aravenamongcrows on Tumblr (ask and submissions are open!)
General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death.
As usual, a huge thank you to my wonderful beta readers who helped me with one of my favorite chapters, I couldn't do it without you guys❤️
CHAPTER 44: TWOFOLD
Happy fired up his Dyna with a hardened as a result of Sydney storming out of his bed. Even though he worried about her being alone right now, he hoped that the timing of his departure for the glock run up to Tacoma would push her to seek out Cherry for the answers that he couldn't make himself give her. He did however have a backup plan to cheer her up in case she continued to be as stubborn as he knew she could be, which helped to ease his guilt over leaving her when she needed him most.
He had just lifted his kickstand when he saw Jax approaching on his bike. He felt his face turning to a scowl and his grip tightening around the handlebars. He kicked the metal stand back down, cutting the engine and removing his helmet as the VP approached.
Jax parked his bike quickly when he noticed the Nomad lingering by the bikes, hoping for an update after Sydney had stomped out of the clubhouse this morning. "Hey man, how's Syd doing?" He asked as he removed his own helmet.
"Sad."
"Yeah I figured. That's gonna take a bit to get over… Especially when Tig gets back." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Yeah. It's a good thing you were there last night, someone else might've tried to take advantage of her."
Jax searched Happy's face for an indicator that he was testing him, but the man's infamous stature gave away nothing. "Yeah, me too…" He nodded, erring on the side of caution. "You don't have to worry about her here man… We care about her."
"I hope so. Cause if I found out anyone tried to hurt her, it would be a lot worse than what I did to Tig."
"What'd you do to Tig?" He scowled, this was news to him.
Happy let his devious smile serve as his answer as he restarted his engine and took off out the lot. He might've been a ruthless man, but he was a ruthless man who practiced respect and loyalty. He wasn't going to challenge a superior without a damn good reason, and the damn good reason he had wanted no part in causing a scene. But that didn't mean that he wasn't going to remind the cocky VP that he'd never been caught for the dozens of hits he'd carried out over the years, and he would always protect his family first.
Sydney ambled into the Charming drugstore in search of Advil. Out of all the mornings, of course it was this one that she discovered her medicine cabinet to be empty. She blinked a few times when she entered the store, trying to adjust to the light even under the oversized black sunglasses that masked a large portion of her face.
She eventually reached the correct aisle, standing silently as she zoned out in front of the rows of pill bottles as her mind raced with the aftermath of last night's breakdown that she would soon be faced with. She hadn't missed the stares she'd gotten from Bobby and Juice when she left the clubhouse later than intended this morning, knowing they were wondering where she'd slept and who she'd slept with, which brought her to the next major problem: Jax. He would never respect her after last night, never see her as an equal. Everyone would come to the conclusion that she' brought him to; that she was just some damaged groupie who could handle a gun. It was the same conclusion that the guys in San Bernardino had all secretly come to, no matter how much respect and dignity she carried herself with. Her reputation in SAMCRO was all she had to get herself anywhere near earning a patch, and that reputation had been destroyed by one stupid decision, a stupid decision caused by Tig.
She angrily swiped the extra-strength Advil from the shelf, knocking a few stray bottles off in the process but choosing to ignore them as she stomped to the checkout and tossed a twenty dollar bill on the counter, leaving without her change. She was stopped dead in her tracks by the blazing sun on her sensitive nervous system, blinking wildly behind her sunglasses and clutching her head as it throbbed in pain. She stumbled over to the sidewalk as she tried to regain her bearings, finally looking up from the ground when she heard someone trying to get her attention.
"Hey! I know you." Cherry nodded as she recognized the long blonde hair and full lips of the girl standing in front of her. "You're the Sergeant's old lady." She couldn't believe how lucky she'd gotten after days of trying to figure out how she could possibly work things out in her favor.
To say that Sydney was stunned would be the understatement of the century. She pulled her sunglasses onto the top of her head in disbelief with the little tart who had the balls to fuck her man, jump charters for him, and then approach her in the street.
"Oh you skateboard?" The brunette pointed between them on the sidewalk. "That's so cool."
Sydney looked down at the skateboard that had been set aside by one of the kids playing a few feet away. "Yeah, I do." She bent down to pick it up. "But contact sports have always been more my thing." She smiled sarcastically before pulling back and using all of her force to swing the skateboard into her face. She felt a rush of satisfaction wash through her exhausted body as the sound of the little slut's nose breaking filled her ears and blood poured onto the concrete where she fell to the ground.
"Oh my god! My nose!" She cried. "Why would you do that to me?" She looked up at Sydney with tears in her eyes as people swarmed to help.
Sydney's adrenaline rush lasted all of twenty seconds before the weight of her actions came crashing down on her. She wasn't usually a remorseful person, but the way that Cherry looked at her with betrayal ticked something in her brain, perhaps the part of her brain that was more logical than heartbroken. She shook the thought away as she stared blankly at the chaotic scene, but her conscience just formulated a new reason to feel bad: the fact that once again, she was acting out harshly because of Tig.
She took a shaky step backwards, then another before she realized that she couldn't stand anymore as the bitter reality enveloped her, stumbling back as she dropped to the ground, sitting on the curb as her ears rang with the blurred sound of sirens.
"What's all that about?" Hale asked Unser with a small smirk as he watched their two newest members of the force scrambling to get out to their first solo call.
"Assault on Main Street, a blonde and a brunette, female."
"A blonde?" Hale knew what that meant.
"Blonde struck the brunette, stayed on the scene. Brunette is en route to ." Eglee, the female officer reported.
"Hey!" Hale hollered to the trainees. "You bring her to me." He ordered.
"Sure thing." Eglee nodded, leading her much less confident, male partner out the door of the station.
Unser looked to Hale with a raised eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He knew that the blonde had to be Sydney, but he hadn't gotten a call or a warning about her from Clay, so he let his deputy continue on with his false sense of power, hoping it would keep him from seeking it out in other areas - areas that the Chief needed to keep under his control.
"I'm really sorry Kip…" Cherry had managed to get the Charming hospital staff to track down Half-Sack and in a major stroke of luck, she'd been able to get him to hear her out. They had been able to get everything out on the table and clear the air, no more assumptions or rumours clouding their vision, but she was more optimistic about moving forward than he was.
Cherry felt horrible about Sydney. She had let her naivety get in the way of her logic, forgetting that being respectful and respected in Indian Hills for so many years did not automatically transfer to the foreign charter. Never in a million years had she expected that showing up in Charming for Half-Sack would look like she was jumping charters for Tig - the person who had pushed her to follow her heart in the first place.
"I'm sorry if I got people hurt…" She looked down at the white and blue pattern on her hospital gown.
Half-Sack was conflicted. He understood now why Sydney had been so upset, but he also now knew the truth. The problem would be getting Sydney to believe it. "Do you have any thoughts about pressing charges against Sydney?"
"Never." Cherry shook her head.
"I don't know if this can work." The pale man tried to talk himself out of what he was feeling, knowing that he wasn't in any position to be making risky moves behind the club's back.
"It can." Cherry gave a small smile, grabbing his arm and pulling him down to the bed.
"Okay." He sighed as he gave in to her force and fell to the mattress. "That can't work, okay? Not after what went down."
"I'll make things right with her. With everyone."
"Nah, you don't understand Cherry. Syd - she's not easy to convince."
"Just give me one last dance… We can take it from there." She looked into those blue eyes in the same affectionate way that she had their entire first night together in Indian Hills.
"I don't think that's a good idea. You know cause… If, you know-" His babbling was cut off by her yanking him to her lips where he gave up, deciding that if someone was willing to go up against Sydney, Gemma, and the club for him, it was worth a shot.
Sydney stared at the bronze coloured metal desk in the room at the police station where she was waiting to be booked for the assault. The last time she'd been in this room waiting to be booked for an assault, it had been intentional. This time, it was the result of her impulsive temper that she cursed herself for not being able to control. All because of him.
"You're becoming one of our regulars." She looked up to see the warm smile of David Hale.
"I told you before Davey, I'm getting more popular than you." She smiled, not having enough strength to fake what usually would've been a much cockier grin.
"Almost as popular as you are around the clubhouse." He joked back harshly.
Sydney tensed, an uncomfortable chill running through her veins as the salty comment stung in the fresh wound. She knew that he didn't know, she didn't even know if anyone else knew, but she knew.
"You jealous?" She tried to cover up the delay with a dirty smile and a wink.
The hesitation unfortunately didn't go unnoticed by Hale. "You okay?" He'd only been matching her playful energy, but he felt bad the instant that she faltered, reverting to his usual serious self and remembering why she was there in the first place - noting her disheveled appearance for the first time since he'd entered the room.
"Yeah." She forced a smile. "Let's just get this over with."
"Where's Syd?" Clay approached Jax in the garage after having searched the entire compound.
"She had a rough night, probably at home recovering."
"Tig?"
"Tequila." The blonde man scoffed with a smile. He finished up the car he'd been working out, wiping off his hands on a shop towel as he headed into the office to clock out for his lunch break.
"Hey, you know where Sydney is? Can't get ahold of her." Gemma peered over her reading glasses at her son, figuring he was the last person who would know but deciding to try her luck anyways since nobody else seemed to be able to give her an answer and he may be able to save her a trip off of the compound.
Jax faced the same question from his mother as he did from his stepfather, but he knew he couldn't give the same answer. He might have been able to cover their asses with Clay, but Gemma was a whole other story.
"Yeah, she had a pretty rough night last night - alcohol poisoning. I talked to Hap this morning and he was going to check on her before he left. I'm sorry, I was supposed to let you know she wouldn't be here today."
"Shit." Gemma blinked in surprise to hear that Sydney had been put out of commission by alcohol. "This have anything to do with Tig?"
Jax nodded sadly. "I think you should talk to her tomorrow when she's feeling better. She could use the support." He knew that if anyone could get Sydney back on her game, it was Gemma.
Gemma nodded. She would definitely be talking to Sydney, but it wouldn't be to give her the kind of support that Jax had suggested. The matriarch was going to keep driving the Tig train until it rolled off of the rails.
Maya paced back and forth in her kitchen, draining the glass of whiskey in her hand before scurrying over to the counter for a refill. She'd intended to return back to her pacing once she'd set the bottle down, but she ended up gulping the entire portion and reaching into her back pocket for her cellphone. She knew that Happy had a run to make and that he would've been leaving early this morning anyways, but she couldn't get last night out of her mind.
Happy excused himself from his group of Tacoma brothers to answer his ringing phone. "Hello?"
"Hey!" Maya replied far too enthusiastically, overcompensating for not wanting to sound needy or worried. "Did you make it to Tacoma okay?"
"Yeah." Happy's lip turned up in confusion, of course he'd made it safe. "Why?" It wasn't completely out of character for Maya to call him or for him to call her, but it was only ever for the purposes of confirming that he could go to her house. They didn't do small talk.
"I wasn't sure after last night." Maya racked her brain for a way to ask what last night was about, a sly smirk coming across her lips when she landed on the perfect cover. "Thought maybe you had to go help your mom."
"My mom is fine."
"Oh, who'd you run out for then? It sounded important." She spoke casually.
"It was."
Maya's eyes almost rolled into the back of her skull. She had been on a good track but the realization that she needed to speak his language, one sentence at a time, had roadblocked her path to victory - and answers.
"Okay. I'll see you when you get back then I guess."
"Okay."
Sydney sat on the edge of the bed in the dingy cell with her head in her hands. The emotional turmoil was more than enough to rival the discomfort of even the largest of hangovers. She took a deep breath, trying to tell herself that she was just overthinking the whole ordeal - something she apparently did a lot of these days - but every logical solution she came up with was squashed by another part of her psyche pulling her in a different direction. Her head was telling her to bolt, get as far away from the embarrassment as she could and start over somewhere else the same way that she had started over in Charming, somewhere that she wouldn't make the same mistake. Her heart was telling her to stay, that she could rise above the doubt of these men the same way that she had done her whole life, and to keep fighting for what she'd always dreamed of. And her gut was telling her that she had it all wrong, that this was just some kind of punishment for thinking she'd be able to outrun her feelings forever, and that things would work out if she gave them a proper chance.
It was the rare moments like these that Sydney realized why little girls were supposed to grow up with mothers to guide them through life, but she quickly extinguished that fire. There was no good that her mother would've done her even if she had been around. She thought about her dad instead - reluctantly, nonetheless, but it was better than thinking about her mom.
"You wanna make a phone call?" She was pulled from the imaginary pep talk her dad was giving her about how these worries were irrational and if they weren't irrational, then they were irrelevant, by Hale standing at the bars with a sympathetic smile for the clearly uncomfortable woman.
Sydney thought about it for a few seconds, really thought about it. She thought about calling Gemma, or Happy's mom, or Packer, knowing that she could rely on them to continue the talk that her dad had been giving her.
She shook her head as a single tear slid down her cheek. "Got nobody I wanna talk to." She smiled sadly before closing her eyes again.
Sydney spent the remainder of the day in the quiet cell, allowing herself to feel every bit of sadness that she wanted. If she was going to be vulnerable and miserable about it, she figured a jail cell was the best place to do it.
By the time the sun began to get lower in the sky, she felt the pain and pity wash away as an odd sense of peace took it's place. She took a deep, cleansing breath as she sat up from the bed. She was going to keep her word. Nothing was going to change why she came to Charming.
Hale stood just past the threshold as he gazed upon her. He wondered how it was possible that someone could be so effortlessly attractive, captivating the attention of the strongest of souls without even trying. His forehead creased when he couldn't help the pang that he felt in his heart as she sat in the empty room. He tried to shake it away, knowing that he shouldn't feel bad for her. She had broken the law, assaulted a seemingly innocent girl, but for some reason he still wanted to be the one to take the frown off of her face, and he hoped that the news he brought would be able to do just that.
"Hey." He greeted as he finally entered the cellroom for a second time.
"Just can't stay away from me, huh?" She smiled, figuring that the best way to get back in the game was to dive in head first.
"It's my job." He smirked as he walked over to her cell, feeling the guilt wash away when her usual demeanor came back into light.
"Well I guess a job where you have to wear khakis can have perks after all." Her lips curled up when a blush creeped up his neck he unlocked the gate.
"Charges have been dropped. Someone's here to pick you up." Sydney's brows knit in confusion. She wasn't surprised that Cherry wasn't pressing charges. But with her track record building steadily in the small town, why wasn't the state?
Hale exchanged a glance with her as he opened the squeaky door. He knew what her scowl was for, but he wasn't going to come right out and tell her that he had been behind her evading charges.
A light bulb went off in Sydney's brain. She thought back to the Mayan chase a couple of weeks ago when he had stopped her, the way he had taken so long to book the speeding fine and then the cryptic way he'd told her not to get any more tickets. She tried to tell herself that the conclusion was crazy, but then she remembered the way that he'd insisted on being the escorting officer when she'd hit the cop.
"Thank you…" She clutched onto his hand that was around the metal bar, looking into his honest blue eyes with sincerity. She didn't care why he was covering for her, she would find that out later. Right now, she was thankful. Not just thankful that he was keeping her out of jail, but thankful that he had just narrowed her pool of suspects for the Mayan informant. If he was working dirty against them, he wouldn't be putting his job on the line to keep her out of jail. His reasons were personal.
Hale bit his lip, looking for the right words to say that wouldn't possibly incriminate him. He snorted as a smile pulled at his lips. "I'm just doing my job." He settled on the popular phrase that he knew would be the easiest to pass off - the one that he used to answer all of her invasive questions, only this time it wasn't the truth.
Sydney collected her belongings from the young newbie on the force - the nervous brown haired man that she knew wouldn't make it through his probationary period if his life depended on it. She followed Hale out to the front of the station house, anxiously waiting to see who Hale had called to pick her up.
"Hey killer." She was met with the playful grin of none other than Jax Teller.
She rolled her eyes and forced a smile. At that point, she would've taken anyone over who she got - even Gemma. Jax was the last person she wanted to be stuck in a car alone with. She may have found some peace in that cell, but courage had yet to join the party.
"I didn't think you'd wanna ride bitch." Jax nodded towards the tow truck as they exited the government building.
"You thought right." She scoffed.
He put the keys in the ignition and started the engine as Sydney put her seatbelt on, backing the truck out of the lot and beginning the drive.
"Hale wasn't the one who tipped off the Mayans." Sydney broke the silence before it lasted long enough to be considered awkward.
"This another one of your 'get into jail free' cards?" Jax looked over with a raised brow.
"Nah, this one wasn't intentional." She chuckled, answering honestly since she'd figured the details of the incident had already spread through the town like wildfire.
"Workin out some of that anger." He nudged her with a smirk.
"You might be next." She joked back.
"Ah shit." Jax groaned. "Forgot my wallet in the garage. Do you mind if we stop? Everyone's gone home for the day."
Sydney shrugged, appreciative for his consideration but she would have to face them sooner or later. "Do they know?" She drawled as she stared out the window at the passing houses.
"Nah, I took care of it." Jax smiled smugly, clearly pleased with his deceptive skills.
Sydney's brain began working overtime now, wondering what exactly he thought she was referring to. "I took care of everything. Nobody knows anything. I said you had alcohol poisoning, slept in Hap's old dorm and that you'd be back tomorrow." He clarified once he saw her gears start turning.
"Thank you." Sydney finally replied after a few seconds of processing, trying to figure out the proper reply. Her initial reaction had been surprise that not only had he gone out of his way to help her, but that he had managed to pull it off, but then the poisonous thoughts had begun to seep in and her mind told her that he was only doing it because he felt sorry for her after last night.
Jax pulled the truck into the lot, stopping by the front gate. "I'll be right back." He tossed her wink and one of his infamously charming smiles. He jogged across the lot to the garage where he slipped in the office door.
"Okay she's in the truck." He reported to Half-Sack.
Cherry took a deep breath and squeezed her phone when it buzzed with her signal to move in. Not only was she worried that she wouldn't be able to repair the damage she'd done, she was worried that she'd be sent away harsher than she had been the first time. She took the step of faith, walking out from behind the building and along the chain link fence until she spotted the truck, her heart beating faster and faster as she approached.
Sydney looked up from her lap where she'd been counting the threads in her black leggings when she heard footsteps approaching. She rolled her eyes when she saw the little tart once again, sporting two black eyes and a bloody nose this time. She took a deep breath as she pulled the handle and stepped out of the truck, ready to send a stronger message this time.
"Look, please just hear me out." Cherry held up her hands in defence.
Sydney felt the same tick in her brain, the logical part of her brain that was telling her to listen rather than the heartbroken part of her brain that was telling her to lash out. She crossed her arms and nodded, if she wanted to get over this - she needed to know exactly what she was getting over.
"Nothing happened between me and your old man. I came for the prospect." She cleared the air immediately, hoping it would be smooth sailing from there. "I came because of you."
"Because of me." Sydney mimicked her skeptically.
"What you and him have… I want that." Sydney was surprised to hear that. Even if nothing really had happened between them, Tig had still left her. "Look I know something happened between you two so you probably don't believe that, but he's miserable up there. All he cared about was how he was going to get home to you and make things right. That's why your friend brought me back here… He thought I could help make you see that your guy made a mistake leaving you."
"That bastard." Sydney scoffed when she heard that Happy had been incahoots with her and Tig this whole time. Now she understood why he kept pushing for her to talk to Cherry, and why he hadn't been nearly as harsh on her about moving on from Tig as she'd expected him to be; because he'd known the truth all along.
"You're really here for him?" She questioned the shorter girl.
"Yeah." Cherry answered sincerely. "He's the right one."
Sydney bit the inside of her lip and nodded slowly. Regardless of where her feelings about Tig landed, she wanted Half-Sack to be happy and she could tell that this girl was willing to do anything to do just that.
"If I see you flashing that pussy at anybody but him, I will shove my fist so far up that bony ass, your cup size will double. Got it?"
Cherry eyes flicked down to the prominent cleavage busting out of the blonde girl's white tank top. "That how your rack got to be so big?" She nodded with a smile.
Sydney smirked, biting her lip in both amusement and approval. "Go." She nodded towards the compound. "I'll get the others on board with you staying."
Cherry lit up with joy, shaking her head in disbelief. "Are you sure you can do that? Change their minds?"
Sydney leaned down. "It's got a little somethin to do with how my rack got this big." She whispered, winking as she straightened back up.
Just as their conversation concluded and Cherry bounded across the lot in search of Half-Sack, Jax emerged from the office. Sydney raised a brow as he strutted towards her, snorting and shaking her head. Of course they had planned this.
"You guys sort things out?" Jax looked between her and Cherry with a raised eyebrow when he got back in the truck, tucking his wallet into his pocket.
"Yup. Seeing that you 'found your wallet', you can buy me dinner for trying to pull a fast one on me."
"What?" He feigned innocence. "You think I? Nah." He shook his head.
"Diner." She ordered, looking down at her phone screen. Jax chuckled as he began the drive to the diner, parking the wide tow truck in the narrow stall.
"Ugh, I should've known there would be a problem with you driving." Sydney groaned. "Order it to go, I don't need Doreen getting any more ideas than she already has. I want a double bourbon barbeque with extra bacon, cheese fries, diet coke, and a chocolate shake." She gave her list of demands without looking up from her phone, finally ripping her eyes away from the screen when she didn't hear him leave to see him standing in the doorway, stunned. "What? I haven't eaten today."
Jax laughed, heading inside to please the princess. He was glad that the plan with Cherry had worked out and had successfully cancelled half of his guilt from the night prior, hoping he could keep up his winning streak. He ordered food for the both of them, returning to the truck ten minutes later with a large bag and a tray, driving them to a nearby park. He shut off the engine and grabbed the food from the backseat, nodding for Sydney to follow him around the truck where he lowered the tailgate and sat down under the setting sun.
The pair ate mostly in silence, and Sydney was grateful for that. She was hoping that the barely existent mention of the previous night was all she would have to hear of it and they could move on pretending that it didn't happen.
"He was the only one who knew." Sydney looked up from her milkshake with a creased brow when Jax broke the silence. "Half-Sack. I was serious when I said that no one knew anything, it was just him." It'd been clear the night before how embarrassed she was to break down in front of him, and how that embarrassment had carried over, but he wanted her to know that she didn't have to feel that way.
"Okay." She replied awkwardly, looking down into the frothy remnants of her chilled treat.
"You don't gotta be ashamed of it, you know." He shook his head.
"I do…" Sydney decided to try and keep up the honest streak, it's not like anything she said now could be worse than what she'd divulged less than twenty-four hours earlier. "I don't want pity." She shook her head as she twirled the straw around the empty cup. "In this life, it's all that men look at me with. I want to know that the respect I get is respect that I've earned, not respect that's given to me as a consolation prize because they know I'll never get the prize I really want." She spoke wistfully as she stared at the rigid pattern of the tailgate.
Jax nodded as she spoke, truly absorbing every single word, understanding a little more why she was so harsh not only on herself, but on him as well. "I read something, something from my dad." He smiled. "'Letting your guard down is honourable.'" He quoted his late father. "It stuck with me."
"Maybe for a man." She replied softly to the sentimental anecdote, smiling sadly.
Jax drove her home in silence, wishing that he had more to say but he didn't. She'd checkmated him. He'd been completely oblivious to just how similarly different they were until this moment and everything she'd said had made perfect sense. He knew exactly why she felt the way that she did and she had every logical right to those feelings, all he could do was make an effort to show her that it didn't have to be that way.
"Look Syd, last night…" He knew that they needed to talk about it if he was going to prove her wrong.
"Didn't happen?" She finished the sentence for him.
"That's not what I was gonna say." His lips curled up in amusement.
"Oh, well… What were you gonna say?" She spoke innocently before leaning slightly closer to him.
"Uh…" He rubbed the back of his neck as he felt his face getting hotter, struggling to remember what the hell he was going to say before getting distracted by her.
"You're too easy." She shook her head with a grin when he blushed under her flirting. "Don't worry Jackson, if I was wearing panties, I wouldn't get them in a bunch over you." She winked, leaning completely across the bench and pressing her lips to his harshly in a deep kiss, lingering to give him the full effect before she finally pulled away.
"That can be the one that you remember." She said by way of an explanation when she saw the pure shock on his face, smirking as she jumped out of the truck and strutted up the pathway to her front door. Kissing him the second time hadn't felt any less wrong than it had the first time, but it helped immensely to know that she'd restored some of her pride.