Ushijima was 9 years old when he first thought about holding someone's hand. His left hand felt clammy and awfully needing something to hold onto. He kept hiding his hands behind his back, fidgeting on the same spot on the court. He watched his friend jump high in the air, throwing the basketball for a well prepared three pointer. Ushijima gasped with stars in his eyes.

"You're so cool!" He said, running up to catch the falling ball. 3 pointers were hard for young kids his age. But this one, man, did this kid have power in those arms! Wakatoshi felt envious, but also safe when he was around his friend. Being left-handed at his age meant lots of adults wanting to correct that bad habit of his. Adults ready to punish him for something he felt like he had no power over. Something that felt simply natural.

"It was a perfect shot!" The boy grinned happily to the small left-handed boy, who shyly nodded with the ball in hands. A few others joined the two friends, playing a quick game of 21. Wakatoshi could not concentrate to save his life. His talents in basketball were not great at all, but that was not the reason. All he could do was stare at his friend. The blue eyes, blonde hair and confident attitude kept him in a trance. He wanted to be close to his friend as much as possible. They hugged once. Ushijima will forever remember that moment. He had chills and his arms froze in place while his friend happily embraced the future ace. But today, Wakatoshi tried to watch from afar, wanting to get his heart to relax a bit.

When they went back to class, both Ushijima and his friend were sitting at the far-right corner, in the back of the class. When the teacher started to talk, Wakatoshi leaned on his left hand, while watching outside the window. A few birds were flying from tree to tree, while cars were passing through the large street all the way over the large golden fence of the school.

"You think she'd go out with me?" Ushijima heard his friend whisper gently on his right side. When he looked at the blonde-haired boy, Wakatoshi blinked a few times, getting back to Earth.

"Uh?"

"Akame, you think she'd like me? I want to be her boyfriend." He asked again, this time a bit louder. Ushijima shrugged, before taking a good look at the girl. He frowned, feeling like she'd never be enough for his friend.

"Does she even like sports? I like sports." He mumbled, before leaving his friend to his own hopes and dreams. Why can't he want to be with me? I'm way stronger than her! He thought, closing his hands into fists on his sides. Maybe he'd need to be even stronger, or better at sports for his friend to really see him the way Wakatoshi wanted to be seen.

His first heartbreak came a few weeks after that day.

"I'm going back to Osaka. My parents want to go back." The boy said, throwing the ball up in the air over his head. Both boys were laying on the grass, watching the sky, when he gave Wakatoshi the bad news. It took him a few seconds to fully understand to weight of his friend's words. He was leaving the school. He was leaving him.

"Can't you stay here? My dad is going away too and I stay here. You could stay with me." He said, still fixating on the clouds over his head. He felt sad and didn't know how to fix the situation. Kids don't have control over those kinds of things and he already knew it was something he hated. He doesn't have a choice. When his friend looked at him funny, Ushijima smiled, without getting anything back.

"Why do you want me to stay so bad. You can make other friends. I made new friends here. Plus, we can still write to each other or call." He said, half laughing, half wondering why the air around them changed a bit. Wakatoshi shrugged and crossed both arms over his chest, still looking up.

"Because I like you. You're fun to be around. I don't want you to leave." Wakatoshi said while turning on his side. He was eyeing the boy's fading smile, until he himself felt his smile disappear.

"I know you like me, we're friends!" The boys said, half laughing, half wondering if the words Ushijima let out of his mouth were really the ones he wanted to use. When Wakatoshi frowned, pulling at the grass between his left hand, something clicked in the other child's mind. "You can't like me. I'm a boy. That's weird." He said, huffing while getting up. He took his bag and put it on his shoulder, getting ready to walk away.

"I like you… just as a friend." Ushijima said, bringing both hands behind his back. What was that feeling? Nervousness?

"You can't lie to me, Waka. You like me!" He frowned, almost whining in disgust. Ushijima stood up quickly, not knowing what to do. The only thing he had in mind was trying to calm his friend down, so he did something he never really thought through.

He grabbed his friend's hand, pulling him into a hug. The boy froze in the embrace, completely shocked. "I'll miss you." Wakatoshi said, smiling into his friend's shoulder. What he did not expect was to fall back down on the ground. The boy pushed him away, grimacing like a kid eating veggies.

"Ew, Waka. Stop that. That's so weird." He said, before running away. That day, Wakatoshi felt so many different emotions, he never really forgot any of it. Those were the last words his friend ever said to him. For his last week, the boy ignored Wakatoshi and ran away from him faking being sick or simply saying they weren't friends anymore.

After that, Ushijima stopped expressing his feelings. He stopped wanting to hold hands and he stopped being emotionally expressive. It wasn't a simple thing to do, of course, but as a child his age, there was no gray area to figure out the world. "People don't like when you say you like them, so don't.". That is what went thought his head. He started to wonder how to talk to his friends. How to stand in front of a group. One day, he wondered how to talk without being too straight forward. He wondered about so many things, he stopped talking as much as he did before. He focused or other things like volleyball and school. He focused on getting stronger. The more his friends started to talk about girls, the more he felt angry and alone, but also silent. He did not felt as though girls were interesting as much as they should be. He did have one girl friend, but that was as platonic and normal as one could imagine for a boy his age.

On his first day of high school, Wakatoshi met a strange looking teenager. His red hair and depressed expression were out shinning anything else around him. When he first talked to the boy, he quickly understood that that depressed attitude was temporary and fading as fast as he could say "I'm the ace.". Tendo joined the volleyball team and his smile became even bigger, just like his conversations and interest in Wakatoshi. He became the shinning boy with weird hair. The goofy friend who could make Ushijima smile every once in a while. He became a spark to the later flame that burned his entire heart and soul.

"Tendo-san, you mind being my partner for this?" Satori heard a woman ask from the desk behind his. When he turned around, he noticed he was probably a few years older than her. Most students were maybe two or three years younger than him, but he didn't mind at all. It wasn't a competition. He entered this class for his own restaurant. Something he took pride in.

"Sure! Thanks for asking.!" He said, lifting his chair to move closer to the girl. Solar was her name. They started the recipe together, somehow balancing each other's talent and needs around the kitchen. Tendo thought she'd make a perfect assistant to his restaurant, but then again, the wife might not like that idea. "So, do you have your own shop?" She asked, while mixing the egg York into a large bowl. Satori lifted his eyes from his own task, before smiling gently.

"Not a shop. I do have a restaurant. I'm just… expanding my knowledge a bit." He explained, looking hopeful and proud.

"That's nice. I hope to one day take my father's bakery. It's in Tokyo, though. So I have to be careful and know lots of things for the tourists to appreciate the experience." She said, quite nervously.

"Well, I don't think you should stress that much about tourists, I mean… They came to Japan for the japan experience, not to get something they already have back home. They want what you have to offer, anything else is just boring and plain." He said, getting back to work. The woman's eyes grew wide, while her mouth fell agape.

"Wow, you're right." She whispered, slowly getting back to the eggs.

"Do your thing, or your father's thing. The rest is not important." Tendo said, smiling to himself. "This one time, I got a very rich client to my restaurant. He wanted this Finnish dish, I don't even remember the name. I told him I managed a Japanese restaurant and he left. The money doesn't really matters when you have a good foundation. If the people already know your establishment, they are supposed to know what they are buying as well. If they know, they'll come back. Don't change a winning recipe for strangers. I'm sure your father's shop is unique and that's interesting, even for tourists." He added, taking other ingredients. The woman couldn't stop smiling, until her eyes fell on his frozen hands. She smirked and got closer to him, before chuckling softly.

"You forgot the baking powder and the lemons." She said, getting a big nod from Satori, who was trying to remember what he needed.

"Ahhh right! Thanks. Childish mistake, sorry." He said, cringing at himself.

"That's ok. You can make one mean lemon cake, so I forgive you." She said playfully, getting back to work. Satori laughed, shaking his head.

"I barely slept, so I think my memory is not at its best today." He said, almost yawning.

"This class is harder than it looks." His colleague said.

Satori agreed, while thinking about the real reason he didn't get his full 8 hours of sleep. A very long phone call with the wife can shorten his sleeping time for sure. They managed to avoid fighting, this time. She asked him lots of questions about his classes, before getting to the real reason she called.

Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Tendo remembers the tone of her voice. Harsh and annoyed, like a mother trying to force her child to do the chores. "He isn't a great friend." "He doesn't like me." "His friend Oikawa isn't a good person either." Blablabla. Tendo knew something was up with her. She was insecure, full of doubts and speculations. "I'd feel better if you'd erase his number." She told him, while brushed his teeth. His night routine was now compromised and filled with negative vibes he did not want nor expected. It was 3:45am when he finally decided to end the conversation.

"If you want me to talk about him, I'll do that when I get back. But for now, please let me focus on school." He said, cutting her rant short. He heard her breathe in, then out, before agreeing. Satori didn't even know what they should talk about, but what he did know was that it was a really bad idea. Which led him to think. Think for 3 or 4 hours without closing his eyes., hence the dark circles and the short-term memory being complete shit.

"I tried to drink tea before going to bed, but it gives me nightmares, so I stopped. Now I drink hot milk. It's weirdly soothing." The girl said, trying to start a good conversation.

Tendo chuckled, before grimacing a bit. "I like chai tea." He said, remembering the last one he had. With Wakatoshi the last time they spoke. "Maybe I should try to drink tea in the evening too." He mumbled, trying to get out of his own head.

"Well, if you want, we could go drink something and talk about our respective workplaces. Trade some tricks and tips." The girl said, not at all showing any kind of shyness in her tone or expression. Satori was taken aback slightly, but he still kindly accepted, finding the idea to be interesting enough. He just needed to be sure it wasn't a date or anything of the sort.

"Yeah, sure. I just have to call my wife and chat for a bit around 8pm, if that's ok." He said, casually mentioning his life situation. The girl nodded while reading the instruction in the manual.

"Sure, no problem." She said, before looking back to him. "Was that a sneaky way of saying you were taken?" She asked, smirking to him. Satori blushed a bit, before chuckling.

"Sorry, not so subtle, I guess. I just don't want to make you think I'm leading you on or anything." He kindly explained, making the girl purse her lips, holding in a laugh. "What?" He asked, confused and amused at the same time.

"It was not subtle, but I could've done the same thing. My boyfriend is managing the place I wanted to take you to." She explained, making Tendo laugh and relax.

They worked together through their baking class, before making the arrangements for their evening.

The bar was…different than what Tendo was expecting. A bit unconventional and surprising. The walls were covered with paintings and pictures of Japan. There was a huge shelf with books on it, showing off close to 200 books for the customers to read while drinking. The music was calm and welcoming to Satori's ears. The lights were bright and adjusted differently in each and every corners of the store/bar/shop. Tendo didn't really know what to call the place, so he turned to his new friend and confusedly asked away.

"What is this place?" He asked in awe. His eyes roamed the entire place until they landed on a huge black board, displaying a menu. "Jackson's Ts!" Was the bar's name.

"That, my friend, is my boyfriend's tea bar." She said, opening her arms widely in front of her. "My boyfriend's idea of a relaxing bar, where you can drink tea and chat, or even read books alone. Jackson wanted to create a bar environment, but without the alcohol. He's been sober for 4 years, now. But his dream of having a bar never changed, not really anyway. So they serve coffee, tea and healthy drinks." She said proudly, looking for the man who stole her heart. Satori looked around, wondering lots of different things all at once.

"That's actually brilliant! So the books, you can read them on a stool or on one of the couches?" He asked, or rather thought out loud.

"Yes! Also, depending on the style of reading you're in for, the lighting of the corners of the bar are all different, just like the paintings and overall décor. If you want to read a thriller or horror story, you could read it somewhere normal like a stool at the bar, or at the creepy corner." She said, happily pointing to the red dimed lights. When Satori took a better look, he saw the dark pictures of creepy forests and black couches, all setting the mood really well for that kind of reading.

"Ok, this is awesome." He said, looking back to the girl, who could not agree more.

"Pick a corner and I'll meet you there in a few minutes." She said, letting Satori wonder a bit further in this interesting place alone. After taking a few steps towards the green and blue LED lights of the left corner, Satori smiled to the woman approaching with the menu in her hands.

"Thank you very much." He said, kindly taking the item from her hands. When he sat down on the couch forming an "L", he immediately looked for some kind of vibe. A sign as to how he should feel or pose himself. His eyes freely looked around. Some people were slouching, head deep in a book. Others were happily conversing and laughing with their friends. For a quick second, there, he felt completely alone and isolated. Being alone is not a big deal for Tendo Satori. He's been used to that. But being isolated was new. Like he was not a part of anything. Why was he suddenly feeling like that? He could not have a normal conversation with his beautiful wife. He absolutely did not want to have one with his presumed best friend. He was far from his friends and deep in his thoughts. Who can I talk to? When Satori could not come up with an answer, his heart started to beat a bit faster. His eyebrows furrowed and his stance became rigid and tense. Maybe I should go ba-

"Hey, you ok?" His teammate asked, with a concerned look on her face and a man locked to her left arm. The man looked at Satori with a confused expression, before extending a hand.

"Hi, I'm Choi San, or just San." He introduced himself, bowing slightly forward. His beautiful skin and style shook Satori out of his thoughts, making him get up quickly. He smiled back at both his friend and her boyfriend.

Hello, nice to meet you." He said, trying to forget his tiny moment of negativity and insecurities. "This place is… so special." He said, making the man force a weird smile. "Not in a bad way, I swear! I just, I've never seen this kind of bar. It's very unique. I like that a lot." Tendo said, trying to catch his mistake. When he cringed at himself, San laughed, shaking his hand anyway.

"It's all good. I think I get that answer from a lot more people than I'd like to admit." He said, taking a seat on the couch. "You chose my favorite spot." He said, leaning back a bit, extending his arm to catch a book. On the cover, Satori could read "Silent Spring" It was written by Rachel Carson. Satori did not read a single page out of that book, but it did not stop him from commenting on the content.

"Nature and ecology?" He asked quickly, wondering what the overall vibe wanted in this corner would end up being.

San smirked, before nodding slowly. "I'm impressed. You are actually in the 'Nature and Science' corner. A bit of astrology here and there, but yeah, environment reading can't harm us, can it?" He explained, taken aback by Satori's quick answer.

"Hence the green and blue lights and the pictures of forests." His girlfriend added, proudly leaning on her boyfriend. "Do you know what you want to drink?" She asked, reminding Satori he had a menu in his hands.

"Oh, um…" He looked over the items quickly, before choosing the on in one of the pictures used for reference. "I'll take a green tea smootie." He said, giving the menu to the waitress who was listening closely. She smiled and turned to her boss, who simply asked for his usual. Solar asked for an organic passion fruits kombucha, making Satori grimace at the thought. He hated the taste of those drinks, healthy or not.

Their evening went smoothly. They shared book ideas and somewhat similar views on bars and healthy food restaurants. They talked a lot about their shared class. About having to manage a company one day (right now for Tendo). His mind did not go back to his insecurities a single time. When they walked out after 2 hours, he felt great. Like the air was fresher and his body a bit lighter. So, when his phone started to buzz uncontrollably, it made him wonder. He wondered if his evening was too good to be true.

"I think my wife is trying to reach me, so I'll get going, now." He said, smiling gratefully to Solar, who nodded in comprehension.

"Yeah, you better answer that. See you tomorrow." She said, waving happily. "I had a great time, Tendo-san." She kindly said, before hiding her cold hands in her coat. When she walked away, Tendo's smile started to fade, as his phone kept buzzing. Though it was not the kind of buzz he felt of heard from a call notification. Someone was texting him.

Someone was texting him a lot.

When he finally took his phone and brought the screen in front of his eyes, he held his breath. He had a weird feeling he could not shake. The texts were from a group conversation on Facebook. His phone kept buzzing and showing new messages, full of emojis and all caps words. He read the group name out loud and felt his good humor slip away. It went away, pulling with it the lightness of his body and the freshness of the air.

"Ushiwaka got his first date" He whispered to himself, scrolling down through the numerous messages of envy and happiness in the group chat. Lots of "OMG" and "Finally!" from his friends from school or the National Team. Some Karasuno alumni even commented in there.

"What the fuck." Satori mumbled under his breath, not ready to fully understand the situation. His first date! Wakatoshi was having a conversation about his first date and Satori was walking back to his hotel room, wondering why he felt that angry and left out. Was he being left out by his friends? Of course not, otherwise, he would not be included in that group chat. Why didn't Ushijima text him about that news? He knew why. He knew and he could not even tell it to himself without feeling ashamed and lost. Because you turned your back on him. Twice. He was being left out of Wakatoshi's life and for that, his heart started to beat even quicker. The air was cold, tonight. He could see it exiting his mouth with every breath he took. When he leaned against a building wall, his eye closed and he winced, feeling suddenly attacked by his own body. Was his heart getting erratic because of the cold? His let himself slide against the bricks, bringing both hands to his face. "What the fuck." He whispered again, but this time, his voice broke a bit. What's happening to him? His vision became blurry and his nose started to hitch. Am I really crying? He thought, wiping at his face. It was his own fault and actions that led him to leave that part of himself behind. Because yes, his relationship with Wakatoshi was a big part of who he was. Satori felt as if that sudden information about dating was a slap across the face. A window closed. You wanted this, you idiot. He thought, clutching at his phone. When he heard the ringtone, he knew who it was. His breathing had to get back to normal. His voice had to stay normal and strong. Like a normal person. With normal emotions. With his wife's picture on the screen, his finger swiped right, answering the call. After two deep breaths, he answered.

"Hey. How are you?" He asked, sniffing and getting up.

"I'm ok. You?" The woman asked with a serious voice. She did not sound too happy to begin that conversation.

"A bit cold, I'm walking back to the hotel." Satori said, watching the dark sky as with feet begin to move.

"You're out? What were you doing?" She asked, curiosity and maybe a drop of jealousy in her tone.

"I went for a drink with new friends. A couple." He explained, rolling his red and puffy eyes.

Here we go.

"Oh. Do you want me to call back when you're inside?" She asked, making him shake his head alone.

"No, it's ok. I'll manage to survive." He said, wondering how that conversation might evolve into a Ushijima Wakatoshi oral presentation. "So, what did you want me to talk about? Where do I begin?" He asked, not really convincing his wife he was ok.

"I know you told me to let it go until you got back, but I just want to talk about one last thing, Satori." She said, exasperation already in her voice. Silence filled the air for a few seconds. Satori heard her breathing loudly in her phone before he did the same.

"Ask away."

"Did you ever love him?" His feet stopped in their tracks. His eyes closed again.

"Why is this so important to you? We are married. Doesn't my loyalty and vows mean nothing to you?"

"Just… please answer me." She said, not wanting to answer his question first.

"Yeah, yes. Yes, I loved him. My entire high school life. Are you happy, now?" He almost shouted in the phone while watching the stars, as if his words would magically reach them and fly until they arrived in Wakatoshi's ears. Please don't go on that stupid date. The woman never dared answering after that. Satori still felt his phone buzz because of the group chat, so he turned off the notifications quickly, feeling his anger being misplaced and getting out of control. "But that doesn't matter anymore. You hear me? I married you."

"But am I the love of your life?" He could hear her cry. His heart was bleeding at the thought of making her cry. It was a sad thing, love. In his mind, she was the logical choice. She was the girl he wanted to marry one day. And he did. So why did he felt as though he didn't get a happy ending?

"You're the best thing that happened to me." He whispered, slowly arriving at the red light. When he pushed the button to walk across the street, she sniffed. He could hear her shaky breath.

"Since high school. Since he went away. Do you think I would still be, if he wasn't a pro athlete?" She calmly asked, trying to get her emotions under control. She wasn't a controlling person in general. She never wanted to keep him in a cage. Tendo Satori was meant for great things. At least that's the first impression he gave her when she tasted his food at their first date. She thought he was gentle and attentive. So, when they finally had a real conversation, without harsh words or overflowing emotions and stress, she remembered.

He's a good man.

"I don't know." He answered, feeling guilt and regret. He could almost imagine sad music playing in the background, like in a movie or drama show.

Tendo always thought she was driven. A conscious and vibrant mind. She could light up the room with her smile and carefree eyes. So when the street light turned green for him to cross, he remembered she always cared. She was there for him their entire life together. She helped him figure out his way through college and through most of his adult life. This time was not different.

"I'll go at my dad's for a few weeks. We can figure out what to do when I get back. Can you take that time to get the answers you're looking for, Satori?" She said, now clearly crying. Tendo felt like shit. His hotel wasn't that far, but he felt as though a mountain just showed itself in front of him. He swallowed, before nodding to himself.

"I'm so sorry." He said, wiping his own tears.

"I know."