Bethesda Naval Hospital, Bethesda, MD.

December 6, 2003, 13:00 hours

The Admiral had spent most of the morning in his office dodging questions from his staff. There
were too many questions and few answers he could or would give. Why was Harm here so late? Would he be, OK? Where was Mac? Why had the woman Harm had called his best friend suddenly left his side? Her absence had begun to fill the office rumor mill, with talk of the Colonel's guilt over their damaged friendship and the role her Paraguayan trip played in it and the shrinking chances of reconciliation in the Commander's condition. The worst of the rumors had Mac in the nearest bar drowning her sorrows. Her addiction was not widely known, but JAG was not immune to that most treacherous of diseases common to Washington, politics, careerism, and the scandalous rumors that are their companion. The potential truth of the story only added to the fear and anger of those who knew her and what Harm means to her. He had seen the letter on Harm's computer after Mac's rush to leave. Harm had confirmed JAG's worst kept secret, at the worst possible time. AJ knew if the worst happened and Harm died, a descent into guilt and relapse could no longer be a rumor. The answers to the questions about the health of Harm could only be answered by the doctors; or God. At the moment, neither seemed willing nor able to give.

The questions about Mac were explained an hour earlier (later?) in a brief conversation, in which she explained the situation and asked for whatever help he could give her in keeping Harm's promise. AJ considered revealing the information to the staff, to quit the rumors, but the story was not his to tell. The conversation had been respectful but left little doubt the blame she placed on both of them. The rebuke in her final words could not be missed. When AJ asked if there was anything else he could do. "Don't leave him alone. We owe him too much to abandon him again." The remainder of his part in the assignment started the downward spiral that led him here. Yes, he had his done duty as an officer in sending Mac to Paraguay with Webb, and as usual Harm and Mac saved the day. The nation had been saved from another attack. He had done his duty by processing Harm's resignation and restoring good order and discipline to his command. Those who saw leadership only in the black and white of the rule book would never question his choices. For men like AJ and Harm duty and honor always meant more than mere adherence to the rules. Leaving no one behind was no mere slogan are patriotic sentiment, it was fundamental to who they are. It was why AJ went to Russia when Harm and Mac were presumed dead. He had all but dared secretary Nelson to stop him. It was why he had taken it upon himself to save Harm from drowning aboard the Sora Bocchi. The reason he continues to sit in the spot Mac had occupied willingly ignoring the phone that vibrated with messages from the SECNAV. At the moment his duty was not to tend to Navy regulations and bureaucracy, but its highest ideals. He will honor Mac's request and keep the watch until she or his parents who were flying, could

be at Harm's side. He had done his duty as an officer. The greater duty now was to his fallen friend and the people who formed his surrogate family.

The ride from Mattie's house to the hospital was made in companionable silence, broken only by the call to the Admiral or the hospital seeking updates on Harm, only to be told there was no change. Every negative response from the hospital sends Mattie further into herself and Mac deeper into guilt and anger. She's angry at Webb for starting this mess. Yes, they had been through many of Webb's screwed-up missions before and come out relatively unharmed. Perhaps that's why she chose to ignore the warning signs. Why was a lawyer being asked to do the work of an intelligence officer? Even though the CIA had been compromised by agent Hardy, why not use one of the other agencies? Navy and Army intelligence; surely, they had people with the combat and language skills to accomplish the mission. The answer to that question came easily. Clayton Webb trusted few and she and Harm, unfortunately, happened to be on that small list.

Questions continued to plague Mac as she drove. Why had she been asked to go with Webb alone, and more importantly why had Harm not been allowed to help? Was the Admiral so angry over Harm's investigation into Singer's murder and the subsequent fallout, that he was willing to abandon her to the dangers of a Webb planned mission and the companies' lower ethical standards on those left behind?

' She understood the anger. Hell, if she's being honest, it's the biggest reason she so easily accepted the assignment. She was angry over Harm leaving her out of his investigation. What Harm saw as protecting his brother from unwanted murder charges, she had seen as evidence of a lack of trust and faith in her. In hindsight, she nor AJ should have been surprised, given his history with Diane's murder and his murder charges, but the FBI or NCIS wasn't leading the investigation. She was and they would have found a way. However angry the Admiral had the right to be at his recklessness, Harm had paid his price; not by saving her or even the lives of men and women who would never know the danger they faced. The greatest blow came not from the loss of the career that defined his life. The greatest blow came from the Admiral's accusation. "You're not a team player." And worse still, she barely came to his defense. He had done his duty as an officer and friend, upholding the highest ideals of military honor, only to be dismissed. They had all done their duty, and yes, she would follow orders; go on the mission, angry or not. Her Marine duty demanded it. This time the price of duty was too high. Stepping off the elevator and hearing the code blue coming from Harm's room sent her sprinting to him, leaving Mattie behind too stunned to move. Mac was stopped by AJ's strong grasp. "Let me see him, dammit." She struggled, but AJ could not be moved. He wanted desperately to let her pass. The pain in those brown eyes broke his heart, but if Harm were to live, the doctors needed the room. Finally, years of discipline forced her compliance with his order. "Stand down, Colonel." Her words to him as they watched the doctors from the window struggle to bring Harm back, would forever haunt AJ. "This is your fault!"

A/N Sorry things took so long. Thanks for staying with me.

After the ending, don't kill me. This H/M, can't be easy.