A/N: Hi guys, I'm back.

I hope you're still around.

This chapter is going to talk a little bit about depression, so watch out for triggers. And if anything is wrong, I'm sorry, I'm not a psychologist so mistakes will be made.

But I hope you like this chapter.

Love you, guys!

Chapter 7

Hours had passed and now Susan was wide-eyed and her mouth half-open as Sharon finished her account. Susan felt like her head might explode at just the taste of what this woman had been through. And she was in awe of Sharon's strength and scared to see that she'd gone through so much without having any help.

"Okay... let me get this straight". Susan took a deep breath and tried to organize her thoughts. "It all started because you shot down a Nazi after he killed several people in a courtroom, including your boss. In other words, you had a personal loss in all of this. Then shortly afterward, one of your lieutenants, who was your boyfriend and now your husband, had a heart attack in the office. And in the end, you found out that this was all because of the stress. What I understand! It is difficult to solve extremely dangerous cases while looking for a home and trying to be happy".

"You have no idea". whispered Sharon.

"So, in the middle of a case you had to put yourself at risk to get a bad guy and that involved you getting punched right in the middle of the interrogation. And if that wasn't enough, you had to investigate a pedophile in the next case".

"One of the worst cases I've taken". Sharon sighed unhappily.

"How the hell did you manage to get through this without help?"

"I couldn't, I just tried to forget. It was easier to pretend none of this happened than to really try to understand why, as humans, we are so evil."

"Don't even tell me". Susan sighed. "But back to the events: You've found yourself in a situation where one of your Bosses reveals that you were running for your late boss's post. As if all the pressure involved during the cases and your concern for Lieutenant Flynn weren't enough". The psychologist looked upset. "Oh... and we didn't forget about your son Rusty, because you already knew Stroh was back. How did you manage to hide all this whirlwind of emotions? Especially after you were proposed to by Lieutenant Flynn?"

"I don't know. I would have sleepless nights and the next morning I would just bury everything and move on". Sharon shrugged and remembered the times she would wake up short of breath or just unable to move.

"Okay... and just to add a little more adrenaline you guys had to face a vengeful ex-soldier who not only blew up you and your crew not once, but three times". Susan was still wondering how someone could have such a hectic life and resist for so long. "And the last bomb was almost fatal, your entire floor was destroyed, but you managed to escape".

"Yes, but it was close. Maybe if I had noticed earlier our floor would be whole".

"Sharon, you push yourself too much". Susan looked at her in surprise. "You not only found out in time, you saved everyone from dying. And we haven't forgotten about the promotion you got. More than deserved by the way, and you know what? Now I understand what Peter said about Chief Pope, he's a big idiot. Mainly in not having promoted you sooner".

"Well... I'm a little suspicious of saying anything". Sharon smiled a little.

Susan sighed at Sharon's humility, the woman never ceased to amaze her.

"So, this all piled up". Susan spoke thoughtfully. "Is that why you were so sensitive about the case of the three boys who disappeared during a school field trip?"

"I think so, right after the bomb case I had lung attacks from exposure to the bomb wreckage and all the smoke and dust. And if that wasn't enough, right after I got sick. Do you remember the flu epidemic?"

"Oh yeah. Several patients were made worse by this virus".

"Well, me and some of my team got sick. I had to stay at home, which was a little stifling, I spent two weeks trapped in the condo with Andy and Rusty hovering over me".

"But that's not so bad, it proves how much they love you".

"I know, Susan. But I was so overwhelmed, I was worried about Rusty's safety, about my marriage to Andy. In terms of how our job would look when Chief Mason took over, I was doubting my ability as a boss and especially as a person. I still had nightmares about Dwayne, I'm still afraid that I might get used to these atrocities and not care anymore".

"Okay, Sharon. Slow down". Susan looked at her worriedly. But she realized that the Commander needed that outburst. "Do you realize that this worry is proof that you care? Sharon, you are a strong, independent woman who cares about everyone around you. But you have a flaw, you are controlling. Somehow you believe that you must do everything yourself and that only you can solve everything".

"But Susan, I..."

"No, Sharon". Susan interrupted her, now more confident in helping her. "You have to understand that you're not alone anymore. You managed to raise your children and protect them. They are wonderful people, that's what you said. You have a husband who loves you unconditionally, who is there for you when you ask for help. Your team adores you and I know this because Peter said that two of them came here, he said he could see the love in their eyes. You have people who look up to you and would give their lives to save you".

"And that they'll hate me when they find out I'm alive. Do you realize what a blow it will be when they see me alive and well?" Despair began to take over her tone. She grew restless, and Susan saw fear fill her green eyes.

"Hate is a strong word, I believe they might be upset. But think on the bright side, this will be a second chance for all of you".

"This can go incredibly wrong. When I found out about the problem in my heart I almost destroyed my family, and I mean everyone. They were worried and anxious, I didn't want that to happen. But then I had a meltdown in the office and it was like I was the bomb itself going off, that was very frustrating".

"Why?"

"Because it was like I couldn't do anything on my own anymore. There was always someone wanting to do it for me".

"I believe you fought this?"

"Oh, hell yes!" She smiled, but slowly the smile died, especially as she remembered the plans she had made for after she died. She knew she was starting to give up, but Sharon needed to plan for everyone to be okay. And now all she wanted was to be home and to have one more chance.

"What else did you do? What put you in control again?" Susan questioned her reading between the lines that she needed to do something.

Surprise filled Sharon's features, she didn't like it when someone could read her so well. So far it was Andy who had this ability, the others just tried, and seeing Susan getting it so easily just proved how vulnerable she was.

Reluctantly, she took a deep breath and decided to take a leap of faith and let this young woman in front of her help her.

"I..." She froze and closed her eyes as she gathered her thoughts. "Susan, as you can see I'm still reluctant about all of this, but I want to get over it. I want to leave all this fear behind me, I want to take away this sadness that weighs so heavily on my shoulders and heart. I... can I trust you?"

The psychologist looked at her surprised and honored to have her trust, she intended to do everything possible for Sharon to move on.

"You can trust me, Sharon. I didn't lie when I said I was more than willing to help you".

"Okay, just tell me... as a psychologist, what do I have? Why do I feel like someone else is in control of my feelings? Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night with an ache in my heart, not physical, but like someone was squeezing my heart. The urge to cry was so great that I had to go to the bathroom to stifle the sobs that took over my body and..." Sharon tried to hold back the crying, but was in vain, tears flooded her face and she let herself be carried away by pain and confusion that she felt.

Susan approached her and took her hands in hers, she knew this would be more appreciated than a hug, she didn't need someone smothering her, just a friendly ear to hear her complaints. Gradually she calmed down and whispered a totally unnecessary apology to Susan.

"Are you okay?"

"Just a little embarrassed".

"Don't be, crying is normal".

"But not the way I've been crying". She spoke a little exasperated. "I think I even cried when I fell off my bike when I was 4, for God's sake I look like a bottomless pit of tears".

"You're depressed, Sharon". Susan decided to speak up, depression was a big white elephant in the room. Nobody liked to hear that she was depressed, but you had to accept that in order to get on with life.

"I'm not depressed".

"You're at the beginning of it. Sharon, you spent all these months hiding how you felt about not wanting the people you loved to get hurt. You buried your sadness, even if it consumed you, for the sake of others".

"And how can that be depression?"

"You were pushing people away, even if they didn't realize it. You were avoiding sharing your thoughts and feelings with them". Susan started the short list to prove her point. "You're crying for no apparent reason, you're overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, unhappy, and you feel that other people's feelings are your fault. You even told your husband that you would rather have died in the ambulance when you first collapsed". The psychologist managed to keep her voice low and steady, presenting the facts to Sharon and trying not to accuse her of anything, she wasn't to blame. "But my question is: Do you still think that? Still think your family and friends would be better off without you?"

"I- I don't know". Sharon only had Buzz and Julio's accounts and from what they said they all seemed lost without her there. Even after weeks of absence.

"Sharon, you've been through a lot of traumatic situations over the past few months, and from what you've told me, your life has felt like a roller coaster of emotions over the years".

"It certainly wasn't what I imagined". Her tired smile made her feel better.

"And would you trade all that? If you were given two options: the first was to carry on as you were, with your old life before becoming the head of Major Crimes, and the second was to relive it all over again. Which one would you choose?"

"The second". Her tone was without hesitation, she wouldn't think twice about reliving it all over again.

"Why? Weeks ago, you thought you were a burden to your family, that your illness would force them to stop their lives to take care of you. How would you relive all this?"

"Because I was happy". She whispered and realized for the first time that she meant it. She had said these many times over the months, and the day Rusty showed her the diploma she had never felt happier, even if the feeling had faded hours later.

"See, this is what I want you to see, Sharon. You were happy".

"Then why can't I feel it? Because I can't be completely happy".

"Because you're afraid of getting hurt. But you won't, Sharon. Andy loves you, you say that. Your children are safe and well and with bright futures ahead of them, and that includes the hope I have that Stroh will be arrested". Susan said everything so simply that it was easy for Sharon to see what she meant and even with little information the young woman seemed to have known her all her life. "You are in a happy marriage where respect is the keyword, you have a job where everyone loves and admires you. You've been promoted".

Suddenly Sharon looked at Susan and smiled, she seemed to have understood something and the psychologist could see her eyes recovering a little joy. Sharon still had a long way to go, but maybe this was the big step towards her recovery.

"That's what you think, isn't it?"

"What?"

"That I was overwhelmed by all this?"

"With all you've conquered?" Susan smiled and regarded the woman in front of her with respect. Susan knew she would learn a lot from her. "You finally got everything you ever wanted, Sharon, and yet you weren't ready and it was too much for you. But now you can think better of all these victories, and I'll be here whenever you need me".

"Now I know". Sharon smiled and took a deep breath. "But are you sure that what I have is the onset of depression?"

"Yeah, how about I explain to you what depression is? I guarantee it's not a boogeyman".

"I'm trusting you". She spoke seriously and Susan affirmed. "But first of all... I need to eat something. I'm starving".

Susan couldn't help but smile when she saw that the conversation put her in a good mood, this trajectory would not be easy and the psychologist knew that relapses would happen, but this was a start.

"I'll call Michaela, we both need food". Leaving the room Susan felt a little better for the Commander.

Sharon took a deep breath and closed her eyes, she was happy to have had this conversation with Susan, even though she found it hard to believe she was depressed, even at first. However, everything Susan said was true, she was happy before and needed to be now too. And even if everything seemed impossible, she would fight. Sharon Raydor, now Sharon Flynn, never ran from a fight and this one she would fight to the end.

Clarie rolled her eyes as she listened to her mother ramble on about her new boyfriend. Apparently, she had found her soulmate for the sixth time. The young woman had heard these stories so many times that she was no longer surprised.

However, the young woman was worried to see all this excitement from her mother, she knew that the woman didn't want to be alone, especially after being a widow at such a young age. However, every time Diane met a person, she always ended up with a broken heart.

"Okay, mom. You can introduce me to this Brad at another time". She tried to be polite, but she was already late and needed to go. "Of course, I will, but I need to go now. (...) Yes, Mateo will be there and I will meet some of his friends from college. (...) I'll be careful, I love you. Goodbye!"

Sighing in relief, Clarie ran to the bedroom to finish getting ready and ten minutes later she walked out the door to meet her boyfriend.

It was after three in the afternoon that they finally managed to get together in a restaurant in the center of the city, it was a very relaxed and jovial place. The food seemed to be good and not too expensive, in the background a band was playing and she was glad to have gone and forgotten about the whirlwind of work.

"Clar, what world are you in?" Mateo asked with a smile and a little curious after calling her three times.

"Sorry, it's just- my mom... she's got a new boyfriend and I'm not looking forward to picking up the broken heart again".

"Oh... you seem to do that a lot". Rusty, who had joined the gang, smiled in support. After meeting Clarie, he realized they had a similar life, but Rusty had left that behind after meeting Captain Raydor. His birth mother had been heartbroken more times than he could muster. And he was grateful to have had Sharon, eventually, as his mother and role model.

Now he kind of wandered through the days, still trying to get used to her absence. That was one of the reasons he was in this restaurant, even with the security guards covering the entrance to the establishment and the emergency exit.

Rusty was happy to finally prove he was prepared to live his life even with Stroh lurking around. And of course, he managed to get out after spending all morning talking to Provenza and convincing Andy he could do it, the two lieutenants allowed him out of their sight, but on the condition that he took his security detail. He didn't want to, but it was either that or get stuck at the station... the choice wasn't that hard.

Now he was able to meet his college classmates and finally meet Mateo's girlfriend, the other young man couldn't stop talking about her and he got curious. The girl was very pretty and nice. He was glad he'd met her, especially now that he'd ended his relationship with Gus and was grieving over Sharon. New friends would help him recover.

"You seem to understand that too, Rusty". Clarie spoke with a smile and snapped him out of his reverie.

"A little bit, my birth mother also leaned on me when her boyfriend's broke up".

Clarie stared at him in surprise when he specified and Rusty smiled at her polite stance of not questioning, but she looked very curious. He still didn't like talking about her past, but now this was a little easier.

"I have two mothers, I actually had". He took a deep breath and held back the tears. "My birth mother had several boyfriends, but it got worse over the years and she got into some really bad stuff, she dumped me and I ended up in the system. That's when I met my foster mother, I didn't like her very much at first, but she became my everything".

"You were lucky to find her then". Clarie smiled.

"Absolutely, but she- died a few weeks ago". He shrugged and tried to show he was getting over it. Even if that was the biggest lie.

"Oh... I'm sorry, Rusty".

"It's okay, we'll be able to move on. It just still hurts".

"I can understand, I lost my father years ago, but I was very young and I don't remember much. But I still miss him". Clarie spoke and smiled at Mateo who took her hand in solidarity.

There was silence for a few seconds before Tracy, one of the girls who had joined the group, started talking about a new band and the whole sad subject was dropped. However, Clarie and Rusty smiled at each other as they realized that their friendship would grow quickly.

Yet neither of them was aware of how their lives would become entwined by fate and the hands of Philip Stroh.

To be continue...