A/N: Hi guys, another chapter for you.

I hope you stay here.

And thanks for the comments, you guys are a sweetheart.

Chapter 11

Rick listened in astonishment to what his mother said, apparently wasn't her fault what happened, even though the initial idea was approached by her. However, the young man looked at her resentfully, he wanted to know why she didn't get in touch. Did she not know how much she was hurting them all?

As her account came to an end Sharon lowered her head and waited, Rick could see the barriers rising around her waiting for the screams and accusations. He'd seen it more times than he liked, usually when his father was involved.

Slowly the people on his team started asking questions about why she had been in hiding for so long or why she hadn't talked to them sooner. Or simply the fact that she hadn't said her problem was serious enough for them to worry.

"I couldn't call you, guys". She spoke with a weary sigh. "Tell me, if anyone called and said it was me, right after the- the funeral..." Sharon whispered the last part and looked away from the others. "Would you believe? Would you really believe it was me?"

Provenza huffed in annoyance, everyone there knew she was right. No one wanted to admit that her precipitous appearance would have caused further disruption and possibly made Stroh back off again. However, that wouldn't stop them from complaining about everything.

Rick realized that if they kept talking and accusing her, they would spend the rest of the night in the hospital, and as much as he was hurt by his mother, he could see the signs of tiring in her. And from the worried look in the doctor's eyes and how tense he was, Rick knew he had to get his mother home and put her to rest.

"Okay, I think that's enough for tonight". Rick stood up and faced his mother. "We're all tired and confused, I think we all need to digest all this information".

Everyone stared at him about to retort, but realized it was a losing battle. Rick looked very determined and from the look in his eyes no one could change his mind.

"I'll get the car". Andy spoke and left without waiting for an answer.

"Commander, I hope you have a good night. But know that it's not over yet. We need more answers and more details of what happened". Provenza spoke with a hard look.

"I promise we'll talk later, Lieutenant". She whispered and stood up. Sharon felt a little dizzy and felt Peter supporting her. He had a worried look on his face, but she knew it was from fatigue and all the adrenaline of the day. Not to mention that she still hadn't eaten and it was past the time she was used to sleeping. "I'm fine, Peter".

"You know you can't burden your heart". Dr. Torres whispered and looked at her seriously.

"I know, so I'm going home and resting".

"Okay, let me get your meds". He spoke and watched as Rusty approached her and put an arm around her waist, keeping her steady. It seemed like he was the only one willing to forgive her and keep close to her. "Later we need to discuss your treatment, you won't get rid of us".

"Not at all". Susan smiled and approached the older woman. "Remember our conversations, okay? Just let go".

Sharon smiled and nodded, finally she steadied herself and thanked Rusty for the support, and that she was doing much better. The boy looked at her uncertainly, but he released her.

Rick watched everything quietly, he watched how the two doctors were worried about Sharon and took care of her. The dynamic between them was easy and good as a team and Rick realized that was the atmosphere in Sharon's team before her supposed death.

As soon as the doctor returned with a bag they said their goodbyes and Sharon turned to her friends. She apologized once more and promised that they would speak to them again. With that she left with Rusty and Emily.

"I don't know what to do". Rick spoke to Provenza, the young man looked a little lost now. The Lieutenant approached him and sighed.

"Son, now you can be angry and resentful, all of this is confusing and painful. But I think we can get through this. However, you can be sure your mother will have a hard time with us yet".

"I know and understand the feeling. But I'm so glad she's okay, that she's alive". Rick whispered and saw that his mother and brothers were heading down the hall. With a choked voice and shedding a stubborn tear he spoke what he felt. "My God, my mom is alive. She is alive".

Provenza looked at him moved and hugged him quickly, it seemed that this was the feeling of the day. Anger coursed through everyone's veins, but the relief to see that Sharon was alive and well was greater, it was as if they could finally breathe after minutes under the water.

"I know, Rick. We're all glad she's okay, but we need time to let go of the anger".

"You're right. I think we all need to get some sleep and digest this".

"Exactly! Now go. Your family is waiting". Provenza shooed him away and saw the young man quicken his steps and approach his sister.

Emily sighed again, the drive home seemed longer than she remembered. She was in the back seat of the car along with Sharon and Rusty. Andy and Rick sat up front avoiding any kind of conversation, both still resentful of everything.

The ballerina was relieved that they were returning home after so much adrenaline and surprises, she didn't know what to say or even feel. She was happy to see that her mother was okay and that the warmth she emanated beside her was more confirmation that she was alive.

Emily still hadn't fully absorbed the idea, it was as if she had a very weird dream, but one from which she would do anything not to wake up. With that in mind she took her mother's hand and sighed happily as the older woman intertwined her fingers and looked at her with a smile.

"I love you". Sharon whispered just to her and kissed her forehead, Emily smiled back and closed her eyes to keep the tears from spilling.

As she leaned against her mother, Emily heard the car slow down and opened her eyes when she saw the red light. The young woman watched as her stepfather looked in the rearview mirror and asked if anyone wanted something to eat.

Rick shook his head no, just like Rusty, Emily also didn't have the stomach for anything she shook her head no. She watched as Sharon opened her mouth to speak, but closed it right away when Andy looked away from her. She couldn't deny the pang of sadness when she saw her mother sigh, Andy had been avoiding talking to her since the hospital and this would get weird in the next few days if this all continued.

Andy parked the car in the usual spot and waited for everyone to get out before locking the car and heading for the apartment, Emily following behind with Sharon, she was a little reluctant to leave the older woman's side. The fear of losing sight of her was greater than any resentment she was feeling.

Everyone made their way to the lobby and forgot for a moment that people who knew Sharon thought she was dead, so when the doorman saw the Commander let out a big, loud:

"HOLY SHIT".

Sharon stopped and stared at the man a little scared, until she remembered that she needed to apologize.

"Hello, Roy. Don't worry, I'm not a ghost". She tried to smile a little. "I'm fine and alive, just a little worn out".

"What? But... you were buried. They-" The poor doorman was pointing at Andy and the three kids. "What?"

"We're confused too, man". Rick spoke and Emily stared at her brother with narrowed eyes waiting for what he would say. "But we need to sleep and absorb all this before anything else".

"I understand". Roy spoke up and saw the family enter the elevator, he was still wide eyed and Emily knew he was freaking out inside. But before the doors closed, the young woman saw him turn on the small TV and Chief Pope's speech filled the room.

Provenza watched the family leave and sighed wearily, the year had barely begun and he was already exhausted. And facing his team he knew they were all in the same situation.

However, before they left he faced Julio and Buzz. He could finally clear some doubts, he knew something was off with those two, but he wasn't sure what it was, and with all the cases and Stroh, the Lieutenant didn't pay much attention. However, that would be the moment of truth.

"Okay, you two. How the hell did you guys know she was alive?" Provenza didn't want to ramble on and got straight to the point.

"What do you mean?" Buzz questioned too quickly.

"Oh, come on! We're not that stupid". Tao spoke and got a little irritated. "You were the only ones who weren't surprised when Sharon showed up".

Buzz and Julio looked at each other guiltily and the detective took a deep breath. That would be one more problem to add to the confusion.

"She told me". Buzz started. "And no, she didn't call me. She left a video message in case anything happened to her, but the day she collapsed, she asked for the flash drive with the video back".

"And you didn't give it back?" Provenza narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"There was no time". Julio spoke. "I think everyone remembers what happened that day".

"You can be sure I remember this, I had nightmares about this" Snorted the older Lieutenant. "She has no idea what we've all been through".

"Look, Lieutenant, we know it's a lot to digest and that everyone is angry. God knows we had to deal with the conflict of seeing her well and at the same time wanting to yell at her for having tricked us". Julio spoke and looked at each of his colleagues. "But we can't forget how much this is affecting her too, have you even looked at her? Did you really see her?"

"She looks a little drained". Amy commented.

"Because she is. I don't want to belittle what happened or take the blame away from her, but put yourself in her shoes". Buzz started. "She woke up after two weeks in a coma, alone, confused and with a new heart. She couldn't call anyone because everyone thought she was dead".

"Not to mention that wasn't her plan". Julio spoke and got up uneasily. "She prepared everything for her death, she just didn't want to say it to us. She had already spoken to the Father to give her Last Rites, even though she was apparently well".

"How the hell do you know that?" Provenza wanted to know.

"She told us". Buzz said. "And Amy, if you think she's burnt out it's because you haven't seen her before. The doctor explained to us a little bit what she was going through. The Commander is still in danger, what she did today could have really killed her this time".

Tao sighed when he really understood what could have happened. He wasn't sure how she managed to resist so much. But he was willing to give her a chance, somehow that was the only way she could find to protect her family.

"She is fine?" Tao questioned.

"I think so. Dr. Torres is one of the best in the area and he was the one who helped take care of her". Julio spoke up and smiled a little as he remembered the messages they exchanged almost daily saying how 'your precious cargo' was doing.

"Ok... I can understand that this isn't easy for her either, but that doesn't mean I won't be angry". Provenza spoke and stood up. "And you should have told us. That would have been easier".

"You would just get angry sooner". Snorted Julio. "At least we managed to stop Stroh".

"Whatever, I'm still angry". Provenza grunted and glared at everyone. "I think we should rest for today, tomorrow we will have time to scream and grumble. Happy New Year".

Provenza went to the nurses' station to inform them that the two officers would be on guard in front of Stroh's room and any procedure they needed to do had to be monitored by one of the officers. The Lieutenant asked that he also be updated on Clarie's condition, she was still in the ICU and at risk, he wanted to know if the girl would survive the night.

The others followed the Lieutenant's example and left the hospital in silence, each dealing with the news in a different way, but they knew that at some point they would be able to tune in to Sharon again. They just hoped that wouldn't take too long.

Sharon leaned against the back of the elevator, she felt a little dizzy as the floors slowly passed. From where she was standing she could see the tension in Andy's shoulders and the anxiety in Rick's body, both of them seemed more resistant to believing she was alive, but she couldn't blame them, if the roles were reversed she would be upset too.

The sound of doors opening brought her out of her reverie. As soon as she took a step forward the dizziness hit her again and she grabbed the elevator door, and she was grateful that her family was in front of her and didn't see her trouble. With cautious steps she managed to recover, even if her breathing was a little labored.

Andy was the first to enter, he threw the key on the shelf by the door and headed for the kitchen, Rick headed towards the bedroom. Rusty and Emily walked in and headed for the couch. However, Sharon stuck at the door, she looked at her house but couldn't get inside. It was as if her mind had just sunk in, she was back home, to her family, to her life and she was completely at a loss for what to do.

"Mom?" Rusty called to her intrigued. He could see that she was afraid, but he didn't understand why. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need..." She started and looked at him a little scared, but then she forced a smile and all her feelings were covered up. "I just needed some time, honey. I'm fine".

Finally, she entered the house and closed the door and was immediately enveloped with a feeling of comfort. Sharon wanted to cry, she was home and safe, she just wanted to cry and let that feeling of tranquility ease her fears. However, she knew that would scare her children and her husband. So, she just sat on the couch and took a deep breath.

"Mom, do you want anything?" Emily asked when she saw that Sharon had settled down on the couch.

"I'm fine, but I'd appreciate some water". Sharon smiled. "But don't worry, I'll take it. I just need to get some rest".

Emily stated and got up going to the kitchen, Sharon closed her eyes for a moment and felt that Rusty was still watching her, he had been the only one who still hadn't questioned her about her motivations and she was happy with that.

"I'm fine, Rusty".

"I know it's just..." He looked away for a moment. "I'm afraid this is just a dream and that you're not here".

"Oh honey. Get over here". She called and felt tears begin to form. Emily had returned with a glass of water, saw the scene and was about to leave when Sharon beckoned to her.

Sharon wanted Rick to be in the room too, but he chose to ignore her just like Andy and she had to be patient. For now, she would try to get forgiveness from her eldest daughter and her youngest son.

"Look..." She started and took both of their hands. "I know this is all confusing and that's okay, it's going to be hard. What I did, even without having control of the situation, was unforgivable. And I found myself thinking, more times than I wanted to, that the best would have been if I had really died".

"MOM!" Emily and Rusty spoke in horror.

"Let me finish". she asked kindly. "Even though my thoughts and uncertainties run through my head, know that I'm here. A little frayed around the edges, but still here. I'm alive and I'll try with everything I've got not to leave you again". She said this with a choked voice and tears falling from her eyes. And this time she didn't run away, she allowed her children to see that she was also fragile.

Emily felt her own tears fall and hugged her mother, she didn't care what had happened, God knows the pain she felt hearing that her mother was dead and she wouldn't waste time with hard feelings, she would have everything Sharon was in willing to give, all the love and affection.

Sharon hugged her daughter and looked at Rusty with a smile, she stretched out her arm and the boy couldn't resist throwing himself into his mother's arms. The three cuddled for a while and Sharon was never happier to have her arms full with her children.

After a while Rusty pulled away and looked at Sharon with a smile and saw her sister do the same thing. Feeling that they were being watched, they both looked down the hall and saw Rick staring at the scene uncertainly and looking a little lost.

"Do you guys give me time with your brother?" She asked without looking away from Rick. The other two went out onto the porch to give them some privacy.

Sharon patted the couch to indicate he could sit next to her. For a moment she thought he would refuse, but he slowly approached. Once he was settled he stared at her in silence, Sharon waited until he was ready.

"Why did you do that?" Rick asked quietly.

"I wasn't conscious at the time of the decision". She spoke a little uncertainly.

"But that must be a crime on some level, your Boss didn't have the right to make that decision for you, he shouldn't have". Anger flared in his tone and he tried to take a deep breath and calm down, but didn't seem to have any effect.

"I know, but it's also my fault, I should have been firmer. Made it clear that I was backtracking on the plan we had made". She tried to make him understand. "However, I owe to Pope, he made a decision that I was reluctant to. I didn't want the transplant, Rick. I was scared that this would affect the lives of all of you, but I was so focused on getting everything ready for my death that I forgot to tell my doctor to take my name off the list".

"Did you want to die?" Rick stared at her in shock now.

"I thought this would be easier, I wasn't well, honey". And it was at that moment that Sharon realized that she really needed help, and she breathed a sigh of relief to have Susan listen to her concerns without the responsibility of being an integral part of the family.

"What do you mean?"

"My pessimistic thoughts made me see everything wrong, but now I'm willing to fight for my life. I think going through the pain of the surgery and seeing the pain I caused you made me see that I belong here, even though you hate me".

"What? I don't hate you". Rick spoke and took her hands. "Oh my God, Mom. Do you really think we could hate you? This anger will pass, we just need a little more time".

"I know and I will do my best not to let you down".

"You never let us down". Rick stared at her with eyes filled with tears. "Damn it, Mom. You have no idea how much I love you".

With that he hugged her tight and cried in her arms as he used to in childhood, but this time the tears were of joy that she is finally back. Sharon smiled to see that at least her children understood her. Now, only all the others remained.

everything silently, anger and resentment bubbling up inside him and he knew that would be a while before he could forgive her. The pain he'd been through still throbbed in his heart, and he wasn't about to let go.

When Rusty and Emily went out onto the porch he moved to the bedroom, he needs a shower and maybe a little cool head.

As soon as he finished he saw that the kids were on the porch and Sharon was alone on the couch, she was breathing slowly and trying to stop the shaking in her hand where she was holding the cup. Andy knew she didn't hear him and watched as she cautiously got up from the couch and headed for the kitchen.

Even still angry he loved her immensely and wouldn't let her get hurt just because he didn't want to talk to her. Heading into the kitchen he saw her looking at the fridge with a small frown. He didn't know how to approach her without frightening her, so he kept silent.

"Andy, you're starting to scare me". She spoke and looked at him fearfully.

"Why?"

"You're looking at me like I'm still FID". Andy knew the implication of that information and couldn't deny the feeling of intolerance coursing through his veins.

"You awakened these old feelings in me".

"Sorry, Andy. I don't know how to fix this right now, but I'll do my best". She said and sighed. "I just need to get some sleep, but if you want to talk now..."

"No". He interrupted her quickly. "I can't have this conversation in anger."

"Fair enough". She looked away from him uncertainly. "I need to eat a little before I take the medicine".

It was only then that he noticed that she was paler than when she got home and she was gripping the fridge tightly, he saw that she could pass out at any moment and he wasn't prepared to relive that.

"Sit down, I'll make you a sandwich". He spoke and waited for the objection, but to his surprise, she just walked over to the dining room table and sat down.

Preparing the snack quickly Andy handed her the plate and watched her devour the food with ease, at the end of the meal she had a glass of water and got up behind the bag that Dr. Torres had delivered. Andy was surprised by the number of pills in there and saw that she really was sick, the realization of that was enough for him to feel his heart split on staying hurt or living life to the fullest. Because he doubted the life would give him one more chance with this woman.

To be Continue...