Chapter notes:

****** = breaks within scene

-o-o- = denotes separate entries in the same month for Sarah's Journal

~ Chapter 4 ~

Two Weeks After Maggie's Arrival

It was perhaps, no great surprise that Maggie started dreaming about giant alien robots, in particular a large silver one named Jazz. And in her dreams Jazz regularly rescued her from another, even bigger giant alien robot who kept trying to grab her. Jazz grabbed her instead, and then he did this weird thing where he transformed into a bright, shiny silver Rubik's cube and invited her to play with him.

Maggie was convinced there was something in the air or the water, or that her brain was simply on crack. It got worse when she caught herself looking at the seams in Jazz's armor, wondering if maybe he really could turn into a Rubik's cube and then she could-

Maggie's chair clattered noisily as she pushed back from the computer and turned away. "I think I need a break."

Jazz looked over at her. "Ya know, ya just took one half an hour ago. Somethin' wrong?"

"I did? Oh. Sorry." Maggie closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead tiredly. "I didn't sleep too well last night." Because I can't stop dreaming about giant robots and silver armor and shiny Rubik's cubes.

She heard a soft whirring sound and opened her eyes to an up close and personal view of the red insignia on Jazz's chestplates as he leaned over her to peer at her computer screen. A few taps on her keyboard, and he was back in his own chair before she even had time to react. Her brain managed a tired, whaaa? and that was about it.

"There. The system's on autopilot now. It'll flag whatever needs lookin' at and we'll deal with it later. Now, about that break." Metalloid fingers tapped rhythmically for a moment, and then fifteen feet of gleaming armor rose up in front of her. Maggie's eyes traveled up over the expanse of metallic silver to see Jazz looking down at her, his visor flickering through shades of blue. "How about you and me get out of here for a while."

Best. Boss. Ever, Maggie thought, getting up to follow him. Jazz moved with a fluid, easy grace, adjusting his strides so she could keep up. The softer lights of the hallway gave his armor a burnished glow.

Oooo, shiny! her wayward brain purred.

Maggie sighed. You are going to get me fired. Again. So shut it.

Sunlight filtered through the sheers on each side of the window in the living room. Annabelle was hard at work, crawling around, banging toys together, practicing pull-ups on the couch. Sarah sat at the corner desk, her laptop open, scrolling through the pages of her journal. She paused several times to read the entries.

NOVEMBER

It's always been a challenge for Will and I to reconnect after he's returned, to get past all the fantasy and unrealistic expectations that tend to build up while we're apart, and try to have a normal life until the next deployment takes him away again.

When Will called me, it was the first time in 2 weeks I even knew he was alive. I spent the rest of that day in a daze.

He came home in a large black Topkick truck. He took Annabelle from my arms, lifting her into the air, and then holding her close. This was what we had talked about during our time apart, every hope and high expectation pinned to this single moment, Will finally holding his daughter for the first time.

We sure made one good-looking kid, didn't we?

I blinked back tears, watching them together.

Why do I feel so left out?

I walked over to the truck. It was huge, dusty from the long drive. The windows were tinted so dark I couldn't see inside. Whoever drove Will home didn't seem in a hurry to get out. Dents and scrapes marred the black finish here and there. I ran my fingers across one of the largest dents. My mind was playing tricks on me because it seemed for a moment as though the truck vibrated.

Annabelle started to fuss and cry, and Will called me over. Anna doesn't know him, he doesn't know what to do with her. I hurried back to take her. The truck behind me started up with a low roar, and I turned around to see it pulling away, heading back down the road from wherever it came. The Base, I guess, though it didn't have military tags.

Our plans for a welcome home dinner went right out the window. Will changed, unpacked his duffel, then crashed for 16 hours straight.

This always happens. You'd think we'd have learned by now not to plan too much or do too much the first day home. But it's so easy to get carried away like that.

I ate alone in the small kitchen with Anna in her high chair next to me, while Will slept.

DECEMBER

We haven't settled out yet. Will's tired from training all day with his team. The long drive between home and the Base wears on him. He's under a lot of pressure all day, and when he comes home, he just wants to relax and zone out, play with Anna until she gets fussy, and then she's all mine. But I'm tired too, and I'd like more help with Anna when he comes home at night, and a chance for some adult conversation. Will doesn't see it that way.

One of the many things we haven't ironed out between us, and the Army in its wisdom decided to jump-start his team's training for their next mission. We should have had a solid month of Will being home and being a husband again. Will needs time to get to know Annabelle and get used to being a dad, the fun part along with the crying and dirty diapers and vomiting and walking the floor at night because Anna can't sleep for whatever reason. Everything that goes with being a parent, and even then, I don't know if a month is enough time.

Will barely got three weeks.

It's just Annabelle and me again, for most of each day. Will comes home late, maybe he's already eaten. I watch him play with Anna or read her a story. I do the last diaper change of the day and he tucks her in. We sit and watch TV, then we go to bed. Will has to be up early. He leaves before I'm awake.

I think we talked more while he was in Qatar.

JANUARY

Being a Ranger, Will always has secrets he has to keep, and the last mission was rough. He lost men, good men under his command. I know it bothers him, but Will's always kept the difficult things to himself. It bothers me that he won't share them with me. But something's weighing on him, and I can't help but feel that something more happened, something different. And whatever it is, it's not over yet.

Will's been working longer hours and I'm ashamed to say it's a bit of a relief, but the tension between us is hard to live with. We've added Annabelle and god love her, but she's changed the balance completely, what we do and how we act and the time we have together. Our focus is on her, not on us, and I'm starting to worry that we might not get it right, things might not work out, before Will has to leave again.

-o-o-

The big black Topkick showed up again, along with three other vehicles. Bright yellow Camaro, day-glo green rescue vehicle, and the biggest truck I've ever seen, blue with red flames painted along the sides. I was surprised there weren't naked lady mud flaps to go along with the garish paint job. Together, they looked like the weirdest auto collection in the world.

"Our yard isn't a parking lot," I said to Will. He frowned and went out to greet whoever was in charge.

No one got out. Will stood out there and seemed to be talking to the grille on the big truck.

Which was plainly crazy, so I had to go out and see for myself.

I walked over to the big truck, and Will took Annabelle from my arms with a quiet, "Brace yourself."

I stood there with my mouth open while the vehicles all just… fell apart. Like watching an explosion in slow motion, parts were flying, moving, shifting, and then they all… reassembled themselves somehow, into these enormous metal creatures with arms and legs and heads and strange eyes all staring down at me.

I almost fell down. I swore before I could clap my hand over my mouth. At least I threw in a 'holy' along with the 'shit.' Maybe they'll cancel each other out.

The tall one looked a little amused, at least I think that was a smile. The one that used to be the Topkick uttered what sounded like a loud blow of air and stared down at me with strange, ice-blue eyes.

The day-glo creature spoke up. "The differences between the femme and her offspring are interesting."

The tall one moved slowly, bending down into a strangely graceful crouch. They didn't look like they could do that. A tremendously deep voice spoke above my head. "I am Optimus Prime. We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron." I heard gears turning, and whirring noises. His huge head turned, cobalt blue eyes fastened on Will. "Captain, Ironhide has agreed to remain as guardian. Is this acceptable?"

Will nodded agreement, and I almost swore again. This was insane, this couldn't be happening.

I watched the big black one standing out in front of the house, watching the others leave. He was staying. Here. With us.

Why? And I must have said that out loud.

Those massive plates shifted, the large head turned, and it, the creature—Ironhide?--- stared down at me with those cold blue eyes and told me he needed to be here for our protection. A chill went through me, because if it took something like him to protect us, I didn't even want to know what might be coming after us.

Will went into the house to get ready for work, taking Annabelle with him.

This isn't real, my mind kept insisting.

I stared up at the gigantic black one they called Ironhide. He stared down at me. Cold, inhuman, alien eyes. I looked away first, unnerved.

I don't know that my life will ever be normal again.

FEBRUARY

We had another fight last night. It's happening more often. Will's tense, I'm tense, Anna picks up on it and fusses a lot. The counseling sessions haven't helped much. We snap over little things, we don't seem to have a lot to say to each other. We're both frustrated and tired and angry. This hurts too, and I know it's hurting Will. All those high expectations, all the hopes while Will was gone, seem like they belonged to someone else, and I guess it's good to have them gone, they weren't real, but now what?

Will got the notice today. He'll deploy in May. We have a little over 2 months of our married life together left, before he leaves again. Marriage is hard when you lose your husband for 3 months at a time. Gone for 3 months, home for 7, just barely enough time to resettle into a stable marriage maybe, if you're lucky, and this time I'm wondering if our luck isn't running out. Those high military divorce rates are starting to haunt me.

Ironhide sits outside our house, looking like a gigantic hulking pile of metal when he's not in his truck form. His presence changes things, too.

Everything has changed, and I don't know what to do.

-o-o-

Ironhide has been here now for three weeks.

He ignored me at first, until I got in his way. That was today. I was scared to death, but he was reaching for Annabelle, for my daughter. Ironhide made some weird clicking sound and pushed me aside and reached for her again. I don't know what he wanted, but he wasn't getting her. I grabbed his finger and tried to shove it away. Like trying to move a mountain of metal, and of course it never budged, but Ironhide stopped and looked at me.

Icy blue eyes—optics, they call them---stared down at me. I was a quaking mess but I wouldn't back down. I matched him stare for stare. His finger moved again, as if to test me, and I gave it another firm push.

Ironhide's hand stopped moving. He continued to stare at me. He could stare for all eternity if he had too, I was sure. Those cold, unnerving optics of his bored holes into me, and if this was a contest of wills I had no chance of winning. I started to shake and looked down, too frightened to push things any further, but at least his hand was not close to Annabelle.

Another sound, so low I almost couldn't hear it, the air felt like it throbbed around me, and then I heard his deep, rumbling voice.

"Sarah," he said, "I'm here to protect. I won't hurt you, or your offspring."

It was the first time he said my name. I didn't think he knew it.

I nodded shakily. "Alright," I said, "alright." Then I backed away and snatched Annabelle up, heading into the house as gracefully as I could manage. I was sure Ironhide knew it for the retreat that it was, but that didn't stop me from doing it, and he made no move to keep me there.

It only dawned on me once I was safely indoors, that the giant metal finger I touched was warm.

***********

Sarah's cellphone rang with a peculiar three-tone harmony, just as a shadow fell across the window. Ironhide's call signal, and she looked over to see him looking in at her.

"Are you ready?" he asked, voice rumbling through the cellphone speaker.

"Ten more minutes?" Sarah watched him glance towards her laptop and nod once before moving away.

She scrolled down to the last entry of her journal and began typing a new one.

MARCH

It's done, it's out there, everyone knows now just how bad things are between us. It's not like it was a big secret, but I wish that it hadn't happened so publicly.

Will called to apologize after the party. He spent the rest of the weekend on Base. Maneuvers out in the field. We talked about Annabelle and then he had to go. Anna's the one thing we can agree on completely.

I don't even think Will did it on purpose. He's stressed and under pressure, his deployment date's been moved up again. His head is in the mission prep and everything else is secondary.

Things are so strained between us. I'm tired but I don't sleep well. I'm forcing myself to eat. I hate this, the situation, everything. Hate it. Maybe it's best that Will's leaving early, maybe we're both too close to this. I want everything to be normal again, and it's not going to happen. Some distance might help. It might start us talking again.

Ironhide stays around the house most of the time, and every few hours he runs a patrol around our property. He's gruff and blunt, when he bothers to speak at all, but then I haven't spoken to him much either. I don't know what he does all day while he's sitting there.

He seems to take more of an interest in me lately, he watches me whenever I'm outside. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. He still makes me a little nervous. Okay, a lot nervous. God, he's just so big! But I'm alone most of the time too. Maybe I should go out and talk to him once in a while.

Is that stupid? That's probably stupid. I have no idea what I would say to him.

************

Sarah sat and stared at the entry. The words on the screen wavered and blurred. A long shuddering sigh shook her, followed by another, and another, then she put her hand to her mouth and choked back a sob. She couldn't do this, not now.

She wiped at the tears running down her cheeks and looked at her watch. Past time to go, and she didn't like to keep Ironhide waiting. She shut down her laptop, and collected the diaper bag, a few snacks, some toys and an excited Annabelle, who squealed when Sarah said 'truck' and 'ride.'

The large Topkick sank down low on its shocks at their approach, the frame nearly touching the ground. Sarah murmured her thanks for Ironhide's assistance when they were settled in, just as she always did. Ironhide rumbled a short acknowledgement, just as he always did. The long, silent trip to the Base was broken only by the sounds of Annabelle babbling her enjoyment.

Maggie followed Jazz through the large double doors at the back of the Base. She watched as the sun glinted off the many planes and angles of Jazz's armor, awestruck as always by the dizzying speed, lithe twists and graceful spins that marked his amazing transformation from giant Autobot into his absolutely gorgeous alt-mode of Pontiac Solstice.

Most definitely, utterly gorgeous, but that Maggie could handle, because Jazz-as-a-car was a whole lot less distracting than Jazz in his robot form.

The passenger door swung open, inviting her in, and Maggie sank gratefully into a seat that felt more like memory foam than leather. She slipped her high heels off and curled her toes into carpeting that was thick and plush, and rested her head back with an appreciative sigh.

"Where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular." Jazz's voice filled the small cockpit, surround sound at its finest. "I just thought I'd drive around and let ya relax and we can talk for a bit."

A seatbelt snaked its way around Maggie just as they passed through the gate. Jazz picked up speed, the purring engine revving into a muted roar.

The sound of power, Maggie thought, listening to the turbocharged engine's deep tones. She grinned to herself. Mikaela finally got to work on Jazz three days ago. She was still having cargasms over it.

The Base fell away behind them, and Maggie felt the tension start to drain away. A comfortable silence filled the cockpit.

She wiggled a little in her seat. Sheer bliss. Did they make beds out of whatever this was?

The tone of Jazz's engine changed and deepened, hit an almost growling note, before resuming its normal pitch.

"So," Jazz said, and oh her ear for sounds was definitely on today. Her curiosity piqued at the slight hint in his tone that Jazz had something other than small talk in mind.

"Prime has asked ta meet with ya again."

The comfortable silence fled.

Oh god, she should have known Prime wasn't going to magically go away.

Jazz didn't seem to expect a response, but his next question was so random she was completely taken aback.

"Are ya happy here, Maggie?"

Where did that come from?

"'Cause if you're not, then ya shouldn't stay."

What?

"Wait… what? Yes, yes I'm happy. I love this, all of it, the job, everything."

A long silence.

"Okay," Jazz finally said. "I just wanted ta be sure. Now that I am, there's somethin' I need ta make clear."

Uh oh. Maggie had heard enough warnings in her career to recognize one when it was coming.

When Jazz spoke again, his voice was firm and authoritative.

"I know Prime makes ya nervous, Maggie. He's a big mech, and ya got off to a bumpy start with him. But Prime has vetted everyone on this team. That's his right, and he has the final say on whether ya stay or not. Now I told Prime I'd get you two together, and I'd like for that ta happen very soon, today if possible."

Maggie looked away from the glowing lights on the dash, chastened, and a little ashamed of her fears.

"I understand." She took a deep breath. "And I'm sorry."

She felt a little press of the seat belts across her waist and chest, like a comforting squeeze.

"Don't be," Jazz said. "Three weeks is hardly enough time ta get used ta all this. I said ya were doin' good, and I meant it. That's why I'm gonna push this now. Go see Prime. Do it today. Get it over with, put it behind ya, then you're home free."

Maggie's shoulders drooped tiredly. As much as she might wish for it, she wasn't going to get out of this. Suck it up, Maggie, she scolded herself.

"Okay, I'll do it."

Maggie heard a low humming, like a soft croon. The seatbelt gripped and released once again.

"Good," Jazz said. "Now that the boss stuff is out of the way, we can move on ta the friend stuff."

Jazz saw her surprise, the way her eyes darted to his dashboard.

"Friends?" Maggie's voice was hesitant.

He gave her another comforting squeeze with his seatbelt.

"Friends," he repeated. "I like ya, Maggie, and I want ya ta stay. I think of ya as a friend, same as Mikaela and Sam. When ya go ta see Prime, I'll be with ya."

Maggie straightened, thrilled and relieved to have him with her.

"Thank you for coming with me. Thank you."

Jazz watched her perk up, and chuckled. "Thought ya might like that."

Maggie felt a little ripple through the seat beneath her, echoing his amusement. His voice held a warm, teasing note. "Hey, I'll even hold your hand, if ya want."

Maggie laughed and patted the dashboard. "That's okay. Just having you there is enough. I do really want to stay, so it's time for me to deal with this. Let's head back to Base."

Her seat vibrated with his deep laugh. "That a' girl. Hang on now."

Maggie shrieked as Jazz spun into a one-eighty and roared for home.

Prime watched the small femme with interest. Maggie had declined the helping hand of himself or Jazz, electing instead to make the long climb up to the top of his desk using the human-sized embedded metal steps.

He had his desk cleared, having learned that sitting next to stacks of human-sized datapads made all the humans nervous, every last one of them. Maggie sat now on the small couch he kept for these occasions, calmer than he'd ever seen her. Prime sat back in his chair and steepled his fingers.

:I'm surprised you got her in to see me, Jazz:

:She knows how important this is, and I said I'd come with her:

"It's a pleasure to finally have a chance to chat with you, Miss Madsen."

"Please, call me Maggie."

"Certainly." Prime inclined his head, noting the way the little femme glanced at Jazz from time to time.

:She seems to trust you: the Prime concluded. :That's good:

:Told her I'd keep her safe from the really big, giant alien robot: was the laughing reply.

:She's doing well?:

:She is. Another week and she can take over:

:Good. That will free you up for the next task I have in mind. Maggie can report directly to me from then on:

:'Kay, boss:

Prime smiled at the newest member of his team. "Let's get started then, Maggie. Jazz will stop me if I go on too long, I'm sure.

"Now as you may already know, we are autonomous robotic organisms, and our home world is Cybertron…"

tbc

_______________

A/N: My thanks once again to Ladydragon76 and lb82, and also chaitea16 who joined my beta team this chapter. In the face of some very trying RL issues, your help, encouragement, and support are so very much appreciated. Also much appreciated, the continued faves, alerts and reviews. You all are awesome! Thank you!! ;)