this is my trying

chapter twenty one: crazy me

tatum

My eyes scan the crowd of the busy bar. I am met with dark brown eyes from across the room and a grin takes over my face. I quickly weave through the crowd of people before I am swept up in muscular arms and lips press firmly onto mine.

I hum happily into the familiar lips as I throw my arms around Seth's neck. My stressful workday melts away. I finally feel at peace.

"Enough, enough." I hear Collin call out from the high top table that Seth was just sitting at moments before we met eye contact. "No one here wants to watch a rom-com." He teases with a playful grin on his lips.

Seth pulls his lips from mine and rests his forehead against mine. "Hi." I whisper with a cheesy smile. I couldn't care less about the people around us in the bar - Seth's friends included. I am just overjoyed to be back with Seth.

Geez, I act like I haven't seen him in weeks when in reality it has only been two days. But I have missed him.

Seth lifts his head from mine and presses a kiss to my forehead. "Hi, baby." He says as he pulls me to the table crowded with his group of friends.

I am quickly pulled away from Seth's arms. "Oh, Tatum." Nessie cheers happily. "It's so nice to see you. How has work been? We need to do a girls night soon."

I return the hug. "Yes, we definitely need to do a girls night soon." I agree.

"This is the cutest outfit." Nessie squeals as she motions to my black mini skirt and sheer black long sleeve shirt.

I feel Seth's arms wrap around my waist from behind me. "Mmm, I totally agree." He says.

I lean back into Seth's warmth. "You two are turning into lovesick puppies." Vanessa jokes as she carries two large glasses of beer. "Here you go, Locklear. Drink up. You have some catching up to do." I smile my thanks to her as I gratefully accept the beer.

"Everyone is taking turns playing pool." Nessie comments as she motions to the pool table across the bar. I recognize some of the guys as some of Seth's friends. "Are you any good at pool?"

I giggle and shake my head. "I'm absolutely horrible."

"I could help you. Give you some pointers." Seth mumbles in my ear.

"Of course you would help her." Embry jokes. "You just want to see her bent over the table." I am surprised that Embry was able to hear the comment that Seth just made. He is several feet away. I don't have much time to think about the possibility of Embry having what seems like super hearing as Seth reaches over and slaps Embry on the back of the head.

The slap quickly starts banter between the guys and Seth's warmth leaves me as he joins in. But I am not alone. The girls pull me over to what seems to be the girls table.

"Hi, Tatum." I am pulled in for another hug by the beautiful Laura. "I know we haven't officially spoken. We always seem just to greet each other as we are passing by. But I feel like I pretty much know you by how much Seth talks about you."

I grin. "I know what you mean. I heard many stories of the famous Laura who rejected the proposal from Brady." I giggle.

Laura rolls her eyes as she looks over to her man. "I don't know how many times I have to tell him. Proposing to me while we are having sex does not count." A huge burst of laughter erupts from me as I listen to her comment.

"Brady fails to mention that little detail." I laugh.

"Such a guy." She says, shaking her head causing her long black hair to sway. "I'm surprised we haven't run into each other at the apartment more often. It seems that I am almost the fourth roommate at this point."

"I try to spend nights at my place during the week with work and all." I say with a shrug.

Laura smiles kindly. "I know what you mean. Those boys aren't the quietest. I try to avoid their apartment when I actually have homework to get finished. It's like distraction central. Don't even get me started on Brady."

I laugh. "Brady said you are in nursing school."

Laura nods her head. "Yes, it's wrapping up thankfully. Don't know how much more schooling I can take."

"I know what you mean." I agree. "College was not for me."

Our conversation quickly merges into talk about my job. "I've heard that you work at the Women's Crisis Center in Forks. That's amazing. How has it been?" Laura asks.

I smile as I think about my job. "It has been a great experience so far." I say. "Of course it has been stressful at times, but it has been an amazing experience to get to help people. It has been stressful the last few days, but it has been rewarding." I say before sipping on the beer in my hands.

Laura nods her head. "It sounds incredible." She says enthusiastically. "Has Seth gotten over his frustration with you working in Forks?" Laura laughs.

I freeze when she says this. Why would Seth be frustrated that I work in Forks. Never once has he brought this up to me. It didn't make any sense to me. There were several things that seem to not make sense to me. "Yeah, I'm not sure." I mumble awkwardly as I stare over to my boyfriend at the other high top table.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much." Laura says with a shrug. "It's just how these boys are. Overprotective."

I observe as the conversation begins to flow within the group of girls. I begin to notice how similar all these relationships are. The relationships between the girls and the guys within Seth's friend group seem so serious. Young and serious relationships on the reservation were not uncommon. In fact, I saw many of them throughout my childhood. But there was something different about these relationships that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I quickly shake those thoughts away. I am overthinking this. I am clearly spiraling into something that is not there, I conclude. I play it off that I am just tired from a long hard week of work.

I tune back into the conversation. "There's supposed to be a bonfire next weekend." Nessie says. "Council meeting as well."

"About time." Vanessa huffs as she glances over at me just for a moment. "They are planning on telling the tribal legends, right?"

Nessie purses her lips. "Yeah, I think so." Her eyes meet mine. I can almost see her mind working. "Has Seth invited you to the bonfire next weekend?"

I suddenly feel the eyes all on me. Just like I had many times before in my life, I feel out of the loop. Not just because Seth hasn't mentioned anything about a bonfire. But because I feel like there is something they all know that I don't. "Um, he hasn't mentioned it to me." I say with a shrug, trying to seem nonchalant, but deep inside of me I am hurt.

Nessie waves it off. "He will probably tell you soon." The group then begins speaking in some sort of code. Talking about the guys and their "patrolling" schedules. I have no idea what that means. I only perk up when I hear the mention of Seth's name in the conversation. "Seth traded schedules with Embry, apparently he is wanting to start working days."

I have never really felt left out when hanging out with Seth's group of friends until now. There was clearly more to the friend group than I knew, which is not surprising. I am a newcomer so of course I wasn't going to know everything. But it hurt a little that there are things that I still don't know about my boyfriend. Since when did my boyfriend work night shifts at some job where he patrols? And how did this never come up in conversation?

I swallow the lump in my throat and rise from my seat. "Hey, are you okay?" Laura asks, nudging me.

I wipe the blank stare off of my face and give her a weak smile. "I am going to head to the restroom real fast. Do you know where it is?" I ask. I need a minute to myself.

Laura instructs and points me in the right direction. I slowly maneuver through the crowd until I reach the crowded girls bathroom. I hear the gossiping voices of a friend group as I wait in line for a stall to open up. I ignore the girls gossiping about the "table of hot reservation guys" as I try to think about anything but Seth's group of friends.

I finally am able to get into a stall and use the restroom after a couple of minutes of waiting. And of course, I find that I have started my period a day early. After washing my hands, I realize I must go back out to face the friend group again. But after a moment of thinking about it, I think it is best to come up with some sort of excuse to leave. After all, I have had a rough week at work and I just started my period. I'm sure by tomorrow this weirdness that I am feeling will go away.

I exit the restroom, racking my brain for the best excuse to tell Seth. But Seth intercepts me before I can get halfway to the table. "Hey." He says with a smile. "Are you having fun?" He looks so relaxed and calm. There is no way that I can mention the discomfort I felt around his friends.

I muster up a smile. "Yeah." I say before swallowing another lump in my throat. "I think I am actually going to head out though." I say as I motion to the door. Seth's frown is an instant reaction. "It's just been a long week. I'm exhausted." I say as an excuse.

But I can see that Seth isn't buying it. "T, what happened?" He questions as his warm hands begin to rub my arms, comfortingly.

Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I hate lying to him. "I'm fine." I choke out. "I'm just really tired." It sounds like there is a frog in my throat by the end of my sentence.

"Okay, we can leave." Seth says as he tenses up with worry.

I look back over to the group of friends seeing that some are glancing over at us. Guilt washes over me. Seth was so relaxed with his friends just a second ago. Now he is all tense and ready to leave with me. I know I can't take him from his friends. "No, you should stay." I say, trying to act like I am not about to cry. "Your friends are all here. You should enjoy some time with them."

Seth's eyebrows weave together as his eyes scan me, searching for some sign. "I would rather be with you." He says stubbornly. "I want to make sure you are okay."

I let out a shaky breath, not in the mood to argue with Seth in the middle of this crowded bar. "Okay, can we leave?" I mutter.

Seth nods his head, still very confused by my sudden change in mood. He leads the way back to his friends who we say short and sweet goodbyes to before heading out to my car.

"What about your truck?" I say once we exit the noisy bar and come in contact with the cool night air.

"I rode up with Collin and Brady. Brady drove." Seth assures me as we walk side by side to my car that is parked in the back of the lot. "Do you want me to drive?" He questions before reaching my car.

I nod silently before handing over my keys. Seth helps me into the passenger seat before walking around to the driver's seat. It is quiet between the two of us as Seth starts up the car and pulls out of the parking lot.

I rest my head on the window as I stare straight ahead. Seth reaches over after a few silent minutes to grab my hand and he gives me a comforting squeeze. I close my eyes at the gesture in fear that I might cry.

I had just acted so crazy. Thinking that his friends were trying to keep things from me. Assuming that all of their relationships had something weird going on. And making us leave so abruptly. Yet, despite my craziness, Seth still stands by me. He truly cares about me.

Sure, Seth doesn't really know what I was thinking about. He doesn't know that I was hating his friend group for a few minutes. But he could have stayed. Instead, he chose to come home with me. Crazy me.

"I'm sorry." I choke out after another few minutes of silence.

"Baby, why are you sorry?" Seth says softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

I pull my hand from his to wipe the tears that are now falling from my eyes. I sniffle as I try to prevent myself from starting to hysterically cry. I feel Seth pull the car off onto the shoulder of the road. He pulls me into his lap and I completely break down in his warmth.

"I-I don't know why I am even crying this h-hard." I sob into Seth's chest. Seth doesn't respond. He just rests a kiss on the top of my head and rubs my back as he lets me cry it out. I know that I am completely soaking Seth's t-shirt with my tears right now. But it feels like the dam has been opened and I can't shut it off.

A semi speeds past, shaking the car and essentially shaking me back to reality. I pull myself away from Seth's chest and before I have the chance to, Seth wipes away my fallen tears with the pads of his thumbs.

"I'm sorry." I whimper out again. I try to climb back over into the passenger seat. I'm sure that Seth doesn't want to deal with a crying girlfriend right now. But before I can climb over, Seth pulls me back to my seated position on his lap.

"T, what's wrong?" Seth's soothing voice and his worried eyes open the dam up again.

"I-I…" I stutter out as I try to process what to say. "I felt like everyone knew something that I didn't." I choke out, referring to the group of girls I was just with at the bar. "Apparently there is some bonfire. And tribal legends. And tribal council things. And patrols." My eyebrows weave together. "Since when did you get a second job and how come you never brought it up?"

Seth's face twists before he lets out a sigh. "I was going to tell you about the bonfire tonight, actually." He begins. "I'm sorry that it got out before I was able to mention it." He brushes my hair out of my face as he speaks. "The bonfire is just where the tribal council is held. My mom is part of the council. I want to bring you with me. They always tell tribal stories." He explains.

"As for the patrols…" Seth starts. "I pick up patrols every once in a while. A group of us just take turns patrolling around the Rez, making sure everything is safe. I never brought it up because I didn't think it was important." Seth stares at me for a second before cupping my face with his large warm hands. "I'm sorry that you felt left out. I never want you to feel like you aren't a part of my friend group. My friends love you and you fit in so well." He presses a delicate kiss on my forehead in between my eyebrows.

My bottom lip quivers at the sweet gesture. I close my eyes. "And what about you hating my job being in Forks?" I confront him. Seth looks down at me, straight-faced. I know that I caught him off guard with the comment just as the comment caught me off guard when Laura had told me. When he doesn't speak, I continue. "I am independent, Seth. I am not gonna let you dictate my worklife." I say, trying to sound strong despite sitting on his lap like a child and my voice quivering.

"Tatum, that was totally taken out of context." Seth rectifies. "I had mentioned that I wished you worked on the Rez because it was closer and it was safer. But I understand why you are choosing to work in Forks. I am so happy that you have found a job that you love."

"So, you don't hate it?" I question, weakly.

"Of course not. I am so proud of you. You are helping people." Seth states seriously.

His answer causes me to relax back onto his chest. I rest my ear against his t-shirt covered chest. And despite the clothing, I can still feel the heat radiating off of him. I take a second to regain a normal breathing and to stop the tears from forming.

When I finally gain composure, I hug Seth. "I just started my period." I whisper, quietly. I know that Seth will hear it. He always seems to. "At the bar." I added. I shake my head against his chest. "I always get overly emotional when I start my period." I feel Seth physically relax when he hears what I am saying. "I know I am acting crazy. I am so sorry." I choke out. Tears begin forming again. However, I hold them off, not allowing them to fall.

Seth presses several kisses to the top of my head. "You have a right to be crazy." He chuckles. He pauses for a moment before speaking up. "Again, I am sorry for not telling you about the bonfire and patrolling. I swear I never intended to hurt you by keeping that information." Seth pulls my head from his chest and presses a kiss to my lips. "Let's get you home." He says as he puts me back into the passenger seat with ease. "You need some cuddles."

I smile over at my boyfriend. I can't believe he didn't run for the hills after my craziness tonight. Not only did I take him away from his friends and end the night early, but I just cried hysterically in his arms for twenty minutes over silly things that I made a bigger deal in my head. All because I started my period.

Seth grabs my hand after he pulls back onto the road and heads for home. I can't help but look over to him and think about how blessed I am. He truly is a saint. And I don't deserve him.

Hi everyone! Here's another chapter. Again, sorry for the late update, but I am officially on summer break which means I have more time to write. I am already working on the next chapter. Please let me know what you think of the story so far and what you would like to see. I absolutely enjoy reading your comments so continue to leave those for me xx M