The dawn is sick for the daylight, the morning yearns for the noon,
And the twilight sighs for the evening star and the rising of the moon.
But the dawn and the daylight never were seen in the self-same skies,
And the gloaming dies of its own desire when the moon and the stars arise.
Alfred Austin- Longing
Are you crying?" Edward directed his attention away from the film playing on the small TV screen to the sniveling girl, who had cocooned herself in a blanket and had her head rested on his shoulder.
He heard her laboured breaths get quicker as she watched the scene unfold, and the cartooned Lion cub nudged his recently deceased father to ''wake up''.
"It's really emotional, okay! He just lost his dad.''
"To a stampede of wildebeests… It's the Circle of life.'' He said with a toothy grin, trying to make light of the situation.
Amiyah lifted her head from his shoulder and glared at his insensitive words. "You're not funny. The Lion King is a cinematic masterpiece, and I demand that you show it the same amount of respect that I showed the movie you chose last week."
He smiled affectionately at her protectiveness over the cartoon. ''You fell asleep in the middle of the first act.'' He reminded her as he gently pulled out a stray popcorn which was lodged in her hair and flicked it into the empty bowl on the floor.
"It was in black and white, that's practically an invitation for me to take a nap.'' She said dismissively. Allowing herself to become fully engrossed in the film as soon as the meerkat and warthog appeared on the screen.
Instead of focusing back on the film, like he knew Amiyah wanted him to, he let all of his attention fall onto the girl he loved. He observed her tenderly as she laughed heartily at whatever was on the screen. He had been savouring the way her eyes lit up in pure enjoyment and wondered if there would ever be another moment where he would feel so content and at peace.
Being with her, with the weight of her head on his shoulder, had made him temporary oblivious to all of his troubles.
He almost forgot in the midst of their time together that their tomorrow was not promised. He wished he could stay in the moment with her forever.
Edward is ripped away from the memory (just one of the many he'd been reliving that day) by a brisk knock at his bedroom door.
He didn't call out for her to come in, he knew her knocks were just for appearances sake, she'd barge in, with or without a response… she always did.
"Edward?" He didn't turn to see his sister's small frame as she entered his room cautiously. Her eyes bounced around the room taking in all she saw with animated expressions of irritation and disgust when she took sight of the clutter of clothes strewn randomly across his room until finally settling on pity as her gaze landed on Edward who was laying on his couch, his face which was turned to stare at the ceiling looked pale (more so than normal) and despondent.
"Are you coming to school with us?" She asked him, hopeful for a positive answer.
He didn't bother to answer Alice, deep down she already knew that he wouldn't. He hadn't been at school for the past 3 weeks and he wasn't looking to go back anytime soon
Frustrated by his lack of acknowledgement, yet not demotivated she moved closer to Edward and continued to engage him in a one sided conversation.
"Would you'd like to join me and Jasper later? We're going to go hunting and after that we're heading to Port Angeles to watch the new Bond movie. They're saying that it might be the best one yet" Her tone stays upbeat, hoping that it might encourage her brother.
"I'm good, thanks." He said, so void of emotion it made Alice release a heavy sigh.
"Why are you doing this to yourself? I know you're hurting but you can't keep living like this. It's been six months, you don't speak to anyone, you barely hunt and what makes it all worse is that you won't tell anyone what happened."
"Maybe you should take a break from Forks for a while. You could stay in Tuscany with the Beneventi coven. You love it there!'' She pointed out optimistically.
He rose from the couch and sat up to face his sister. "I'm not leaving, I want to be here when she comes back." No matter how long that may be…
"You still think she's coming back?"
Edward kept quiet. Not wanting to admit out loud that even his own hope of Amiyah's return was slowly dwindling.
"I'd like to be alone, please."
"But.-" This isn't right, it was never supposed to be like this. Alice's thoughts were loud and frantic which only upset Edward more.
"Alice please!" He snapped, trying to shut out her thoughts.
He saw her recoil at his outburst. He didn't even get to blink before Alice had exited his room in a flash and let her momentum shut the door behind her.
He laid back onto his couch and shut his eyes. Despite having no biological need for it he took several deep breaths, hoping that the influx of oxygen would mend his shattering soul.
It doesn't.
Hours pass by in what, to Edward, feels like seconds with his mind filled with nothingness and his heart filled with pain.
His eyes fluttered open on their own accord. He knew it was time for him to leave without glancing at a clock. His body slugged further into his couch, with just the thought of him retreating from his room weighing heavy on his chest.
It had become almost routine for him. He'd been going over to her house now every night for the past two months
He found her laying down on her bed, pretending to be reading a thick leather bound book which was way out of its time.
"Good evening. Bella." He said, merely to announce his presence. He was in no mood to carry a conversation with anyone, especially after the unpleasant one he had with his sister earlier in the day.
"Hi." She replied breathlessly. He could hear her heart beat loud and fast against her rib cage and watched in contempt as her cheeks turned a light pink.
Bella's reaction was far from foreign to Edward. He'd been coming to her room in the same manner, at the same time every day for the past couple of months. He had thought she would've warmed up to him by now, but still each time he'd make his presence known Bella would get so flustered it was almost impossible to hold eye contact with her.
It was bearable at first, even slightly amusing. But as his visits continued he found it harder and harder to be alone in the same room with her. The rush of blood that would constantly flood to her face had begun to taunt his self-control.
His magnetism to Bella's blood had not weakened like he foolishly hoped it would, instead it felt like it had only become fiercer the more time they spent together. His heightened emotional vulnerability did not help at all.
"I'll be outside. Call me if you need anything." Edward said curtly, turning his back to the blushing teenager in preparation to exit her room the same way he came in.
"Edward?" Bella's shy voice stopped him before he could make the move to exit. He internally groaned and turned back to face her, urging her silently to continue.
"Y-You can stay inside tonight if you want... Charlie's a very heavy sleeper and my bed is big enough for the both of us." Her words came out rushed and skittish, although she tried to play off nonchalance by staring only at her cuticles. He could tell, even without a glimpse into her mind that it was something that Bella had been thinking about maybe even the whole day.
Edward was not oblivious to the feelings Bella harboured for him, granted she wasn't very subtle. And he couldn't help but feel a bit of sympathy for the girl
"I don't sleep." He told her, hoping to let her know in not so many words that the chances of him sharing a bed with her tonight was very slim.
"Right Alice told me about that, I thought would want to lay down with me, just to make yourself comfortable. Alice also told me that you needed the company, and to be honest I'd really like the company too."
Edward restrained himself from growling in anger. Of course Alice was involved in this. She tried to mask her thoughts from Edward but every so often shed let a sliver of info slip through the cracks, and from what Edward had gathered, Alice was trying to get Edward to open up to Bella.
She thought that the introverted girl would be good for her brother. Forget that he had to physically stop himself from killing her every day.
"I'm sorry. I should go." He said, desperately wanting to leave the suffocation he'd make himself endure when he was with her.
"Could you please stay? Just for a little while longer.'' Bella pleaded. She stared at him gloomily, awakening in him a shred of guilt.
"Okay". He said. Hoping that his voice didn't come out as begrudgingly as he felt.
"You can sit down." She gestured to her desk chair and he promptly took a seat.
"Are you alright?"
He scoffed. "I'm fine."
"Why do you ask?"
"You've just been different these past few weeks."
Edward was once again floored by how observant Bella was, admittedly a bit perturbed.
"Is it because of her?" She continued after being met with silence.
He stiffened. Not liking were the conversation was headed.
"Amiyah… I know you two had a thing before she left town. But she's gone now. You don't still have feelings for her… Do you?"' She asked insecurely.
"It's much more complicated than what you think Bella."
"Then simplify it for me. You can't honestly still want to be with her? She's not even here! She left you!"
He exhaled sullenly. Exasperated with her misplaced anger.
"Edward, I love you."
Oh God.
Her cheeks reddened deeply, but he was unsure if it was because she regretted what she said or if it was a blush of passion. Hope shines in her brown, doe eyes. Not dark enough to be hers, lacking the intensity hers provided. Too big, too round, but just more plainly not hers.
"Bella. I'm flattered…" He starts off tentatively, looking for an appropriate way to reject her without hurting her feelings.
The hope in her eyes immediately deflates.
"Just forget it." She mutters morosely.
"I should go relieve Jasper" He said awkwardly.
Can I ask you one more thing?" Her voice comes out hoarse and small. "If you never met Amiyah, if she wasn't even in the picture, do you think you could have ever felt the same way?"
He couldn't answer her. He wouldn't dare think about what would have happened if he never met Amiyah. Being with her changed everything. He wouldn't erase her impact on his heart, not even for a split second.
"Good night Bella." He said to her instead, jumping out of her window swiftly and leaving the heartbroken girl to sob into her pillow.
A/N
Not edited! I hope you enjoyed! Sorry for the long wait. More chapters coming soon! Please Review, Follow/ Favorite