Year 2254, USS Enterprise en route to Vega Colony

Pike threw himself on his bed with a heavy sigh. His experience on Talos may have renewed his personal commitment to Starfleet but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was failing as a captain. Because of his lapse in judgement, his yeoman had been killed and seven crewmembers had been injured on Rigel VII. And his track record on Talos showed that he had once again failed to protect members of his crew.

Lost in his thoughts, Chris jumped when the door chimed. "Enter," he babbled loudly enough for the computer to acquiesce his request.

The door opened to let Boyce into his sanctuary. With another sigh, Chris sat up on the bed. "Am I talking to my doctor or my bartender?" Chris asked, echoing the last visit from Phil, before Talos IV.

"Your doctor, considering that you took it upon yourself to check out of sickbay," Phil answered as he sat next to his patient, scanning him.

"I'm fine. It was just an illusion."

"An illusion powerful enough to mimic the response to pain. The setting might have been an illusion but your body's response to it wasn't."

"I'm fine, Phil. You should take care of the crew. We're still a couple of days away from Vega Colony."

"And they are being looked after by a competent staff in sickbay, where you should be resting."

Annoyed by the conversation, Pike stood up abruptly and started pacing the length of his quarters. "Did I make the right choice, Phil? Should have I insisted for Vina to rejoin the Federation?"

"She made a choice, Chris. Beaming her aboard without her consent would have been kidnapping. She chose to live an illusion. You chose reality."

"I could have lived that illusion with her."

"Would it have been enough? Would she have been enough?"

Chris stopped and turned to face his friend. "I know that it was an illusion but the feelings… they were real. I haven't felt that way in a long time, not since…"

"Thea," Boyce finished. "Have you talked to her lately?"

"I know she's back on Earth. I talked to her about three months ago when we were in range." Chris leaned on his desk. "It's complicated. She's not the same woman that I've known in my youth. She's changed. I've changed."

"But Vina is the way you remember Thea. Has it occurred to you that the Talosians gave you everything you wanted to have?"

Pike shook his head. "Vina is real. She's not just an illusion of Thea. Or what I wish Thea to be."

"This is your bartender talking," Phil started, putting his tricorder away. "You've been in love with Thea your entire life. Yet, you refuse to admit your feelings because you're afraid that it will ruin your friendship. Did it actually work out? Can you honestly say that pushing Thea away has saved your friendship?"

"I didn't push her away!"

"Chris, you have seen her maybe three times in twenty years. And each and every time, you almost gave your life for hers. Yet, when she's safe, you barely keep in touch with her, keeping her at arm's length because you're too afraid to let anyone in. You're hiding behind your captain's chair but the truth is, you're just afraid to get hurt. The same way your father hurt you as a teenager."

Pike hit the desk with his fist. "You're out of line!" He yelled in anger. The anger wasn't directed at Phil but at himself. Deep down, he knew Boyce was right.

"Being a Starfleet captain doesn't mean you have to spend your life alone," Boyce continued, undeterred by the outburst. "We're in communication range. Maybe it's time you put your fears aside and listen to your heart." Phil stood and walked towards Pike. "She loves you, Chris," Phil added, placing his hand on Pike's shoulder. "And as much as you've been trying to deny it, you love her. Take the chance. Call her." Phil squeezed his friend's shoulder before taking his leave.

As soon as he was alone, Pike collapsed on his chair, Phil's words swirling in his mind. Contrary to Boyce's assertion, he had thought multiple times about acting upon his feelings for Thea. But Boyce was right: he was too afraid to let anyone in, including the only person who knew him better than he knew himself. "Computer, access personal logs. Year 2218. Mojave, CA." He swiped through the memories of what would be the best year of his life. He had spent the summer with Thea, teaching her how to ride despite her harness. They had explored the southern Sierras together, often camping and talking about their future under the stars. Come fall, she had been his best supporter during his football games, especially after the ACL injury that ended his athletic career and his relationship with his father. "Computer, what time is it in Paris, France?"

"It's currently 1430 hours."

Pike hit the button for intraship communication. "Mr Garison, please open a channel to the Pasteur Institute, Dr. Mayweather and pipe it through to my quarters."

"Aye, Sir"

Within a few minutes, the worried face of Alathea filled his screen. "Chris, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he smiled, feeling the tension ebb. "I just wanted to … talk to you."

"Oh," was Alathea's only response. She hadn't expected a call from Pike. They seldom talked and it usually involved some type of disasters. "Is your mom ok?" She probed, looking for the real reason behind the call.

"She is fine. Still in Mexico. She couldn't stay at the ranch after…" Chris took a deep breath. "After Josh died," he finished, unable to call his father by any other names. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

Alathea gave him a soft smile. Whatever was troubling her friend; he wasn't ready to share. "It's good to see you."

"I was looking at old pictures… from Mojave. Do you remember the trip we took to Piute Peak?"

"How could I forget? Our parents were so angry that you didn't get me back home that night! But it was the most fun I had since Andlanca. You made me forget about the harness and everything else."

"That summer has some of my best memories too." Pike paused. "Do you… do you remember the promise we made to each other that night?"

Alathea frowned. They had promised each other to put their friendship over anything else, including any possible romance between the two of them. They had both agreed that any romantic involvement wasn't worth the risk of losing their friendship. They had kept their promise all their lives despite a strong desire to break it on several occasions. "Chris…" Alathea warned, unwilling to enter this dangerous territory.

"Thea, I…"

"I'm engaged." Alathea interrupted. "To Nathan."

Pike's jaw dropped in shock. "Nathan… Luna?"

"We reconnected after Niribu."

"So he was your boyfriend?" Pike scoffed, unable to hide his jealousy.

Alathea wiped her face with her palms. "No until a year ago when the mission on Niribu ended. I needed somebody, Chris, and Nathan was here."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Because you'd have dropped everything and this is not what I wanted for you," Alathea answered truthfully. "After the Enterprise left Niribu, the medical situation further degraded. Despite our best efforts, we couldn't stop the spread. New strains emerged faster than we could find a cure for the disease. Within a few months, we knew that finding a vaccine was hopeless. Eighty percent of the population died in the first two years… and there was nothing we could do but watch."

"Thea, why didn't you call me?"

"Chris, you wouldn't have been able to understand. How could you? You get to make first contact with new species! You represent the best of Starfleet. But you're also blind to them. Sometimes, Starfleet loses too. And we definitely did on Niribu."

"I'm not blind to Starfleet. I know it's not just about exploration… I've seen combat. I've seen entire ships destroyed in a matter of minutes. I have… I'm responsible for over 200 lives. Every command decision I make can end a life. I know what it is to lose."

Alathea just stared at him for a long time until Pike broke the uncomfortable silence between them. "You didn't call me because we're no longer close. Haven't been in years. You still have the image of the cadet dreaming of a captain's chair." When Thea didn't acknowledge him, he continued. "Do you love him?"

Alathea looked away from the console, carefully weighing her answer. "I care about him. And he cares about him."

Pike nodded. "I wish you all the happiness in the world, Thea," he told her sincerely. "Enterprise has been dispatched for a five-year mission at the edge of the Alpha Quadrant," he informed her semi-truthfully. Enterprise would not be on its official mission for another six months, long enough for the ship to be retrofitted at Deep Space 5. He would be within communication for another three months after that.

"Be careful out there, Chris."

"Thea, I think… I think we need to go our separate ways. You have Nathan. And I have…" Vina, was his first thought. He hadn't lied to Boyce. Talos may not have been real but his feelings for Vina had been. "... Starfleet," he finished.

Alathea slipped the mask he had seen far too often when she was a teenager. He had deeply hurt her. But in the end, he knew it was for the best. He couldn't keep on pretending but he also acknowledged that Nathan Luna was better for Alathea. For once, he was a doctor who could understand a part of her life he had never been privy to. And he was also physically present in her life. "Success, nothing less," he used their old high school motto as a farewell.

"Stay safe out there, Captain." Alathea cut the transmission before the tears could flow down her cheeks.

Pike stared at the Starfleet logo on the screen for a long time. He felt like a part of himself had died today; the part that carried wonderment about the world and hope. All that was left was a crushing emptiness mixed with a sense of duty.

Restless, Pike headed to the ship's gymnasium and vented his frustration and loss on a punching bag, stopping only when a security officer dragged him away from his bloodied target. "Sir, let me take you to sickbay," his officer insisted.

Pike looked at his knuckles, flexing his hands, reveling in the physical pain. "That won't be necessary," he answered mechanically before exiting the room. He had no intention to go to sickbay. After all the losses in the past few months, the last thing he needed was a condescending voice and a regen unit. He needed to feel again. And pain was as good a sensation as any.

STSTST

Two years later

As the beam dissipated around him and his science officer, Spock took one step forward and extended his hand toward the elf-like being in front of him. "I'm Captain Christopher Pike."

The ambassador cocked his head to the side, his blue skin glistening in the sun, forming beautiful patterns. With a smile that had disarmed more than one foe, Pike took the long fingers and guided them towards his extended hand. "Greetings."

"Welcome to Arcadis," the universal translator spat out in almost real time. "It is our pleasure to welcome you with open minds and open hearts."

"And we come here under your hospitality with open minds and open hearts," Pike returned the greeting.

Their host led them towards one of the structures overlooking the large plaza, which was buzzing in activity. On the one side were merchants while the other was reserved for art and philosophy. Pike caught a few sentences of the play, wondering how such an advanced society kept its art so grounded in reality. Back on Earth, art had often followed the technological advances of the centuries. Physical paintings made place to their digital counterparts, plays were slowly replaced by movies and holo-programs, sculptures made use of holoprojections. Yet, the Arcadisians had kept to physical media.

The Arcadisians were the first species Enterprise has encountered on its voyage advanced enough for first contact. They had spent the last two weeks familiarizing themselves with their culture and history, ensuring that no misunderstanding could arise during the formal first contact. As Pike and Spock entered the structure, they looked in awe at the sculpted walls and ceilings.

"These halls harbored the first Council of Arcadis. They recorded their history here. Every important decision, including the first draft of our Bill of Rights," their guide informed Pike and Spock.

"Captain, this is fascinating," Spock murmured to Pike. "In most cultures, radical societal changes often occur after wars, riots, or coups. But these people have embraced some form of democracy from the beginning. Decisions are made by the many."

"Mister Spock, it has been my experience that history is often written by the winners."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "A fair point, Captain."

The two officers remained silent as the ambassador escorted them to their quarters. "Our food synthesizers are being adapted to your physiology," the Arcadisian informed them in his clickety language. Although Pike was reluctant to embrace technology, in this instance he was grateful for the universal translator as he couldn't even begin to distinguish words in the foreign language. "In the meantime, if you need anything, please let Shtry know." The ambassador pointed towards his aide, who would no doubt stay near the strangers at all times. "The Twenty-First Council will meet with you in the morning."

"We are your honored guests," Pike replied. "And we are grateful for your hospitality."

"We may no longer travel among the stars, Captain Pike. But our people were once explorers like you. Perhaps one day you will find, as we have, that exploration must first come from within." The ambassador raised both of his hands palms towards his guests. "I wish you a peaceful evening."

Spock and Pike imitated the ambassador's gesture. As the door closed, Spock scanned the room quickly while Pike made his way towards the balcony. The view of the plaza below him was breathtaking. "Mr Spock, you should come see this."

When Spock joined him on the balcony, Pike pointed towards the gemstones encrusted in the stones on the ground. "Do you recognize this pattern?" Pike asked, pointing to a specific section of the plaza.

Spock's eyebrow shot up as he made the connection. "Constellations. This entire plaza represents the night sky."

Pike nodded with a smile. "I remember reading about similar maps back on Earth in astrophysics back at the Academy."

"You've taken astrophysics, Captain?" Spock could barely mask his surprise. After all, astrophysics was not required for Command track and Professor Elsing's class was one of the hardest.

"Yes." The memory brought back the pain he had been trying to ignore for the past two years. He had taken astrophysics in his second year but had missed the final after Alathea had been rushed to the hospital following one of her pain episodes. Although they had diminished in frequency and intensity over the years following Aggarwal's procedure, Alathea still experienced them and they more often than not required hospitalization. He had chosen to stay with her, assuming his professors would give him an extension. But Elsing had refused, teaching him his first command lesson that day: his responsibility would always supersede his personal life. And his responsibility as a Starfleet Command-track cadet was to his studies. Despite receiving a failing grade for the class that marred his record to this day, he'd never regretted the decision. He would still make the same. If Alathea asked him to come back to Earth, he would set course in a heartbeat.

"Captain?"

Spock's voice brought Pike out of his reverie. "Sorry, Spock. I was thinking about Elsing's class?"

"It was one of the most informative courses I've taken at the Academy."

"Me too, Spock. It taught me a valuable lesson about captaincy." Pike leaned on the railing.

"May I ask which one?"

Pike smiled. "That a leader leads by showing compassion. Strict adherence to the rules only fosters resentment. People are unique. And they should be treated as such."

Spock seemed to consider the matter. "I fail to see how this has to do with astrophysics."

Pike laughed at the remark. "Lessons can be learned in many different ways, Mr. Spock." Chris looked at the activity below him. He had always dreamed of exploring strange new worlds; but these dreams had often included Alathea by his side. The crushing emptiness settled once again as he watched one of the suns set over the horizon.