It was a couple of months later and Jon was due any day now with the twins. He was laying in bed with Eddie, just relaxing and watching TV.
Out of nowhere, Jon felt a sharp pain in his abdomen, followed by a gush of fluid between his legs. He gasped, immediately lifting the covers off to see a huge wet spot on the sheets. Eddie was so focused on the TV show that he didn't notice. "Eddie?" Jon asked worriedly.
"What is it, baby boy?"
"I think my water just broke. And I think I just had a contraction. I think it's time, babe."
Eddie jumped straight up, helping Jon get out of bed. "Where's the hospital bag?" He asked, panicking.
"In the closet...fuck.." Jon hissed as another contraction washed over him. Eddie found the hospital bag and helped Jon out of the apartment and into the truck. He practically sped the entire drive to the hospital. When they arrived, Eddie grabbed Jon a wheelchair and got him into the hospital. They told the receptionist what was going on and they got him into a labor and delivery room. Once Jon was settled in, Eddie began pacing around the room. A nurse came in to check on the progression of Jon's labor. She had been made aware of his situation by the OB. She knew exactly where to check his dilation at. She checked him, then said, "You're only 4 centimeters dilated. It's gonna be a few hours before you're ready to push."
Jon groaned as another contraction washed over him. He looked at Eddie mid contraction and hissed. "I hate you. You did this to me. God dammit this fucking hurts."
Eddie sighed, knowing that Jon didn't mean what he said. "I know, baby. I'm sorry. But let's focus on getting these babies out, okay? I know it hurts, but you need to breathe through each contraction. You can do this, Jon. I know you can."
A couple hours and many contractions later, Jon was fully dilated. The doctor had come in the room to deliver the babies. He had Eddie help spread Jon's legs apart so it would be easier to see the babies. "Okay, Jon, with this next contraction, I need you to push with all your might, okay?"
Jon nodded, feeling a contraction. He prepared himself before starting to push. "Atta boy." Eddie said, smiling. "I can see the head."
Jon panted for a few moments before another contraction washed over him. He pushed a second time, screaming in pain as the head came out. "Okay, baby A's head is born. One more big push, Jon." The OB said. Jon did as told, pushing with all his might. He felt a tiny bit of relief as baby A was born. "It's our daughter!" Eddie exclaimed. Jon felt happy tears stream down his face when Brooklyn let out the loudest cry ever.
"Okay, no rest for the weary." The doctor started. "Your son's head has already entered the birth canal. I need you to give me another strong push."
Jon did as told, screaming in pain as Jonathan's head was born. "Okay, Jon, just for a moment, I need you to stop pushing." The doctor ordered. Eddie was confused as to why the doctor said that until he looked at their son's head. The umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck. He watched as the doctor unwrapped the umbilical cord.
"Okay, Jon. One more big push." Jon did as told, feeling a sense of relief as Jonathan was born. The nurse's immediately carried him over to a different part of the room. Jon noticed silence and felt his stomach do a flip. "Why isn't he crying?" He asked worriedly. He looked at Eddie as tears began to stream down his face. "WHY THE FUCK ISN'T HE CRYING?!"
"Shh. Jon. He had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. The nurses are just trying to help stimulate him to get him to draw that first breath." Eddie explained.
"I can't lose him.." Jon sobbed. Suddenly, another loud cry filled the room. "Thank you, Jesus.." Jon mumbled as he heard his son's first cry. The nurses carried both babies over to Jon and handed them to him, one in each arm. He felt happy tears once again as he looked down at his babies. He smiled at Eddie, saying, "We made them..."
"Yes we did.." Eddie smiled brightly. Jon slowly tilted his gown down, not even caring that this pregnancy had caused him to grow breasts. He guided each baby to each nipple, the twins latching on almost instantly. "They're perfect.." He mused.
"Yes, they are." Eddie smiled.
"One thing is for sure...I'm never doing that ever again. You need to get a vasectomy done before I get pregnant again. Or I can see if the doctor can do a surgery to remove all the female parts in my body. It's up to you." Jon said.
"I'll get a vasectomy. A hysterectomy is a major surgery and you don't need to go through that." Eddie said. "Besides. A vasectomy can be reversed if you change your mind. A hysterectomy can't be reversed."
"Yeah.." He looked down at the twins, who were still nursing. "I hope I have enough milk for them. I got breasts but they didn't get very big. I'm worried I won't have enough to feed them." He said sadly.
"Your body will produce it as long as you keep breastfeeding." Eddie explained.
"I hope you're right.." Jon said. "Jesus. I don't even know how long to nurse them for."
"Until they don't want anymore."
Jon noticed the twins beginning to squirm in his arms. "I think they're full. Will you take Jonathan and burp him while I burp Brooklyn?" Jon asked.
"Of course." Eddie smiled, taking their son from Jon. He looked down in awe at the newborn in his arms. He then rested the newborn on his shoulder and began patting his back gently. It wasn't long before a huge belch came out of Jonathan. Eddie laughed. "Nice one, kid. Just like your daddy." Another burp filled the room, coming from Brooklyn. Although it was not as loud as her brother's. Jon laughed. "Seems like they already have a hidden talent." He then let out a huge yawn. "I'm exhausted."
"I bet you are. You just pushed two babies out of you. Here, I'll take Brooklyn from you so you can rest." He grabbed their daughter from Jon and set both babies in their bassinets. Eddie watched as Jon fell asleep quickly.
…
A few days later, they were finally home with the twins. It was currently the middle of the night and both Jon and Eddie were fast asleep. Suddenly, crying came over the baby monitor. Jon groaned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He sighed, looking at his sleeping fiance. He made his way to the nursery, seeing both twins wide awake. He shook his head in annoyance. Eddie should be waking up and helping him. But not once has Eddie woken up in the middle of the night to help with the twins. He does an excellent job helping with them during the day, but at nighttime, he just sleeps so deeply that he doesn't even hear the babies over the baby monitor. Jon grabbed the babies from their cribs and sat in the rocking chair with them, he pulled his shirt down, and began nursing the twins. He heard footsteps approaching, surprised to see Eddie walk in.
Eddie yawned. "I got up to piss and noticed you weren't in bed. Do you want some help?"
"Yes, please. When they get done nursing, can you help me change their diapers?" Jon asked, yawning as well.
"Of course." Eddie smiled, watching as his fiance fed their babies.
About 10 minutes later, the twins had finished nursing. Eddie took Jonathan and carried him over to one of the changing tables while Jon carried Brooklyn to the other table. He was busy changing Brooklyn's diaper when he heard Eddie shout. "Hey!" He looked over, laughing when he noticed that Eddie's shirt was soaked with the baby's urine.
Eddie noticed Jon laughing and said, "It's not funny! Now I gotta take a shower!"
"I'm sorry but yes it is. You should know better." He cackled.
Eddie scowled, getting the diaper on their son and laying him in the crib. "What the fuck? You do realize that they need to be rocked to sleep, right? You can't just lay him down in his crib and expect him to fall back to sleep."
"Jon...he peed on me. I need to clean myself up." Eddie frowned.
"The babies' needs should always come before your own. But whatever. I'll get them back to sleep myself. Go take your goddamn shower." He snapped. When Eddie had left the room, Jon felt tears begin to stream down his face. He quickly wiped them away and picked Jonathan up from his crib. He sat back down in the rocking chair, both babies in his arms, rocking gently. It wasn't long before both babies were asleep. He carefully laid each baby in each crib and then left the room. He sighed, not wanting to be near Eddie after what happened. He walked into the bedroom, unplugging the baby monitor and grabbing a couple pillows and a blanket before heading downstairs to sleep on the couch.
Jon woke up the next morning, heading upstairs to check on the babies. He was shocked when he saw Eddie already in the nursery, holding the babies and cooing at them. He smiled softly, seeing this made it hard for Jon to stay mad at him. Eddie looked up at Jon, smiling. "There's daddy. Are you ready to eat, little ones?"
"I think I'm gonna start pumping in addition to feeding them straight from my chest."
"That's a great idea. That way I can feed them at night if I wake up first, so you don't have to.. Did we ever buy a breast pump when we got everything else?"
"Yeah, I think it's in the closet." Eddie nodded, handing the twins to Jon so they could be fed. He walked over to the closet, opening the door and finding the pump almost instantly. He watched in awe as his lover fed their children. He waited for Jon to finish nursing before taking Brooklyn from him and burping her. Jon doing the same with their son. After the twins were fed, they changed their diapers and rocked them to sleep. Jon looked down as he quietly walked out of the room with Eddie. He couldn't explain it, but something felt wrong. He wasn't sure what. He just felt...sad. He looked at Eddie and said, "I think I'm gonna go take a nap as well. I don't feel well."
"What do you mean? Are you sick? What's going on?" Eddie asked, concerned.
"I don't know. I just...I feel...sad. I don't know why." Jon frowned.
Eddie frowned as well. "Do you think we should call the doctor? This could be the start of something serious."
"No, I'll be fine. I just want to sleep." Jon said before heading to the bedroom. He laid in bed, staring at the wall.
Eddie could tell something was wrong but didn't pry. Whatever Jon was feeling, he would talk about it eventually. He headed downstairs to watch TV while Jon and the twins napped. Meanwhile, Jon was in the bedroom, still awake. He felt tears stream down his face but he couldn't stop them. Thoughts were racing through his mind as he tried to fall asleep. He then realized something. He wasn't sad, he was depressed. And for no apparent reason. It worried him. He never had problems with depression. PTSD, yes. But never depression. He flinched as he began to recall the events of his kidnapping. Now his tears had turned into loud sobs.
Eddie heard the sobs and rushed upstairs. He saw Jon sobbing into the pillow and laid down next to him. "Shh...it's okay. I got you, babe. Let it out, don't keep it bottled up."
"I...don't...know...what's...wrong...with...me.." He cried.
"I'm gonna call the doctor. Something is wrong and we need to get to the bottom of it." Eddie said, pulling out his phone and dialing the doctor's phone number.
"Hello?" The doctor answered.
"Hey, doctor. It's Eddie."
"Hey, Eddie, what's up?"
"It's Jon. He's super depressed and I can't get him to stop crying." Eddie explained.
"Hmm. Sounds like he might have postpartum depression. It's common among new parents." The doctor told him.
"Is there anything we can do for him? I hate to see him like this."
"Right now, just be his rock. Be by his side, no matter what. If the postpartum depression gets worse we may have to discuss the possibility of prescribing an antidepressant."
"How do I know if it's getting worse?" Eddie asked.
"If it starts to get worse he will show signs of suicidal thoughts or maybe even thoughts of hurting the babies."
Eddie sighed. "Thank you, doctor."
"No problem, have a nice day."
Eddie hung up and looked over at his fiance, who was still sobbing quietly. He rubbed his back gently. "I love you, baby boy. You're safe with me." Eddie said to Jon.
Jon sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I love you too."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I just...had a flashback...of the kidnapping." Jon admitted as more tears began to fall.
"Oh Jon..." Eddie said sadly.
"I hate this."
"I know you do. The doctor said you might have postpartum depression. But I'm wondering if your PTSD is acting up as well."
"I think it is. I'm sorry, babe." Jon sighed.
"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong."
"You deserve someone who isn't fragile." Jon said, turning away.
"What are you saying, Jon?" Eddie asked with a frown. "You're not fragile. You've had more shit happen to you in your lifetime than anyone should have to deal with. Besides, the vows we are gonna take when we get married, they specifically say, 'In sickness and in health.' So you've got a mental illness. So what? I'll be here to support you no matter what. Cause I love you."
Jon buried his face into his pillow, more choked sobs coming out. He felt worthless. "I'm just a burden to you. You'd be better off if I was dead."
"Jon stop saying that, it's not true. You have two beautiful children who need you to stay strong. Who need you alive. And I need you. Alive, not dead."
"But..."
"Jon if you don't stop talking like this I will take you to the doctor. These feelings aren't normal."
"You don't understand how I feel.." Jon said, getting up and rushing to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Eddie immediately followed, but when he tried to turn the knob, he discovered it was locked. "Jon...let me in."
"No." Jon choked out another sob as he looked at the razor sitting on the bathtub.
"JON. DON'T MAKE ME BREAK DOWN THIS DOOR." Eddie threatened.
Jon silently sobbed as he took apart the razor to expose the blade. He held it to his wrist but couldn't bring himself to do anything else. He let the razor blade drop to the floor and he just sobbed loudly. He slowly walked over to the door and unlocked it, but didn't open it.
Eddie heard the door unlock and walked right in, seeing his fiance on the floor in the fetal position, sobbing. "That's it, I'm taking you to the doctor." He said when he saw the exposed razor blade laying on the floor. "Just let me get a hold of Darby to watch the twins."
A few minutes later, Eddie came back, Jon still in the same position he found him in. "Darby's on his way to watch the twins. Let's get you up and dressed."
Jon reluctantly got up, walking with Eddie to the bedroom. Eddie helped him get dressed and they waited in the living room until Darby walked in. Darby took one look at Jon and frowned. "You'll be okay, Jon. I know you will."
Jon looked down, frowning. He walked with Eddie to the truck. The drive to the doctor's office was silent, except for quiet sobs coming from Jon. When they reached the doctor, Eddie helped Jon into the office. The receptionist took one look at Jon and rushed to get the doctor.
The doctor came and got Jon and Eddie and brought them back to a exam room. Eddie told him everything that happened. "Hmm...it does sound as if your postpartum depression is also causing your PTSD to act up. We will have to prescribe you an antidepressant as well as discussing the possibility of therapy."
Jon nodded. "I'll do anything you want me to. Just as long as it makes me stop feeling like this. I was fine, and now I'm not."
"Hmm. So I'm looking through your records from other doctors and it seems like you've been on many antidepressants before that didn't work for you. But I see here you've never been on Wellbutrin. We are gonna try that as well as Abilify. We will get you feeling better, Jon. Would you like to have therapy as well?"
"I...I don't like talking about my feelings, plus therapy hasn't really helped in the past. I um...I do have a question though..."
"What is it?" The doctor asked.
"Will I still be able to breastfeed the twins while on these medications?"
"Unfortunately, there's a possibility of the medication effects being passed through the breast milk so the recommendation is that you switch to formula."
Jon frowned. "I guess, if these medications will make me feel better, it's worth switching to formula. Fed is best."
"That's right." The doctor wrote on his prescription pad and handed two slips of paper to Jon. "It might take a week or two before you start to feel better."
Jon nodded. The doctor let them go and they went back to the truck. "We're gonna get these filled right away." Eddie told him.
Jon nodded and said, "I do want to breastfeed the twins one more time before I start taking these medications."
"How are you feeling right now?" Eddie asked.
"Still depressed but the panic attack from the flashbacks has finally ended. I'm sorry, Eddie."
"Don't be sorry. Shit happens. Just know that you will beat this."
"Thank you for putting up with me." Jon told him.
"I do it cause I love you." Eddie said with a smile.
"I love you too." Jon smiled.
The rest of the trip was silent as Jon had fallen asleep. Eddie got the prescriptions filled as well as some formula and drove them home. When they got home, Jon breastfed the twins one last time before taking his first dose of the antidepressants. Within minutes of taking the medications, Jon found himself getting drowsy so he went and laid down in bed, falling asleep almost instantly.