In your absence
my life is all a stammer
hunted down
by a non-existent tomorrow
I feel guilty
of sins I have not committed
borne on the wings
of incessant fears
Without you,
my earth suffers a demise of colours
as when a guest leaves a house
at night
the light goes out
Without you- Odia Ofeimun
What is supposed to take me 10 minutes takes half an hour. This is one of the reasons I failed Driver's Ed multiple times; I tend to drive dangerously below the speed limit.
The rain pelts softly on the windscreen while I turn into the parking lot of the diner I frequented a lot during my time here.
I preform a poorly executed parallel park and pull the keys out of the ignition. Climbing out of the car I practically run to the front door, eager to satisfy my cravings.
"Hey there shug." Once I walk in I'm greeted by the familiar face of Arlene, one of the permanent waitresses here. her permed blonde hair sits on top of her head in a deliberately messy updo and she smiles at me good-naturedly.
"Arlene." I greet her formally.
The blonde-haired waitress leads me to a table in her section, a section I actively avoid whenever I come here.
"Where's that cute Cullen boy you always come here with?" She asks me once I'm seated.
"He and I are no longer together." I mumble drumming my hand on my thigh.
"That's a shame, you two were adorable." She tells me in an overtly saccharine tone, pouting her bright red lips like she was genuinely upset about it.
I restrain myself from rolling my eyes and stare blankly at her. I just want to eat. Arlene has a habit of talking endlessly and most of the time she won't stop until another waitress physically pulls her away.
"Yeah, it's a real tragedy." I say dryly, opening the menu I already have memorised and skim through it indifferently. "So, what's the special today?"
"Oh, honey you must be devastated." She continues, ignoring my question and clutching the stack of menus close to her bosom.
"More hungry than devastated." I whisper to myself lowly.
"You know I've always said you and Belinda's son would make the most beautiful couple."
Now I can't help but let a little eye roll surface.
Belinda is another one of the waitresses here, she's a sweet, older black women who always makes sure my plate has extra fries whenever she serves me. I really do like her, her son, however, is fourteen years old and in the state of Washington, that is a case.
I do have the sneaking suspicion that the only reason she's even suggesting him to me is because he's probably the only other black kid she knows.
"Thank you," I throw her the fakest smile I can muster. "but I'm focusing on myself right now. Now back to the special-" I'm interrupted again, but this time not by Arlene, not even by another person, but by a feeling that washes over me.
The air feels to have gotten thicker, so I begin to inhale and exhale deeper breaths. The hairs on my arm and the back of my neck stand up, my pulse quickens, and my fingertips are abuzz with electricity.
I know exactly what is causing this reaction out of me.
A quiet 'whoosh' signalling the front door opening confirms my suspicions and I have to forcibly refrain myself from banging my head on top of the table.
He glides into the diner from outside of the rain, pausing in front of the door to push his wet hair out of his face. A few droplets from his jacket fall onto the floor while his eyes scan the diner.
Our gazes immediately meet, and I feel all of the air escape my lungs.
I watch him approach my table hesitantly, looking almost like a lost puppy.
"Edward!" Arlene greets him, a little too enthusiastically if you ask me.
Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.
Edward gives her one of his signature smiles albeit a bit strained.
"I haven't seen you in months, what can I get you baby?"
Of course, the guy that doesn't eat gets served before the starving, paying customer.
His strong gaze lingers on me while he speaks to Arlene. "Could I have a plate of wings please? As well as the cheeseburger combo with large fries."
I hope to hell he ain't ordering that for me.
It's okay, I don't have to eat his food, I can just place my own order with Arlene.
I open my mouth to do just that, but she has already flounced off to give the order to the kitchen.
I watch her walk away with absolute disdain. What the hell? Just wait until Yelp is invented, somebody's getting a one-star review.
Whatever, I guess I just won't eat. Treacherously my stomach let's out the loudest growl in protest to my silent resistance.
"How would you know I'd be here?" I ask calmly, even though it feels as if my heart is doing the Cha Cha slide in every corner of my chest.
"I asked Alice for some help." He at least has the decency to look sheepish.
"So, you made your psychic sister metaphysically stalk me? Nice."
"I-" he pauses like he's trying to choose the right words to say next, but I don't give him the chance to continue.
"And what were you doing ordering for me? I'm not a child, who's to say I wanted all of that food anyways?
Edward's looks at me with pure confusion. "But that's your go-to order, and you love chicken wings, you made that whole song and dance routine the last time we came here."
Okay so yeah, whatever I might ride a little too hard for spicy wings. But fuck it! We're not together anymore, it's not cute for strangers to place a full food order for other strangers.
"Well, Edward, people change." I say ominously. "Why are you even here?"
"I wanted to speak to you. Bella told me that you wouldn't talk to her, and well, I wanted to make sure you were okay."
I cringe. They're still talking. Jeez, why would I assume they'd stop on my behalf.
"Huh, so you and Bella are a thing now? I bet you two have a bunch of fun re-enacting Romeo and Juliet scenes and catching her every two minutes when she trips over literal air." I bitterly remark.
"It isn't anything like that, trust me. I know what you saw at my house might've been confusing but I can explain all of it, please let me fix this this. I- I've been a wreck without you." He chokes out emotionally.
The pitiful look in his eyes almost break my resolve. Key word: almost.
"Does this look like Iyanla: Fix My Life? I don't give a Fuck! I do not care about you or whatever you have to say to me."
"I know you do. Because you love me." His eyes are glistening, almost glowing, under the low-lit diner's lighting. My heart does a little loop inside my chest and I am suddenly filled with the urge to punch him for being so darn attractive and having such a strong hold over me.
I cross my arms and look away from his pained eyes. "That's very presumptuous, asshole." I scoff
"I love you too. More than I could ever express. You are my life Amiyah and these past few months have been tortuous for me. When you were gone it was like my heart was constantly being ripped out of my chest. I was living for nothing else but to see you again. If you would just give me the opportunity to explain myself, you would understand." He sounds almost desperate.
His molten eyes stir up something within me that I wish would stay dormant and I can't help but fall for the pitiful look in his eyes.
I mentally chastise myself for not holding my ground more, but I want to hear what he has to say.
"Five minutes, that's all you get."
Hey everyone, I will keep this short and sweet. Firstly I am so sorry for the prolonged hiatus, its been a crazy adjustment the last couple of months, I am trying to write whenever I can but its hard, especially with all of the work I've been getting.
I hope you are all keeping safe and healthy! I will continue writing and try to update sooner next time!