Elle sat alone, reclining under the summer sun. Her new life was a little more lonely and a little less grand than she thought it would've been. But she'd fought so hard to obtain it that she wasn't about to start complaining. Instead, as she continued to bask in the sun, she only heaved a tired sigh and tried her best to be content.
Life had been interesting for her, to say the least. She'd managed to fall in love with a girl that was actually a vampire, only to then be killed by that vampire's evil goddess mother, only to then spend about 150 years stuck in the belly of a giant fish god while reliving her worst memory over and over again, only to then finally be set free by that very same vampire girl, and her new girlfriend, all just under a year ago. It made Elle tired just thinking about it! But now? Things were peaceful, but it almost felt more odd and eerie than enjoyable.
Against all odds and expectations, Elle, Carmilla, and the rest of the gang managed to defy death yet again. They all managed to survive their encounters with one another, and Carmilla actually finally properly apologized to Elle, for everything! And it caught Elle so off guard that she instantly, instinctively, did the same. Now that Carmilla was confessing her flaws and faults, Elle was quick to do likewise.
But even more than just apologizing, Carmilla gave her life to Elle. Just like that, just like Elle had always wanted, Carmilla simply up and gave her life to Elle. Never in her wildest dreams had Elle imagined a reality where Carmilla would just surrender like that, yet here they were. But as with all things, it was not completely black and white.
Carmilla hadn't given her entire life to Elle, rather, she'd given half of it. Inspired by the story of Inanna, Dumuzid and Geshtinanna, Carmilla had descended into the afterlife and made a deal with the Goddess of Death. Elle would be allowed to return to the land of the living for half a year. In that time, Carmilla would take her place in the afterlife. Then, after those six months were up, roles would reverse.
So now here Elle sat, her time on the surface world barely beginning, and she was already questioning everything. Although she was incredibly grateful for Carmilla's sacrifice, she couldn't help but wonder. Had it been worth it after all? Was life as good as she thought it would be? It embarrassed her to say, but, at least for the second question, the answer was no. In a classic case of "be careful what you wish for", Elle finally had the life she'd been fighting for, yet she was hardly able to enjoy it. It was much lonelier than she'd thought…
Sure, Laura had been gracious enough to help her get accustomed to living in the 21st century, but that didn't change the simple fact that life was not all it was cracked up to be. And to Elle, that was the ultimate disappointment. She felt restless and unfulfilled all the time, but she didn't dare ask Laura for help. Even though she knew Laura would be willing, Elle could sense that Laura would never forgive her for taking Carmilla from her, even if it was only for half the year ("only!" Laura had squawked bitterly). Elle couldn't blame her, though, and out of respect, she tried to avoid Laura as much as she could. Just to minimize the awkwardness between them.
But, that meant Elle had no one to turn to, and that left her right back at square one.
"I just can't understand it!" she cried, finally sitting up. "I have everything I ever wanted, so why can't I enjoy it!? Why am I still so miserable?"
Well, as Elle would come to learn in time, it was because she had not yet fully healed from her past, or her trauma. Although she'd made leaps and bounds over the past couple months, she was still very much broken on the inside.
Healing was a long, slow, painful process, and Elle was only just beginning. Getting out of her toxic environment (the schloss) was only the first step. Now she had to get her bearings, figure out what was wrong. Then, she had to try to address and solve it, trying to push forward even if things in life were trying to drag her back. Then, once she found that new path, she had to walk it. In short, she had a long way to go.
The thought infuriated her to no end, but at the same time, it made sense to her. Even though she and Carmilla had finally apologized, the battle was still far from over. There were still plenty of wounds left to heal. Elle still needed a bit more closure…
As the ex-ghost continued reflect on her newfound life, she fiddled with the emerald brooch at her throat. That was the thing that contained her life essence, and Carmilla's. She rubbed a finger over it, silently speaking to the girl whose life shared that brooch with her.
"You called?" But it was not Carmilla who answered, rather, her older sister, Matska "Mattie" Belmonde.
"Yeah, I did," Elle stood up to meet Mattie eye to eye.
"Don't tell me you've already wearied of this life?" Mattie quirked an amused and gorgeous eyebrow.
"Nonsense!" Elle snapped defensively, but she was inwardly surprised at how fast Mattie had caught onto her situation.
"Darling, I am thousands of years old. Do you really think I cannot tell what mortals are thinking and feeling? No matter how far you've come, you are still all the same underneath!" she scoffed and gave a regal toss of her rich black hair.
For a moment, Elle only narrowed her eyes. She hated thinking that Mattie knew so much about her. But because Mattie was technically right, Elle didn't even have anything to offer as a rebuttal.
"Alright then, Ghostie, what is it?" Mattie asked, suddenly growing serious. "I'm on a tight schedule. I only came because Carmilla felt you touch your life essences and she insisted that I come up here to see what you wanted."
"I was wondering if you could channel me through to her," Elle replied.
"Miss her that much, do you?" Mattie gave her another dry, and slightly nasty, smirk.
"No!" Elle, once again, grew defensive and embarrassed. "I mean, I just think that we still have a lot left to talk about and I don't-"
"Oh, spare me the drama," Mattie cut Elle off. Elle looked outraged, but Mattie ignored her. "If this is more of your lover's-quarrel-soap-opera crap, as entertaining as I find it, it is still rather tedious and old. I never understood why you mortals placed so much value on romance. It is so fleeting! It scarcely even lasts one lifetime, let alone past death. Death is the only thing that is certain!"
"Is it though?" Elle snorted, and Mattie was quick to retract her statement with a cruel laugh.
"I suppose you are correct," she smirked. "Even Death is not immune to change…"
"I just want to talk to Carmilla for a few minutes, ok? This has nothing to do with the romance stuff. Now are you gonna help me out or not?"
"And why should I do that?" Mattie gave her a smile full of fangs. This little kitten had claws, didn't she? How delightful.
"Because I'm sure she wants this just as much as I do," Elle replied.
Even though she had no reason to think this, she couldn't help but wonder if it was true. Perhaps Carmilla's own personal discontent was part of the reason why Elle was unable to enjoy her new life. Even though she was breathing again, it was still stagnant, weighed down by ghosts of the past. She was willing to bet that Carmilla felt the same way. Their lives were inextricably tied together once more. So if Elle was feeling down, she was willing to bet that Carmilla was feeling the same way. Even if Elle was no longer Carmilla's lover, they were still very much bound by fate.
"So, are you going to help me out or not?" she repeated, crossing her arms impatiently. Mattie laughed coldly, tickled by her gumption.
"Carmilla sure does have a type, doesn't she?" the older vampire cackled. "Always chasing the hotheaded and hotblooded ones. How rich! But I shall see what I can do…" Then, with one last smirk, she disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.
ooo
By moonrise that night, there was still no sign of either vampire.
"Stupid, treacherous freak!" Elle grumbled as she collapsed into bed. Maybe her dreams would offer some solace, if nothing else would. But right as she found herself standing upon that precarious perch between the sleeping and waking worlds, a shadowy and silvery figure suddenly appeared in her room, seeming to be sustained by pure moonlight alone. At first, Elle could not recognize who it was, but then it spoke.
"Hello, Elle," Carmilla! So, maybe Mattie had come through for them after all… "You wanted to see me?"
"Yeah," Elle gave Carmilla a dry smile, embarrassed and defeated. "Life isn't as good as I hoped it would be, and I'm starting to realize that we still have a lot left to talk about."
"Ah, so you called me back so we could have a therapy session," Carmilla sounded bored and sarcastic.
"Joy of joys, I know," Elle deadpanned back with a smirk as she sat up, offering a spot for Carmilla. Carmilla accepted. "But the healing process is a long, slow one, and if we want to get anywhere at all any time soon, we're gonna have to start somewhere."
"And you chose tonight?" Carmilla sneered, looking back out the window in dark amusement.
"There's no time like the present," Elle replied calmly, without missing a single beat. "Besides, I want to fix this before we die, again."
"Fair enough," Carmilla shrugged. "So where are we gonna start this whole healing thing then, eh?"
"Well, I guess we're about to find out…"
AN: Sorry I'm posting this so late, but I've been busy today. Consider this a semi, unofficial sequel to the other Carmilla story I just posted "One Last Deal". In essence, in this AU, Carmilla pulls a Persephone for Elle and offers to share half her life with her. Now Elle is tasting life for the first time in 150 years and she is starting to realize that happy endings are much slower than the stories portray.