this is me trying

chapter twenty three: i am in love with you

tatum

Billy begins the story by discussing a historical chief and his family. He portrays the family as the start of the powerful Quileute bloodlines. Chief Taha Aki was the leader of Quileute spirit warriors. The Quileute spirit warriors were members of the tribe that had the ability to shapeshift into wolves to protect their people.

Billy's story moves to talk about the Cold Ones, otherwise known as bloodsuckers. The Cold Ones were a threat to the tribe of Quileute as they killed people. However, the spirit warriors were able to kill these Cold Ones with great power. But killing the Cold Ones did not come without struggle. This is where the Third Wife came into the story.

Billy wraps up the story on Taha Aki, the Third Wife, and suddenly I feel that I am back in the real world again. It felt as if I had been living and experiencing the story myself instead of just listening to the words of Billy. Billy really knows the art of storytelling.

I could really see why I enjoyed listening to the legends as a child. The stories were so empowering and thrilling to hear. I wish that I could hear more of the legends. I could see why hearing the legends was such an important part of the Quileute culture and why it was so important to Seth that I hear them.

Seth kisses my shoulder, nearly causing me to jump. I was so wrapped up in the story that I forgot that I had been in Seth's arms the entire time. "What do you think?" He whispers.

I turn in his arms, absorbing his warmth in the chilly Washington night air. "It was incredible." I say with a smile.

Everyone begins standing up and gathering their things from around the bonfire. I follow their lead and rise from my spot in Seth's arms. "Did you enjoy it?" Leah asks with wide eyes as she stands up from her spot where her and Peter listened to the legends together.

I smile. "Yeah, Billy was incredible." I say, nodding towards Billy Black.

Leah pulls me in for a hug. In the midst of our embrace, she whispers "I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's good to keep an open mind on things." She says, giving me a knowing look.

I am not quite sure what she is referring to, but I don't question her. I really don't have time to because I am swept into another hug goodbye. In every single goodbye, I get similar and weird responses like Leah's. But I don't allow them to linger in my head and I shake them off.

When the endless goodbyes are over, I feel Seth's light, yet warm, touch of his hand on my lower back. "Ready to head out?" He asks quietly in my ear.

I look up at him. "Yeah." I confirm before we both walk towards his truck parked amongst the other cars. Like a gentleman, he helps me up into the passenger side before making his way to the driver's seat. I shiver as the warm air from the vents begins to blow out as the truck starts up.

"Cold?" Seth comments before sliding me over towards him where he wraps his arms around me protectively. I rest my head on his shoulder and let out a sigh of contentment.

Several moments of warming up pass before Seth begins to drive toward my house. The drive is quiet, giving me time to reflect on what I had just heard from Billy and the legends he just told.

I think about what Billy had said. Tribe members that shifted into wolves to protect the people from bloodsuckers. Shapeshifters are what he called them. I can't even imagine.

I look up to Seth for a moment and he must have sensed my staring because he looks down immediately. His eyes flicker back to the road. "You look like you are thinking really hard down there." He says shortly. His tone of voice is emotionless, so unlike Seth. My mind jumps back to what he had said earlier. He must be tired.

I sigh. "I'm just thinking about the legends." I say casually, staring out of the front windshield into the darkness of the road.

I feel Seth's shoulder stiffen under my head. "What about them exactly?" Seth asks, breathlessly.

I pause for a moment as I allow my thoughts to wonder. "What if you were a shapeshifter?" I whisper before looking up at my boyfriend. I try to read his facial expressions through the darkness. "I mean, it was tribal men who were able to shift in the legends." I comment. A moment of silence fills the air. A laugh spills out of my lips. "I sound silly." I quickly add when Seth doesn't comment. "It's just a legend."

"No, no. I mean, I know what you mean." Seth says tightly. "I-"

"You think I sound crazy, right?" I giggle as I lift my head up off of his shoulder.

Seth pulls the car into my driveway. "I don't think you sound crazy. I-" Seth begins.

"I loved the legends." I say quickly. I didn't want Seth to think my craziness meant that I was trying to make fun of the legends or that I didn't enjoy them. "It was incredible the way that Billy could tell a story. He really tells it and makes you feel like you are actually living it, you know?"

Seth looks over at me, emotionless, but he nods his head in understanding. He looks away from me, staring blankly out the windshield into the dark yard. His face suddenly holds so much tension that I can't help but reach up and rub the backs of my fingers.

"Seth, babe." I whisper, curling even further into his embrace. "I didn't mean to offend you. I-I'm so sorry." I say, choking up. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

Seth grabs my hand from his face and my heart drops, thinking that he is pushing away from my touch. But Seth does the opposite of what I thought. He brings my hand to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of it before flipping it over to kiss my palm.

"I'm in love with you." He says when he settles my hand over his heart. I can feel the power of his heartbeat through the new embrace.

My world stops spinning for a moment. Did he just say what I think he just said? Did Seth just say he was in love with me? I instinctively pull my hand away from him and I wrap my arms around myself protectively. I look away as I attempt to gather my unorganized thoughts.

Love.

What a weird word. I truly never thought that this would ever come from Seth's mouth.

Yes, I have a crazy amount of feelings for him. Feelings that I can't even begin to explain. Feelings that grow stronger and stronger every single day. Feelings that make me numb when I'm without him. Feelings that make me feel like I'm on top of the world when I'm with him.

But are these feelings that I am feeling considered love?

I have never been in love before. How was I supposed to know what being in love felt like?

I know how they describe love in movies. And what I feel with Seth is much stronger than anything a movie could put into words. But how can I say those words without truly knowing that I felt them?

"Tatum." Seth's wary voice pulls me from my thoughts. His face looks pained even though I can barely make out the details in the darkness of the night.

"Is this what you were worried about?" I question, stupidly. I truly didn't know how to respond. How do you respond when someone confesses to being in love with you? "You were acting so strange all night…" I mumble under my breath. "I thought I had done something wrong. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you or ruin what we have. But here I am… Absolutely fucking things up." I ramble as tears gather in my eyes.

"Tatum, baby, no. I mean, yes I was a little worried about that but that's not…" Seth shakes his head. "This is not how things were supposed to go." Seth says as he rubs the palms of his hands into his face, allowing the frustration to wash over him.

Tears stream down my face. Seth must have told everyone there tonight at the bonfire that he planned on confessing his love to me. That's why I was getting those strange goodbyes. Oh shit and I have completely ruined this. Ruined this for Seth because I am unable to interpret my own feelings.

My instincts take over and my brain racks ways that I can escape this situation. But I realize immediately what I am doing and stop myself from moving from the cab of Seth's truck.

My sisters were right. I am immature. I do run from things.

That is just who I am.

"Tatum, I-" Seth begins again, trying to fix this awkward situation that I have put us in. "I'm sorry." He says, bowing his head down like a wounded puppy.

I choke out a sob and allow my head to fall into my hands. "Why are you sorry?" I weep out. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Absolutely nothing." I pull my head from my hands and wipe away my falling tears angrily. "I'm the one who should be sorry." I sniffle out to him. "I have such strong feelings for you, Seth." I confess through my tears. "Definitely the strongest feelings I have ever felt for anyone. You have become my person. A person I didn't know I needed. And I am so sorry, but I can't say those words back to you right now." I whisper weakly as more tears leak from my eyes. "It's not that I don't… I just don't know how I feel. All the emotions I feel with you are so powerful and a whirlwind. I just want to sort those out before I say those words to you. Because when I say those words to you, I want to know that I truly mean them."

Before I can continue, I am met with something warm and firm. I realize that Seth has pulled me into his arms and my head is resting on his chest. Seth's embrace does nothing but make the tears worse. Sobs rack through my body as I pray that I have not thoroughly screwed things up for us. My heart would absolutely break.

"Baby, you don't have to say it back." Seth whispers softly into my ear as he brushes my hair back. "I am in no way trying to force that out of you. I just wanted to express how I feel." He says, pressing a kiss into the top of my head.

I pull back and grasp onto Seth's shoulders for support. "Please don't think that just because I'm not saying it back, doesn't mean that I don't feel so strongly for you." I choke out. "I am definitely falling for you, head over heels. But my emotions and feelings are so scrambled up in my head."

"And that's okay." Seth says as he gently wipes the tears from my face.

My heart absolutely aches as I sit here, staring into my favorite person's eyes. I feel absolutely crushed that I am not able to confidently say those words back to him. But I am doing this for him. I am doing this to ensure that I am sorting out my feelings correctly. To ensure that I truly mean every single word I say to him. But I am also doing this for myself. Because I am not allowing myself to get hurt again.

I have lost someone that I loved. It might not have been a romantic love, but Cade was my brother and I had so much love for him.

I know what is holding me back from saying those words is not the words or feelings themselves. But it is the fear that by truly confessing I love someone and eventually losing them, that I would be totally destroyed and unrepairable.

I don't think I could bear it.

Seth presses a tender kiss to my lips. "It's getting late. Let me walk you inside." He says before shutting off the car. Seth helps me down from the car and we walk silently to the front door. I unlock the front door and we both enter the dark house. "Are you sure you are going to be okay?" Seth asks worriedly as I begin flipping on the light switches.

I look over to my sweet boyfriend. Despite me absolutely ruining our night, he is still worried about me and somehow not pissed that I didn't confess my love to him in return. I nod my head slowly as an answer.

Seth gives me a sad smile before wrapping me up in his arms. The hug is still for several moments. Seth finally speaks up, breaking the silence. "Please don't beat yourself up over this." He says. "I am not upset by this."

But I am, I wanted to say in return. "I am still sorry." I whisper into his chest. I don't think there are enough times I can say that.

Seth pulls away from the hug and tilts my chin up. "I love you, Tatum." He whispers seriously. "And I will wait forever for you if that's what it takes. But there is no rush. Because I am here and I am not leaving. I will never leave you." My bottom lip trembles as Seth speaks the words that I absolutely needed to hear. Seth swoops down and presses a passionate kiss to my lips.

At that moment, I knew that I did not deserve this man.

This is absolutely not where I thought this chapter was going to go when I first began writing. But I debated over how I wanted this chapter to go for many many weeks. Please let me know what your thoughts are! Sorry for the late update, I have moved to a new city and I am currently back in school full-time so it will take me a bit longer to continue to update. But I have so many great things coming up with this story as well as other stories that connect with this one! So please leave a review or favorite this! xX M