December 6, 2003
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Bethesda, MD
0130 hours
She'd been sitting by his bed for an hour. The clock on the wall and the nurses told her that, and after her angry exchange with the nurses downstairs, not even the most senior one was eager to remind her of visitation policy. The internal clock that had both fascinated and frustrated her fallen partner, wasn't working, lost as she was in memories. She privately questioned her right to be at his side. She had abandoned him again out of anger. The vicious cycle began when Harm returned to active flight status and ended that dark May night in the Atlantic Ocean, which was repeating itself. When Harm left to chase his dream, Mac retreated behind the wall built, to defend herself against abandonment and abuse, which seemed to shape her life. The walls were reinforced after the disaster in Australia, and the crash rekindled feelings long thought buried. Truth was that the rekindling began with a stolen moment on the Admiral's porch and a kiss never to forget. She avoided attempts to talk after Mic left by going to Indonesia and limiting his ability to respond when they did speak.
The irony, of course, was the question she asked during the only conversation during that time was answered in spades. He gave up everything for her only to be abandoned again due to her inability to see past his jealousy and lack of words and their collective anger or fear. They had promised each other there would always be someone to love them, instead, they allowed their fears and misconceptions to determine their fate and lead them to this new round of heartbreak. Despite denials to each other and more importantly, themselves, she knew they had loved each other and she still did and she knows the answer to her Paraguayan riddle: he loved her. Did he still? She rose to leave some two hours later with renewed determination and promises never to abandon him willingly again. Whether he still loved her was still in doubt, but she would fight to reclaim the friendship. That would begin by reclaiming herself and finish the mission Harm started; to save a girl she had yet to meet. She had no idea how hard the fight would be without Harm to lean on, but he had bigger challenges to face. But not alone. The word that haunted them both had new meaning.
Never meant never willingly leaving him again.