How to Make a Family
Helluva Boss and all related characters belong to Vivziepop
"Mr... Blitzo?" An incubus said, unsure of the name as the "O" had been crossed out several times... Yet still clearly an "O"
"Uh actually the 'O' is silent..." Blitzo said as he coughed a bit, looking around the strip club. The incubus looked him over and gave a lazy nod.
"Uh huh... You do know we don't usually hire imps right? AND before you go into a tirade about race politics, it's because imps are a niche thing and we don't have the budget for niche kinks." The incubus said, in an extremely dull tone.
"I'm actually here for the bouncer job." Blitzo said as the incubus actually did a double take on that one. An imp... as a bouncer. Imps were only about as durable as humans generally, and given some of the rougher clientele the club usually got...
"Yeeeeeeeeah, the position's already filled." The incubus said as Blitzo saw through the obvious lie.
"Listen here you cock sucking-" The imp was cut off as a door swung open, two succubi tumbling out.
"TAKE THAT BACK YOU STUPID WHORE!" The succubus with long white hair yelled, as the other combatant of this little catfight growled.
"IF THE FUCKIN' SHOE FITS YOU-" The other succubus, who had her hair in a mohawk, shot back as she got on top of her white haired opponent and began choking her out. Blitzo, thinking fast, smashed a barstool over the mohawked succubi's head, knocking her out. With her grip released, her opponent could now breath, taking several deep breathes as she rubbed her throat.
"Thanks for that... Ugh stupid bitch." The succubis said as she got up, then kicked her unconscious foe for good measure. Looking over at the incubus behind the bar.
"And thank YOU for all the help Randy!" She said, sarcasm dripping from every word. The incubus just shrugged as he leaned on the bar.
"What? I'm supposed to jump in every time you girls get your panties in a fucking twist?" He said as Blitzo, decided this was a good time to make his move.
"Hi, name's Blitz, the 'O' is silent and anyone who says different is a shit mouthed liar. I'm your new bouncer." He said, shaking the succubi's hand before she could really react.
"Bouncer huh? About fucking time we got one." The succubus said as she glared at Randy who looked indignant at the response... But sighed as did see Blitzo acted... fairly fast to the fight and did end it...
"Yeah he's our new bouncer... On a trial basis. Doesn't shake out before payday, he's gone. Sound fair?" Randy said, looking directly at Blitzo.
"Deal!" He said, still shaking the succubi's hand, as she laughed a bit... But then said
"Going to need that hand back."
Blitzo then let go and chuckled a bit as he straightened his tie.
"Yeah sorry, miss..." He said, letting the sentence dangle a bit for her to answer.
"Verosika." She said with a smile... A smile he returned.
3 HOURS LATER
"That was... Wow..." Verosika said as she laid in the back of Blitzo's van, her eyes still wide, Blitzo next to her, both covered in sweat.
"Yeah... Can't believe we've been at it for-" Blitzo began as he looked at the time on the dashboard...
"OH SHIT!" The imp yelled as he scrambled all over the inside of the van grabbing his clothes and trying to get them on as fast as possible.
"What is it?!" Verosika exclaimed as she saw Blitzo have a freak out.
"I GOTTA PICK UP LOONA IN 10 MINUTES!" He shouted as he crawled up to the front seat, started the van and floored it, Verosika along for the ride now it seemed.
"WHO! IS! LOONA?!" Verosika screamed as she was bounced around in the back of the van, as Blitzo tried to avoid oncoming traffic... As he had swerved into a one way street.
"MY DAUGHTER!" Blitzo screamed as he tried to get to the school on time against all logistics of space-time.
"QUICK GET IN THE FRONT SEAT! CARPOOL LANE IS FASTER!" Blitzo ranted as he all but yanked Verosika up, who barely had time to grab her jacket to at least somewhat cover herself. With only one minute to spare... Blitzo made a hard right turn as he flipped the van, causing it to roll straight into a parking spot perfectly.
"Like a glove!" Blitzo said as Verosika... Was stunned beyond belief.
"Blitz!" Loona cried out as she saw him waiting, running up as fast as she could go, leaping into the van through the open window.
"You did come on time!" Loona said as Blitzo looked over at Verosika, who Loona had yet to register was in the van quite yet, as he chuckled nervously.
"Yeah... Always do." The imp said as Loona sniffed around, and looked at Verosika who had snapped out of her shock and just gave a small wave, having quickly zipped up her jacket, lest the eight year old see something.
"Who are you and why do you smell like the teachers lounge?" Loona asked... As Verosika and Blitzo shared a look... then had to just laugh at the implications.
"I'm Verosika, sweetie, your dad and I work at the same club now." The succubus said, as Loona's eyes lit up.
"Ooooh! So you're doing the stand up thing you were talking about?!" Loona asked as she looked at Blitzo, who just chuckled nervously.
"Hey uh... Who's hungry?! I promised ya Hella Burger didn't I?" Blitzo said as the hellpuppy almost howled, literally, with excitement.
"Hella Burger huh? Sure I could..." Verosika began as Blitzo gave her a pleading look, which she was able to read.
"... Split a burger?" She said as he nodded with a smile, and mouthed a "thanks" at her.
"So what do you do at that club?" Loona asked Verosika now really wished the kid wasn't so cute.
"Yeah tell her all about it!" Blitzo said... as he shook his head "no" rapidly when Loona's back was to him.
"Oh well I... Dance?" The succubus said, really that WAS the safest definition of what she did.
"Oh! Can I do that when I get-" Loona began as Blitzo slammed on the breaks.
"OH LOOK AT THAT WE'RE HERE!"
"That will be $12.45 ma'am." Moxxie said as he rang up another customer. Today was his and Millie's first day at Hella Burger and he could honestly say hated it with a passion. He was a musician and a damned good one if he said so himself, and as such did not belong in the fast food industry, not by a long shot. Sighing he looked over at Millie, who was humming happily as she wiped down tables nearby.
"That woman could find the bright spot in anything... Then again that's why I married her..." Moxxie said as he smiled happily. Suddenly a wad of bills were slammed on the counter, making him snap back to reality.
"Yeah give us a number three and a kids meal, add bacon then add extra bacon on the kids meal, and root beers all around. Oh and if there's any sign of an onion on my number three I WILL cause a scene, got that?" A rather tall imp with long horns and a white splotch over one side of his face, said as Moxxie frantically tried to put his order in.
"Ah I'm just fuckin' with ya, but yeah no seriously no onions." The taller imp said as Moxxie handed him his change and, sighing in relief.
"Have a good day." Moxxie said as the taller Imp's food came up.
"You too... Maxie." The taller imp said, as he eyed Moxxie's nametag, walking off to a table before Moxxie could correct him. At this point Millie walked up, and looked at the table the tall imp went to, a succubus and a hellhound puppy sitting at it.
"Would ya look at that Moxxie? Ain't it just darlin'? A nice family meal out..." Millie said as she looked dead on at Moxxie, her eyes beaming with what could only be described as both admiration and yearning, a look Moxxie knew was equally towards him and the rather odd family at the table nearby.
"Kinda makes ya wanna get started a bit early on the kids don't it?" She said huskily, as Moxxie gulped a bit.
"Now Millie we both-" Her husband began before she giggled.
"I know, I know, get settled first then the kids, I know. Can't blame a gal for tryin' though can ya?" She said with a smile as they went back to work.
A FEW HOURS LATER
After a grueling shift the two imps made their way to their hotel room, as it would be another 2 days before they're roof was fixed. Not even changing out of their uniforms they plopped down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Just a little while longer sweetie. It's a rough patch I know, but we're gonna get through it and..." Millie said, talking idly about all their plans, as... Moxxie was wrapped up in his own thoughts.
'She looked so happy when she saw them... I know she wants a family, but... I don't know if...' Moxxie thought to himself as his stomach churned, his thoughts snapping back to reality as he felt Millie rub his chest idly.
"... and I was thinkin' of Marley for a girl or boy, I think that works, what do you think?" Millie asked as Moxxie sat up.
"I... think I need a shower." Moxxie said as he got up and took off his work shirt, but Millie noticed the apprehension towards the question.
"Moxxie is there somethin' wrong?" She asked as she sat up as well, looking at him with concern clear on her face. Moxxie knew it and couldn't bear to look at her, lest it make him break and say something he didn't want to... But he knew this was not a time he could just wiggle his way out.
"... I... I don't want kids." Moxxie said, the words forced out like a knife was being jabbed into his gut as he said them. Millie, for her part was shocked... But took a deep breath.
"And our plan was just... What?" She asked, as she got up and went over to him, putting her hand on his shoulder, his back still to her. She wasn't angry... She was disappointed, but not angry... She just wanted to know.
"It was real, it IS real, I just... I hoped by the time we got where we wanted to be I'd..." Moxxie said as Millie turned him around to look at her... and she saw the tears in his eyes.
"I know you want kids, you want a family, but... I...I'm scared that..." Moxxie said as he just broke down in his wife's arms. He felt like a failure. A miserable worm that was denying the woman he loved most, the person he would gladly die for if it meant she was safe and happy, the only thing she had seriously ever asked of him all because he was terrified of a single thing.
"... I'm scared I'll be like my parents..." Moxxie finally admitted... as Millie held him tighter.
"I just... They were never there, they got so caught up in their careers... I know they loved me, but... I never got to see them... And we're making all this big plans, and.. and... I don't want..." Moxxie began to breathe heavier and faster, as Millie rubbed his horns to calm him down.
"We won't do that, okay? We won't be like that... But if you aren't ready, we'll wait. I mean, we need to anyway... No house right now." Millie said with a bit of a chuckle, letting Moxxie know everything was alright.
"... Yeah... I love you." Moxxie said as he hugged Millie tighter.
"I love ya too Moxxie... And you really do need that shower." Millie said as her husband laughed a bit.
"... Care to join me?" He said with a devious grin.
"Like ya had to ask."
AT BARBIE'S APARTMENT
It was nearly Nine O'clock when Blitzo got ready to leave for work at the club, the Suck-It-Up. It wasn't the name he would've gone with, but then again it wasn't his place.
"Goodnight Loony. I'll see you in the morning okay?" Blitzo said as he tucked Loona in, the hellpup snuggling in.
"... You're coming back right?" Loona asked as Blitzo looked a bit hurt by the question. The second time she doubted him returning.
"... Your parents didn't come back did they?" Blitzo had to ask... As Loona nodded.
"They said they were going out for beer... After a few days there wasn't any food..." Loona didn't finish as Blitzo wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest.
"Hey, that won't happen with me, you know why?" The imp asked as he felt her shake her head no.
"Because I wanted you. I adopted you. I'm taking care of you, doing all of this, because I want you to be happier than me. I'm not going anywhere. I might not always be on time, I can't really promise that, but I promise I won't leave you not knowing what happened. You deserve that and more." Blitzo said as he let go, patting her head as Loona felt... More reassurance than she had ever received in her short life.
"Now I'll see ya in the morning... And remember... The chocolate syrup and whipped cream is in the bottom drawer in the fridge, go there immediately and add it to the cereal before Barbie notices." He said as Loona nodded fervently.
"Got it!" Loona said as Blitzo walked out and shut off the light.
"Goodnight Loona." Blitzo said once more as Loona called after him.
"Goodnight Blitz"
AT THE SUCK-IT-UP
"Hey Blitzo, the owner wanted to see ya." Randy the bartender said as Blitzo walked in, the club already pretty lively as he spied Verosika on stage just starting to warm up her act.
"Wow, already my first night and I'm meeting the owner?" The imp said as the bartender shrugged.
"Said he's got somethin' you'd be perfect for. Just head on up." The bartender said as he pointed to the stairway nearby. Walking up, Blitzo reached the office door. Opening it, he saw a spider-demon, clearly a sinner, who sat behind the desk.
"You th' imp Randy hired?" He asked, puffing on a cigar, a tie around his neck with a simple black fedora on his dark grey hair covered body.
"Yeah that's right, so what'd you need to see me abou-" Blitzo was cut off as a gun was thrown at him, barely catching it.
"I need ya to whack an asshole th' name'a Fizzarolli. He ain't been returnin' on the debt he happens to owe me, since he got in big with Mammon, so he's gotta be made'a example of." The spider said as Blitzo was about to say something, when the spider that is his boss held up four of his hands.
"Before ya ask, no this ain't negotiable. Ya don't do it, ya get fired, an' before ya ask why I'm makin' an imp do this instead'a one'o my boys, it's because no one's gonna expect ya or trace it back ta me. I don't really hire imps a lot." The spider said as Blitzo looked at him and then at the gun, then back to him.
"Actually I was just going to ask if this means I get a raise..."
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