December 6, 2003, Jag Headquarters Falls Church, VA 0:610 Dear Sarah,
I don't know if you will ever read this or want to after tonight, but they say confession is good for the soul, so here goes nothing.
When I was "dismissed" by the CIA I needed to clear my head and as usual, that means flying. I also needed a job and the owner of the hanger needed a crop duster. It's a big come down from the F-14 but, the real shock was finding my new boss was a fourteen-year-old girl. You can stop laughing now. I know you're enjoying the damage to my pilot ego.
Her name is Matilda Grace Johnson or Mattie if you don't want her mad. Her mother was killed in a car accident a year ago her father disappeared six months ago according to Mattie her father was drunk and caused the accident and no other family exist

I doubt she'd let them help, her independent and stubborn streak, or as long as yours. Ask the admiral if he's recovered from their meeting. She's run this business by herself and had to grow up way too fast. Maybe her story reminds me of you or our love of flight, whatever the reason I've connected with her in a way I haven't sense you I want to help but seems that will fail.
I am every bit of the arrogant bastard you thought I was. I want to foster a kid when the most important person in my life hates me and I deserve it given some of the things I said in Paraguay and ignoring everyone. I couldn't face it. The admiral and the Navy seem to care more about the rules I broke more than the terrorist attack we stopped. They were going to leave you behind dammit! That's not the Navy I know or believe in and even it was I love you too much to do that.
Yes, I said it. Does that answer your riddle Marine? This should have been said years ago and it's too late and that will be my greatest regret seconded only by the loss of the friendship that has been my greatest gift. Maybe admitting to myself and living with the consequences of waiting too long is punishment for past sins but if I hope to guide Mattie, I need to be honest with myself. The admiral is right, it's time to grow up and as for why I 'I'm telling you now and on a Jag computer, Mac I think I'm sick and if you're reading this, I may be dead, and only you and the admiral can access computer files without authorization.
The headaches I've had since Paraguay don't want to go away and if the worst does come, I don't want our last words to be angry. Please watch out for Mattie and our godchildren. Tell them I love them and how much I wish I was with them. I don't know how much longer I can type; my head is getting worse. There are letters to my family and friends that are in the possession of my private attorney James E. Blackthorn.
If these are my last words to you, please know how truly sorry I am for the pain I have caused, it's the last thing I wanted. Please don't grieve what could have been. Be happy Sarah, find someone to say the words every day no one deserves it more. Thank you for following where no one would and always having that rational plan. You are the best friend and partner anyone could ask for. We promised never to lose each other, my heart is always with you.
Love Harm.
For five minutes Mac set silently staring at the monitor, as tears of joy and sorrow filled her eyes. Her greatest wish had been confirmed Harm loved her. That was the greatest gift anyone had ever given her but
was tempered by something that both shocked and scared her. He did not expressly say so, but Harm was giving up.
This was how the admiral found her when he entered Harm's office. Her face showed the lack of sleep they had both experienced after last night. He knocked gently on the door so as not to startle her, but the normal sixth sense that Marine training had given her was not functioning. After a failed third the admiral broke out his command voice." Colonel!" Mac immediately came to attention, while mentally kicking herself for being got off guard by the Admirals' appearance. As AJ observed her, what struck him most was the cornucopia of emotions in her eyes. This was a rare moment for the woman who often hid behind the uniform and the rules and protocol, that shield her from the past and possibly her future. Everything from love, determination, and anger showed in her eyes, however, the one that worried AJ most was fear. The same fear he had seen the night before. The only person who could do this to her was Harm despite her relationship with Webb. now there is something I never saw coming, he thought. He was grateful to Webb for protecting Mac and understood how the dangers they faced could bound them, but no relationship can last on lies and secrets and that's what Webb does. No this has to be about Harm. What had happened since last night and why was she here?
Mac saw the questions in the admiral's eyes and was unsure how to answer.
"Colonel, I thought I gave you the rest of the week off, and isn't your office down the hall". All Mac could think of was the letter and the fact that the man who spent decades searching for his father, returned to flying earning two DFC and the Silver Star, and destroyed every wall she built around her heart, was giving up. The only response she was,
"Yes, you did sir" as she stormed past the past leaving a stunned admiral in her wake. The admiral noticed the computer was still on. The file had been left open in Mac's rush to leave. The only audible response was "damn."
Mac was a Marine on a mission. The letter was the last piece of evidence she needed, she had to show him there was something to fight for. The fight may be long and difficult. Mac held no allusions. They will argue hurt over issues both old and new but, they will not run and he will not quit. As she walked out of Jag Mac hoped their unique connection would reach him even now. I love you too, sailor. Your Marine is on the way. I will not let you quit on my watch!