Thank you for reviews and sticking this out. I've been enjoying Mac's journey!
I got myself a firepit for Christmas and with cooler S. Florida nights, I've been able to write by the fire. It's theraputic and cozy!
Chapter 20 - Overrated
(Harm's POV)
Dr. Ogden is an attractive woman, classy, well dressed, the kind I would have pursued had a certain Marine not stolen my heart. She breezes in through the waiting room where I've been waiting although I don't have an appointment and my visit is rather unorthodox.
"Doc, I'm sorry to show up without an appointment but I'm concerned about one of your patients - Colonel MacKenzie."
She looks me over, her brows hitting her hairline as she waves me into her office and leaves the door open. "Commander, from the looks of the milrinde on your sleeves you are a lawyer, yes?"
I nod, already knowing where she's going with this. HIPAA, need to know, doctor client privilege, blah blah blah. "I am and I'm-"
"Then you know that, legally, I can't even tell you if I treat the Colonel you speak of." She glares at me in challenge and I want to applaud the way she manipulated her words. "As a lawyer, you should know better."
"Look, I'm not here to dig into her treatment, I know that's private. I'm here because I want to help her and I don't know how to."
The doctor is still looking at me, glaring until something sparks that I'm not a threat to her or her client and she offers me a seat. She doesn't sit, instead walks to the edge of her desk and leans against it. I figure it's a way for her to feel inpaint over me and it's a tactic Mac has tried countless times. "I'm going to breach an ethical boundary I've never crossed in seventeen years."
She folds her arms across her chest and continues glaring, her icy blue eyes making me feel like I'm in the principal's office about to get months of detention for something I didn't do. Doctor Gogden takes a breath and then lets it out in a quick woosh. "She talks about you a lot."
"She does?" I cringe and must look terrible because seconds later she busts out laughing like I've told the funniest joke.
"It's good things, Commander." Finally, she lets her guard down realizing I'm not a threat to her or Mac. "If you want to help, just be there for the Colonel. When she speaks, listen."
"I'm trying, doc but listening makes me feel useless."
She snorts at that and shakes her head. "Not everything has to race at Mach 3. She's going through something serious and it will take time. If it helps, I've treated patients far worse than the Colonel, ones that I had little hope could turn it around. She's had setbacks but she is determined. Recovery is at her fingertips if she chooses to reach for it. And from the looks of it, a big piece is sitting before me."
I can't see myself as a tool in her recovery, not when it was partially my fault she wound up in Paraguay with Webb. If I hadn't been in the brig, if I hadn't hurt her by prideful omission I could have stopped the inevitable. "I'm not sure about that...I'm partially to blame for what happened."
"Why would you say that?"
"I could have stopped it. I could have kept her safe."
Dr. Ogden pushes off the desk and slips into the chair next to mine. The eyes that were once hesitant to speak now take on a kind expression. "Hindsight is 20-20, you can't change the past no matter how badly you want to. Concentrate on the future - with a little time you'll realize you mean so much to her."
"This is not about me. I don't want to lose her but I'm more scared that she'll lose herself."
Her hands reach out and grab mine, it is gentle and unexpected but comforting nonetheless. "We won't let that happen."
."I step out of Bethesda feeling...I don't know how I'm feeling. Dr. Ogden was understandably vague and the answers I needed still hung in the air. I guess I just want reassurances that can't be given, a date and time when my Marine will be my Marine again.
Mac has shot down my need for control so many times but, I don't think she realizes the measures she has taken. Everything in her life is usually neat and presentable, a facade that hides the flaws that makes her human. I want to believe the Corps had ingrained certain elements into her but, I know it's a product of her past.
She's learned self preservation through the school of hard knocks, taught herself to hide her problems away from others. All of her life lived through the fulfillment of promises to others except to me. I've seen Mac at her best. I've seen Mac at her worst and the spaces in between that she never shared with anyone else.
I've been her friend, her keeper and her lover. I've been her partner and confidant. Now, I'll be whatever she needs and close in on the space she is inclined to keep between us.
Roses, she likes those, especially the yellow ones with red tips. Two dozen should do with a simple quote: 'Even the darkness night will end and the sun will rise.'
I deliver them myself and cease any complaint with my lips on hers. "You don't have to let me in. I'm not pushing for more than you can give me. But I need you to know I meant what I said; I'll always be there."
As much as it pains me, I step away from her and watch a certain clarity in her eyes that hasn't been in months. "I hoped you'd come. I just...I didn't know how to ask."
"Just ask." She steps towards me and we kiss again, the lingering kind full of promises and wonder. "I'm late for work but how about dinner?"
She shakes her head. "I'm not ready to go out...Maybe we can order in?"
"Yeah, I'd like that." We kiss once more and I reluctantly move away from her. "I'll see you later." Space is clearly overrated.