Sorry for such a delayed update… I couldn't tell you how much grief this mf chapter has given me 😒

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General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death.

CHAPTER 81: RUDE AWAKENING

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Tig trudged up the front steps to Sydney's house after a long and unsuccessful night of attempting to drown his newfound demons in liquor, but he had learned the hard way that these beasts could swim. No matter how drunk he'd tried to get, there was no amount of alcohol that had been able to silence the sobering scene that played over and over in his mind: watching himself fumble the perfect opportunity to perfectly execute the perfect plan - the perfect plan that he knew would've played out properly if Sydney had been allowed to partake in it.

It wasn't that the Sergeant couldn't see the benefit of the outcome - the way that they had inadvertently bought themselves even more deniability by unintentionally handing Laroy the opportunity to double-cross them the way that he had - it was that he had only realized the benefit of the outcome after he'd choked, eliminating the excuse that he so badly wished he could fall back on to ease his guilt-ridden conscience. With each sip of whiskey, he came closer and closer to the unavoidable truth: that he had allowed himself to feel for the man who had saved his life - a kind of softness that he knew he wouldn't have experienced a few months ago. It was a softness that he had buried deep under his leather kutte years ago; a softness that came from being in love, a softness that had stopped him from doing his job, a softness that this life had no room for.

But the second that the door creaked open to the dark house at the late hour, the angry voices in his head seemed to get a little quieter. He felt his body become instantly as the familiar scent wafted towards him and invaded his airway - the soothing warmth of the vanilla candles that Sydney loved to burn mixed with the sweet smell of her perfume and the comforting smell of cigarette smoke. Lighting candles was something that the biker would never think to do for himself, but it was something that he appreciated her for doing - for creating a place that for the first time in decades he felt like he could call home.

He inhaled deeply, no longer wishing for a lethal level of intoxication as the comforting scent reminded him how much he'd not only fallen in love with her, but how he'd also fallen in love with being her old man - having the privilege to not only care for her, but be cared for by her in return. This life wasn't supposed to have room for this kind of softness, but maybe he could make room. He just needed to find a way to marry the two - the Sergeant, and the old man - something that he'd never been able to successfully do in the past, but knew that if he was ever going to do successfully, it would be with her.

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Sydney laid in bed with her heart pounding against her chest as she felt her eyes beginning to flutter again, taking a deep breath as she opened them and stared up at the ceiling fan - having repeated the action countless times since Tara had left. She hadn't been able to sleep - anxiously awaiting the news that Opie had been killed, knowing what it would mean for the club, for her, for Tig... But as she heard the sound of the front door unlocking downstairs, she no longer cared about what had happened or what it meant - she was just glad to be able to see him in this moment.

She felt her heart beating even faster as she listened to him creep up the stairs and into her room, quietly stripping down to his boxers before crawling into bed behind her. "Hey, princess." He whispered, pressing his lips against her neck as she squeezed the hand that he had circled around her waist, letting him know that she was awake. "Sorry to wake you up." He apologized as she turned in his arms.

"Are you okay?" Was all she could manage to get out as she lifted her hands to his face and rubbed circles over his cheekbones - too scared that if she said it out loud, it would make it real.

"Yeah, just couldn't sleep." He pulled her as close as possible so that he didn't have to look into those glossy eyes that even in the dark he could see were begging for an explanation.

"How'd you get here?" She scowled once she realized that she hadn't heard a bike, and she could now tell by the potent smell on his breath that he'd been drinking heavily - which she knew had to be a bad sign.

"Sorry..." He pulled away, feeling his heart sink as he realized just how intrusive it had been for him to have shown up unannounced in the middle of the night, crawling into her bed reeking of alcohol. "Sack dropped me off… Uh, I'll go shower it off." He pushed himself out of bed quickly before she could get upset - shaking his head as he cursed himself for allowing the troubling events of the day to cloud his judgement and make yet another cardinal mistake.

"Only if I can come." She smirked lazily, desperately clinging to the shred of normality for as long as she possibly could before he told her the news that would put an end to their thoughtless encounters that she had grown so deeply attached to.

"Doesn't bother you?" Tig scowled. Coming home drunk had never worked out well for him in the past - being the cause of countless screaming matches between him and Colleen during their short marriage.

"Nu-uh…" She pulled him back down to the bed where she wound her arms around his neck. "You smell good." She licked at his whiskey-flavoured lips. "Taste even better."

Tig sat stunned for a few seconds before he realized that he could taste alcohol on her lips as well - blinking a few times as he refocused his eyes to see the easy smile on her face. "You have fun with Tara?" He raised a brow, realizing that maybe she hadn't been suspicious after all.

"As much fun as I can have with a doctor." She chuckled, letting her heavy lids hang over her tired eyes as she looked up at him.

Tig felt a wave of relief when he recognized the lazy expression on her face, realizing that in his guilt he had mistaken her intoxication for inquisition. The feeling wasn't strong enough to make him smile, but it was strong enough for him to see that a good reminder of why he was risking his position in the club, and an opportunity to blow off the heavily pent up steam would be the perfect way to wash off the disgrace until he could redeem himself.

Sydney squeaked as he dove for her lips, lessening the pressure as he remained conscious of her injuries - slowly sliding his tongue into her mouth as he got on top of her. She felt herself melting under his gentle but purposeful touch, sighing as he rested his weight onto her while his hand slid down her side and up the blue tanktop that she was wearing - feeling the guilt of her decision to let him carry out the hit fading into the back of her mind as she focused on nothing but the feeling of his hands on her.

Tig felt the voices in his head shrinking each time that a gentle moan passed through her lips, moving his mouth to her neck where he coaxed even more of them from her until he couldn't take it anymore - pushing himself up to his knees where he pulled off her loose pyjama shorts, feeling his stomach tightening and his dick twitching as she lifted her shirt for him while he pulled his boxers down. He let his eyes trail her perfect body, dragging his hands down her sides as he hovered over where she looked far too good underneath him.

Sydney wrapped her legs around him as he looked at her with a hunger that had her unable to resist any longer - pulling him down and arching her back up off of the bed in search of as much contact as possible as their lips joined again, shivering when she felt the warmth of his chest against hers as his hand slid up her neck.

Tig felt his stomach fluttering now as that breathy giggle left her throat when he wrapped his hand around it - feeling a shiver run down his spine when her eyes rolled back. He regained his composure, applying the slightest bit of pressure as he moved his mouth down her body, ravishing her chest as she ran her fingers through his hair. He ground his hips against her for some much needed friction - nearly losing control when he felt that the dry humping was quickly turning wet.

Sydney looked deep into his eyes as she pulled him back to her lips by his hair, holding his lustful gaze as she maneuvered her lower half beneath him while he was focused on her upper half - quivering as she felt the tip of his dick dragging down her mound, over her clit, and sliding inside of her with ease; gasping when she was hit with the heavenly sensation.

Tig fisted his hand into her hair as the surge of sensitivity coursed through his entire body when she expertly positioned him inside of her, looking down to see the pink glow across those angelic cheeks and the evil smile on those pouty lips - an expression powerful enough to overtake the marks on her skin that seemed to fade into the darkness, leaving him with nothing but the perfect face that he'd fallen in love with. He leaned down, cupping her jaw as he brought his lips back to hers - kissing her with a burning passion as he began thrusting into her, trying as hard as he could to hold back but it only got harder as her moaning got louder and her nails dug into his back.

Sydney felt his thrusts becoming more forceful as she spurred him on, bringing her hands to his neck where she held his face in place as she breathed her moans of satisfaction into his mouth - finally getting what it was that she had been craving for weeks as he completely let go and used her in the only way that she knew how to let him.

Tig squeezed his eyes shut as he rested his forehead on her shoulder, telling himself over and over that he was going to hurt her, but as her pleasureful screams got louder, his pounding only got harder - completely losing himself in the embrace the exact way that she'd wanted, and he'd needed.

He pulled himself together as he felt her tightening around him, lifting his head and lacing his hands in hers, pressing them against the mattress as he looked into those beautiful green eyes that pierced right through his soul even in the dark.

Sydney kept her eyes trained on his as she met her release, not daring to look away as she showed him how good he made her feel - wishing that this was all that either of them had to feel ever again.

Tig felt his own release coming on - waiting for the rush of ecstasy and the high that followed, but all he could see as he looked into her eyes were the eyes of the man that had almost killed him - that would've killed him if it wasn't for Opie. He jerked away, grimacing harshly as the frustration rushed back in and spread through his body, slowing his movements - the feeling only worsening when he felt Sydney shrinking under him. He shook his head as he pulled out and stormed into the bathroom, fighting the urge to put his fist through the mirror as he began hyperventilating when he failed to perform yet again. He took a deep breath, twisting the taps to the shower in the hopes that some hot water and white noise would calm the panic in his chest while he waited for Sydney to catch onto what had caused his outburst.

Sydney felt her heart sink as he walked away from her, realizing that she had been far too hopeful in thinking that she could live in even a few minutes of ignorant bliss with this kind of threat looming. She took a deep breath, following him into the bathroom where she stepped into the shower behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind where he stood with his head against the wall - resting her head against his back as she waited for him to tell her what she already knew.

Tig felt his heart clenching in his chest as his stomach knotted when he felt her hands on him once again - but in a very different way this time. He could feel by her gentle and understanding touch that she wasn't upset with him - but he knew that the gentle touch existed for one reason and one reason only: because she was onto him.

"Did I hurt you?" He whispered in horror - needing to get one worry out of the way before he broached the next.

"No." She replied genuinely, squeezing him a little tighter in reassurance. "You could never hurt me." She whispered.

"I wish that were true." He replied sadly, waiting for the question that would follow or the break in her grip but neither came, confirming his suspicions. "Uh." He cleared his throat as he turned around, refusing to meet her eyes as he told her as much of the truth as he could. "Laroy double-crossed us. Ambushed both locations. We're whole." He did his best to put a stop to what she was thinking before she could ask - knowing how detrimental it could be to their relationship if he lied to her, but he just couldn't hold himself responsible for the consequences that she would be subject to if they were found out.

Sydney blinked in confusion as he told her what had happened. If she hadn't been expecting to hear that Opie was dead, she wouldn't have been surprised by the news that Laroy had finally had enough of their unreliability - but having anticipated the news of a dead rat at the hands of her old man, she was thoroughly shocked. "W-what happened?" She stuttered, wondering if maybe she'd gotten it wrong all along.

"Laroy must've had someone tailing us after we met with him this morning - saw us go to Alvarez." He lied, squinting before rubbing his eyes. "Opie… He uh… He saved my life. Niner came out from behind me - would've put a bullet between my eyes if it wasn't for him."

Sydney nodded slowly as she watched the guilt spread across his face clear as day - the usual soft lines in his skin turning to stone as his jaw clenched so hard that the vein in his neck stuck out. She realized now that she hadn't gotten it wrong at all - but what she had gotten wrong was the confidence that she'd had in the Sergeant to carry out the hit, and in an opportune situation, nonetheless.

"I'm glad you're okay." She choked out as she wrapped her arms around his neck, saying nothing more as she hoped that his unexpected remorse would buy them some much needed time to come up with a plan that would ensure that only one member ended up dead.

Tig hugged her back as all of the hope that he'd been able to lie his way out of suspicion drained from his body. He knew by the look on her face that she knew exactly what had happened, but he prayed that she wouldn't ask any more questions so that he wouldn't have to tell her any more lies.

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Jax felt himself being coaxed from his light sleep as Tara's eastern facing bedroom began to fill with the first light of the morning. He rubbed his eyes as he enjoyed the split second of peace before the shit-storm sucked his conscience right back into the funnel.

After the stress of what had taken place the previous day, he'd spent the majority of his evening pouring over his father's manuscript, searching desperately for a hidden solution until he couldn't search any more - eventually making his way to Tara's house in the early hours of the morning when he was sure that she would be asleep, hoping that crawling into her bed would help him avoid another awkward conversation, but he was wrong. He could feel it as she began stirring next to where he stared at the ceiling - the tension in the air as she regained consciousness. He shook his head, getting up out of bed and pulling his clothes on without a word - making his way through the house and out the door as he tried to figure out how he would handle all of this on top of the responsibility of becoming a full-time single dad.

Tara felt her stomach sinking all over again when she heard the front door slam behind him, wincing as the roaring engine of his Harley that she knew her neighbours wouldn't be happy about at the early hour flooded her ears before he hastily took off. She'd spent a majority of the night tossing and turning with the thoughts of the dreadful uncertainty that lay in the days ahead, only being able to sleep once he had finally shown up the way that she had been praying for him to do - especially with his recent absence. She had hoped that it had been his way of telling her that he was sorry - that he really did want to be with her the way that she wanted to be with him, that he had just grown too accustomed to easy women and didn't know how to say it. But as he stormed out of the house with no explanation, she realized that the period of blissful ignorance towards their completely different lifestyles would be short-lived as they quickly approached the deadline for the harsh reality of the problem that they'd never been able to overcome.

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