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General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death.

CHAPTER 30: DEFROSTING

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Sydney laid in bed as the early morning hours crept in after a sleepless night. She was exhausted after the hours of torture that she'd put her own mind through, but she'd kept her promise to herself that she wouldn't cry over a problem that she had caused in the first place. She let out a heavy sigh as she continued the tumultuous spiral of how to move past this. As much as she wanted to fix things, she knew that they were beyond repair after what had happened the night before. She shook her head, finally deciding to put an end to the repetitive thoughts as she got out of bed and padded across the room, sliding her favorite movie into the DVD player - hoping for a distraction that would carry her through the rest of the morning.

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Happy parked his bike along the rail at TM after spending another night at Maya's house. He figured that he should return to sleeping in his dorm clubhouse, making a habit out of sleeping in the little blonde's bed might give her the wrong idea about his intentions when in reality, he'd just enjoyed the in-house pussy and break from listening to Sydney and Tig's constant fucking coming from the room next door.

The Nomad sauntered into the clubhouse where he found Tig passed out on the couch. It was early on a Sunday, but it wasn't that early - confirming what Sydney had divulged about his current bender.

"Oh, hey brother." Tig sat up quickly once he realized that the sound of footsteps was what had coaxed him awake - acting as if he had been up the whole time.

Happy scoffed, saying nothing to the hungover man across the room before he walked down the hallway to his dorm - happy to see that a croweater had washed his bedding while he was away.

"Hey, Hap?" Tig stood in the doorway squinting, rubbing his eyes which struggled to adjust to the light. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Okay." Happy nodded curtly.

"You seen Syd lately?"

"Last night."

"You see those bruises she's got?" Tig chose to ignore the fact that she'd apparently had time for Happy and not him.

"What about em?" The bald man grew impatient with the Sergeant's never-ending gloating. He didn't want to think about their sex life more than he already had to.

"Did she tell you where they came from?"

Happy's brow knit when the taunt came out as more of a question. Sydney had made it sound like they'd come from her and Tig playing rough, but with the way that he was standing before him, looking just as concerned as he had been when he'd first seen them himself, almost made him think that the dark haired man was trying to determine their origin.

"No." He lied. If she was lying about where they came from, it was for a reason - and it was a reason that he was going to get to the bottom of.

"Okay, thanks man." Tig retreated with a sad smile, seeing that, unsurprisingly, the Nomad wasn't in the mood to chat.

"You should get your shit together if you wanna keep her." Happy called after him.

"What?" Tig squinted, taking a step backwards so that the slender man was back in view.

"Makin her feel like your shit is her fault."

"I can handle my old lady." The blue eyed man growled.

"Doesn't seem like it."

Tig clenched his fists by his sides, grinding his teeth - he hadn't come to Happy to be told that he was fucking things up, he already knew that. But he didn't have the strength to fight back in his current state, so instead he stomped next door to his room where he slammed the door and stripped down before getting into the shower. He didn't even bother adjusting the temperature - throwing himself under the scalding water where he voraciously scrubbed his body and washed his hair, as if the action of physically shaking his head would have the same effect on him mentally.

Dripping water, he made his way over to the sink where he brushed his teeth before finally toweling off so that he could pull on fresh clothes - making himself look presentable before he stalked down the hallway and rounded the corner into the bar.

Sydney froze when she was met with the icy blue eyes that she'd been hoping to avoid - her cork wedges putting her much closer to his face than she would've liked in this moment. She knew that she was going to have to face him sooner or later, but when Happy had called and told her that Clay needed her at the clubhouse, she'd hoped that it would mean a delay in the awkward confrontation.

"Where's Clay?" She looked him over to see that he had already showered off his night with Cheryl.

"He aint here." Happy announced as he emerged from the hallway, strolling past them with a smirk.

Sydney exhaled sharply when she recognized the smug look on his face, begrudgingly realizing that this had been his plan all along - and she'd totally fallen for it.

"We need to talk..." Tig told her weakly once they were alone.

"Why don't you talk to Cheryl? Since you can't talk to me." She hated how the words sounded coming out of her mouth - petty and bitter - but the bubbling anger in her chest made her unable to stop them.

"You think I talked to Cheryl?" He cocked his head back with a scowl.

"I think you did more than talk..." She scoffed.

Tig bit his lip, shaking his head as he exhaled in frustration. He couldn't believe that he had so stupidly allowed the ruthless croweater to give Sydney even more reason not to trust him. "Alright, well did you hear what I said to her? Since you're such a spy." He shot back.

"Her hands all over you said enough." Her tone was cold, and her expression was hard as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm a taken man." He looked into her eyes with a blinding sincerity behind his. "No matter how much you may not want me to be."

"What the hell does that mean?" She scowled, shaking her head incredulously.

He looked to the ground with a crease in his forehead as his lips flattened in a harsh line. He knew that she didn't want to be with him, but he couldn't make himself say it out loud, that would make it real...

"Tig..." Her voice cracked, taking a deep breath as she saw that he wasn't willing to elaborate. "Transparency is the only way that this works..."

"You sound like Gemma." He scoffed.

"Yeah, well - I'm starting to think that she might've been onto something." She chortled.

His head stayed down, unable to meet her eyes. He knew that this was going to go one of two ways: either he would be forced to relive the memory that had been killing him for days, or she would tell him the truth - that he was too damaged for her. And both ended in the same way - with his heart broken.

"Look, I know that you don't wanna talk about Santa Cruz-"

"It's not that I don't want to." He cut her off, shaking his head as his throat locked. "It's that I can't." His voice cracked and his eyes stung with tears. "I want you to know, I just-"

"I don't need to know." She cut him off this time, hoping to ease some of his inner turmoil. "I'm sorry if I made it seem like that. I want you to tell me when you're ready, if that day comes." Her tone was soft and understanding. "But what I do need to know is that the fear it's causing you isn't going to shit all over what I want..."

"I can't lose you..." He choked out, barely above a whisper.

"I'm not going anywhere… But if I can't live the life that I've chosen, I might have to." His head snapped up at her mention of leaving because of him, seeing the pain in her beautiful big eyes - pain that he caused. "I didn't spend my whole life training just to be an old lady, Tig. It's not in my blood. I only know how to navigate this life one way, and I know how to do it well. You need to trust that I know what I'm doing. Because if you keep interfering, someone will end up hurt."

"That's why I fell in love with you." He chuckled humorlessly. "Because you could handle yourself." Irony's a bitch.

"Then let me." She whispered, reaching for his hand and stroking her thumb over his bruised knuckles - reminding her that her own bruises played a huge part in why they were having this conversation to begin with. She just hoped that her words had been effective enough to keep him from bringing it up again.

Tig squeezed his eyes shut as he held her hand tightly. He did feel some relief that Clay hadn't had her assassinated for holding him at gunpoint, and now that he didn't have the looming dread of having to tell her about his nightmare, maybe things would be okay...

"I love you." He sighed. "I'm always gonna worry about something happening to you..."

"I'm not saying you can't worry." She shook her head. "I just can't have that worry interfering at the table. We can't judge Jax if we do the same thing..."

Tig nodded, his mind going back to Jax when she spoke his name. "I need to know what's going on there." He couldn't let it eat away at him any longer. Their personal issues were one thing, but her issues with Jax affected the club - he had a right to know.

God dammit. Sydney ground her teeth after she had almost escaped the conversation. "If I tell you, you need to promise me that you will keep it to yourself…" She closed her eyes and exhaled, chewing her bottom lip as she weighed her options. "That means that you say nothing to anyone. Nothing to Jax, nothing to Happy, nothing to Clay. Can you do that?"

Tig nodded hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he would actually be able to do that, but he wouldn't know unless he tried to do what she was asking and trust that she had things under control.

"Jax was still angry about the Nevada blackmail when he saw me come back with Hale on Thursday. He thought I was pulling some kind of double agent shit so he..." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "Informed me of how he felt about that. He thought that seeing me with Hale gave him some kind of leverage, so he-"

"So he started using it as an excuse to mouth off because he thought you'd want him to keep your secret." Tig connected the dots. "So you're sayin that he..." He looked to the faded mark on her chest where it peeked through the long blonde hair that wasn't included in the half-bun sitting on the top of her head.

She nodded regrettably, her eyes falling shut as she prayed that she hadn't made the wrong choice in trusting that he could control his rage...

"I'm gonna kill him." He snarled, pushing past her and heading toward the door.

"Tig!" The anger of betrayal rose in her chest as he stomped away. "You promised!" She cried.

Tig stopped - her innocent words yanking on his heartstrings and pulling him right back with a heavy sigh and a mournful shake of his head.

Sydney approached him cautiously where he stood firmly planted in front of the door as his chest heaved and his arms stayed glued at his sides, placing her delicate hands on his face while he huffed.

"You promised me..." She whispered, her soft touch instantly calming him as she walked him backwards and sat him on the couch near the door - straddling his lap to keep him in place. "Me and Jax are okay. It's rocky, but it's okay." She tried to assure him - soothe him, reason with him. "That ATF agent from the booth yesterday - Kohn... He's Tara's ex."

"What?" Tig scowled in shock.

"It's not a coincidence..." She put his confusion to rest with a sigh. "He came here for Tara, not the club. That's where I was going the other day - to talk to Tara." She looked down guiltily as the memory of rushing out after she'd worried him flashed through her mind. "Kohn found out about her past with Jax and he's using his power over the club against her. That's the other thing I found out at the station." She looked back up into his eyes. "I need Jax to trust me right now. If he doesn't believe that Kohn is corrupt and dangerous, it could stir something up that lands the entire club in trouble."

"You've been doing this for the club the whole time..." Tig realized, nodding slowly as everything that he'd wondered about over the last few days finally came together in a way that made sense.

She nodded, stroking his shoulders. "You can retaliate for this." She brushed her straightened hair over her shoulder where the discolored patch of skin above her crown tattoo sat. "But it can't be right now - not when Jax thinks that everything I do is to take him down."

"Okay." Tig nodded reluctantly, looking up at her as he pushed the anger further and further down in his chest.

She watched his eyes soften, smiling when she saw it; the way that he looked at her - that loving gaze that she thought she'd stripped him of.

Tig's lips pulled up subconsciously to mimic her smile - glad that he was still able to do that to her. He leaned up to kiss her, meeting her lips softly when he was interrupted by a loud hollering.

"Aye!" Their heads whirled towards the offending noise to see Chibs bounding through the door. "Jesus Christ!" The jolly Scotsman yelled when he looked over to see the pair entangled. "D'you two ever do anythin except dry hump all over the damn place?"

"Ah come on, Chibby - it's not always dry." Tig responded with a sly grin, turning back to Sydney to finish what he'd started - but she hesitated instead, quickly getting up out of his lap.

"I need to talk to Clay before everyone else gets here." She explained.

"Should be here any minute." Chibs responded as he scanned the room, looking around the familiar sight of home that didn't involve Tig's hands down Sydney's pants.

Tig nodded, feeling a little deflated when she scurried away from him. He felt his doubt come flooding back in, but he decided to focus on the many positives of the morning instead of the one negative - especially considering that just twenty minutes ago, she'd thought that he'd cheated on her.

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"And you say I'm sneaky." Happy smirked around his cigarette when he heard Sydney's voice, turning from where he stood at the bike rail.

"You are." He nodded.

"Apparently I aint the only one." She mused. "Secret plan, secret girlfriend..." She swiped his cigarette, taking a drag before tossing it back - laughing as he fumbled to catch it and black ash rained down over his grey sweatshirt.

"Work shit out?"

"Yup." She rolled her eyes.

"Good. Now you wanna tell me why you're marked up?"

"Not really." She scoffed, looking to the pavement.

"I wasn't askin, little girl."

"Sure sounded like a question to me." She looked up with a smirk, providing herself with a small bit of verbal recompense after he'd stuck his nose in her business - no matter how much she appreciated it. "Promise you won't get mad?" She relented, innocently jutting out her lip.

"No."

"I got myself locked up the other day… During the raid..."

"Sydney..." Happy stepped closer to her as she rolled her eyes again when her full name came out of his mouth - a sound that she only heard when she was about to catch a lecture. "You do not give the cops any reason to-"

"It was to gather intel." She tried to reason with him as he grew disappointed with her seeming ignorance to one of the most important rules that he'd always instilled in her. "Unser got it dropped, but I made sure that it was something minor - just to get me in the door."

"They know who you are now." He shook his head.

"It was gonna happen sooner or later." She shrugged. "May as well be on my own terms, when I can use it to my advantage."

In the nick of time, the rumbling of Clay's bike interrupted their conversation as he pulled onto the compound and parked his bike just feet from where they were standing.

"Aight." Happy nodded, reluctantly accepting her answer. "But be careful." He narrowed his eyes.

"I will." She nodded.

"You better." He tipped his strong chin in a formal nod to his President before turning his attention back to her. "I'm headin out again."

"Didn't you just get back?" She whined for no purpose other than to piss him off.

"That's what Nomad means." He allowed a smug smirk to tug at his lips. "I'll be back soon." He nodded assuringly before climbing onto his bike.

"Alright, but don't think that you're off the hook for that girlfriend!" She called over the loud exhaust.

"Don't know what you're talking about." He smirked over his shoulder before letting the machine carry him out of the lot.

Clay smiled at his younger brother as he cruised past them - finally leaving them alone where he let the expression linger for a few seconds in hopes of cutting some of the tension. "You aint packin, are ya?" He joked, turning her around by her elbow to check that the waistband of her light washed jeans was empty.

"I could have a gun hiding anywhere..." She joked back, a wave of relief rushing over her when he broached the subject lightheartedly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any disrespect by it, I just-"

"Needed to send Jax a message." He surmised easily.

"Yeah..." She smirked. "I know that holding a President at gunpoint doesn't exactly earn one any brownie points, but…" She grimaced. "I was hoping we could just call it even?"

"Even for?" He cocked a brow.

"Gemma."

"You mean your fastpass ticket inside?" His brow raised even higher.

"Potatoe, potato." She shrugged with a smug smile.

"Yeah, okay." Clay chuckled, he couldn't help but admire her boldness - a boldness that he was lucky to have on his side.

Sydney smiled before turning to leave, satisfied with the outcome of all of the fences that she'd managed to mend over the past twenty-four hours.

"Hey!" Her trip to cloud nine was delayed when she heard his low voice calling her back to him. "I'm trusting you here." He looked to her with his narrowed blue eyes.

"I won't make you regret it." She assured with a nod, grateful for not only his trust - but also his lack of questioning.

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"How'd this mornin go?" Clay nodded to Jax from where he sat at the head of the table with a cigar in hand.

"Jarhead's were dicks, but it made Piney happy. I think it's all cool." Jax nodded, speaking for himself and the old man who was busy doing whatever it was that he did, tossing the envelope containing the measly $10k from Meineke onto the table

"Any tails?"

"Nah." Jax pursed his lips with a confident shake of his head. "Doubled back three times - no one followed us."

Clay nodded, turning his attention to Chibs for an answer about his real concern. "Who'd McKeevy see up north?"

"A few gun brokers, some Irish ex-pats, some fat black hookers." The Scotsman spoke as he removed his gloves while snickers filled the room.

"Where's he now?"

"Port Authority contacts. We got a week, then he wants his $200k."

"We're workin on it..." Clay grimaced, looking away.

"Clay, he made it very clear. We gotta have the money up front for the IRA to keep them flush, otherwise they sell to the Russians."

"Laroy's gonna take his two orders today. If we convince Jury to buy even some of those guns - we bank over two hundred." Bobby nodded optimistically.

"So we convince him." Clay stamped out his cigar. "We ride up tomorrow - pitch the guns, have them delivered by the end of the week before McKeevy gets back."

Tig nodded his confirmation quickly, the rest of the table seemingly on board while Jax nodded much slower.

"How're we working it?" Sydney asked, ignoring the side-eye Jax was giving her.

"We're gonna need a big presence in Nevada." Bobby sat back against his chair. "Need to show the Mayans that we aint fuckin around this time."

"Organize another charity ride." Clay nodded to Juice who shot up out of his seat and jogged out of the chapel, eager to do something helpful since he had been out of commission. "Me, Tig, Jax, Bobby, Ope, Chibs - Sack and Juice in the van. Rollie said shit with the Mayans has been quiet, that should be enough."

Tig was relieved to hear that Sydney wasn't on the roster. He knew that he needed to get over his fear of something happening to her - but it was easier said than done, and being spared of the burden of the worry that he would harbor the entire ride into dangerous territory was something that he was grateful for.

Sydney smiled at Kip where he sat in the corner of the room by Jax - so elated that the prospect was finally getting some recognition and a chance to shine that she didn't even care about not being on the relay. That was, however, until she realized what not being on the relay meant.

"Day ride?" She asked Clay, silently hoping that he would say yes and put her newfound worry to rest.

"Nah. Vegas' gonna wanna visit. We stay the night - show of good faith."

She nodded as she slid her gold pendant along the chain, her eyes fixated on the smoldering cigar in the ashtray in front of her. Tig had told her this morning that he had no intention of cheating, but the lifestyle of an outlaw motorcycle club had very different definitions of cheating than she did - a definition she'd never realized that she had before she met Tig.

"Clay! Friends are back." Juice called, motioning towards the security screen where two black SUVs pulled onto the compound, followed by Hale in his Bronco.

Tig and Sydney exchanged a worried glance as soon as they realized that this might very well have to do with the pending ATF that only they knew about - getting to their feet as the chapel cleared out and everybody followed their President outside.

"Are you the feds, or limo drivers?" Clay greeted with a facetious grin - as he always did his enemies.

A skinny woman with sandy blonde hair approached him with a smile, producing her badge. "ATF, I'm looking for the owner of Teller-Morrow Automotive." She spoke directly to the outlaw President who she already knew to be the owner of the garage, completely ignoring the VP standing next to him with his chest puffed out.

"That's me." Clay nodded.

"Come on." Hale nodded, grabbing Clay's wrists and turning him around as he secured the handcuffs around them.

"You gonna bother mentionin a charge?" Clay raised a brow - remaining much calmer than he had during their last unexpected visit, courtesy of the feds.

"What the hell is going on?" Gemma yelled as she appeared on the scene where she saw her husband being carted off in cuffs - the sight bringing back far too many memories for her liking.

"No charges yet. I just need to discuss your relationship with a 'Nate Meineke'." The Agent gave a chipper explanation.

Worry pulsed through the veins of each and every member standing on the compound, running over every possible scenario in their heads as to where ATF could've possibly gotten whatever intel it was that had led them back here, and what it meant for them.

"Who?" Clay scowled.

"Nate Meineke, he's one of the men who held up a prison transport vehicle this morning - killed three people with AK-47's." The blonde woman nodded to her partner who began walking Clay to her vehicle. "We found Mr. Meineke's cell phone at the scene, the last call that he received was from your garage."

"Jesus christ..." Jax muttered out of the side of his mouth.

"This is very bad..." Sydney muttered back, glancing up at Tig who shook his head regretfully.

"Get Piney here, look for any cover that we can use for Meineke." Jax ordered Opie and Juice.

"This have anything to do with that raid the other day?" Gemma narrowed her eyes at her son.

"Go back to the office, business as usual. I'll tell you more when I can." He shook his head as he ran his hands over his face.

Gemma nodded reluctantly when she heard the seriousness in his command, heading back to the office where she attempted to focus on her paperwork and keep her worry at bay - something that she was not very good at.

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"I was in the garage, just waitin for you. I called Nate to confirm the meet, I never thought anything like this would happen." Piney explained with a sigh from his seat at the table where he stared at the empty spot across from him - the spot where Clay usually sat.

"You had no idea what they were up to, Pop." Opie assured his father - and his club.

"I don't get off that easy though, I let friendship interfere with business, I know better..." Sydney was glad to hear the old man admit his faults, but it didn't change how shocked she was that this had happened in the first place - a minor slip up that could take down the entire MC.

"You gotta reach out to them Piney... We gotta find these guys before the feds do."

"Nate would not rat on me." Piney assured the angry VP.

"No, but his dipshit kid sure will."

"It's just a matter of time before the feds connect you to Nate and come after you too." Opie pointed out.

For the sake of keeping the peace with Jax - and respect for Opie who had gone out of his way to make her feel better the night before - Sydney kept her snarky comment to herself. It seemed that all the lifelong pals needed to be able to see the bigger picture was a little push from the law…

"You know, Opie. I don't give a shit. How's that?" Piney's forthcomingness faded as soon as his son opened his mouth in a way that wasn't defending him.

"Yeah, well I do." Jax intervened. He had enough father-son issues of his own to deal with. "Take him to the cabin." He nodded to Opie.

"Oh, so you're calling the shots now?" Piney scoffed.

"That-"

"That's what the Vice President patch means, old man." Sydney cut Jax off as she defended him with the simple fact - unable to pass up the opportunity to earn herself some credit with him in a way that didn't involve kissing his ass. "But you know that, don't you?" She cocked her head as she narrowed her eyes.

"Yeah..." Piney relented with a harsh stare of his own, getting up out of his seat and heading out the door to follow the order of his VP.

"He's just pissed at himself..." Opie tried to defend his father's disrespect to his best friend - he knew it wasn't warranted, but he felt an odd sense of responsibility over his father; like if he couldn't apologize for his own actions, maybe he could apologize for his. "We'll find them." He nodded before following his old man out to ensure that he got up to the cabin safely.

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Jax stood in the middle of the bar, shaking his head after what he felt must've been hours of pacing when Bobby finally appeared in the doorway after spending his morning trying to mitigate the damages.

"Hey, you call Trammel?" He perked up hopefully.

"Trammel called us…" Bobby sighed. "Looking for Clay."

"Ah, shit..." Jax knew that the corrupt cop never contacted them first unless it was serious. "Tig, you go handle this. Make sure Trammel knows that if they find these guys, it is bad for all of us."

"Absolutely." Tig nodded obediently, getting up to head out.

"We got another problem." Bobby's sorrowful tone stopped the Sergeant. "Laroy heard about what happened. Won't touch those AK's..."

"Fuck." Jax groaned, running his hands through his long hair - that VP patch was really being tested today. "Okay, we figure out the Irish later - go talk to Trammel." He nodded to Tig, concluding the session.

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"Clay's gonna need that ride to Nevada tomorrow to happen now more than ever, you make sure that everything is set up." Tig relayed the game plan to Sydney as she followed him outside, hastily walking towards his bike while everyone dispersed to get a start on their given tasks to try and keep the situation under control despite the mounting pressure and absence of their President.

"I'll make sure Bobby's on standby in case Clay uses his call." She nodded.

"Anything longer than a few hours and you call Rosen." He instructed with wide eyes as he turned to face her when they reached his bike. He looked down at her for a second, contemplating his next move before pushing the thought away and quickly reaching for his helmet.

Sydney saw his thought process clear as day; hesitating after she'd rejected his advance this morning. She watched him as if he was moving in slow motion, holding his helmet while digging into his pocket for his keys before bringing the engine of his Dyna to life. She grabbed his hand, pulling him towards her where he lips crashed into his in a passionate, emotional kiss - tears pricking behind her closed eyes.

Tig kissed her back, his body melting instantly - feeling the worry physically escape him as she clutched to his arm before she pulled away and threw her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her just as tightly before pulling away and bruisingly kissing her again, feeling her hands on his face and her lips against his in the short time that they had to express their emotions through touch - the way that they knew best.

"You be careful." He told her with his hands still around her waist once their lips parted, his thumbs stroking the cotton of the tight black top that she wore - wishing that he didn't have to let go.

She nodded with watery eyes, kissing him one last time before he pulled his helmet on and sped out of the lot, finally feeling like he could breathe again.

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We can all sleep in peace again... For now😅 What are y'alls opinions on Stahl? I kind of have to hate her, but I love a good villain :/ and she cracks me up :/ Also the BIGGEST thank you to Luka for lending me her OC, Maya (aka the only Happy x OC pairing that matters)