Chapter 28 One More Favor
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I hear them! Their claws scraping across the frozen snow, panting, sniffing, growling. I bolt upright, blinking my heavy eyes. My blood goes cold at the sight. A pack of wolves, at least a dozen, come racing toward me, growing larger with each stride they take! I scream and scramble to my feet and take off in the opposite direction of the wolves. Though my attempt to run is more like trudging through knee-deep snow!
He's afraid of the wolves. Hell, so am I!
I shouldn't look back! I shouldn't! But I hear them drawing closer. Their scraping claws have turned to the shredding of flesh, their panting and growling to barks and howls! They are so close, their shadows coming over me and threatening to fall on me and crush me flat! A bark sounds right behind me. His jaws snap loudly at my heels! I wheel about only to see those open jaws closing about my face! It cuts my scream short, the wolf's impact knocking me onto my back! The wolf's hot breath wafts over my face. Viscous spit drips onto my cheeks and nose. Immense pain shoots through the sides of my face as the wolf's teeth pierce my flesh. The loud cracking of bone echoes in my ears. That's my skull cracking between the wolf's jaws. I scream. One final scream.
"OPEN YOUR EYES!" a woman says. Sara?
My eyes snap open to some spindly tree branches high above me and a sky packed with grey clouds far above the branches. Thick white flakes fall from the sky and land on my face like many frozen pins piercing my flesh.
"Sara!?" I say and wait for her response.
...Silence. There is my response.
I brace my hands against the frozen snow and push myself to sit up. A frozen wasteland of scattered skeletal trees with spindly branches is all I see. The thick snowflakes still fall from the sky, slowly filling up a messy trail marring the snow that leads to me. My brows furrow, my mind so scrambled that I cannot make heads or tails of where I am, nor what is going on.
"Hello!?" I call out, my voice echoing into the frozen void. I bite the inside of my lip, hoping, praying for a response…
...Silence. Just the faint whistle of the wind. Just the cold biting so deep into me that I'm sure my bone marrow has frozen. Frozen bone marrow. Why do those words ring something within me? A strange taste appears and grows on my tongue. I swish my tongue about my mouth. What is this flavor? It's like nuts covered with ice crystals. It might taste better if it was cooked, like the marrow from ox bone. Ox marrow, when cooked, turns into butter with a rich and sweet flavor, particularly that of almonds and walnuts mixed together. Or pine nuts! A smile spreads my stiff mouth. Oh God, what I wouldn't give for a handful of pine nuts right now. Those are my favorite nuts.
"Mm," I hum to myself and drop back onto the snow. I can never bring myself to eat bone marrow again, not from animal nor man. I bust out laughing. I think we all know why I can't ever consume bone marrow again! My laughter ebbs as quick as it came. It's funny, though. Of all the organs and muscles I could fixate on, it's her bone marrow that stumps me. Perhaps it's because I had to smash open her bones just to get the marrow? Maybe. All the other parts were just cutting. The smashing, though. That was so...barbaric. Savage. Evil.
"Very evil," I say. It's what I am, is it not? Hell, I welcomed evil into my heart! So, in my heart, at my core, I am evil incarnate. God, if Eric knew one damn word of it, he would probably strangle me out of rage. I would not blame him for it. The body is so sacred, especially after the soul has left it. It must be burned as soon as possible, ideally on the same day or same night of death. If there are any remains left, even bits of bone, then it must be burned again. It would have been better if I let myself die than to have desecrated her body like I had done.
I should have died two years ago during that cruel winter. I should have died in the corner of my cell. This is retribution for escaping my death two years ago and for desecrating Sara's body. It must be. It is my fate to freeze to death. Eric, though? His fate...wait...I look about me, not seeing him. My heart leans over the edge. I get to my knees and scrabble about in the snow.
"Eric?" I call out, searching all over for him. "Eric!?" My heart falls off the edge. Terror grips me. The wolfmen attacking us, the knife sticking out of Eric's back, the poison in him, the fight to push his comatose body to Vilgard! In one of my mad hallucinations, I ran away from him! I don't even see the valley anymore!
"ERIC!?" I scream, tears blurring my sight. I brush my gloved hands across the snow, trying to find my tracks that have been covered by the falling snow! "Nononono!" I sob, so desperate to find something. Anything!—Here, right here! I brush the snow away, finding an impression of compressed snow where I must have dragged myself through! I look ahead, the path covered by the falling snow. If I just head straight, then I'll find him. Yes, this must be the way! I scrabble in the frozen snow, managing to stand on my frozen stumps for feet. I grit my teeth as I lift my heavy foot and take a step, but my foot sinks so deep in the freshly fallen snow that I end up on my hands again. Alright! I'll just crawl through the snow to get to him!
As I start half trudging, half crawling through the snow to reach him, I cannot shake that small voice inside warning me that I am heading the wrong way. But no, I uncovered my tracks! It must be this way!...Unless my eyes are deceiving me. My mind and my eyes led me away from Eric! Why should I trust them now?
"Damn it!" I stop where I am and pound the snow, kicking up snow about my fists. Fiery pain consumes my right arm, but I care not. The snow settles down about me. I look up at the frozen wasteland ahead. Damn it, I could just stay here and freeze to death. Eric will freeze to death as well if I stay here. I can't do that! I cannot give up here! No, I must try to find my way back to him. It's not as if I have my whole life ahead of me. I only have three hundred sixty-three days left to live. Or perhaps less than a day should my slipping mind and this cold get the best of me. I must try to find him. I force myself to keep climbing through the snow. If I can just see his face one last time...at least if I can have that.
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I keep trudging through the snow, my neck growing weary from constantly turning my head in this vain search for Eric. Hell, am I still alive!? Or have I collapsed somewhere from sheer exhaustion? Am I trapped in a deep sleep dreaming all this?
I manage to turn my heavy head, something catching my eye. I stop and squint my eyes to see better. Somebody stands far off in the distance wearing a flowing white gown, her black hair reaching down her back. I know that dress well. It's not a dress I liked seeing, but I saw it alot about fifteen, sixteen years ago. My eyes slowly widen. That mama's nightdress! She wore it nonstop in her final days. And the woman wearing it!? I move as quickly as I can through the snow, closing the distance between the woman and I.
"Hello!?" I call out to her. The woman turns to look at me. I stagger to a stop, the distance between us still so great. "Mama," I whisper, tears pricking my eyes and blurring my sight. The tears blur my sight more and more until the black blob of her hair gets engulfed by all the white and grey.
The last of my strength abandons me, bringing me to my knees. I sniffle back some water draining from my left nostril. Mama is not out there. Not really. I saw her body burned on the pyre. Papa had to set blaze to her pyre a second time after the flames died because pieces of her bones were still left. If I am seeing mama who has been dead for fifteen, sixteen years now, then perhaps I am close to death.
"Hey!" a woman calls from somewhere behind me.
I manage to turn my weary head—I freeze at the sight, my eyes growing wide. "Sara!?" I gasp.
She rushes to me, worry twisting her beautiful face. "What are you doing out here!?" She crouches beside me as she pulls the heavy animal pelt off her back and drapes it over me. "You'll catch your death!"
"I...I…" She's here...alive! "You have your skin!" I cover my mouth with both hands, instantly feeling shame. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" I say into my hands, muffling myself.
Sara laughs and shakes her head, her laugh beautiful and soothing. "Of course I have my skin!" Her laughter ebbs, leaving her kind smile behind. She grabs my wrist and eases one of my hands from my mouth. "Come with me," she says, so kind, so inviting. She takes my hand in hers and helps me to stand on my frozen stumps. "You must warm up."
I walk alongside her, just...staring at her with a gaping mouth. I feel like I'm in a trance that I can't break out of...nor do I want to. To see her here alive and well...I sigh with relief and let my heavy head drop on her shoulder.
"There, there," she says to me like a babe, stroking my back with her other hand. As we pass by a thick tree, the gold light of fire touches my sight. I manage to turn my head enough to see the flames. My jaw drops until it can drop no more. There he is clothed in all his leathers and with a bear pelt slung across his shoulders, truly bringing out the bear in him!
"There ye lasses are!" he says with a big grin, holding his arms open wide like he's showing off.
"Eric!" I say, gaping at him as Sara guides us both into his big, strong arms. He hugs us both tightly, laughing so heartily that it reverberates in his chest.
"Ye should eat!" Eric breaks our embrace and grabs my uninjured shoulder, taking a step back to look down at me. "Sit!" he says with his big, toothy grin. He presses his other hand to my back as he steps aside and gestures to another animal pelt spread across the snow before the fire.
I look between Eric and Sara as I stumble to the animal pelt and collapse on it, my jaw hanging the whole time. Sara goes to the fire and grabs a ladle sitting in a big pot that is held over the flames by a metal frame. She stirs the ladle about the pot and scoops the pot's contents into a bowl she is holding in her other hand.
I shake my head and look up at Eric. "I-I don't understand," I say as he sits down beside me on the pelt. "Th-the poison!—"
"What poison?" he asks, his brows furrowing and his smile lessening. His eyes suddenly widen. "Ah, the incendium poison!" He waves it off. "Done and gone with because of ye." His smile turns into something soft and earnest. "Thank ye."
"Ho…," I want to ask him how, but...why find out? He seems so happy and at peace. All the scars upon his heart must be gone. The snow crunches beneath a light pair of boots, pulling my gaze to Sara as she approaches us.
"Here." She stoops low, offering me the bowl in her hand, steam rising from whatever is in the bowl.
"Uh…" I try to reach up, but my arms are too heavy! "Uh, I'm sorry, I can't...seem to…," I trail off when Sara sits down before me and holds the bowl to my frozen lips.
"It's hot, but not too hot," she says and tips the bowl towards me. A drop runs down my frozen tongue, but it doesn't burn me! I manage to lift my heavy hands high enough to cover Sara's hands and help her tip the bowl back, emptying more of the bowl's warm contents down my throat. Funny, I cannot taste anything. It's not a soup nor a broth. It's tasteless.
"There!" Sara says as I drink the rest from the bowl. She pulls the bowl from my hands and smiles at me. "It's bone broth. It may not have much taste, but it warms your heart and soul during winters like these."
"Bone broth," I say. I swish my tongue about my mouth, picking up that distinct nutty taste again. "It's good," I say, settling on that. "Thank you."
"Of course." Sara's smile softens as she sets the bowl aside and scoots over to Eric's other side. I swallow hard, a pang of envy forming in my heart. I shouldn't look...but I can't help looking their way out of the corners of my eyes. Eric wraps his arm about Sara and pulls her into his side. He looks into the fire, that blissful smile still plastered to his face. I open my mouth, wanting to say something to get his arm off Sara and around me.
"H—" my breath hitches in my throat when Eric's hand goes to Sara's stomach and rubs it. My eyes widen. There beneath his bear-sized hand and Sara's dress is the unmistakable bump of a babe in her womb!
"You're w–with child!?" I say, pulling both Eric and Sara's smiling eyes to me.
Sara's smile only grows, revealing her perfect teeth. "Our first one," she answers. She glances up at Eric, both of them sharing a tender smile. Her dark eyes return to mine, her smile shrinking some. "You're jealous!" she says, though it's not angry or spiteful in the slightest.
I want to shake my head, to deny the truth of my pathetic feelings, but my weary neck cannot turn anymore. Tears return to my eyes, blurring my sight of them. "I always wanted a child. To feel a new life growing in here." I press a frostbitten hand to my empty womb. "In me...but that chance…," I drop my hand in my lap, tears streaming down my cheeks, "...it has long since passed me by."
Sara frowns at me, sadness in her eyes. "In our last moments, some of us think about our regrets in life. You feel as though you've left nothing behind."
"Oh, I left something behind!" I say. "Broken promises! Broken hearts! Failure! That's all I've left." Sara opens her mouth to refute me, no doubt, but I say, "I couldn't save him!" I point at Eric. "I couldn't save Greta! Hell, if I couldn't save them, how on earth do you expect me to save all of Tabor!?" I throw my arms up, suddenly having the strength necessary to do so.
"Ye did save me, lass!" Eric says, drawing my eyes to him.
"What!?" I look at him.
He shakes his head. "Ye dinnae see it now, but ye did. Ye saved me from myself."
I scoff at him and look at Sara. "You know? You know of my feelings for your husband, right!?"
Sara's frown deepens as she looks between Eric and me. "I know," she says.
"You know I want him to fuck me, right!?" That vulgar word is out of my mouth before I can stop it. Eric's eyes widen with surprise, but Sara's expression does not budge nor twitch.
She only blinks once. "I will say this. I wanted your paths to cross. I knew you could save my husband by delivering my ring to him." She lifts her hands and pulls off her right glove and then her left, revealing that tarnished silver band around her forefinger. My eyes widen, the hole in my heart starting to hurt all over again. I reach out for her ring, wanting so dearly to just hold it and feel the warmed silver. "I knew he would help you. I knew he would keep you safe on your journey to Duke Hammond." Just as I reach Sara's hand, she grabs her ring between her fingers and slips her forefinger out of it. "But I never expected your hearts to become entwined together as they have." She places her ring in my palm, the tarnished metal so warm on my skin that it burns me. Despite the burning pain, I gasp in a desperate breath and choke on a sob. It feels...holding her ring in my hand again...it feels as though someone has revived me. I feel hope again. Hope is tangible. It's real. It's in my hand!
I clutch her ring in my hand and bring my fist to my frozen lips. Tears escape my eyes and slip down my cheeks. I lift my teary eyes to her. "I missed this so!"
"I know," Sara says, so full of understanding. She reaches out to me and wraps her gentle hands about my fist. "Please do not forget what Eliza asked you to consider on your journey. You're not meant to die here. Just as Eric said, you can bring about a great deal of good. That is part of why evil surrounds you as it does."
"Part of it," I say. She knows what the other part is. I glance at Eric. He just looks between us with forlorn in his eyes, completely unaware.
Sara nods and leans closer to me, putting our faces so close together that I can feel her warm breath on my frozen lips. "Do not let it consume you," she says. "Things can happen. Terrible things. Things that can turn your heart. Eric knows this all too well. So does Ravenna."
My breath almost leaves me. "Except Eric did not let evil consume him. Ravenna…," Another bout of tears gather in my eyes and spill down my cheeks, my heart breaking. "I still love her!"
Sara only nods, understanding me without having to say it. "Would you do me one more favor?"
I nod eagerly. "Of course! Anything, my friend."
Despite my blurry sight, I see Sara's faint smile, yet I feel the gravity and the heartache behind what she is about to ask of me. "In your days ahead, I ask that you consider Eric's heart. Be gentle and kind with it. He is a good man who wants a good thing, but that good thing will cost much. It will cost so much, but only you can weigh what is worth saving...and what is worth sacrificing."
My heart twists about itself, hurting dearly, but what is it hurting dearly over? I shake my head, more befuddled than ever before. "I don't understand. I don't understand what you're asking me to do!"
"Consider his heart. Be kind and gentle with it. That is all I'm asking you to do."
I scoff. "But what about the rest!? What is worth saving, what is worth sacrificing!? What the hell does that mean!?"
Sara shakes her head and frowns at me...but she does not speak!
"Answer, damn it!" I shout at her, tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart twisting so much that it forces all my blood out of it. The fire suddenly gets to me, making me perspire. "It's so hot!" I throw off the bear pelt and tug at my clothes.
"Don't!" Sara reaches out to stop me, but I slap her hand away. "The cold will end you if you undress!"
"I don't care!" I yank at the strings of my dress, tearing my collars. "It's too hot!" I tug at the rest of my strings and try to pull my dress over my head, but I cannot muster the strength to pull the hem past my waist. I perspire more, feeling as though the fire is licking at my skin! Unable to rid myself of my dress, I manage to kick off my boots and pull the oversized trousers down my legs. The cold touches my flaming flesh, granting me some relief. I fall onto my back with a sigh, my gaze fixed on the dim grey sky above me. I let go of my breath, white smoke billowing into the air.
"Night's comin'," I mutter and throw my numb hand up to the sky. My hand flops back onto me, my arm too weak to hold it up. "You see it?" I wait for her to answer...I wait...and wait...silence.
"Sara?" I roll my head to where—where Eric and Sara were. They are no longer there. There is no glow of the fire. "Oh," I whisper. They were never there. It was just another piece of my mind leaving me. Though the favor Sara asked of me...I can't dismiss it as just another hallucination. Be gentle and kind with Eric's heart. Consider it...Was Sara really here just a moment ago? Back from the dead?
Another breath leaves me. Eric is out there somewhere, right where I left him, the last of his life slipping from him. There will be no need to consider his heart now. How can I consider a dead heart? Tears escape my eyes and freeze on my cheeks. I just want to close my eyes and forget about all this. I just want to sleep now. I'm so tired.
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It's too cold. I need to find shelter. Something. Anything! I roll onto my hands and knees and start digging up the snow like a dog.
"Hey!" a man shouts, his voice distant. I don't stop digging. I need shelter. I need it fast. I need it now. The distant crunching of snow beneath footsteps touches my ears.
"Hey you!" the man shouts, so much closer this time. The crunching steps grow louder and louder until they stop right beside me. I keep digging.
"Greta!" the man says right above me. Hands grab my arms and pull me back!
"NO!" I scream and turn to face the man, coming face to face with Finn! I kick and punch him with my remaining strength! I get so close to his face. I throw myself at him, trying to sink my teeth into his cheek!
"Woah!" Finn leans back out of my reach, the sudden shift in his weight bringing us both down to the hard snow.
"You won' tae me!" I say, though my words come out as nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
"Calm down!" Finn says. He manages to overpower me and rolls us over, pinning my arms by my head and my legs beneath his!
"No! No!" He is going to force himself on me now! He is going to make me know hell intimately and then slit my throat at the height of my shame! Or he might tear my heart right out of my chest! I fight against him with the last of my strength, but my strength quickly fades to nothing. The despair, the knowledge that I have failed...Eric is dead because I failed. Even though I returned Sara's ring to him, I have failed to keep my promise to her because he died. I have failed Greta. I wish I was dead. I wish I had hung myself back in my cell. None of this would have happened.
"It's alright," Finn says. "You're going to be alright."
"You lie," I manage to say, my voice croaking with my silent weeping. Finn releases my arms and gets off me. Why...why is he letting me go?
"I hope not...Princess," he says.
I barely feel my body shifting...being lifted up. I'm so numb. So tired. Too weak to do anything. Death is so close. Just come already, death. I'm ready.