A/N: Thank you for the review, Hues! I'm really glad that you enjoy this story, and I'm especially happy that you like Kinu. Trying to translate her from my earlier 3z version to the regular Gintama world was kinda a bitch. I've probably written and rewritten everything like five times so far, trying to get the right vibe (esp cause I'm rusty from taking such a long break from writing, hahaha). Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback, and hope everybody enjoys this chapter.
During a short afternoon lunch rush, a familiar form entered the tea shop and snagged a seat at the counter. The older man, Kinu thought his name was Amgiri, or Adachi, greeted her with one of the warmest smiles she'd ever seen and reached for her hand. He didn't react to her appearance, or the crew setting new glass in the storefront and door. Gave her no choice in the matter. She expected a handshake, but he clasped her hands between his. Spent longer than necessary holding on.
"Ki-chan! It's been too long, hasn't it?"
It had only been a few days, right? Three? Maybe a week at most. She wasn't entirely sure, but it didn't feel like it had been too long. Kinu didn't speak, but his grin was untarnished as he pointed to the display case. At a sweet bun.
"If you would, I'm in a bit of a predicament today, so I won't be too much trouble. You've got some new teas, right? Any one of them is fine."
Nodding, the girl spent a moment just looking at the man. At the book he pulled from his coat pocket, and the small green canister he placed on the counter beside himself. An oxygen tank? She started on his tea, unable to help but glance between the green cylinder, and the man that was toying with a loose lock of his brown hair as he looked over his book. The cover read Proxygen, so she had to be right.
But why would he be walking around with enough air to run a ship for a few days?
When she set his cup, and a plate of his requested food in front of him, he motioned towards her with his hand. As if dismissing her. It must have been private. Something important. She'd never seen that brand of air tank before, so maybe he was looking over a new model? For a ship of his own, or hadn't he'd said he was an investor before?
As the girl sat at her seat behind the counter, she pulled her book out. Everybody had already been served and had paid, so the handful of people sprinkled around the shop would come to her if they needed something. As Kinu picked up her place in the novel, the man across the counter pulled another device from his coat. This one was a small box that fit in the palm of his hand, and was covered in wires. An exposed circuit board laid atop it, and Kinu peeked at the thing as he laid it down.
What was that?
It didn't look like anything she'd ever seen before. Most parts had the circuit boards on the inside, why would there be one on top of it? Maybe it was an inner piece? Something to go inside a protective box on whatever it was used on. But what had pieces like that?
"I hope you don't mind, Ki-chan. Your counters are so clean, but I need to look at these while I'm trying to make sense of this. It's all technical jargon, and while I pride myself on my education, this wasn't part of it." Amgiri, or Adachi let out a small laugh, and glanced at her, but that was it.
"No, it's fine." Technical jargon? What sort of technical jargon? She wanted to see it. If that book explained the box device, Kinu was sure she'd be able to make sense of it. But maybe he didn't want her poking her nose around his business. For all she knew, he could be trying to make sense of a medical condition, hence the oxygen. Maybe it was a tank he'd have to carry, and the box was some sort of regulator he'd have to hook up.
But he looked decent enough. Like he couldn't get angry over anything. He was kind every time Kinu saw him, too, so maybe he wouldn't mind. If he left without telling her, she'd never know what the box was. He couldn't get away.
"Excuse me," that was the safest way to address him. Looking up, the older man paused, halfway through sipping his tea. "Are you… ill?"
The man's face contorted into a scoffing laugh, and he shook his head.
"Goodness, no." He set his cup down and lowered his book. Smiled. "Unless overworked is an illness, that is. I'm sure you understand. Like your parents leaving this shop to you, my father puts a lot of his work on me. Now that he's older, he can't do it all alone. You can relate, right?"
Nodding once, Kinu glanced down at the book in his hands. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to get her hands on that manual. Seeing her attention shift, the older man followed her gaze.
"You… Wouldn't happen to know what propulps are, would you?"
"Oh- yeah, it's emergency air. For moving in space. Or a temporary air supply."
The man's mouth formed a small O, and he frowned at the booklet in his hands.
"Then why doesn't it just say that? There's no glossary in this thing…" Sighing, the man turned another page, and frowned. Kinu ducked her head into her book. Tried not to be overbearing. She'd be annoyed if somebody kept pestering her about ship parts if she was reading up on them, so she wanted to give him the same courtesy. "You know, if- well, I suppose I shouldn't ask, these are classified blueprints, but… It doesn't make an ounce of sense to me."
Looking back at the man Kinu felt her heart skip a beat. Classified? Like government classified? She'd kill to get her hands on that book! Her face stayed even, but she knew her eyes gave her away.
"You can keep a secret, can't you?"
He was gonna show her! Of course she could! She'd take it to her grave and then some! Kinu was nodding before she knew it. Nearly thought her head would roll off if she didn't stop.
"It really can't be helped. I need a translator, anyway. Come over here, there's no space back there."
Already on her feet, Kinu rounded the counter and slid into the seat beside the man. He held the booklet over to her and she took it, bubbling with anticipation as she started from page one. Immediately upon looking at it, she understood why he'd been struggling with it. Almost everything was abbreviated, and the diagrams and structure of the information wasn't nearly as orderly as they should have been. It was all an information dump with no explanation. The box was to hook up to the core air supply to automatically trigger an emergency initiation sequence once a ship was too low on either fuel or oxygen, and start the backup propulps.
Taking her translator job seriously, Kinu told the man in layman's terms. Explained the hook up system, and the programming that would be needed to install it to a ship to test. She flipped through the diagrams, showing him where the oxygen valve would be connected to the tank, and then the deadman switch beside it. Or rather, live man's switch.
The customers were thinning out behind them. And the construction crew finished with their glass repairs, and forked over the receipt for the bill. If those assholes hadn't smashed the store to hell, Ai and Kinu would have made a profit from what was in their wallets.
It took over an hour to get through the book, and catch Amgiri… or Adachi, whatever his name was, up on exactly what the proposal was in the back of the booklet. Kinu wasn't sure why he didn't have people to do this for him, but she was thankful he'd come to her shop with something so amazing. Even if it was only a stroke of luck. Her morning zodiac had been right!
She'd have to tell Gintoki he had been right about those too.
After the last page, she glanced up at the man. Nearly smiling at her victory. He was staring down at her with one elbow on the counter. Not frowning, but not entirely smiling. It was a strange expression she couldn't place. As soon as she met his eyes, his usual grin returned.
"That was really good, Ki-chan. You're smart, aren't you?" He reached for the book and she gave it to him, frowning at the way he'd addressed her. He kept switching up her name, as if feeling her reactions out. Weird. Maybe she'd imagined that look. Now she felt like she shouldn't be there. Sitting beside him, gushing over machinery and business proposals, and whatever else. It couldn't be that big of a deal, she thought. He was a customer, and he'd asked for help. It was her job, as a shopkeeper to provide good customer service. Or something. "Smart and cute, that's a valuable combination."
Turning her head, Kinu frowned. Was she stupid? Had she been lured from behind the counter by some guy that wanted to hit on her with mechanical parts? Her hand was grasped and she snapped around to look at him. Cringed at the stinging sensation in her third finger and pinkie. All of the customers were gone. She'd been so caught up in the book that she hadn't realized the shop was empty.
"You really did me a favor there. I wish there was something I could do for you."
"Uh, no. No, it's… I don't need anything." Pulling her hand away, Kinu stood. The guy chuckled. He lifted his tea cup, still smiling as she returned to the safety of her spot behind the counter. How old was he? A portion of his hair was gray.
"I'm sure my father would love to invest in this. He adores boats. Was a bit of a handyman himself, actually. I bet you two could talk for hours."
But why? Instead of responding, Kinu pulled a container of pocky from the alcove under the counter and tore it open. Started to occupy herself with that, instead of the man smiling at her.
"You're a blonde, aren't you? Ever thought of wearing your natural color?"
"I like this." She murmured. Not looking at the man as she pulled her book up in an attempt at placing a wall between them.
"Well, it is pretty cute, too. In its own way. Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you? No debts to pay, or maybe a nice new tool set? Or maybe I could talk to Ishii and ask him to raise your grades? At least to pass?"
"No." He had that kind of pull? The more he spoke, the more uneasy Kinu became. What was wrong with her? She'd snapped the word, like he was imposing, or unwelcome, after he'd let her take a look at classified documents. He hadn't actually done anything. Just touched her hand. She felt like she was overreacting, and wasn't even sure what she was overreacting to.
"Alright, whatever you say! But if you think of something, just let me know. Give me a call some time." Pulling his wallet out, the man took two bills and placed a business card on top of it. Slid it onto the counter. "Keep the change."
He hadn't even finished his food. His cup was empty, but the sweet bun was half eaten. The man left then, not even looking back, and Kinu frowned at the money he'd left. Twenty thousand yen.
Midnight. Takasugi entered the tea shop and everything was normal aside from the counter. The windows had been repaired, but two of the tables were missing, and the bar was dented and splintered beside the display case. Aside from that, it was like every other night. Kinu looked at him, colder than usual. More aloof, though that hadn't seemed possible. Didn't speak, or even hum. Just set his food in front of him and made him tea without offering him a choice.
It irritated him. That the girl hadn't asked him if he'd wanted something different, or met his eye aside from when he first opened the door. Even more so that the random tea was in the same flavor profile as what he'd usually pick.
A vase full of red roses sat on the end of the counter, in the dent as if it'd cover the damage near the display case, and he looked it over. It had to be at least three dozen, maybe more. A folded over note sat next to them, and Takasugi opened it.
For the brilliant woman that saved my day, it read. At least accept these, as my thanks, Ki-chan.
Who the hell was sending her flowers now? Turning to the girl, Takasugi scowled. Hadn't she kissed him? Been asking him to kill her? Their nights together meant so little that she was out doing charity work for other men and getting random flower deliveries with hand written notes? She'd left it there to show off. Kinu knew he would see it. She wanted him to ask about them, so she could tell him that some man that actually wanted to kiss her was head over heels now, and that he'd missed his chance. Like he cared.
He didn't.
It was no surprise that she was being weirdly aggressive with other men, considering that she'd been inappropriate almost as soon as they'd met. Takasugi couldn't care less if she had men falling at her feet; throwing their beating hearts in her face to carry her groceries, give her pens, and whatever else.
How many men did she have?!
Kinu was engrossed in her book.
That was why, wasn't it? She'd found some guy to sweep her off her feet with romantic gestures, and now she was content.
"Gonna act like that all night?" The girl didn't look up from her book. Didn't move. "The morgue has a better atmosphere. Probably more lively."
"Then go there." Turning her page, Kinu kept her attention on the novel. She thought she was funny? Wasn't even going to afford him the decency of eye contact?
"Maybe I will. As soon as they start serving food."
"Hm." That was it? She was going to drop the conversation so easily? Takasugi wasn't sure what he expected. Kinu wasn't one for warmth, but the way she'd been before was better than this cold front. The girl leaned up and reached beside herself. Slid a book on the counter. "Maybe you'd be more pleasant if you were distracted."
She tacked something onto the end of that, but it was too low to hear. Probably an insult.
"Maybe you'd be less dead if a necromancer reanimated you." Still, nothing. Instead of taking the book, Takasugi eyed the flowers again. "Are you planning on pretending nothing happened?"
The girl finally looked at him. Held no discernible expression; no remorse, and no act to brush it off. Instead, she leaned forward, as if she'd leave her seat, but didn't complete the motion.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh?" Sipping his tea, Takasugi glared at the girl. "You think suicide is cute?"
"Don't patronize me." She didn't mumble this time. Wasn't inaudible, or in some distant land that she could only half leave if engaged by the real world. The man's eye narrowed, and she stood. Folded her book over a scrap of paper.
"You're making this into a bigger problem than it is." Placing her novel on the counter, Kinu turned back to the kitchen behind her. Ignored the scowling man. He draped a hand over his mouth, silently fuming as he watched her pull a bowl and some ingredients from the cabinets, preparing to make something. As if he wasn't there at all. He wanted an explanation. Right now. And who the hell had sent these flowers?
He couldn't even eat.
"What about that boy?" He found himself asking, and Kinu met his gaze. She didn't smile as she had the last time he'd been mentioned.
"What about him?" The response was just as icy as the last. It didn't seem that bringing up the kid was going to make a difference. Did he send them? The roses? There was no way that kid would drop that amount of money on some girl.
"Aren't you pursuing him? Say you get him. Then what?"
Setting down a bag of flour, Kinu wiped her hands off. There was a pause that charged the air with far more distance than before. Kinu was in front of him before he knew it. A hand met his knee, and the other took place on the counter behind him, far too close for comfort.
"You think I'm that shallow?" Whispering the words, Kinu eased closer. As if she expected the man to retreat. There was no emotion written across her, nor was there a hint of hesitation at getting in his personal space.
"Might as well be." That seemed to annoy the girl more than make her pause. For a second, Takasugi thought he'd asked the wrong question. He'd tell her that she was barely capable of rational thought if she expected anything to improve with her behavior, and that he'd seen vegetables with higher problem solving capabilities.
"He's nice. I just… want him to like me back. Maybe I'd feel something then."
Idiot confirmed. That wasn't how things worked.
"Emotions aren't like wet paint. You can't dip your palm into them and claim they're yours. If you don't feel anything before, you're not gonna find a secret feeling hiding in a dumpster later." The note from the flowers was suspended between them, as Takasugi sighed, more to himself than anything. "Who sent this?"
Glancing up at the roses, Kinu shrugged.
"A customer."
As if he'd believe that! Customers didn't send flowers, they took their food and drinks and left! Kinu didn't flinch as he leaned up, but she did back away. Only a touch. If looks were to be trusted, the flowers weren't even remotely important to her. She looked at them with the same lackluster response as she would anything else in the shop.
"It's weird, isn't it?"
"Outdated, maybe. Couldn't he tell you're not a flowers type?" The man's pointer finger pressed into the back of the hand on his knee, and her mouth curved for the first time all night.
"You think you know me better?"
Instead of speaking, the one eyed man tilted his head.
Curiosity crossed the girl as he pulled an object from his yukata and held it between them. Kinu eased away. Gave up on her attempt at trapping him to take the offering. A pen. It was heavier than it looked. Solid stone, maybe. Delicate golden leaves branched up the body of the pen and formed an overly ornate finger rest.
Takasugi idly watched with the same expression as before. Smug, even.
"Is… this…?" For her, she wanted to ask. It looked too expensive. Like something she could only marvel at, but never own or actually touch. "Where'd you even get this?"
A sly grin spread across Takasugi's face and he propped his elbows across the counter behind himself.
"I stole it." He stated, and Kinu gawked at him. He nearly laughed. "From a pirate king." Of the Harusame, before Kamui's overthrow. But Amanto politics that took place in space rarely made it to earth, and those details would likely be lost on the girl.
"A… Pirate King? Is that even a thing?"
"Oh, you'd be surprised. Once a boat leaves earth, you might as well be in a different dimension."
Still turning the pen in her hands, Kinu suppressed a smile. So, he was giving it to her? What sort of adventures was he going on in space? To think the man in front of her had the nerve to steal from an actual space pirate; he was insane. Bold and absolutely out of his mind. She tried to picture it. Him slipping the pen from the table, or maybe outright taking it and placing it into his pocket in plain sight.
"After I said that stuff… Why?" Though the tension in the air had dissipated, Kinu couldn't help but question the gift. It didn't make sense. Takasugi knew what she wanted, and giving her something like this seemed like a futile endeavor. He'd just lose it. Waste it on her, when it was so beautiful, and an amazing conversation starter.
"Because you don't want to kill yourself." It wasn't a new idea, so what could possibly make him think that he knew what she wanted better than she did? Her face must have betrayed her, because the man averted his gaze and his fingertips drummed across the wooden counter. "You think you do, but you're wrong."
That dead look wasn't fooling him. He saw it in her eyes, and it wasn't the look of quiet reservation. A layer of ice couldn't mask that look, no matter how thick or cold. Nothing about it screamed that she wanted to die.
"I want experiences before… Not…" The words were coming out as though Takasugi was wrong, but that was to be expected. Why would she turn her anger inward instead of towards whatever had worn her down so far? There was nothing to be done if she was adamant in her stance. Nothing anybody could do.
"So you've got it all planned? A worthless end for a worthless person? What about your family?" Kinu didn't move. The pen in her hands seemed ten times heavier, even after she slipped it into her yukata and decided that she would, in fact, take it. That she didn't have it in her to turn it down.
Though Takasugi had turned to his food he couldn't eat much. After barely sipping his tea he gave up on his food. How could she be so out of touch with herself? It was clear as day, she was only tired. Tossed aside one too many times, maybe. Not that death was a sustainable way to catch up on sleep, or peace of mind, but he couldn't be wrong.
If there was one thing he was good at, it was reading people.
An untouched rice ball remained on his plate when he stood, Kinu endured the weight of his glower but kept her eyes fixed across the room, as though the curtains were suddenly fascinating.
Lifting her chin, Takasugi met her eye. No expression still. If she was throwing herself away, he could make use of her. Try not to put her in the same position she'd been in that night, but there were no guarantees.
"Don't ever say it again, unless you're talking to me." No reaction. She only stood there, still focused on something that he was half convinced was a speck of dust, or a portal to another world that only she knew existed. The longer he looked at her, the more sure he was, though. The look he saw was that of being slowly worn away, but somewhere behind it all, she was still alive. Possibly able to be resuscitated. "You don't have to die to be happy."
"Have you died? How would you know?"
"Been close enough to tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be." His fingers dug into her flesh, turning her again in an attempt at eye contact. For once he realized just how pale she was. She wasn't as scarred as he'd thought she would be; the blood had obscured the actual marks on her, but the few bruises that remained were amplified by her lack of color.
"Hm…"
"People like you get used up easy. Especially when they don't take care of themselves." His next line made the girl look at him, and he saw what he was trying to. That glare. The traces of a scowl that never fully took form. Pure hatred. Subdued, but as clear to him as the image burned into the back of his eye. Of course it was there. He'd been right, as he usually was. "Look at that… You've been hiding that face for a long time, haven't you?"
It was directed at him, no doubt, but the sight was as striking as he'd anticipated. Nothing lukewarm or dead about it; just a slow, steady simmer in the back of her mind, waiting to boil over. He managed to drag the girl into himself, and though her arms had been limp at her sides, she pushed against his stomach the moment he captured her lips. It was short lived. Her teeth snapped down on him, enough to rouse his amusement.
Somehow, Takasugi was convinced that if he hadn't forced his way into her head, she would have accepted him. As long as she thought she was free of emotion or any form of closeness, she'd be pleased with superficial contact, but the danger of actually being known changed everything.
Touching the sting of his lip, the man examined the red splotch across his thumb. She was completely backwards. How delightful.
"You think that's funny?" Maybe his expression gave it away.
"Yes, actually." Takasugi couldn't give her Shinpachi. Nor could he replicate anything similar. But he could, at the very least, grant her request. Experiences. Perhaps in the experiences she'd gain, she'd see what he had. "You throw yourself at men because you think they can make you feel something, then you don't want it? You're not numb, you're hurt. You can feel it now, can't you?"
Taking hold of the girl again, he squeezed her jaw up and forced her to look at him. To meet his eye. For once she couldn't float above the conversation, and had no room to ignore whatever bits and pieces she chose.
"You can feel it, clawing at you. Whining. Telling you that you're already fading away, what difference would an actual death make, right?" The girl's brows raised, and he knew he had her. That he'd dug into whatever sort of demon she'd let pry into her mind and take residence. "It's not true."
Kinu's back hit a solid barrier. A table. She was trapped. Between his slowly widening smirk and whatever compelled her to hear anything more he had to say.
"No amount of self loathing, or cutting will alleviate that pain. You'll never feel the way you did before. But you can feel again. Different. But something is better than nothing… Isn't it?"
The girl turned away again and the dark wall of her hair fell between them. Then she sniffled. When she wiped at her eyes, Takasugi felt a piece of himself wither away. She'd practically asked for this. Needed it. She had no right to do that.
"Stop crying." Brushing the hair from her eyes, the man framed her face in his palms. Was that harsh? He hadn't thought it was. Invasive, maybe, but nothing to trigger that reaction. With the way she'd been before, he hadn't imagined she'd be so brittle.
The man searched her eyes, trying to see if he'd only imagined the fight he thought was there. He hadn't. Clear as day, there was still a fire in her. Only a spark, but that was all that was needed. He ran his thumb under her eye, barely mindful of the bruise he was pressing as he spoke.
"This is what you wanted, isn't it? To be seen?"
"Not your pity." Maybe she wasn't so far gone. His hands wiped over her face. Clearing away the moisture that spilled past her cheeks. Maybe that had been too much. He shouldn't have told her in one go. With a sigh, the man clicking his teeth. She still wasn't making any discernible expression.
"Lucky you, I don't have an ounce of pity in me." That made her mask crack again with the tiniest hint of a laugh. "What am I going to do with you?" She was, apparently, a fucking mess. Salvageable. Maybe not entirely. But looking down at the girl, with her face between his hands, Takasugi was confident that he could bury this nonsense. Not to have her, or to own her, but to keep at least one tiny corner in the world that he so loathed. A small light, just to know that it existed. "Stop crying." He repeated, and Kinu tried to look away, but he couldn't let her. "You're gonna be alright."
The girl wrapped her arms around him then, and he froze as she buried her face in his chest.
Okay, then…
Takasugi didn't know why he let her, or what he was doing when he pulled her further into himself. When she sniffled again he looked up at the wooden ceiling. Waited it out; pressing the back of her head into his shoulder.
She thought she was empty. For now. That was going to change.