How to Make a Family
Helluva Boss and all related characters belong to Vivziepop
Blitzo tucked one passed out hellpuppy in on the guest bed, as he was willing to sleep out on the couch. However before head could meet sofa, Barbie stopped him by grabbing him by the shoulder and pulling him to the farthest side of the apartment, lest Loona be woken.
"You need to tell me you have a plan Blitz." Barbie said as her brother just rolled his eyes.
"Oh I see, you think I can't handle being a dad is that it?" Blitzo said as Barbie's glare made him realize now may not be the time for levity.
"Look I wasn't about to have her go through what we went through alright?!" Blitzo said as Barbie sighed in acknowledgement.
"I understand that but... You barely make enough to support yourself, now you've got another mouth to feed... And I'm sorry, I can't be your back up plan." Barbie said as Blitzo now looked angry.
"Oh because of your big music career just taking off like a fucking rocket? Yeah real nice mansion here sis!" He quietly ranted, not wanting to risk waking up Loona, as he motioned around to the apartment in general.
"Low blow Blitzo!" Barbie all but hissed out, her pronunciation of his name being done just to irritate him further.
"I knew I should've gone to Tilla, she'd have understood. It's a long ass drive, but it would've been better than here!" Blitzo said as he was about to go grab Loona and head out, but was yanked by his tail backwards, as Barbie glared at him with enough vitriol to make Lucifer himself wince.
"When are you going to learn you can't just do whatever the fuck you want, consequences be damned?" Barbie said in a low growl, Blitzo was about to say something in response, but a sudden step forward from his twin caused him to reconsider.
"You make barely enough to get by... You somehow adopt a kid which I can only guess happened because they were either too full up, didn't want her, or she's too much trouble, or some combination of the three... And you do this, DESPITE the fact you're barely into your twenties. My music career isn't taking off? Well how the fuck is that comedy career of yours?" Barbie said in a low growl as Blitzo just stared at her, but before a response could be given she just sighed.
"... I know you want to help her Blitz... I know you want to make sure she doesn't put up with the shit we did... But you always do this, you always make a life altering decision without thinking anything through. Remember when we turned 18? I wanted to stay with Tilla, actually have a stable place to stay, but you decided you could make it on your own and we didn't see you for a fucking year, and had no idea if you were alive or dead... Tilla told me to let it go. That it was just you figuring things out... But we both know that's not it... You decided it would be easier for Tilla to help just one of us, and you removed yourself from the equation... Because somehow, after all this time, you still don't think anyone loves you." Barbie said, never once breaking eye contact with her brother.
"That's a fucking lie! You know what Tilla did for us, or tried to, you think I-" Blitzo began but Barbie intervened with a hand over his mouth before his voice could get high enough to wake Loona.
"You love easily Blitz... Heaven above, you might just love too much, Satan knows we should all have that problem... But you never stop to really think about that maybe, just maybe, people love you just as much." Barbie said as she took her hand off his mouth. Turning her back to him, she took a deep breath.
"You can stay here for a couple of months Blitzo, but in the mean time I need you to promise me, and I mean I want you to swear on Mom's grave... You are going to find a better job, because I can't support you both indefinitely." Barbie said as she felt Blitzo's arms wrap around her back, his tail curling around to make the hug a little tighter.
"... I love you Barb... And thanks... Just... I... I knew this was going to be a bitch of a thing to do, but that kid in there... I've only known her a week and a day, and I can't imagine not being there for her... I promise I'll do right by her... Just... I need a little boost, that's all. Two months and I'll be out of your horns." Blitzo said as Barbie turned around in the hug, and returned it.
"Okay... Two months." Barbie said as the door to the spare bedroom opened, as Loona walked out... Tears in her eyes.
"I had a bad dream..." She said. At the orphanage she would always just end up crying herself back to sleep, but here, with her new family, she hoped...
"Aw come here Loony." Blitzo was on her in a second, holding her close and stroking her hair. Soon another pair of arms were around her too, she looked to see her new aunt smiling down at her.
"It's alright... We're right here." Barbie said as Loona began to cry a little harder, not of sadness or fear... But of pure happiness. Her new family didn't have much... But they were there, and for her... That's all that mattered.
NEXT DAY, OTHERSIDE OF TOWN
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T COME OUT UNTIL FRIDAY?! MY ROOF IS LEAKING RIGHT NOW!" Moxxie yelled into the phone as Millie walked past, a yellow rain poncho on, as she headed to put down another bucket. The roof was indeed leaking, with about 15 different long streams of water coming down all across the living room alone. Moxxie for his part was just holding an umbrella as he had been on the phone all morning with every repairman he could find, trying to get them to come out as soon as possible.
"WELL SAME TO YOU BUDDY!" Moxxie yelled as he hung the phone up, slamming it down on the counter angrily... The counter itself breaking on one side and going lopsided.
"DAMMIT ALL TO-" Moxxie began to rant, but instantly felt Millie pull him into a hug from behind.
"Calm down, you're gonna have a panic attack!" She said as she rubbed his head, trying to calm him down. It helped, but only so much.
"Look honey, maybe we might wanna consider something a bit more... Profitable than-" Millie began as Moxxie pulled himself free from the hug.
"My music IS going to make it big! Everyone will come for miles around to hear me cover the greatest hits of the theater!" Moxxie said as Millie immediately tried to do damage control.
"And they will, but what I'm sayin' is we need somethin' that's gonna give us the cash we need right now. Just a temp job or somethin', both of us, that way we can get the house fixed, then focus on our careers." Millie said, as Moxxie slowly nodded, knowing she was talking sense.
"Yeah I guess we-" Moxxie was cut off by the gigantic torrent of water that just burst though the kitchen behind them.
"Wanna go to the hotel down the street tonight? Because if I stay in this house any longer I'm going to say somethings that no one wants to hear." Moxxie said through gritted teeth as Millie nodded her head and went up stairs to get a spare change of clothes for both of them. Thankfully the wardrobe the house came with hadn't leaked yet at least... It was just floating down the staircase.
"MOXXIE LOOK OUT!" Millie shouted as she barely avoided the wardrobe rushing down the stairs, as Moxxie ended up getting slammed by it and launched outside the house into the muddy yard outside, rain still pouring down heavily washing him mostly clean.
"ARE YOU OKAY SWEETIE?!" Millie called as she ran outside.
"... Temp jobs huh... Yeah... Sounds fun... Take me to the hospital." Moxxie said as Millie loaded him into the car.
ONE WEEK LATER
"Why do I have to go to school?" Loona asked as Blitzo looked over at Barbie for an answer, as he was honestly wondering the same thing. Sighing, the female imp packed Loona's newly purchased backpack with a baggie that contained a sandwich and juice box.
"Because, Blitz needs to find a new job and he can't properly look for one if he has to keep an eye on you." Barbie said as Loona began to look worried.
"But he's a clown! Isn't that a good job?!" Loona exclaimed as Blitzo, begrudingly, had to explain things to her.
"Well you see it's a good job if you're by yourself, but if you've got someone to take care of, like I take care of you, then you need a better job." Blitzo explained, hoping to Satan that would be the end of it.
"Oh, okay... But why do I need to go to school though?! The orphanage made me go I don't like it! All the stuff is too hard!" Loona said as she stomped a paw down huffily, crossing her arms. Barbie leaned down and handed her backpack to her.
"You need school so if what you want to do doesn't work out, you can do something else, isn't that right Brother dear?" Barbie asked as Blitzo rolled his eyes.
"Well yeah, but..." He began before a pointed tail covertly jabbed him in his side, making him flinch.
"Right, you're Aunt's right!" Blitzo said as they got ready, and Blitzo headed out with Loona, both half heartedly waving to Barbie as the door shut. In the van Blitzo sighed as he noticed Loona's rather sour expression. Well a parenting moment was happening, so he thought it best to make it count...
"Ya know school is like jail right? Trust me, I've been to both. You do your time, you get out. Just don't watch the clock, it makes things worse." Blitzo said as Loona didn't meet his gaze at all as they pulled up to the school.
"Hey, I promise I'll be here to pick you up okay? And we'll go to Hella Burger after, sound good?" Blitzo said as Loona seemed to perk up at that. Looking up at him, he saw a small smile.
"There's the smile!" He said as he poked at her belly, making her laugh, her paws trying in vain to slap his hand away.
"Nuh uh!" The hellpup laughed out as she opened the door, grabbing her backpack.
"You promise you'll be here?" Loona asked, as Blitzo just nodded with a smile. And with that Loona took a deep breath and headed for the doors of the school.
ELSEWHERE
To say Stolas was having a bad day would be an understatement. While it was true he had no engagements today, and was indeed trying to enjoy his time in his garden, the fact remained he had absolutely nothing going on... Which irked him quite a bit. It was this nagging feeling that refused to go away. As if he felt like he should be doing something more important, and yet the idea of what that could be was totally lost on him.
"DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!" An excitable voice called out as he turned and saw the light of his life running up from her playhouse .
"What is it Via dear?" Stolas asked, smiling as the four year old leaped into his arms, her little face beaming up at him with so much love. To think, all those centuries married, and he missed Stella's fertile cycle all that time before finally hitting the proverbial jackpot. He'd never trade his time with his daughter for anything, and he hoped she would always know that.
"I found a shiny rock!" Octavia said as she held the smooth reflective stone up. Stolas nodded with a small smile on his face as he saw his daughter's face beaming face. Slowly the smile faded as he realized the absolute horrible truth...
"SCHOOL!" He exclaimed as he rushed into the manor, Octavia giggling at the sudden movement believing it to be some sort of game.
"Oh your mother will have my head for this one! You should've been there an hour ago!" The Goetic Prince said as he got his grimoire ready and opened a portal to Octavia's kindergarten.
"Be good for your teachers and tell them that they'll be getting a good donation from me!" Stolas waved as Octavia excitedly ran in.
"Bye bye Daddy! I love you!" She called as Stolas waved.
"I love you-" Stolas began... as in his haste his portal closed... with the grimoire still in the manor on the other side...
"... Too sweetheart." The owl demon lamely said as he sighed, feeling his pockets for two items he really hoped were there... Well at least one of the two he could deal with.
"No phone... No wallet... And the mansion is... Ten miles away... Lovely." As Stolas was about to begin his sure to be dreary walk home, a van stopped next to him.
"Hey buddy, you need a ride?" Stolas looked and saw a rather lanky imp behind the wheel in a black suit and tie.
"Oh, well-" Stolas began, as the imp waved his hand around.
"Hey, don't worry I'm not gonna sell your organs or anything, just I really need to get to a job interview and if you're in here I can use the carpool lane." The imp said as Stolas had but one question.
"Are you going 10 miles that way?" Stolas asked as he pointed to the the direction of his mansion. The imp shrugged.
"Twenty miles, but eh sure I can drop ya off." He said as he leaned over and opened the door, the rather tall owl cramming himself inside the van.
"Hope ya like metal." The imp said as Stolas was about to interject, but before he could Rob Zombie's Dragula began to blare, as the car drove off full speed as Stolas REALLY began to regret this decision right now as they barreled down the highway, barely missing other cars. While it was true as a noble of Hell he couldn't die unless angelic weaponry was involved... He still felt pain, and would probably be laid up for quite a while if they crashed... A predicament he was in no way fond of pondering. As the song ended and the news came on, the imp groaned and turned the radio off.
"Ugh, if I wanted to know the news I'd actually watch the news! Not that I do watch the news, since it's all just a scam to keep ratings up." The imp complained as Stolas gave him a look and was about to say something to that statement, but the imp changed topics rather swiftly.
"So what were ya doin' outside a kindergarten? Lemme tell ya pal, if you're a sinner and just got here, yeah we natural borns take the same kinda dim view on pedo fuckery as they do topside." The imp said as he almost swerved into another vehicle, making Stolas twitch just a bit.
"I was dropping my daughter off, and I'm not a sinner, I'm-" Stolas began, but was cut off by the imp.
"OH you're a dad too huh?! Yeah kids change your world don't they? Name's Blitz." The imp said as he held out his free hand for Stolas to shake.
"A pleasure I'm sure, I'm Prince-" The owl demon began but ended up, once again, cut off by Blitzo.
"Prince?! Didn't hear you died! What'd you do to end up here? I mean Under the Cherry Moon wasn't THAT bad a movie!" Blitzo said as Stolas was about to correct him, but saw his mansion coming up.
"This is my stop!" Stolas all but yelled as he was looking for any chance to get out without any broken bones.
"Oh work at a mansion! Hey, hold on!" Blitzo swung the car to the side of the road and pulled out a rather poorly made business card, with his name, the O crossed out on the end, and number.
"If they're hirin' let me know! Need anything done I'm your man! No job too little or too small!" Blitzo said as he drove off, high speed away from the front gate of the mansion.
"... Odd little imp. But remember what mother always said Stolas, odd can be useful." Stolas said to himself as he pocketed the card and entered the mansion.
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