Silence falls over them again as they both process what's happening in the moment. They are both in two different places mentally. Despite sitting together. She can see that he's not budging on this. Normally she could talk him down. But not this time. He's not conceding.
Additionally, she's feeling guilty for what they're going through with Jake. All she had to do was leave him alone. But she always managed to keep him in their lives, one way or another. The sense of guilt she's experiencing almost brings her to tears again. She just doesn't want him to do something out of character, that can't be fixed later.
She wants to share how she feels, but she doesn't want to fight with him. The more she thinks about it; she doesn't have much of a leg to stand on. In regard to stopping him. He's right. Jake's not backing off, despite her breaking things off with him. And if nothing else, last night her proved how far he's willing to go to get revenge against them. Ergo, his death warrant is pretty much sealed, and she can't blame him for opting to take that route.
As her mind continues on, he's still holding her in his arms. He watches her, as she thinks. A pressing question comes into his mind as he looks at her. It's one he's not sure he wants the answer to. But it's one he has to pose, because it's warranted. Courageously he asks, "Liv. Do you still have feelings for him?" Olivia feels herself getting angry at first. She looks at him as she shakes her head no. And says, "Fitz, it's not that at all. And frankly, after everything that's happened. How can you ask me something like that?"
He sighs in frustration as he says, "Liv. I am just trying to make sense of this. I don't know what to think. If I'm being honest. I am confused about what you want here. We both know I am right about him. He's relentless, and doesn't mean either one of us any good will. Yet, despite what happened last night. You appear to be pleading his case. So can you blame me for my confusion?"
She falls back into thought, before answering him. Her emotions go from high to leveling out in a matter of minutes. On one hand, she still can't believe he'd think she wants Jake in any way. But she can't deny she's sent mixed signals in the past that led to mistaken actions on her part. She instantly thinks about the time she spent with him on the island, and all the times she called him on the phone, after moving into the white house with Fitz. One instance that sticks out to her as one of the biggest mistakes she made where he was concerned, was them spooning in the hotel room. Thinking of it now makes her ill. She can't believe she let him touch her, or that she ever thought of him in a loving way.
As she quickly sorts through all of her moments with him. She remembers what her therapist told her about her relationship with Jake. Despite her convincing herself that her time with Jake before and after she moved into the white house meant nothing. Simply because she talked about Fitz the entire time. And not once did she really want Jake physically. The reality is, her actions were wrong and it undoubtedly played a role in his obsession with her.
She can admit now that she knew he loved her, and wanted her for more than friendship. But she never wanted him in that way. But yet, she continued to be around him, and allow him to have access to her in other ways. For the sake of convenience. But why? Why was she willing to oblige such drama whe she didn't have to?" Again, all she had to do was let him go. And choose what she knew was her heart. Her heart was and will always be Fitz. He is her true love and that is abundantly clear. Yet she entertained the pointless relationship with Jake. Knowing it wasn't real and it wasn't what she really wanted.
Initially, she feels frustration welling up; as she tries to make sense of her actions. But using her techniques learned in therapy, she refuses to let pure emotion take over. Instead, she practices deep breathing and settles her mind, as she concentrates on her behavior. She knows she needs to answer his question for herself, and for the sake of her relationship with Fitz.
Fitz sees her mind working and waits patiently for her response. Suddenly, like a lightbulb coming on over her head. She now understands what her therapist was trying to get her to see. The fact is she's been in control of how her relationships with both of these men have progressed. In many ways she took from both of them what she needed at the time. It's always been about her, and never completely about neither one of them.
But now that she's made her choice she needs to be clear about her intentions, and leave no room for doubt. She also realizes she has no reason to feel guilty about Jake. His actions were a manifestation of anger, and not predicated on her. She has no control over the actions of others. Her thought processing ends, and the silence between them breaks, as she excitedly says, "No."
Fitz looks at her, as he says, "What?" She takes a breath, and says, "You asked if I could blame you for your confusion about my feelings for Jake. The answer is no. I can't blame you. Because I realize I haven't made it easy for you to know where my head is where he's concerned." She takes a breath and again he rubs her back, as she continues, "I'm sorry for doing that to you baby. I feel terrible about taking us through this unnecessary drama." Tears fill her eyes as she stares at him. Fitz's heart melts, seeing the sincerity in her eyes, and feeling the warmth in her words of admission.
He wants to stop her and let her know it's all forgiven. But he sees she needs to finish. So he remains quiet, as she dabs her eyes, and says, "It's been a long road Fitz. A very long road to this point, and I need you to know. I am now truly committed to you and us. My heart has always belonged to you, and I am so very sorry I wasted so much time allowing him to be around. I honestly don't have any feelings for Jake, except contempt and pity."
Fitz sees the subtlety in her eyes and feels the conviction in her tone. It's the first time she's ever sounded this confident and strong about them being together, since she came to him after telling the world yes, when she was publicly asked if she was his mistress.
She sees his mind working and touches his face, seeing that he's taking in her words, she knows she's given him the assurance he needs. But to be clear she says, "I trust you Fitz. I trust you to do whatever you need to do to settle this for good, and I mean it. Whatever you decide, you have my blessing. I don't need to know the details. But, I simply ask that you do what you know you can live with baby. Don't let him drag you down a hole, because of his bitterness. You're a better man than that."
She feels his heart rate reduce and sees a sense of calm come over him. Relieved at her reply he presses his face into her hand, and closes his eyes absorbing her touch as she smiles at him. He's her love, he's her forever, and she's willing to let him love her; because she deserves it, they both do.
After processing her words he realizes that her concern was for him the whole time. Not Jake. He's not her concern. She wants to make sure that whatever he decides, he will be able to look at himself in the mirror afterwards. Her belief in him is unreal, it's why he always feels with her by his side, he can do anything, and survive anything.
This makes him recall when he got shot. She's the only person who mattered, next to his kids. The thoughts of her are what made him fight, and after hearing that she'd just visited him prior to him waking. Reconfirms that she's the reason he woke up. Her love for him, her lying next to him in that bed as he laid unconscious; gave him the will to come back to consciousness.
Better understanding her response, and ready to talk. His eyes open and he says, "I'm sorry for accusing you of loving him Liv. Thank you for explaining your thoughts to me. Your belief in me is so amazing baby, and I promise to never disappoint you. I promise to take special care in everything I do going forward. We are in this together."
Tears fall from her eyes as she says, "Yes, we are in this together. I love you." As tears fall from his eyes too, they share a sweet kiss as he says, "I love you too." The moment is epic; because it's the first time they've both laid their cards on the table, and actually listened to each other completely with honesty, and love.
Despite the heaviness of the moment it's much needed, and it's special. They continue to share kisses, and cuddle, as they settle with their feelings. After drying both of their eyes, and feeling a calmness to the mood. Fitz says, "Thank you for trusting me, concerning my decision with Jake Liv." She responds, "You're welcome. The days of me intervening on his behalf are over. I'm done saving him, and again. I am sorry I've kept him in our lives this long. It was selfish and wrong."
He needed to hear that from her, she's letting him take care of her, and taking responsibility for her actions. The moment leaves him feeling settled, and calm about his decision, as he says, "You're amazing. Do you know that?" She smiles as she replies, "Yes, I do, and it's good you finally realize it." They chuckle at her response, and as the laughter settles, she says, "Seriously babe. Thank you for loving me the way you have. I know I haven't made it easy."