It has been a week. Leon tried to bring him comfort but all he could do was leave food on the mat in front of his door. He went there twice and never heard a thing coming from the inside. Even the air around the apartment complex was heavy and filled with sadness and regrets. Leon even called Toru for some help, which didn't really do anything. The setter knocked on his door this morning, before Wakatoshi's practice.
"You have to get out, man. We have a friendly in two days. Just open the door and at least let some fresh air in." He said, ratter seriously, followed by a sight. "I'm sorry, Ushiwaka. I feel awful for you. It's our fault. We never should've meddled in your business." He adds, wiping the sweat from his forehead. When Leon called him that morning, Oikawa was in the middle of his cardio session with a trainer, but he still decided to go. His session turned into a solitary jugging into the city, but he still managed to complete his assignments for the morning. When Oikawa heard some noises coming from the inside of the apartment, he smiled to himself. He's a big softy who can't handle my charms. He thought, leaning back on the wall, arms crossed. He waited a minute or two, then heard something again. He frowned, then glued himself at the door. He heard footsteps, coming closer.
"The window is open, you can leave, now."
Toru couldn't believe it. His eyes rolled up to the celling and the man chuckled.
"Ushiwaka you moron! Just at least open the door so I can see how fat you've become." He said, hopeful and still enjoying insulting the man occasionally. High School habits are hard to get away from, especially the ones you liked the most. A few seconds past, before the door handle moved, rolling on itself. The door cracked open, giving a chance for Oikawa to push against it hard. The door opened widely with a bang, leaving Ushijima to fall on his ass. Toru opened his arms wide, greeting this wonderful sight, then really looked around. His grin died in an instant, his eyes following a trail of dirty clothes and cans of beer. The TV was playing an old volleyball match from 2016. "What on Earth have you done?" The man could now clearly see how Ushijima was affected by the horrible events of the wedding.
-Flashback—
"So please, let's raise our glasses to my wonderful best friend and her husband. May they enjoy their honeymoon as much as possible and have the perfect life." The woman said, before giving the mic to Wakatoshi, who stood up slowly beside her. When his hands touched the mic, his grip became infernal. Both hands slightly shaking, his courage only dying by the seconds. The clamminess of his hands weren't due to the hot temperature of the outside venue, but because of his nervousness and sick feeling both in his stomach and in his heart.
"Thank you." He whispered to the girl, taking her place at the end of the table. All eyes were on him, but he saw nothing but hopelessness and sorrow. The man shifting in his seat in front of him could not wish for Ushijima to end this awkward moment any faster.
His red hair just like Ushijima wished for them to be, beautiful and all over the place.
Wakatoshi gulped, before taking a deep breath.
"I… It took me a while to write these words." He said, pulling a small sheet of paper from his pocket. It was all crumbled and dirty, but that didn't matter. The ace threw the paper away in a smell garbage can, before couching in the mic. Some people frowned, some others laughed. There was a small pause, before he continued his job as best mate. "When Tendo was in high school, not a single girl would go his way. Not because of his looks or because of his personality, but because all he could see was volleyball. Then one day, he came to one of my games in Division 1 and met a girl. I never knew Tendo could blush. I never knew he could love someone as much as he loved this sport. But he proved me wrong, especially today." He said, locking eyes with the married man. They both knew he wasn't talking about the wedding, but rather about their very short-lived conversation in the car. "I've always been proud to call this man a friend. I know he'll make a great husband and I want to tell everybody here that love is unexpected and a precious gift. Don't let it get away." He said, still staring at the man holding his heart. "Tendo is one hell of a gift and I'm happy for whoever puts a ring on his finger. So cheers. To the newly married couple, to the other lovers here and to a bright future." He said, lifting his shaking hand up in the sky. Everybody sitting followed his movements and took a sip of champagne, before clapping together. When Wakatoshi sat down again, the girl next to him leaned on his left side, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"That was rather short, but beautiful." She said, adding a bright smile to the comment. Ushijima nodded, not a care in the world for her compliment and gesture.
"Right. If you'll excuse me." He answered, getting up once more. He quickly walked away until he couldn't here the conversations of the guests, then sat down under a tree. He leaned against it and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself. The silence didn't help him think, but it did help to stop his brain for listening to the happy conversations around him. The wind blew the leaves for a small amount of time, before dying down, letting gravity do its job. One leaf fell on Ushijima's shoulder, before following its course on his lap. He took it in his hands, twirled it around, before noticing a figure walking up to him. His eyes followed this person's every movement until he figured they were looking for him.
"Do you have a minute?" She asked, putting both hands behind her white dress, looking flawless and proud. The man nodded, letting both of his legs stretch down on the grass. "Before the wedding, Satori cried. Do you know why? He scared me for a second. I know we aren't supposed to see each other before the wedding but he kept crying. His father asked me to help him stop crying." She said, two steps away from the ace. "He didn't tell me why. Just that he loved me. He told me so many times I thought he was going crazy." She said, smiling to herself. Then a small moment of silence took place and she sighed. "One day, our children will be friends. You'll find someone and be happy, Waka-kun." She said, making the blood in his veins boil. She didn't understand the impact that nickname had on him. His expression became on of disgust and he stood up quickly, surprising the young woman.
"Don't call me that. I wish Tendo all the best. That means if you ever make him suffer, you'll face consequences you never imagined possible. Am I clear?" He asked, straightening his back, looking like the All-Japan athlete that he is. The woman gulped, before nodding away quickly.
"I know you love him." She said, clearly intimidated. Her eyes never matching the intensity of Ushijima's. She locked both hands in front of her and stared at the ground.
"So be careful, then. Happy marriage." He said, turning away and walking all the way to his car. The lovely and happy day was over for him. He did his job. He could go home and feel bad for himself, now.
Unless another someone came to him for a second encounter. The man walked slowly, unsure of how to even begin the conversation. Ushijima Wakatoshi, being the good man he is, always wanted to say the right thing at the right time.
"Congratulations to you and your wife."
That was not it. Satori never imagined himself in that situation. He never thought his friend would feel the same way. Even worse, he never thought he'd fall down the wrong path.
Back to his old habits.
Tendo's mind was filled with so many different emotions. His hands hid themselves in his pockets, finding comfort in the small hiding place his body could find. His face, tho, could not hide anything.
Not anymore.
"Did you plan to tell me, but couldn't? Because you're a coward." He asked, looking to the ground, feeling like a coward himself.
"Yes."
"Did you think it was a good idea to tell me today?"
"No."
"Can you tell me how you really feel… With words that we'll both understand?"
"I don't know."
Silence, for maybe a minute. Satori closed his eyes, slowly lifting his head to look at the sky.
"You know I can't do anything about all this mess. I'm a married man. You know?" He said, his voice shaking a bit.
"Yes." Ushijima didn't say much himself, fearing his voice cracking for the second time that day.
"I think we shouldn't see each other for some time." Red hair falling down, now. He kept brushing a hand through them and now they fell a bit down his shoulder.
"Right."
"Is that all I'm getting? One-word sentences?"
It took Wakatoshi a few seconds to think about it, but in the end, he fell down a weird, childish path only he could get himself out of.
"Yeah."
Satori scoffed, before letting his lips form a straight line. His eyes fell to the ground once again, before looking at his friend one last time.
"Fine. Just know that I never wanted any bullshit like that to happen. I never wanted you to be sad. Maybe someday, we'll catch up, like old times. But not now. Not like this."
-Back in his apartment-
Toru opened his arms wide, greeting this wonderful sight, then really looked around. His grin died in an instant, his eyes following a trail of dirty clothes and cans of beer. The TV was playing an old volleyball match from 2016. "What on Earth have you done?" The man could now clearly see how Ushijima was affected by the horrible events of the wedding.
"A mistake, it seems." Wakatoshi said, brushing away the imaginary dust on his pants. His pride took a small blow, but all things consider, he wasn't that angry at Oikawa.
"Yeah yeah yeah, I get it. But I didn't mean your life in general. I meant your place. It's disgusting." Toru said, disgust still very clear on his face. "Let me just… Help a little." He said, before walking around, assessing the chores to do. "We have like… two hours before Iwa-chan gets here."
"Iwaizumi? Why did you tell him to come?"
"Because I knew you'd opened the door. Now shush and get a trash can."
They cleaned around for an hour, before taking a well-deserved break. The apartment looked good. The smell still lingered a little, but the opened window surely helped. Ushijima still looked like a mess, but as long as he was alive, Toru didn't mind nor did he comment on it.
When the doorbell rang, both men stood up with there tea in hands. Wakatoshi opened the door and saw Hajime looking like a model, holding bags or detergent and dish washing soap.
"You look like shit." He said, before giving the man the several bags he was holding.
"You know I have all those things already?"
"Doesn't look like it." Hajime said, before receiving a hard slap on the butt.
"Don't. Be. Fucking. Rude!" Oikawa said with a girl's voice. Hajime rolled his eyes, before smiling softly. "Sorry."
The 3 men kept cleaning around until noon. The apartment look very clean and back to its original sent of coconut, Ushijima's little tree hanging in the living room, as well as his dish washing soap, his perfume and little spray next to the bathroom door.
"Now, can we go outside? There's no chance you'll meet you know who. They are still on their honeym-ouch!" Oikawa screamed, throwing a confused look at his boyfriend.
"You idiot." Hajime whispered. Toru's face lit up, before his mouth formed a 'o'. Ushijima shook his head, before getting up. When the two men followed him, they whispered a few words to themselves, mostly insults, before Oikawa awkwardly laughed.
"Ahh, sorry. I didn't think that one through." He said, taking the volleyball beside the door. "We going to the park?" He asked, trying to change the subject. Ushijima nodded, opening the door. "Wait, go change first. It's hot outside. No need for this ugly sweater and weird jeans." Toru said, pointing at Ushijima's outfit.
"Those are my comfort clothes." Wakatoshi explained, before shrugging and going to his room.
They spent 30 minutes just tossing the ball around in silence. Wakatoshi stayed focus on the task at hand, while Oikawa kept looking at hi boyfriend for a signal to start asking questions. Hajime took the time to tell his man to avoid asking questions, so when Toru starting to look at him with hungry puppy eyes, he knew it wasn't for food or kisses.
He wanted gossip.
Iwaizumi endured those eyes and sighed for as long as he could, until his own curiosity took the bet of him. He rolled his eyes and gestured for his boyfriend to begin his interrogation. Oikawa smirked, before catching the ball in mid air, stopping their little game.
"So…" he started, while lowering the ball until he could put it on the sand. "How are you feeling?" He asked, taking the easy question out of the way first.
"I don't know."
"Do you still cry?" He asked again, earning a frown and a punch from Hajime, which made him whine. "Sorry!"
"No, I don't." Wakatoshi answered.
He can cry? Oikawa thought, playing with the ball at his foot.
"So you too really won't talk for a little while?"
"I guess."
"How does that make you feel?" It was Hajime's turn to ask questions. The man wanted to actually listen to his friend, but Ushijima didn't give anything away.
"I don't know."
"Do you know what day it is? Today?" Oikawa asked, rolling his eyes.
"Friday."
Hajime's eyes grew wide, while Oikawa laughed out loud, clutching at his chest.
"We're Sunday, you moron." He said, dropping on the ground. He sat next to the ball and took out his phone. "We should call some friends over and throw a party." He said nonchalantly.
"Some people work in the morning, man." Hajime scolded.
"I work! Volleyball is hard!"
Ushijima mostly listened to those two argue until Hajime would bring back the conversation to him. They got lost a few times throughout their conversation, but he did not mind. He didn't feel like explaining his pain to them. They did manage to get him out of his place, and that felt enough for that day. Progress would be made slowly, but surely. He knew it wasn't the end of the world, as a realistic man and somewhat optimistic. Time would take care of things, as long as he was willing to work with it. The concrete in his heart would soon be fertile soil again, letting love grow again with someone else.
Someone else. That doesn't sound right at all.
"Have you ever thought about not being together?" He asked to the two men with him. They both looked confused, eyeing the ace. "I mean, have you lost hope and thought about moving on?" His question was a silent plea. He never wanted to hear the actual answer. Just the possibility of hearing the right thing was enough for him.
He still cared.
"Well… no. I realised it after him, so not really." Hajime explained, curious about his boyfriend's answer.
Toru seemed deep in thought, honestly trying to answer to the best of his ability.
"Well, I did have a phase where all I wanted was to think about something else. Anything else, really. So, I went on dates. Lots of em'. But it never helped, so I gave up quickly and just talked to him." Toru said, smiling at his lover.
It was a beautiful day outside and the idea wasn't as bad as Wakatoshi first thought. No, it did not help his shattered heart, but it did help clear his mind. He knew he needed to think and get through some hard times. He just wasn't ready, yet.
"Have you always known?" Hajime asked, taking a seat next to his boyfriend. His question was sent towards the taller man, who shook his head, but looked unsure.
"I… I always knew he was special. But it took me some time to figure out why." He answered, sitting down as well. The three men were casually leaning down on the grass, now. Exchanging memories of Satori.
"I swear it pissed me off so much everytime he'd block one of my sets." Toru said, pouting away to the sky. "Freaking guess-monster." He added, whispering the words.
"It was amazing to see. Against Karasuno, he did an incredible job. When he told me he wanted to be interviewed as my best bud, that's when I kinda froze." The taller man explained. "I felt offended, for some reason. Like Being best friends wasn't enough anymore. That day, I knew."
"So after 3 years. That's not so bad. You kept it a secret for that long?" Iwaizumi asked, looking to his left. Ushijima nodded, before taking a deep breath.
"It was kinda too late already. We didn't take the same paths and it didn't take long for him to meet her. Maybe a year or two. I never had the courage to tell him and I was way too blind to see him get away from me." He said, still looking at the sky. Toru stood up quickly, brushing off the dust on his legs and shorts.
"What will you do?" He asked, giving his hand to Hajime, who took it gently. The setter pulled him up, keeping his hand in his.
"Nothing. He's gone. He's married. Nothing really changed, since he's still not mine."
"Call him." Hajime said, taking both men by surprise. He shrugged and smile to the man to his side. "Call him and tell him how you feel. You still need to do that. It's one thing to just tell him not to get married. It's another to tell him why."
Wakatoshi stood up as well, taking the ball in his hands. He looked very thoughtful for a few seconds, before smiling.
"Maybe I'll try."
It took him a month. An entire month to find his true feelings and put them into words. He got help from Oiwaka, who had good communication skills. Together, 2 nights a week, they sat down and talked about Satori's flaws, qualities, pet peeves, favorite things, etc. They talked about what Ushijima felt in different situations and environment. Being alone with the setter made him feel weirdly comfortable and safe. The man listened and patiently rephrased everything Wakatoshi said, making it sound less messy and a little more romantic. An entire month spent with him and the ace started to really respect the man and his views.
"Imagine if you really would've gone to Shiratorizawa." Ushijima said, after finishing writing down the last words of his possible love confession. Oikawa scoffed, rolling his eyes.
"I'd be sad and alone, now. Unless Iwa-chan was part of the deal, of course." He said, winking. Unfazed, the ace nodded, before putting the pen down.
"Right."
"So, when will you read all that to him?"
"I don't know. Maybe next time I see him."
"Yeah, sure. But how will you convince him to see you? Didn't he say you needed a break?"
"It's been a month and a week. That's long enough."
Was he ready? His thoughts were still all over the place but at least he had some kind of plan when it came to actually speaking to the man holding his heart. He wasn't ready to give up on his love yet, so even if he wasn't ready, he had to do something.
"Yeah, I've had enough." He whispred, eyeing his phone on the table. Oikawa's eyes grew wide and his back straightened. His expression became surprised and joyful.
"You're calling him now? Can I stay?" He said, jumping from his seat. He ran to the door, looking through his sport bag. With his phone in hand, Toru ran back to the table, took his seat, and texted his boyfriend. Ushijima took the cellphone, unlocked it and composed the digits he grew scared to press over the last month. He took his time before pressing the call button. His heart was beating fast and his hands became clammy very fast. Oikawa held his breath, texting back and forth with Hajime. When Wakatoshi finally had the courage to call, he looked at his friend for some kind of support. Toru lifted his head, smiling to him and nodding proudly at him.
"Put it on speaker!" Toru pleaded, smiling like a child. Ushijima agreed to the request, pressing the speakerphone icon.
The phone ringed only once, then abruptly stopped.
"Sorry, this number no longer exist. Please try again."