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Jordan was walking down the hall, mindlessly reading one of the casefiles Ivers had assigned her and Bug to go over with a fine-tooth comb. There was nothing worse than being given busywork. Though, she shouldn't really complain. Garret could have put her on leave until after her surgery, but he didn't. So at least she wasn't stuck at the apartment twiddling her thumbs.
"There's gotta be something else we can do!" She paused, recognizing Nigel's voice. Jordan wandered to the window of Trace and peered in. She knew they had a new lead on the Hangman goose-chase from last year, but Nigel hadn't told her much more than that, citing that he didn't want to add any more stress to her plate, what between Ivers and the surgery.
And he was probably right. Especially since she was still agonizing over when to tell him about their little bundle on the way. She'd had a few chances to, but none of them had felt right.
Jordan knew she'd have to tell him soon though. If Lily's progress was anything to go off, Jordan was sure she'd be a balloon by the end of the month.
"Look, aside from sending them an email, and asking them where they are," Dr. Kate Switzer started in her typical cynical drawl, "How do you really expect to find them?"
Nigel quickly calculated something and looked up, beaming, "That's it!"
"What?"
Nigel grabbed Kate's face, completely euphoric, "You're brilliant!" Jordan's eyes grew as Nigel planted one on Kate before rushing out. The doors swung back, and Jordan just watched as he took off down the hall, completely oblivious to her presence.
XxX
Nigel leaned against the rail with folded arms, not sure how he felt. Of course, he was happy they had saved Theresa, but they hadn't been able to save David. If they had only figured it out an hour sooner! He could still see Theresa's face when she asked about her husband, Nigel could hardly bear it and he couldn't even answer her.
Four innocent people had died because of his stupid blog. Their lives were on him and his hubris. No matter what anyone said, that would remain his cross to bear.
Another part of him felt terrible for feeling so relieved that he had never mentioned Jordan by name in his blog. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if something had happened to her. Her life was already hanging in the balance as it was, and knowing she was safe from harm was the only thing that kept Nigel going this week.
The elevator opened to reveal the morgue as it wound down for the day. He lingered at the desk as Emmy grabbed his messages, and his heart lightened a bit when he caught sight of a familiar face rounding the bend.
Nigel called her name, but she must have been too caught up in the file she was reading, "Jordan!" He tried again. Her movements were sharp as she snapped the chart shut and glared at him, a frown was set in her face like stone.
"You alright, luv?" Nigel asked as he grabbed the slips from Emmy and headed towards Jordan. He knew something had been eating at her the past few weeks, but he hadn't wanted to press the issue for fear of having his head bitten off again.
"Peachy." She snipped, popping open the doors and storming down the hall, "Where's Kate?"
"Um, I'm assuming home with Binky?" He had to hurry to keep up with her.
Jordan turned on a dime and he almost collided with her. She jabbed her finger into his chest, "I saw what happened!"
Nigel grew puzzled, trying to figure out what he had done, "What…happened?"
She scoffed and continued down the hall. The few remaining staffers parted like the Red Sea and cast sympathetic glances at Nigel as he dutifully followed Jordan to her office.
She slammed the folder on her desk, "I saw you kiss her!"
Nigel shook his head and began to deny it when he remembered how he'd celebrated Kate's brilliant suggestion. His eyes grew in horror, "Oh, no, luv, it wasn't anything serious. I was just—" He was cut off by a slap across the face. Nigel rubbed his jaw, "What the hell, Jo?"
Jordan started for the door, but he caught her arm, taking care not to hold her too tightly as she tried to struggle free, "Let me go!"
"Not until you tell me what's wrong! You have been moody and temperamental for weeks now, stomping around and barking at everyone." He accused, having had his fill, "What, are you having sympathy mood swings for Lily or something?"
"God, you and Bug!" She ripped her arm free, not feeling an ounce of guilt for the slap now.
"What is wrong then?" He followed after her, desperate to know what was going on.
"I just—" She fidgeted with her hand as a tremor came on, "I just don't like you spending so much time with Kate."
"Well, fun fact: I'm allowed to have friends, Jordan!"
"Ya, but you aren't allowed to give them mouth to mouth without reasonable cause!" She threw back before throwing open the door and marching out.
"Kate is just a colleague." He explained, following after her, "It was just a kiss, like I'd give Lily or Bug."
Jordan rose her brow at the last part and kept walking, thankful most everyone had gone home for the night.
"This isn't about Kate." Nigel stopped, watching her walk a ways on before she turned to him, "This is about the surgery."
Jordan started to shake her head as he stepped towards her.
"Yes, it is. Maybe we should move it up, so it isn't just hanging over you like this?"
"We can't do that."
"Of course we can! I'm not sure why you scheduled it so far out anyway, but if we move it up—"
"No, we can't." Her voice was final, her eyes warning.
"Why do you have to be so difficult?" His hands flexed as he shifted, needing an outlet in the small hall.
"I'm not being difficult. If you would just keep your lips to yourself—"
"This is serious, Jordan, your life depends on this surgery!"
She pulled back, on the defense now, "I know that!"
"No, you don't. You seem to think your choices only affect you, but they don't just affect you, Jordan! Dr. M, Bug, Lily, me. You are putting us through hell as we watch you self-destruct! Do you know what it's like seeing your episodes get worse and worse, to know I can't do anything about it? And, here you are, pretending like everything is fine and nothing is wrong and then snapping at us when we press the matter. You don't care who you hurt with your choices—"
"I can't have the surgery until the second trimester!" She finally snapped, her anger boiling over, unable to handle the accusations.
Nigel stumbled back, his eyes wide, "W-what?"
"Eilís will have developed enough by April 10th for me to have the surgery." Jordan seethed, angry that this is how the news had come out and blaming Nigel for it, "We could have scheduled it a bit earlier, but we planned it for two weeks after Dr. Nguyen's estimate because I wanted to make sure she would be safe."
"Eilís?" He grinned at the name, "After my favorite writer?"
"Ya, you said last weekend that we should add it to any potential name lists in case we get a dog or something, but I knew you were just testing the waters. And so here ya go!" Jordan threw her hands up and marched down the hall, "Congrats! Mazel Tov! And whatever it is Brits say!" She threw sarcastically over her shoulder.
Nigel was so caught up in his excitement, smiling like a fool, that he hadn't realized she'd left, "Wait, Jordan!" He hurried to catch up to her and gently spun her around.
She allowed it, tears filling her eyes, "This isn't how I wanted to tell you." She protested, "But you just kept pushing, and pushing, saying I wasn't thinking of anyone else but myself…and then the thing with Kate and the surgery…" Jordan gave a slight laugh, trying to conceal her tender heart, "If things do go south, please, just, don't fall in love until after my autopsy is over, alright?" She looked at him, her eyes painfully honest. This was a real fear of hers.
"Jordan." He captured her face, his thumb stroking her cheek, "To think anyone could replace you." He looked at her, the most precious thing in the world, "We are going to get through this. The surgery will go fine, Eilís will be fine, and, most importantly, you will be fine. Oh, Jordan…"
The way he looked at her, the smile that lit up his face, the gentle way he kissed her; Jordan had never felt so cherished.
She leaned into his touch, "This isn't how it should've been." Her eyes wandered around the quiet hall. Most everyone had gone home; the rooms were dark and lifeless. This was a place of death; a place where bright tomorrows were cut short and those who were too young were taken too soon.
"This is exactly how it should be." He grinned, kissing her nose, "I mean, she's gonna have to be a bit off to make it with parents like us, might as well get a head start now."
Jordan laughed, holding fast to his hand. He swung his arm around her shoulder and the pair started back towards her office, their fight long forgotten.
"When did you find out she's a she?" Nigel asked, trying not to let his hurt appear in the question. He smiled, letting his eyes linger on Jordan's still flat stomach, and reminded himself that there were more important things to worry about.
"I didn't." Jordan answered a bit sheepish, "I wanted to wait till I'd told you to find out for sure, but Lily said she knew Madeline was a girl and that is sort of what my gut is telling me too."
Nigel beamed, his thoughts running a mile a minute, "What about black and orange for the nursery?" He suggested, "We could do some cute, smiling bats, maybe hang up some pictures from our more interesting autopsies."
Jordan rose a brow, "I think Lily might have dibs on the Halloween theme." She chuckled as she collected her things, "I was thinking about black and purple, though. You know, sort of a bit of both of us."
"Oooh, I like that! We could do a damask and some white to offset it, sort of give it a bit of texture and contrast." He leaned against the doorway, lost in his imagination. It was the first time he had received good news in a long while and he would cling to it for as long as he could, "We can hang up fairy lights, temper them with some black tulle maybe, and we could paint some whimsical, Tim-Burton-esk trees on the wall. I'm sure Lily won't mind if we use one or two cute bats, you know the sort, smiling with their little fangs and big eyes, maybe on a mobile for the bassinet?"
"I don't think Lily would mind at all." Jordan flicked the lights off and the pair headed out.
Nigel was still chattering when they got to the main floor, and she treasured his pure delight. Timing would never be her strong suit, and life would never be easy, but moments like this were what made everything worthwhile.
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