The night went on and my weariness grew as the adrenaline finally faded from my system. I couldn't bear to close my eyes, not when I knew that he would be behind them…angry, with those dark circles and impossibly onyx colored eyes.
"Bella?" I interjected the comfortable silence that had fallen over us while Emmett stoked the fire in the fireplace.
"Yeah?" she turned to me and issued in a hushed voice.
"I…I don't want to sleep." I murmured while I focused my attention of my fingers twirling in my lap.
"I got just the thing," she offered with a smirk as she rose slowly from the couch. "Renesmee has an absurd fondness for Starbucks so naturally Emmett made it a priority to buy her a professional coffee set up." Bella rolled her eyes pointedly.
"Hey…Someone's gotta' keep the halfie energized when she's being picky with her diet. She's the only one in this family that fights fair!" Emmett joked back
Bella only shook her head, smile spreading further into her perfect cheekbones. "Any preference of flavor?"
I shook my head, "Just strong…" I muttered sheepishly.
"Jas has got a good keg of whiskey in the basement if that's what you're into!" Emmett howled. I flinched at the reference of him.
From the kitchen I could barely make out Bella's response, "Ya know, I distinctly remember telling the both of you when you went to Tennessee that I was not willing to have the Cask of Amontillado under my cottage."
Emmett leaned closer to me and whispered with his hand blocking the path towards the kitchen, "There's no bodies in the walls down there…yet. IF that would make you feel better, we could always change that for 24 hours or so."
I offered him a light laugh, but quickly shook my head.
Bella then came into the room, cradling an intricate mug in her palms. "Double shot of espresso, sweet cream, and some sort of butter pecan flavor swirl thing…Will that do?" She raised her shoulders into her neck with her mouth twisted up into one side.
"That's perfect actually, thanks." I reached out towards the cup.
"I think my hands removed a lot of the heat; hope you weren't hoping for a scalding beverage." She laughed as she extended it out to me.
"No that's great, I normally order it "kiddie temp" anyway." I took a sip of the divine dark liquid. "Holy cow this is incredible Bella." I shook my head as I took another swig.
She turned her head to the side as she watched me take on the drink feverishly. "He's out there you know…" she hesitated.
I looked up to meet her eyes in question.
"He's been out there wandering for the past hour and a half…Checking on your emotions I suppose. Keeping his distance in case you need him?" She lowered her head in almost a personal memory.
"Oh," I raised my eyebrows while bringing the cup back to my mouth with both hands before resting it empty back in the lap of my crossed legs.
"I can go chase him away if you'd like…" Emmett ducked his head under mine with a confident smirk.
I hesitated…Did I want that?
No. I didn't. I was right before, I knew that that wasn't him. Emmett's explanation of what happened while they were out was frightening, but helpful. To truly know his capabilities but also his reservations and respect for my life, it was my strength in this moment.
I shook my head yet again, "No, I think I want to talk to him." I looked to them both for permission.
Bella extended her hands back out to me for the cup that I was currently staring into. What was I doing? What was I going to say?
"It'll be okay Ali, though you may want to borrow one of Bella's sweaters." Emmett persuaded gently. "I don't think he will react too kindly towards himself seeing your wrist." He explained in a hushed voice. Being reminded of the injury made my wrists pulse with discomfort, I flinched.
"I can't guarantee they would be your first choice, but I have some comfortable and warm options at the very least." Bella motioned towards what I could only assume was her room/closet.
I started in that direction while Bella disappeared with the cup for only a moment. In the next she was at my side empty handed.
"That is probably going to take some time to get used to isn't it?" I whimpered.
"Oh yes, I can speak from experience on that one. Doesn't really go away until you can do it yourself actually." She lowered to herself at a volume still audible to me.
After choosing the fluffiest and most neutral colored sweater, I quickly tested that it did the job of covering most of my hands for good measure. Satisfied with my third choice, I moved towards the door.
"You gonna be okay finding him?" Bella asked gently.
"I, uh…yeah. I can sort of…feel him? Is that…weird?"
Bella smiled and looked to Emmett before turning back to me, "Alice, you wouldn't believe how un-weird that actually is for us. You really aren't wholly human, are you?"
I shook my head, "No, I suppose I never really thought I was."
I stepped out into the darkness, shutting the door tight behind me drowning out all remaining light from the house. Closing my eyes, I was able to connect to the proverbial string that I could feel around my chest. I turned in each direction before I felt it tighten, bringing my breaths shorter and shorter until I moved in its direction. I breathed as deep as I could manage and engulfed myself in the silvery lavender feeling until it burned cold in my heart.
I continued moving in the guided direction, utilizing my gifts to detect any impediment to my step. Easily maneuvering around each obstacle, the chill grew to the familiar feeling I had grown to recognize in the past week. My body tingled forcefully, throwing my eyes open I knew he was just beyond the cluster of birch trees just in front of me.
"I don't deserve another moment of you…" I heard his whisper from that direction. I closed my eyes and basked in the soothing feeling of his velvet voice.
When I opened my eyes again, I started gently towards him. As I stepped around the trees I saw him draped over himself, head lowered, and legs spread wide in front of him; a lone cowboy indeed. I slowly stepped in between his legs and kneeled in front of him, "Don't you think after all of that, I deserve a little more say in my own future?" I cocked my head to the side.
He turned his head away from me, his skin glistening in the moonlight that broke through the treetops around us.
"Emmett told me what happened at the ravine, Jasper."
"Of course, he did." Jasper moaned with a huff.
I shook my head at him. "I'm not going to let you get off that easy, Jasper. You're not getting rid of me. Not after the clarity and answers you've given me about my confusing existence." I wavered.
"So, I'm expected to damn that very existence then?" He issued roughly as his head snapped around to meet my gaze intensely. I saw now that tears were threatening his intense glare. I knew from our previous conversations that they would never fall.
"Jasper, I think you would damn me if you didn't."
"That's horseshit, Alice. You have to see that. Truly you cannot hate your existence so entirely much that you can just ignore the ways that your body naturally reacts to me! You can hide it well, sure but it's there Alice…I can feel it." He shook his head and turned away at the last utterance.
"God forbid I cringe away when being yelled at. Ya know, you're not as terrifying as you like to pretend to be." I laughed attempting for a lighter mood. "Yes. Yes Jasper, I'm pissed, and I'm hurt. That doesn't mean I don't still feel the same for you and that those feelings are of my own volition. I mean unless you've been using that power on me."
"…Never" he whimpered shaking his head yet again.
"Then why is it so fucking impossible for me to love you Jasper Whitlock?" I leaned into him, placing my hand against his jaw. The sharp definition rose something deep within me then. I could feel the ridges that the moonlight brought to my attention just then. Crisscrossed along the entirety of his body, the scars told me of his danger, but only brought sorrow to my soul. They reminded me just how much he had been through and what brought him to his feelings today.
He brought his eyes to mine before closing them and leaning gently into my palm. I watched as his chest moved for the first time since I had been out there with him, a breath. He froze yet again and suddenly.
"You're bleeding." He choked out harshly before pushing himself deep into the tree trunk, crushing the bark and substance as he went.
I brought my hand to my face to examine it closer with a confused look. There was nothing.
"No, I'm not." I looked at him confused and showed him my hand.
He grabbed my hand roughly and I flinched with the discomfort. He then yanked the sleeve of Bella's sweater up. I realized then what he meant, but not before it was too late.
He nodded then as he saw the offensive marking. "That…that's fucking why Alice." He snarled before standing and making a move away from me.
"Oh, no you don't." I was on my feet before he got far, my finger now looped in his belt loop with the brown leather belt he wore.
He went to push me away with little force, but I used my leverage now to pin him against the tree behind him. "No," I whispered as I looked up into his face.
"Alice," he breathed with the little air remaining in his lungs, not daring to draw in more I gathered.
"Alice, nothing Jasper. This is what I want, and you will not take this away from me. Do you hear me?" I raised my eyebrows as I drove my point home. "You were a soldier, no? So, you know how to follow orders. No, you are not to turn away from me and you are not to give up on this Jasper Whitlock. Not now, not when it gets harder, and certainly not ever. Got it?" I pushed harder against his chest, only to my own discomfort of which I now ignored.
He turned his head from me, and I finally felt his chest raise again. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and suddenly I was the one against the tree, him caging me in place now.
"I meant it you know." He growled into my ear now. "I want you. I want you in so many ways, Darlin'." His voice pounded in my ears, a fire rising to my skin and throughout me.
He pulled his face back and raised his hand to mine, stroking my cheek as gently as it took for me to just barely feel it.
"I know the risks." I breathed at him, "I've seen it. I've seen every possibility and every future already." I brought my hand to rest on the waist band of his jeans. "I know what I'm choosing." I looked up into his eyes honestly, laying bare to every emotion from my time with him.
"I doubt that," he whispered before his lips crashed into mine.
I tried to lean into him, but his body pressed further into me bringing me closer to the tree. His hands bashed into the bark just around my head, sending splinters to the ground. He slowly moved to his elbows as he came even closer to my face, leaning into his every motion as our heads moved back and forth in a familiar rhythm. His right hand trailed down the tree roughly before it grabbed my waist from behind, tightening me to him even further.
Suddenly, a sweet taste filled my mouth and I felt dizzy. It was reminiscent of the sweetest apple I had ever tasted, doused in the finest of spices that burned the back of my throat. My head swirled as he continued to mesmerize me with every action. The taste flooded my body, feeling the effects spread widely. As he breathed out the last of his breath, I could smell it too. It brought me to heaven. The faintest hint of the most expensive bourbon laced with the finest of drugs sent my body a light.
With every ounce of self-control that still remained in my body, I forced the words from my mouth, "Stay Jasper, please."
He growled deeper now, eyes burning deep into mine. His hand trailing Bella's sweater gently off of my shoulder , looking deep into my neck now he said: "I don't think I have any other choice Darlin'."