seems quite ruthless. Meticulous. He doesn't like loose ends, and he seems like someone that would find out. Now, I'm just saying what I've heard." The Lemon scribed.
Stinky, who had been silently soaking in whatever was happening decided that it would be an appropriate time to inject a thought. "That seems like a pretty weird thing to hear about someone, man."
Smacking the rabbit on the back of the head, The Orange peered at the arrestee. "Hey, why don't you shut up and mind your own business. This has nothing to do with you." Tugging on his ears, the chimp groaned. "What stops these idiots from blabbing about everything?"
"Eh, I'm not worried about them. I know where to find them, and they know they can't outrun me." Lifting his sunglasses, the canine winked at the pair who had anxiously withdrew themselves back into the safety of the couch. "Now, does anybody have any other questions about this?" The sight of shaking heads confirmed what Deputy had inquired. "Very well. Jade, The Lemon, The Lime, and I will be heading back to their office to get our disguises completed. Brownie will be leading these fools to the meeting place. Sorry Mr. Cotton Candy, but I'm going to need you to stay silent on all of this as well. You can hang out here, or head home or whatever. If anybody hears from Sprout, maybe don't tell her where we are. She is very eager to help, but maybe she would be a bit too eager. Yeah?"
"Alright. Let us head out everybody. Please stay safe, and good luck to all of you." Jade quacked, smiling inside as she was finally one step closer to finding the one who tormented her the most.