Chapter 5

The sound of a new message broke Mike Tao's concentration. He looked at the computer as if the entire secret of the universe was there, but in reality, he was trying to find some connection between Stroh's crimes and some evidence to prove that the ex-lawyer was the murderer. However, as happened in the last few hours, everything ended up in a dead end.

Staring at the phone, he smiled when he saw that was his wife asking him to get some milk, eggs and a new flasher on the way home. According to her, the Christmas tree wouldn't want to be turned off during the holiday. The Lieutenant quickly noted the request so as not to forget and returned to his activity.

However, before he could go on with that, his gaze strayed to Sharon's office and he stopped what he was doing again. This was extremely nostalgic to look in that direction, he still hadn't gotten used to her absence. The Commander filled an environment with her presence and without any effort, and that was what made the loss even more difficult.

"Hey". Amy's voice caught his attention. "Are you okay?"

"Yes". He shrugged. "Just thinking".

"About her?" The detective gave a small smile and pointed towards Sharon's office.

"It's almost impossible not to think, especially at this time of year".

Amy sighed and nodded, he was right. Christmas was Sharon Raydor's holiday and this would be her first year as a Flynn, and it had left Sharon almost glowing weeks ago. They all knew of her famous sense of occasion and they liked when she started to goad them into tidying up the floor. First a tree, then all sorts of ornaments and angels, she loved angels. Last Christmas she gave each of them a little glass angel with a Christmas card, they didn't imagine that would be her last Christmas.

"I don't know if I'll be able to celebrate anything this year". Amy spoke in a small voice. "I miss her".

"I miss her too, but I believe she would like us to move on".

"I know, but it still hurts".

"An aunt of mine used to say that remembering the good times alleviates the loss". Tao commented and smiled. "For example, every Friday after lunch we would go to the electronics room with Buzz and Rusty to watch Badge of Justice. She loved that and thought that was extremely silly".

"Wait a minute, did she like that? But what about the Lieutenant? He knew?"

"I don't think so, I never dared to question and she never asked for a secret".

"So, you watched in hiding as a guilty pleasure?"

"Sort of". They were both smiling now and Amy realized he was right, talking about the good things eased the pain a little. "Today I can't believe I even said I hated her".

"What? When was that?" Amy's expression was one of shock. "What was her reaction?"

"She didn't hear". Tao then quickly explained about the Christmas they were forced to spend together. That Sharon was still head of the FID.

The Lieutenant also explained that his frustration came from the fact that Sharon walked around the floor with a suitcase making it clear that she would be on a flight while they were stuck there. But in the end the airport closed because of snow and she couldn't travel.

"So, she spent Christmas with you?"

"Yes, it was impossible to say no to Chief Johnson's mother. The Captain couldn't refuse, especially when Willie Rae found out that she would be alone at home until the airport was free".

Amy smiled and shook her head in amusement, she wished she had been a part of this Christmas. Tao was also thinking about this, how much the team's relationship had changed after she became their leader. Sharon Flynn had a special way of winning people over and the proof was their feelings towards her, that Christmas he hated her a little and weeks ago they were very concerned about her well-being. And now everything was painful with the loss.

Amy's voice snapped him out of his melancholy reverie and he started to pay attention to the Detective.

"The day after you guys found out Cooper and I were dating, she called me into the break room to talk". Amy smiled at the memory. "I had already briefed her about our relationship, but to my surprise she said she wanted to talk about how I should fight jokes and ignore your childishness".

"She said that?"

"Oh yeah..." Amy now laughed out loud. "Men, honey, men are eternal children, she told me just like that. I was shocked by our super-feminine conversation, but in that moment, it was like we..."

"Were family". Tao whispered.

"Exactly and we still managed to get some ice cream that she hid in the freezer". The nostalgic smile was contagious.

Amy and Tao didn't speak much more, both lost in their Commander's fond memories. Neither of them noticed that Nolan and Cami listened to everything with amazement and admiration for the woman they didn't have the chance to get to know deeply. And to make the two newcomers even more surprised, Amy and Tao simultaneously opened their desk drawers and pulled out the glass angels Sharon had given them. They believed that now she would be protecting them more than ever, after all angels were never enough.

Sharon woke up in a daze, because the nightmares once again left her breathless. Her heart raced and she took several deep breaths before finally calming down. This time the one who suffered in her dreams was Andy, she never really understood what happened, she just knew that with each nightmare one of the children or Andy, or even one of the team died before her eyes and she couldn't do anything.

And when she woke up she always remembered Susan's question, but Sharon still didn't know the answer. At that moment she seemed to have so many fears that she couldn't name or even say what they were.

As her mind raced through it all, Melanie appeared and knocked softly on the door. The young woman was charismatic and very good at her job, she only had a few years in physical therapy, but she loved what she did. The Commander could see a bit of Emily in her and that made Sharon nostalgic every time.

"Good morning, Sharon. How are you going?". She walked in with a big smile. "Michaela said she would bring your breakfast in a few moments".

"Good morning, Melanie". Sharon smiled a little and tried to push the dream's bad feeling to the back of her mind. "I'm fine. And, how are you? Has your mother already managed to convince your father to travel?"

"Not yet, but she said something about a candy strike". Melanie shrugged and smiled. "How about we start with some breathing exercises while Michaela doesn't bring the food?"

Sharon stated and began to repeat everything she was instructed to do, she liked the way the young woman worked, she always got straight to the point, she didn't like to wander around senseless.

The morning passed slowly for the Commander, she did the breathing exercises and then ate breakfast. After a short rest, she had to exercise a little in the room and when she realized that the session was coming to an end, she was sad because she would be alone for a while until one of the nurses came for check-up.

However, to her surprise, Melanie suggested a walk through the hospital corridors and Sharon was extremely grateful. Since she woke up she had been trapped in her room, not having the strength to get up or the breathing resistance to stay standing for a long time. And now after these sessions with Melanie she had the confidence to walk without falling over or getting excessively dizzy.

Quickly changing clothes Sharon walked out with cautious steps and flinched a little in the bright hallway light, but she quickly adapted and kept walking and making small talk with Melanie. Gradually, she was noticing her surroundings and seeing the families of other patients arriving with gifts and other types of ornaments, and this intrigued her a little.

"Melanie, what date is it today?"

"December 22nd". Melanie smiled, oblivious to the other woman's bubbly feelings.

"Oh... it's close to Christmas". Her whisper was not heard by the physiotherapist. And she was grateful for that, she was so lost in the days that she didn't remember being so close to her favorite holiday.

The ride was proving refreshing for Sharon and she was trying to concentrate on walking without falling over and smiling at the people passing her, but every flash of a gift or someone else's laughter tightened her heart a little more. Everyone looked very happy, but what made her want to go back to her room right away was the music coming from one of the rooms.

Sharon peeked into the room through the crack in the door, a woman was in bed, about her age, and around her was her family. Husband, children and grandchildren, someone played a guitar and sang a version of the classic song Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy that was one of the highlights of the play Nutcracker.

The Commander was frozen for a few seconds before announcing to Melanie that she was starting to get tired and wanted to go to her room, she was glad she could hide her choked voice and keep the tears from falling.

They made a quick return to Sharon's room as she relived each Christmas night with family or staff. Smiles, gift and everyone's love. Of course, every time she and Andy watched Nutcracker.

"Hey, Sharon. Are you okay?" The physiotherapist questioned worried when she saw the other woman's mood wither.

"I'm fine, just a little tired. You can go to Clarice, she must be waiting for you". Sharon tried to smile but knew she hadn't been successful.

Melaine thought about questioning her further, but the look in the older woman's eyes told her not to pressure her. Even without meaning to, she nodded and left the room.

As soon as she was alone, Sharon released the breath she didn't even realize she was holding, tears filling her eyes as the lack of everyone around her began to hammer harder. She was in such mixed emotions that she didn't know if she would have the strength to get over it.

The urge to cry seized her again, the sadness began to consume her in such a way that the only option she saw for all the pain to go away was for her new heart to stop. These thoughts and pessimism had been swirling in her head for the past few months, knowing of her illness was the final straw in her anguish.

Sharon didn't realize until that moment how overwhelmed she was and the reality of what had happened. And now that all this clicked into her head, she didn't know if she could manage that. Fear began to creep through her body like a heavy, black cloud that left her breathless and numb.

Tears started to trickle down her face and her breath seemed to catch until a strangled sob came out of her lips, she couldn't control this anymore. The crying took her in such a way that she couldn't stop the trembling in her body, pain was spread everywhere and incoherent phrases came out of her mouth.

At that moment, totally out of control and terrified, Sharon just wanted this to be over.

Susan was approaching Sharon's room, they hadn't talked for a few days and the psychologist knew she would have a lot to learn from the other woman. The only information she had was that she was a cop, but she didn't know what jurisdiction or rank or anything like that. And she didn't tell much about her family, Susan knew she was married or had been, the little tick of running her hand over her ring finger looking for the ring gave her away.

The young psychologist was excited when she saw Melanie leave the room a little worried.

"Hey, Mel". She hurried to her coworker. "What happened? Is Sharon alright?"

"I don't know, she says she is, but... I don't know".

"Oh... well... I'll talk to her now, maybe I'll figure out the problem".

"I hope so". Melanie smiled weakly and made her way to the next patient.

Susan took a deep breath and went to the door, knocking she waited for an answer and heard none. Cautiously she opened it and cocked her head to peek. What she saw left her shocked and sad.

Sharon was in the middle of the bed curled up in a ball and crying desperately, she could see her breathing was fast and shallow, she could hyperventilate at any moment. The sobs were loud in the room and heartbreaking.

Susan approached her and touched her to soothe her, but somehow, she cringed even more. Phrases of I'm sorry were heard with every hiccup. The young woman felt her own eyes fill with tears, not knowing what to do.

"Sharon, it's okay." She started out uncertain. "Everything will be fine, you don't need to apologize."

"I... c-can't do this. I- I can't do-do". She started talking over and over again.

Susan didn't care if she was going to scare her, just sat down next to her and hugged her, almost bringing the older woman into her lap. She stroked her hair and tried to soothe her with comforting words, but nothing seemed to take effect, Sharon couldn't control herself.

With a trembling hand and fingers, Susan texted Dr. Torres urgently asking him to come over. He was the only one who seemed to know Sharon, maybe he would help.

Dr. Torres had finally managed to escape a bit and had been dozing in the doctor's room for 10 minutes when his cell phone beeped a message. He seriously thought about ignoring it, but something made him pick up the offending object.

As he read the message he got up quickly, fear began to drum in his ears and he found himself almost running to the elevators, he was four floors below Sharon. He started making a list of the material he would need to help her stay alive, what he didn't understand was why she was having a relapse now, she was doing fine. Her new heart was going well, what had gone wrong?

As soon as the elevator doors opened he hurried to her room, Dr. Torres thought that was strange because the floor was calm, no one seemed to be distressed by any emergency. He didn't believe Susan was playing a prank, so this must have something to do with today's session.

Torres didn't even knock on the door, he just opened and entered, completely worried, and the scene in front of him left him stunned. Susan was in bed hugging Sharon, the psychologist had tears in her eyes and was sniffling. But somehow, she managed to speak words of comfort to another woman. And that's what was confusing him, Sharon was crying desolately, that was hard to watch without being moved. What the hell happened here?

His face portrayed the question in his head and Susan understood and shrugged sadly.

"I don't know what happened, just help her". Her choked voice made him act.

Going to a small locked cabinet in the corner of the wall he pulled out a tranquilizer and filled a syringe, Sharon didn't seem to notice her surroundings, but as soon as she saw what he was going to do, her despair increased.

"No, ple-please. Noo..." She tried to pull away from Susan, but her strength was exhausted. "I-I don't want to sleep. Ple-please".

Dr. Torres hesitated for a moment, she looked like a little girl scared of needles, but her fear was bigger than that. He knew the awareness of sleeping hard after falling into a coma was terrifying, but he needed to do this. The doctor didn't know what could happen if the emotional charge she felt now hurt her heart.

"I'm sorry, Sharon. But I have to do this, it's for your good". He approached her and held her arm, and gave the injection.

Sharon flinched and tried to control her sobs. They had slowed down a little, but she still racked her body with tremors. Slowly, Susan and Peter saw her calm down and fall asleep.

When they were both sure she was asleep, Susan got out of bed and covered her. Wiping her eyes, she took a deep breath and stared at Peter.

"What the hell happened to her?"

"What are you talking about? You're the one who called me here".

"Peter, she just had a panic attack or a terror attack or whatever". Susan started pacing. "Something very serious happened to her, nobody stays that way with a normal life".

Peter didn't want to say, this was Sharon's story, she must tell. But he was afraid she would fall apart again and seeing the pain in her eyes again was heartbreaking. And he realized what Detective Sanchez had said the day before via text, she could captivate the people around her and if he wasn't careful he would be one more person wanting to protect her. The warning came a little late, Peter had already taken her fight for himself.

"Look, I don't know the details, you'll have to question her later, for now I can only say what I was told". He took a deep breath and indicated the chair for her to sit.

Peter began reporting from the moment he met Sharon at the hospital and everything about her heart problem until the moment she woke up from her coma. Susan listened in amazement. Sharon's life felt like a thriller, and Susan wasn't surprised that she had broken.

The young psychologist took a little inner oath to help Sharon in the best way possible, that wouldn't be easy, but they could do this. Looking toward the bed she understood the older woman's despair, Susan wasn't sure if she would have the strength to protect her family so fiercely that she would literally die or not.

Andy sighed once more and Rusty stared at him uncomfortably. They were having breakfast and intended to go to the police station in a few minutes. The matter of the night before was still unresolved and the Lieutenant didn't know what to do.

Letting Rusty out alone while Stroh was on the loose would likely give him another heart attack, now he understood what Sharon had gone through years ago and they wanted to know how she managed to handle this without breaking down. Her lack was even more latent now.

"I'll finish getting ready". Rusty spoke softly and walked out into the bedroom.

Giving up on eating, Andy got up and quickly tidied up the kitchen. As he turned to go into the bedroom and put on his shoes, he faced the Christmas tree they'd bought nearly a month earlier.

Andy had laughed and asked Sharon why she rushed so hard this year, she just smiled and said she wanted everything perfect. And now they wouldn't have Christmas, at least not him, it felt wrong somehow. Andy looked at the tree with regret, no decorations, no lights. Just a reminder that she wouldn't be there.

Sometimes he tried to remember what they had said before she went to the office or when was the last time he told her he loved her. Andy didn't remember if he ever asked her if she was happy, truly happy, not with everyone else around but just them. He didn't know, the last few months were a blur of crying and worrying and going to the hospital.

Coming out of his reverie, Andy put all that aside, he couldn't do anything else. She was dead and away from him now, his only goal being to catch Stroh, ensure Rusty would have a life to live and wait for the day he would join her again.

Hurrying up he went to the bedroom and finished getting ready, ten minutes later the two walked out the door, but before Andy left he left something behind. Now the tree wasn't completely bare, in the center of this there was a single hanging angel, he was all white and held a trumpet, but the detail that caught Andy's attention when buying, were the green eyes on the object. And he knew that if he closed his eyes it would be her eyes he would see shrouded in white light.

To be Continue...