aravenamongcrows on (ask and submissions are open!)

General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death.

CHAPTER 43: STRIPPED

Sydney squeezed her eyes shut as his lips met hers again, trying to ignore the loud voices in her head that the alcohol had somehow only managed to muffle. She didn't want to think about what she was doing, why she was doing it, or who she was doing it with. She exhaled through her nose as she relaxed her muscles, bringing her hands to his neck as she tried to focus solely on the physical aspect since the mental one was doing her absolutely no favors. Her discomfort finally began to fade and they found a groove that wasn't a clear indicator that he had no idea what she liked - unlike Tig who just seemed to know so naturally. His hands clutched her waist as things began to heat up slowly until she wove her fingers into his hair; his straight, blonde hair - she felt her entire body go ice cold.

Jax's forehead creased slightly when he felt her stiffen like a brick in his arms but he quickly composed himself, keeping his eyes closed - the entanglement was meant to be a distraction for her, not a reminder. He squeezed her hip comfortingly as he deepened the kiss, keeping up the rhythm until he felt a wetness against his cheek that he couldn't ignore.

"Hey." He pulled away with concern when he realized what the moisture was from, tilting her chin up to see tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Um, I-" She pulled her face from his grasp and looked to the ground as she shook her head, searching for an excuse but it was no use, she knew that even if she was capable of coming up with something, it wouldn't have passed.

"Why?" She squeaked as she stared at the ground as everything came crashing down. She hated Tig; what he'd done to her, what she'd resorted to because of him. She was better than this, and because of him she'd become weak - something she had always despised. "Why did he-" She couldn't finish the sentence as a pained cry swallowed up her words.

"Because he's an idiot." Jax lifted her head and nodded sincerely as he stared into her reddened eyes, realizing as the floodgates opened that this was going to require much more than a generic pep talk which he was in no state of mind to give.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair as he hugged her and swayed back and forth soothingly while she shook in his arms. It was the only thing he could think to say; sorry that she was so hurt, sorry that he hadn't been a better man, sorry that he was there to witness this - it was obvious that she had planned to ignore this for as long as possible and when she finally decided to face it, it wouldn't be in front of an audience.

"I-I loved him." She cried into his chest, her words broken up by sniffles and sobs. "And- he doesn't- e-even care. He knows how h-hard that is to earn from me and he, he j-just th-threw it away like nothing." Her complete lack of control over the honest words tumbling from her mouth was only making the blow that much worse. She wasn't embarrassed that he'd stopped; this wasn't the first time she'd stopped a man and at this rate, it wouldn't be the last - what she was embarrassed about was the fact that she was violently sobbing in the arms of her biggest rival.

"I know." Jax nodded, stroking her long hair with his jaw clenched. He could tell that she was more angry than anything - whether it was angry with Tig or angry with herself - and he knew the feeling all too well, bringing his mind back around to Tara, feeling his own anger seeping in.

"H-he said he was gonna m-marry me." The high pitched squeak of her voice pulled Jax from his inner turmoil, looking down at her as she shivered and heaved.

"Sydney." He pulled away gently, guiding her to sit down on the bed gently while still holding her. "I need you to breathe." He tried to initiate some kind of eye contact with her to convey his seriousness as he grew worried over her lack of oxygen.

"I can't-" She took a deep, shaky breath that barely reached her lungs before another chorus of sobs broke out and she shook her head in frustration.

He looked around the room, knowing that he had to do some good after initiating such a mess before coming up with one idea of what might just calm her down. "I'll be right back." He nodded assuringly as he wiped some stray tears from around her eyes so that she would be able to see that he wasn't leaving her before getting up and stepping into the bathroom.

Happy jerked awake on Maya's couch at the sound of his ringing phone. "Yeah?" He spoke down the line with no indication that he was anything less than alert just a few seconds ago.

"Hey, you still in town?"

He flinched when he looked down to see Maya glaring up at him, no longer asleep and clearly unhappy about it. "Yeah." He answered the Redwood VP.

"Think you could come down to the clubhouse? It's Syd, she-"

"What happened?" His black eyes widened as he straightened up and his heart rate doubled. "She okay?"

"She's pretty upset..." Jax winced while listening to the muffled sounds of heartbreak coming from outside the door, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he stared at the tiles below his sneakers. Happy was his safety net, but even the stoic Nomad was worried.

"Where is she?" Happy stood from the couch abruptly with no regard for Maya laying on his chest.

"In your dorm, I'll stay with her until you get here." Happy nodded, forgetting that his gesture couldn't be seen over the phone before he snapped it shut and reached across the seatback for his kutte, pulling it on and stalking towards the door.

"Hello?" His long strides were stopped by an angry voice, turning back to Maya scowling at him deeply. She didn't appreciate being woken up on a good day, let alone being woken up and tossed around with no explanation, especially when a she was involved.

"I have to go." He glanced down at the phone in his hand, thinking that much had been obvious but apparently not.

Maya exhaled sharply through her nostrils, forcing herself to calm the temper that had caused her countless problems in the past - which was only amplified after being so rudely awoken - remembering who he was and that technically there was no label on their relationship, if this was even a relationship.

"Okay, I'll see you later?"

Happy nodded, saying nothing else as he slipped through the front door, leaving no trace of his presence other than the frustration in Maya's chest. She groaned once the door closed, rolling her eyes. Happy's silence had both irritated her and intrigued her when she'd met him, but right now she was heavily focused on the former.

This kind of emotional tidal wave would've been hard to surf on a good day, but Sydney stood no chance against the waters whilst drunk and heartbroken. She became painfully aware of how loud she was wailing in the empty room, sitting up and reaching for one of the pillows behind her but losing her balance and falling back thanks to the dizziness that was setting in - which only made her cry harder. She curled up into a ball, shutting her eyes and biting down on her fingers to try and stop her chattering teeth until she felt herself being lifted from the bed once again.

Jax placed Sydney on the bed in the new room - Happy's current room. If the blue eyed man was sober he probably would've told himself that he was moving her to help ease her guilt, but he didn't have the capacity to trick himself - he knew his actions were completely self-serving by not wanting Happy to catch on to what had gone on, especially while she was this intoxicated. He found himself almost glad for her outburst - things would be much less complicated this way.

He looked down at her sadly as her tears quickly soaked the fresh pillowcase, crouching down as he brushed the damp hair out of her face. "Hap's coming, okay?" He spoke softly, hoping that the news would calm her down enough to ease his worry until Happy could take over. The action seemed to work as a bit of the sting in her chest subsided and her heavy sobs reduced to silent tears and deep breaths, thankful that she at least wouldn't have to sleep alone.

Happy's worry over Sydney hadn't faded even after finding out that she wasn't harmed. He skidded onto the compound, not bothering to properly align his bike with the railing as he ripped his helmet off and stomped inside. In his world, Sydney sad enough to warrant a housecall may very well have been worse than Sydney getting hurt.

Jax flinched when the door to the dorm flew open, looking up to see Happy standing with a deep scowl as he assessed the scene. The blonde man nodded curtly before standing, walking over to give an explanation that he hoped would satisfy the Tacoma Killer, but he wasn't given the chance as the bald man stormed past him and over to Sydney where he wrapped her in his arms - a gesture that re-ignited her sobbing.

"Que paso?" He asked her quietly but not invasively, knowing that a proper explanation would take some warm up - especially if she was as drunk as she smelled.

Jax took this as he cue to leave, glad that he had successfully evaded an interrogation. He gave a sympathetic smile to nobody in particular before heading out the door, thankful that the situation had worked itself out before things got too ugly.

"Where you goin?" Happy's sharp tone cut right through the VP's peace when he noticed him trying to slip out. He'd had his suspicions when he got the call, then again upon his arrival to see Sydney so inebriated, but the only thing that had stopped him from cornering the blonde man right then and there was the fact that he was unharmed, which he wouldn't have been if he had tried anything that Sydney wasn't okay with.

"Couch?" Jax tried to keep his cool, wishing that the ordeal hadn't sobered him up as much as it had because now he could feel the guilt and anxiety creeping in along with the fear.

"I'm gonna have questions." Happy narrowed his black eyes.

"Whatever you need." He nodded before shutting the door, exhaling the breath he'd unintentionally been holding.

"Que paso?" Happy repeated now that they were alone as he tried to pull her off of him so that he could look into her eyes.

"Hap." Sydney wailed, lifting her face from his chest where she'd effectively soaked the white t-shirt under his kutte.

"What happened?" He repeated himself, firmer this time as he grew impatient - he knew it had to be something serious if she was crying like this, and in front of Jax nonetheless.

"I'm a mess." She shook her head pitifully.

"Why?" She lowered her head. Even completely shitfaced, she was coherent enough to know how much this would disappoint Happy; the person that had devoted years of his life to teaching her that she was better than everything she was feeling right now.

"Because of him?"

The softness in his tone brought out another wave of sobs. Maybe he wasn't disappointed in her, maybe he wouldn't think she was as weak as she felt. "I-" Her eyes clung to the rarely seen softness behind his. "I'm supposed to be h-happy. I'm g-getting everything I w-wanted." Her rapid breathing began to slow, turning to hiccuped blubbering as she spoke the vulnerable words to the one person she was comfortable with. "I'm s-supposed to be at my strongest, b-but I'm weak." Her voice cracked as the painful words left her lips, looking back down as fresh tears coated her cheeks.

"You aint weak."

"Look at me!" Her head snapped up as she screamed at him, her heart clenching with sadness as she crumpled immediately, weeping with her knees pulled up to her chest.

"You're gonna make yourself sick." She just shook her head in protest, burying her face further into her knees. Happy knew that Sydney could handle her liquor better than most men, but she had to be very intoxicated if she was slurring her deepest sorrows, and the extreme emotional exertion wasn't going to do her stomach any favors. "Stay here." He stood from the bed.

Jax had gotten himself somewhat comfortable on the worn leather of the old, beat up couch that occupied the clubhouse. He laid facing the seatback, growing restless as a pit formed in his queasy stomach the more he thought about the events that had transpired. He turned over where he came face to face with Happy Lowman.

"Fuck, man." He flinched, shooting up from the makeshift bed.

"How much did she drink?" Happy's question was phrased more like a statement; a statement that demanded an answer.

"I don't know." Jax widened his eyes, rubbing his temple as he tried to recall Sydney's consumption. "Fuck ton of Tequila, way more than me." His blue eyes shifted uncomfortably when he realized he may have just unintentionally outed himself.

"Why's she cryin?"

"Shit with Tig… It's got her pretty messed up." He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"That doesn't sound like her." Happy searched the younger man's face for any trace of dishonesty.

"I tried to take her to bed - took her to his room without thinking, that's what started it." Technically, it wasn't a lie.

"Okay." He nodded, disappearing just as quickly as he'd popped up.

"Drink." Happy held the glass of water to Sydney's mouth, trying as hard as he could to be patient with her as her lips quivered while she tried to take a sip. As if she wasn't experiencing enough shame tonight, the second that the water trickled down her throat, she felt it - throwing her hand over her mouth as she ran to the bathroom.

Happy watched in amusement as she stumbled in her heels and fell to her knees in front of the toilet, walking over and gathering her hair in his hands as she threw up pure alcohol.

"Told you." He smirked.

"Fuck off." She managed a small smile before heaving again, expelling more liquid.

After what felt like hours of retching with no end in sight, the contents soon turned black, indicating alcohol poisoning as if things hadn't been bad enough.

"Should go to the hospital, little girl." Happy shook his head as she choked on stomach acid.

Sydney shook her head, more tears coming to her eyes at the thought. She tried to take a deep breath, knowing it would induce more vomiting, which was exactly what she wanted. She wanted to rid her body of all of this, all of the tears, all of the sadness, all of the vile fucking substance that made her act like this in the first place.

"Need to shower this off then." Happy needed her to sober up as much as possible so that she could sleep this off if he was going to let her off with no visit to the ER to get her stomach pumped.

All Sydney wanted to do was go to bed and silence her conscience, but she knew that Happy wouldn't be having that. She nodded when she finally felt stable, bracing herself on the edge of the bathtub while he helped lift her to her feet, guiding her over to the sink so that she had something to lean against.

"You gonna be okay?" He raised a brow as he looked deep into her eyes, he wasn't all that confident that she would be able to get undressed and into the shower safely.

She hesitated before nodding as her head got heavier and heavier by the second. Normally she would've appreciated his help while she was so exhausted, but she had finally managed to calm down and the last thing she wanted was him helping her undress to trigger another episode.

Happy respected her wishes, giving a curt nod before he started the water. "Door open." He ordered before setting out in search of something she could sleep in.

Sydney stumbled around the bathroom trying to shed her clothing before finally climbing into the shower, jumping back and slamming into the wall when she felt the temperature of the water. "Hap it's too cold." She whined when he came racing in to be sure she hadn't fallen.

"Need to sober up." He shook his head with his lips pursed, nodded towards the stream of water.

"Hap." She pouted.

"Girl." He narrowed his eyes until she finally obeyed, walking over and taking a seat on the closed toilet lid so that he could be sure that she saw the task through.

Sydney took a deep breath as she stepped under the icy stream, closing her eyes as she thoroughly wet her hair and let the water trickle over her face. Her body shivered under the unforgiving temperature and before she knew it, she was crying again - peacefully this time though. The hot tears were a pleasant contrast from the cold water and the sound of the shower raining down onto the floor of the bathtub masked the sounds of her sniffling.

Happy waited a generous twenty minutes for her to finish up when she proved to enjoy the cold water more than anticipated, before he started worrying again. "Syd?" He got no answer. He stood from the toilet and ripped the shower curtain back to see that at some point she had sat herself down on the floor of the bathtub and had fallen asleep under the apparently soothing stream.

"Hey." He shook her shoulder, waking her as he shut off the water. "Bed."

She immediately began shivering as she regained consciousness, taking his outstretched hand as she tried to keep her balance before he wrapped her in a towel and left so that she could change into the t-shirt and shorts he'd put on the sink for her.

After getting dressed, Sydney looked at herself in the mirror. She took a shaky breath, wishing that her vision was as blurry as it had been before the sobering shower because the image she was faced with was not a pretty one. Her eyes were red and her face was puffy despite the cold water which had turned her lips blue. She instinctively reached for her necklace, blinking in surprise when her fingers made contact with the shirt instead - forgetting that the gold pendant was still in Tig's room. Her lips started quivering as her eyes welled up again, angrily turning away from the mirror and stomping out of the bathroom, crawling into bed where she buried her face into Happy's bare chest, clinging to his comfort and warmth.

"You're getting me all wet."

"Put your shirt back on then." She managed a watery laugh. If there was anything that could still bring her some kind of joy in a time like this, it was annoying Happy.

"You ruined my shirt."

"I did not ruin your shirt." She rolled her eyes through the tears, hugging him tighter until she finally began to drift off to sleep in the favorable location, the only thing stopping her was the pit of guilt that began to form in her stomach - a pit that was only getting deeper and deeper as she cuddled up next to another man. She took a deep breath, telling herself over and over that she had nothing to be guilty for. Tig had left her, and nothing she did tonight could be worse than what he was doing right now.

Happy slept on his back like a rock, as he usually did, waking up when Sydney stirred against his chest. His eyes opened slowly as the warmth spread through his body; a pleasant, nostalgic feeling that he had grown unaccustomed to since she had gotten with Tig.

"I miss this." He heard a faint whisper as he rubbed her hair between his fingers, his brow creasing as he took his eyes off of the ceiling fan, wondering if it was his conscience talking or if it had been her - getting his answer when he felt her nails tracing the tattoos on his chest.

Sydney felt like she'd been hit by a bus both physically and emotionally. She had vastly underestimated the combination of a bottle of Tequila and a broken heart. She laid with Happy in silence for a while before finally working up the strength to sit up, wincing in pain as she did so.

"You need food and water." Happy ordered as she attempted to get up for the day.

"Yeah, yeah." She groaned.

"Why'd Jax call me?" He figured he'd waiting long enough for proper answers, deciding to try again now that she was coherent and seemingly calm.

"I don't know." She tensed, immediately being taken back to the exact thing she wanted to forget.

"You wouldn't be cryin in front of him for no reason."

"I'm fine." She lied, hating how well he knew her in this moment. She knew that he knew, but she couldn't make herself say it.

"You were in rough shape last night."

"Drop it." She snapped. She didn't want to think about last night. Any of it. For once, she wished that she was someone who blacked out and forgot drunken nights, but instead she was stuck with the burden of memory that she wished she could permanently erase. She had been stupidly drunk enough to think that hooking up with Jax would make her forget about Tig, but now she had to forget about them both.. She'd thought that being heartbroken and drunk was bad, but she was quickly realizing that being heartbroken and embarrassed was much worse.

"You should talk to her." Happy leaned up on his elbows, nodding with his strong chin. "The tart from Nevada." He was confident that Tig would be doing everything that he could to make things right when he got back, but Tig was known to be a wildcard and after last night he had no idea if Sydney even wanted him back, but if anyone could change her mind it would be Cherry.

"So I can have my heart broken all over again? Make a fool of myself like I did last night by crying over a man? You taught me better than that." She spit angrily.

"I didn't want you crying over pussies that only wanted one thing. Love is different, you gotta feel that shit."

"Yeah?" She cocked her head with a snarl. "And what the fuck would you know about love?"

This was fueled by an incredibly rare Jax dream and the sadist in me couldn't not spiral off the idea :/ ~trust the process~

Songs for this chapter:

Playboy Style - Clean Bandit ft. Charli XCX & Bhad Bhabie

Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey