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General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death.

CHAPTER 46: LETTING GO

Tig didn't sleep that night. Even after hours of making love and holding her in his arms, he still hadn't been able to accept that he had pulled this off, which made him realize just how little confidence he'd actually had that he would get her back. His mind wandered to the man he'd seen her with yesterday as the first light of morning began to trickle through the blinds, wondering how much of a problem the long haired asshole would cause now that they were back together. He shook his head,looking over at her sleeping soundly next to him, he wasn't going to allow the negativity to seep in that easily.

Sydney felt herself being coaxed awake from her peaceful slumber by a light tickling by her ear. She smiled at the familiar feeling of Tig's rough facial hair on her soft skin, pressing herself against his touch.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear, hovering over where she laid on her stomach, kissing her cheek, then her shoulder.

"You keep saying that." She chucked with her eyes still closed, feeling his butterfly kisses making their way up the side of her bruised neck.

He slid his arms under her stomach, rolling her gently onto her back. "I mean it." He spoke softly with his lips against her neck before kissing her jaw.

"I know you do, baby." She wove her fingers through his hair as his mouth began descending her body.

"I am going to spend the rest-" His lips wrapped around her hardened nipple, sending goosebumps breaking out across her chest. "-of my life making up for it." He kissed the other one lightly.

"You know you don't have to do that." She giggled as he sucked on her belly ring, gasping lightly when his lips continued trailing down her stomach. "But if this is how you wanna do it…"

Sydney laid wrapped tightly in Tig's arms after a lazy morning of cuddling and make up sex, and she wouldn't have had it any other way. Although she hadn't wanted to acknowledge it over the last week; she'd missed him - how she felt with him, how he felt next to her. She snaked her hand up his chest to his face, stroking the grown out stubble on his jaw while she kept her face buried in the warmth of his chest.

"I know I need to shave." He chuckled, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles.

She hummed and shook her head, tilting up to look at him. "I like it." She bit her lip, running her thumb over his moustache. "It's sexy." He raised a brow and smiled bashfully, doubtful that his wild curls and unkempt facial hair after almost a week away from home could really be that attractive to her.

Sydney grinned when he didn't believe her, tapping her index finger over his lips before pulling him down into a passionate kiss. She sighed as she held him to her lips, soaking up the comfort of the familiar position. "I love you." She whispered, kissing him tenderly once again.

Tig felt every single one of his nerve endings fry when he heard those three little words coming from the pouty lips that were pressed against his. He'd heard it in his head hundreds of times over the past week - thinking it would be the only place he would ever hear it again, until now.

"I love you too, angel."

After untangling themselves from the sheets, Sydney and Tig finally began to get ready for church. Tig stood from the bed first, looking down at Sydney as she smiled up at him. His forehead began to crease - something about the heavenly scene before him was off, but he couldn't put his finger on it until his eyes started trailing down her chest.

Sydney knit her brows when he scowled and then dove to the ground for his kutte, digging through his pockets. "It's a little late for a condom." She joked with a raised brow.

Tig chuckled, shaking his head as he opened his fist to reveal her necklace sitting in the palm of his hand. "I found it… In my room. After the job." He tried to explain his logic in hopes that she wouldn't be upset with him for taking what he knew to be her most prized possession. "I brought it with me for…"

"Good luck?" She surmised with a smile when he struggled to find the right words, plucking the gold chain from his calloused palm.

"Yeah… Good luck." He smiled and nodded. His answer was going to be 'safe keeping', but he supposed that good luck was the best explanation for whatever force had subconsciously driven him to take it - and it had worked.

Sydney stared at the gold heart as she turned it in her fingers - a feeling that used to bring her comfort but now felt foreign. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, squeezing the cold metal in her hand before looking back up at Tig, reaching for his hand and pulling him to sit next to her. She stood and slid the pendant off of the chain before straddling his lap, avoiding his questioning eyes as she hooked her pinky into the silver chain he wore around his neck and fastened the golden heart behind the spiral charm.

"For good luck." She pressed her hand against his chest with a small smile.

"Syd… I can't-" He shook his head, stopping when she pressed his finger to his lips.

"You can." She nodded, kissing him sweetly. She wasn't quite sure what'd made it so easy to part with the sentimental piece of jewelry. Maybe it was the fact that she had gotten through the storm without it, maybe it was because she wanted to show him that he didn't have to be guilty, or maybe it was just him.

"My sugar mama." He mused against her lips with a smile. Any thought of the other man had now washed away.

Sydney sat nervously in her car after parking in her usual spot at TM. She took a deep breath, gripping the steering wheel after cutting the engine to try and stop her hands from shaking. It wasn't that she wasn't thrilled to be back with Tig, it was that she wasn't thrilled to have to deal with the questions that would accompany their reunion. She had no idea how everybody was going to react, including Jax - wondering what this would mean for their previously unspoken tryst.

"You comin, babe?" She was startled by Tig standing at her open window with a smile.

"Yeah." She forced a smile in return.

"So, how much of a beating should I expect?" He asked with a knowing smirk as they walked across the lot hand in hand.

Sydney laughed, feeling better about the awkward situation - thanks to him. "On top of what you got from Hap? Two more maybe… Not as substantial - I'd say one hit per round." She shrugged theatrically.

"Okay." He sighed dramatically. "Let's get this over with." He nodded to the door with a smile, keeping the situation light as he could tell it was weighing on her.

As soon as they entered the clubhouse, Sydney was met with Gemma's infamously discerning smirk and an approving nod from behind the bar. She chortled, rolling her eyes at the older woman across the room before she felt herself being hauled into a large pair of arms that spun her around in a hug.

"You didn't come to party with me last night, Princess." Donut's deep voice rumbled.

"I'll be here tonight." She laughed into his dark hair.

The first reaction Tig had to Sydney being ripped away from him was fight or flight - heavy on the fight - perhaps a little PTSD from his vivid dreams, but the instinct to pull her back quickly faded when he saw the Tacoma patches under the reaper on the back of the man's kutte. His short lived relief however was quickly replaced by recognition when he saw the long, wavy hair. The wavy hair from the mystery asshole that he'd seen Sydney with at the coffee shop.

Tig looked at Sydney with a scowl once her feet were back on the ground, catching that cocky little smile as she kept her arms wrapped tightly around the Road Captain's neck. She'd never been on a date at all, she'd been catching up with her old friend, Donut.

"One, for good measure. I don't want a scene." Sydney whispered into the tall man's ear as he side-eyed Tig with a raised brow, answering his silent question.

"Hey man, didn't know you were comin down." Tig extended his arm once Donut separated from Sydney, being knocked to the ground immediately by the northerner's elbow.

"Jesus." He shook his head, regaining his bearings as blood began to gush from his nose. "Okay… I deserved that." He nodded.

"Hell yeah you did." Donut chuckled heartily before offering his hand to the Sergeant, pulling him up into a hug. Tig looked around the room as he indulged the larger man, glad to see that Donut was the only visitor from Tacoma. He would've happily taken cheap shots for the rest of the day if it meant that Kozik would stay where he belonged.

Sydney watched the squabble with a small smile of amusement, as did the onlookers around the clubhouse. She was pleasantly surprised with how everyone so far had managed to mind their business by acknowledging her and Tig with a raised brow or a small nod and nothing more - nothing like the way that the guys back home would hassle her for every detail of her personal life. However, she had a feeling that the bliss of ignorance would be short lived as she finally made her way over to Gemma.

"I knew that would all work out." The matriarch smirked. It was in her nature to be smug when she was right about something, but she was genuinely happy to see that one of her oldest friends and her newest partner in crime were back where they belonged: together.

"And how do you know it's worked out?" Sydney couldn't help a little playful smugness of her own, glad that her worry had been dulled before having to speak with the queen.

"Because there is not another man in this town that has the balls to claim you." She nodded to the fresh hickies on Sydney's neck, a familiar sight that she never thought she would've missed seeing. All the younger girl could do was smile and bite her lip in confirmation, knowing that Gemma would surely get her to spill the details during their next office shift together.

"Alright, there's a lot that's gone down over the last few days." Clay spoke to a full table - Opie and Piney included. He needed everybody here for what he was about to run through. "First up, we need to get somewhere on this shit with Indian Hills." He looked to Tig.

"They think somethin's up man." Tig had been sure of it ever since the Nevada President returned from Vegas. "Even after sticking around, they think it's just a cover."

"Do they know anything about what we did for Trammel?"

"Nah. But if it comes out, they're gonna wonder why we didn't tell them."

Jax stole a glance at Tig as he reported his suspicions, getting an idea or two of what Happy had meant when he said that anyone who hurt Sydney would get worse. The Tacoma Killer seemed to be okay with the fact that the couple had reconciled, so Jax hoped that meant that the suspicions would diminish with the issue itself.

"We need to find out who the hell is behind this!" Piney slammed his hand on the table.

"We need to do damage control." Sydney chimed in. She hadn't met any of the members of the newest charter, nor had she paid all that much attention over the last week as to what they might have been thinking. She had been focused on why they'd even had to think anything in the first place, but that was between her and Jax, and she intended to keep it that way until they could come up with an answer.

"Jax?" She volunteered the VP, knowing it would be an easy sell because of his closeness with Jury and the fact that he'd felt wrong selling them guns in the first place.

"We can't afford to be risking anymore money or manpower right now. Indian Hills' gotten more than enough good faith from us." Clay shot down the idea, growing impatient with the charter that hadn't yet come into their own.

"Jury's not gonna buy-"

"We need to think about how they're seeing this; how it will affect us in the future." Sydney cut Jax off before he could jump right back into the hole he'd dug with Clay. "Right now all they know is that we sprung guns on them in the name of protection - they're hesitant, then suddenly they're being given all kinds of reasons to be needing said protection. It doesn't look good on us. They see our 'good faith' as covering our own asses. We need to send somebody up there who they trust, with some answers - bullshit or not."

"Yeah… Princess' got a point." Bobby groaned.

"Aye." Chibs agreed.

Donut's hazel coloured eyes sparkled as he watched Sydney take charge, captivating the attention of every man in the room by her words and not her looks. He'd always known that she was a force to be reckoned with, but he never thought that an entire charter would be able to look past their misogyny to see that - let alone the founding charter. He was bursting with pride to see her doing what he knew she was born to do.

"Next week." Clay agreed reluctantly. "After we figure out this gun shit."

"What gun shit?" Jax scowled. Even though Kohn was gone and the feds seemed to have backed off, he was still on high alert for anything that could get him or his club incriminated.

"Cameron called." Clay lowered his head, delivering the possibly threatening news - as if they needed any more of that. "He wants to meet Sunday evening at Devon's."

"I thought we were meeting McKeevy at the ports for the drop?" Chibs' brows knit.

"Guess something came up."

"Any more delayed shipments and we lose Laroy." Sydney warned, her worry doubling because the Niners leader was likely already unhappy with her for skipping out on the last drop - which had been the entire grounds of their deal in the first place.

"Well I guess you'll take care of that since you offered to be our broker. Do some of that damage control you're so eager about." The white haired man grinned sarcastically around his unlit cigar.

Tig used his better judgment and kept his mouth shut about Sydney meeting with Laroy; remembering what it was that he needed to practice if he wanted this relationship to work - and if he wanted to keep his coveted Sergeant's patch.

"Aight well I gotta get going." Jax stood - doing some damage control of his own. "Kid gets outta the toaster today." He explained with a grin.

"You get to hold your son?" Tig smiled as light cheering spread over the previously dreary room.

Clay smiled genuinely, happy for his stepson but also grateful for his VP bringing some much needed good news to the club. "At least we know one good thing's gonna happen today, huh?" He bumped the fist of the blonde man as he accepted a round of high-fives from his brothers.

"Woah woah woah, where you goin kitty cat?" Sydney smiled as she turned around to see Donut towering over her with his hands on his hips.

"Didn't you hear? I have business to tend to." She mused before continuing her walk across the lot to her car. Even though she was unhappy with the circumstances of the task, she was still excited to share it with her old friend who knew how big of a deal it was for her to have been given a task at all.

"Charming boys let you go alone?"

"Yeah. Unlike some people, they actually trust that I can handle myself." Her tone was light and playful.

"They're smart here." He smirked. "Mind if I ride along? You know… Get some pointers from the Cali Queen herself." He spoke with mock-nonchalance.

"I guess." She rolled her eyes with a smile. She knew he was being protective - but she wasn't going to pass up precious time with him. She led him to her car, signalling for him to be quiet while she flipped her burner open.

"Hi Teej." She spoke down the line once the voice of the Niner came through. "Wanna put your boss on the phone for me?"

"Who the hell is this?"

"You need me to talk dirty?"

"Oh..." The man on the other end of the phone smirked, changing his tone once he realized who he was speaking to. "Hey blondie. You know… He's gonna be a minute, you mind talkin to me while you wait?" He flirted.

"Only if you talk dirty." She rasped with a smirk, trying not to laugh as she heard the Niners leader cussing out his henchman for fucking around on the business phone, taking matters into his own hands.

"Yeah?"

"Hi Mr. Wayne. Care to meet a girl for a drink?"

"Don't know. You gonna send some bitch boy in your place?"

Sydney rolled her eyes when she heard exactly what she'd been hoping to avoid. "Cesar Chavez. One hour." She snapped the phone shut.

"So, you think I hit him hard enough?" Donut finally felt like it was acceptable to bring up Tig after over half an hour of laughs and good conversation on the drive to Oakland, looking over at her with a tentative smirk.

"He might need another one." She met his eyes with a knowing smirk of her own.

"He fix things?" She nodded silently, still not feeling completely comfortable over the situation. "Good. I just hope he came grovelling at your feet with the apology that my princess deserved."

"Close enough." She laughed, he came alright... "So, no lecture about how he's an asshole, or how he's got the clap, or how shocking it is that I went for him?"

"Nah." Donut shook his head. "I'll always think you're too good for everyone but me." He winked. "But I know exactly why you went for him and I gotta say, he's a good second choice." She laughed at his jokes, glad that she could talk about her relationship in a way that was so lighthearted. "Gotta admit though... I always thought you and Hap were gonna hook up one day."

"Try telling him that." She scoffed. "You know he has a girlfriend now?

"What?" His long hair shook as he laughed in disbelief. "No way."

"Yup." She nodded smugly. "Not that he tells me anything about her." She rolled her eyes.

"That poor girl… He's still pulling sweetbutts left and right." Sydney chuckled but felt it fading when she was reminded of not only what she'd done, but of the possibility of what Tig might do in the future.

Sydney was glad to arrive at their destination not long after her insecurities joined the party, leaving Donut standing by the car as she sauntered towards the park bench that Laroy was waiting at.

"Hi Mr. Wayne." She greeted with her hand on his shoulder as she rounded the bench, taking a seat next to him and leaning over to wave at Teej who was standing across the field by their black Escalade.

Laroy looked with frustration between her and his right-hand who was grinning at her like a schoolboy as he returned her wave. "I'm not smilin." The gang leader didn't appreciate her ignorance.

"Well I'm here to change that."

"Just like you were supposed to be at the last drop?"

"You didn't seem to have too much of a problem with it." She shrugged.

"This was not our deal, Cali Queen." He mocked with his finger in her face, hoping to wipe that smug little smile off of it.

Sydney's lips flattened into a straight line, not daring to flinch as he wagged his digit before her eyes. She glanced down at his hand, then back up to his eyes. "You got your guns, at a discount, and you didn't have to deal with Clay." She reminded him as he stared at her with his dark eyes, saying nothing.

"So why did you want to meet?" He spoke finally when it was clear that she wasn't going to.

"We might have another delay." Sydney dropped her facade to deliver the news.

"You're joking, right?" Laroy laughed.

She shook her head, inhaling sharply. "Feds are on us, we needed a cover. It was about protecting both parties - which is what this potential delay is about; protection. I'll make sure you get a generous 'customer appreciation' price if it ends up being late."

"Little white boys gonna let you squander away their cash to a black man?" He raised a brow.

"'Little white boys' are gonna do whatever I ask them to do, the same way that you're going to wait patiently for your guns while I get this taken care of." She snarked, ending the conversation.

Donut smirked as Sydney made her way back. "Damage control?" He asked as he leant against the car with his arms crossed.

"Damage control…" She spoke hopefully, as she watched them drive away, squealing in surprise when Donut leant down swiftly and lifted her over his shoulder, spinning around before pulling her down into a hug.

"I'm so proud of you." He whispered into her hair, feeling her squeeze him a little tighter.

There weren't a lot of phrases in the english language that could truly touch Sydney, but hearing someone say that they were proud of her was one of them. Especially when that someone had been with her from the beginning and had seen her at her worst.

"We doin this boss?" Teej looked to Laroy with uncertainty.

"Nah, we get our cheap guns first."

Sydney returned with Donut, happy to see that even though the atmosphere in church had been bleak, the atmosphere around the clubhouse was lively as everyone gathered to celebrate Abel's progress with Jax. It was only midday, but crowds littered the compound with beers in hand. Tig sat at a picnic table with Bobby, Clay, Jax and Gemma, and Half-Sack sat by the ring with Cherry in his lap, talking to Chibs and Juice.

"Hey." Tig stood from his seat when he noticed Sydney and Donut approaching, walking over and putting his arm around her waist as he kissed her on the cheek, nodding formally to the Tacoma man.

"You want a drink?" Sydney smiled, once again feeling any bit of discomfort wash away as soon as Tig was with her. She could tell that he was on his best behaviour, trying to prove that he was worthy to not only her, but to his brothers as well.

"Yeah, just hold on, I'll come with you." She spoke softly as she ran her hand over his stomach, looking to Clay who was waiting for her report on Laroy with his arm around Gemma.

"How'd it go?" Jax nodded.

"Guess we'll see… Might cost us another discount." She grimaced, still unhappy with the situation she was put in - having to plead with the cocky man because they'd lost the upper hand.

"Eh, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Clay shrugged. Laroy was informed and that was all that he cared to worry about. "Today, we celebrate." He held up his beer.

"When does Abel get out?" Sydney asked Jax.

"Later this afternoon." He grinned. He was beyond excited to hold his son for the first time, but he would be lying if he said that a small part of that excitement didn't have to do with the fact that he would be seeing Tara. He didn't know why he wanted to see her after what she'd done - maybe it was just the nerves, but deep down, part of him longed for the familiar comfort and purity that she brought to his often dark and grim life.

Sydney smiled before letting Tig lead her into the clubhouse, clutching his hand tightly. "What do you want?" He asked once they reached the bar which was relatively empty since everybody had gathered outside for the hot day.

"You." She looked up at him with those glossy eyes. She was feeling abnormally clingy, wanting nothing more than to curl up in his arms for the rest of the day rather than joining the party - something she was not used to at all. Maybe it was all of the ignored feelings catching up to her, maybe she was just feeling sentimental having Donut around, maybe it was the need for the comfort of something familiar after the unfamiliar exhaustion of transparency, but maybe it was the fact that the last time she drank, she'd broken down over him and perpetually embarrassed herself - needing a stark reminder that she was no longer in that position.

"You okay?" He brought his hand to her face, tilting her chin up so that she couldn't look away when he asked.

She nodded. "I love you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her nose into his chest.

Tig's heart swelled so big, he actually worried that it might explode. "I love you too, baby." He lifted her, hugging her tightly as her legs wrapped around his waist, capturing her waiting lips in a kiss.

"We can go do something else if you want… Just me and you." He whispered into her hair. He'd been on high alert, wanting to show her that he was capable of tending to her every need without question - which had tipped him off to the fact that she wasn't feeling as comfortable around everyone as she usually was.

"No it's okay." She shook her head, trying to tolerate the vulnerability and instead of fighting it off. "Donut would kill me if I skipped out on a party two nights in a row." She chucked. "I'm gonna go home and change." She glanced down at her casual outfit of black denim shorts, white tank top, and white converse.

"Okay, you want me to come?"

"Nah, it's okay. I need to talk to Hap… Try and save whatever's left of your face." She joked, looking over his battered complexion.

"Okay." He nodded with a small chuckle, kissing her temple.

"Are we staying here tonight?"

He smiled when she said 'we'. "Yeah that's what I was thinking… We can drink and then get ready here tomorrow, if you wanted to bring some of your stuff back…" He tried to broach the subject as subtly as possible, not wanting to move too fast if she wasn't ready to put all of her trust back into him yet. He didn't mind if she wasn't - he'd meant what he said about proving for the rest of his life that she was what he wanted.

"Okay." She smiled, kissing him again.

Happy rode in the passenger seat of Sydney's car on the way back to her house, unsure why she wanted him to join her in choosing an outfit for tonight, but he didn't ask. It's not like he had anything better to do.

"Thought you'd wanna bring Donut." He commented as they turned onto her street.

"I already drove with Donut today."

He grumbled in response to the unrevealing answer, scowling when she looked over at him with a vexing smile after giving him a taste of his own medicine with the blunt statement that did nothing to move the conversation along. He followed her out of the car and into her house silently, sitting on the foot of her bed once they reached her room.

"This is the first time I've been here." He looked around the room, noting some familiar trinkets and pieces of furniture from the house she'd shared with her dad in San Bernardino.

"Well you never ask to come over." She rolled her eyes before disappearing into the closet.

"You work shit out with Tig?" He changed the subject.

"I did." She confirmed as she wiggled the silky, olive green skirt up her legs, getting no response. "I thought that's what you wanted?" She stood in the doorway with a scowl as she pulled a satin black shirt over her head.

"It is."

"Well you don't sound too happy about it." She scoffed, pulling on her black, heeled combat boots.

"He hurt you. That doesn't make me happy."

"Well make up your fuckin mind." She joked, walking over to her vanity to spruce up her makeup now that she was dressed.

"It's important to me that he respects you." The comment reminded Sydney of her minor insecurity moment earlier, the one that now she couldn't stop thinking about...

"Me dirias?" She turned to face him. Somewhere between the decision to take Tig back and the effort she was putting into transparency, the question slipped past her lips before she could catch it.

Happy's brow creased, wondering what she was talking about before he recognized the sincerity and rarely seen vulnerability behind her eyes, realizing right away.

"I don't rat on my brothers."

"Do you lie to your brothers?"

"You aint a brother."

"When I am." She rolled her eyes.

"It'll be different." Happy shook his head and looked away, not knowing what else to say because it was clear that she'd come up with a counter for every excuse he could make.

"So that's a no then."

"I aint a rat." He shook his head. "But I aint gonna let him disrespect you either."

"What about the run clause?" Sydney forced herself to think only about the task at hand, and not at how easy it had been to get him to crack - needing to keep the smirk off of her face if she wanted a real answer.

"I aint the one in a relationship. Run clause don't mean shit to me."

"Damn." She scoffed. "I feel sorry for that girlfriend of yours." She tried to hide her smirk as she turned back around to face the mirror.

"We aint together." He huffed, stomping downstairs to wait for her.

Tig tidied his room while he waited for Sydney to get back. It stung to see the empty drawers of his dresser where her stuff had once been, but he just kept telling himself that it meant nothing because she was coming back.

But what if she isn't coming back?

He shook his head, trying to shake the hateful voice inside his head away. He sat back onto his bed, leaning over and digging in his nightstand for the other half of the photostrip from the fair. He placed them along his mirror with his other photos, trying to make himself feel better with the photo evidence that she loved him, but it wasn't enough.

"No, no, no." He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "Dammit." He slammed his fist down against the dresser, slowly raising his eyes back up to the picture as he gathered his strength in another attempt.

That was when he saw it; the flash of the camera reflecting off of Sydney's necklace in the picture; the necklace that meant so much to her, the necklace that she gave to him. He took a deep breath, folding his hand over the charm around his neck, listening to the nasty voices fade. She was coming back.

Fluffy lil chapter to ease our tortured hearts :/