Disclaimer And A/N: Major Crimes isn't mine, it belongs to Duff and TNT. Some dialogues in this chapter were taken from Grey's Anatomy and this series doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Shonda and ABC. (Shonda thanks for giving me a little drama hahahaha)

Chapter 12

Sharon woke up with her heart racing and sweat soaking through her clothes, she could still smell the gunpowder, but in her dream the shot didn't hit Stroh but Rusty. She looked around the room quickly and saw that she was home. She could hear Andy and Emily's voices, they sounded like they were on the phone.

Carefully not to provoke dizziness, she got up and went to the bathroom, just over 5 minutes she left the room to find out why they were up so early. As soon as he appeared in the room Rusty went to her.

"Hey Mom".

"Hey, what is all this fuss about?"

"Well... people are finding out you're alive". He spoke and sighed. "Since we woke up, we've been getting calls. Hobbs called and said she would talk to you in the afternoon, Andy is talking to Provenza and asking someone to stop the gossip in the department. Emily is talking to Grandma, she saw the news".

"Oh God". Sharon covered her mouth with her hand as she remembered her family, she was so worried about Andy and the kids that she had forgotten about her parents and siblings.

As soon as he saw the color draining from her face, Rusty picked her up and carried her to the couch. He looked terrified and helpless, taking a deep breath Sharon tried to calm down. She couldn't have so many emotions.

"I'm fine". She saw Emily say goodbye on the phone and walk over to her. Andy hung up the phone but stayed where he was, he was still reluctant to approach.

"Mom, are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, it's just that I- Oh my God, Emily, I forgot about your grandparents". She whispered and hid her face with her hands to try to compose herself. "I was so worried about you that I forgot about everyone else".

"Don't worry I told her what happened and she's fine, and she's going to talk to Grandpa. But she wants to talk to you, I think she didn't quite believe what I said". Emily said and tried to smile.

"Oh God... what a mess".

"Chief Mason wants to talk to you". Andy spoke and stared at her.

"Guess I should come to the office today?" She asked uncertainly.

"Yes". He whispered and took a deep breath. "I'm coming with you; the whole team will be there to close the case and the FID wants to talk to you and Brenda".

"Oh..." She had forgotten about that, she wasn't sure where her status was in the law. She was theoretically dead, and Brenda was no longer a police officer, even though she owned a gun.

"Okay... before you guys walk out the door". Rick yelled from the kitchen. "I think we all need breakfast".

Sharon smiled and sighed, she couldn't go back to her old routine. She needed to take care of herself and let others take over, that's what she'd promised herself. She went to the kitchen and hugged her son and thanked him for the meal.

Brenda was staring at Pope with narrowed eyes, she had been stopped by Fritz from confronting the Chief of Police the night before, but as soon as day dawned she prepared for conflict.

"Brenda, I don't understand what you want from me".

"Will, what you did was low. The way you announced on national television that Sharon was alive was just cold and calculating. Not to mention that you spoke as if she had willingly participated in your idea".

"She's the one who addressed this. You weren't even here". He got angry. "And as I recall, you never got along with that woman".

"But that doesn't mean I don't sympathize with her. What did you do- She wasn't even conscious when the decision was made".

"I did her a favor". He snorted. "If it weren't for me she would be dead. I authorized the transplant. Did you know that when she backed out of our original plan she was thinking about taking her name off the list?"

"And yet she didn't, I know she never got to talk to her doctor about this. So, you better not brag about something you didn't do. Dr. Torres would do the transplant whether she wanted to or not".

Pope looked at Brenda in surprise, he didn't imagine she had so much information, these details could destroy her political career in the blink of an eye. What would your voters think about that? They would certainly sympathize with Sharon and her story. He would have to talk to the Commander.

"Look, Will... I'm just asking you to talk to her team, make it clear that she didn't have many options. And at least try not to be arrogant".

Pope rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, he would try to talk to his subordinates and try to prove that he did it for the greater good. And Sharon had come home, everyone was supposed to be happy.

"I'll do my best".

"You better, Will. They're family, and you won't want me as an enemy". Saying that, Brenda turned and slammed the door.

Andy and Sharon shared the car in silence, the Lieutenant was still quiet and refusing to have big conversations, he wasn't happy and knew he needed to talk to his sponsor before having a dialogue with the woman next to him.

Sharon seemed to understand this and remained silent too, she seemed lost in thought and a little tired, Andy wanted to know if she had slept well because they hadn't shared a bed the night before. As soon as she told him she was going to sleep, he informed her that he would sleep on the couch. Sharon had argued that the bed was big enough for the two of them, but he'd given the excuse that he needed to think about what had happened and would be restless in bed. She didn't insist and went to her room. Andy regretted it when the day dawned and his back complained, but his stubbornness and pride were still intact. Coming out of his reverie he drove to the office.

The known trajectory was done quickly and they were in the garage ready to face the day. Andy got out of the car quickly, but Sharon looked reluctant. She had an apprehensive, fearful look in her eyes, and only then did he think about what this meeting would entail. She was still recovering and even then, they were putting a load of stress on her shoulders.

"We can go home if this is too much now". He whispered, Andy knew this was a dangerous situation for her and he didn't want her heart problems to get worse.

"No, it's okay". She stated and got out of the vehicle. "I'm just a little apprehensive about people's reaction to seeing me. But it's better to do this now, isn't it?"

Andy agreed with that, it was better to get this all sorted out at once, like ripping a Band-Aid off the wound. He watched as Sharon took a deep breath and squared her shoulders before walking to the elevators, he couldn't help but smile at that, it was good to have her back. She was plain this morning, no heels or too much makeup, the jeans she wore were what made her comfortable and the cardigan she wore over her red blouse was with pockets to assuage her nervousness.

During the journey they took to reach the 9th floor, Sharon heard whispers and fingers pointing in her direction, she already knew that most of the department knew about the news from the previous day, but she imagined that seeing with they own eyes was the best way to confirm everything.

As soon as they entered the Major Crimes floor, Sharon breathed a sigh of relief. But even there, some heads turned towards her, some shocked and others looked disappointed. But all that was brushed aside when she saw a blonde head practically running towards her.

"Sharon!" Andrea Hobbs nearly took the Commander to the ground in his eagerness to hug her. "Oh God, I'm glad to see you alive. I didn't believe when I heard the news. I needed to see this with my own eyes". Andrea seemed to be happy with her return, but before she could say anything the DDA spoke again. "What the hell, Sharon. Why didn't you tell us about this? Do you have any idea how much I cried because of you? I could strangle you with my hands".

Sharon took a step back and looked at Andrea uncertainly, this made the blonde roll her eyes and hug her quickly and say once again how happy she was to see her. That said, Chief Mason approached and faced his Commander uncertainly.

"Chief Pope briefed me on the situation earlier today, I'm surprised by his return". He started. "But even more relieved that you're back. That was quite a scare, Sharon. Welcome back".

"Thanks, Chief. I'll try not to scare you anymore".

"I would appreciate that". He smiled.

Sharon looked around the room and saw that everyone was still uncomfortable with all this, but she imagined the discomfort was coming from the man in the corner of the office. Will Pope waited impatiently for her to approach so they could sort it all out at once. But before she could even approach him, Brenda showed up with one of the FID sergeants.

Sighing, Pope pointed the way for everyone to follow, Sharon looked at Andy quickly. She was unsure what to do, but followed the others. Pope almost smiled at the couple's interaction, they tried to be professional in the office but clearly failed. However, the amusement faded from his face when Andy gave him a death glare, he seemed to warn that if anything happened to Sharon he would pay.

Rusty walked into Dr. Joe and faced his psychologist. The other man looked at him intrigued and curious, after hearing about Stroh's capture and Sharon's return, he thought the boy would have a lot to say, but that didn't seem to be the case.

"Not even in our first session were you so silent". He commented.

"I don't know what to say".

"Why don't you start with what you're feeling right now?"

"If I knew I would tell you. I- I can't put a name to what I'm feeling".

For a moment Dr. Joe wasn't sure what to say, Rusty looked confused and with good reason. However, he would have to get all the feeling out or it would snowball.

"How about this... How did you feel knowing that Stroh even alive will be unable to hurt you again?"

"Apart from the fact that I wanted him dead... I feel good, I know I shouldn't feel this way about another human being. But I'm just glad he won't hurt anyone else".

"Ok". He smiled, as impartial as he should have been, Dr. Joe was happy to hear that Philip Stroh was trapped inside his own body. "What about Clarie?"

"Oh God… this is my fault. She only got hurt because of me. I don't know if I'll forgive myself if she dies". Rusty knew the young woman was still unconscious and in danger.

"What if I say it wasn't your fault? That Clarie was being followed by Stroh? And that it was she who brought him to you?" Dr. Joe knew that two LAPD teams, in addition to Sharon's team, were working on the case and near the park they found a car with several pictures of Clarie, they assumed that was Stroh.

"What do you mean?"

"I think this will be reported to you by Lieutenant Provenza". Dr. Joe revealed and sighed.

"I'm not sure I want to know". Rusty snorted.

"You look tired". Dr. Joe changed the subject.

"It must be the fact that my mom, who was supposedly dead, came home".

"You're upset". The statement made Rusty shift in his chair.

"No, I'm not". He countered.

"Are you sure? You look upset to me".

"Okay, I am". He spoke and stood up, all the energy he hadn't had the night before seemed to well up in his chest. "I'm so upset with Sharon, but I'm so glad she's back. And I can't understand this. How can I feel all this?"

"Feelings are difficult to understand". Joe started. "Let's go by parts, why are you upset? What made you upset?"

"She dies? Hadn't she said she was alive? She promised never to leave me and yet she left us. Not just me, but our family".

"Okay, so did you feel like you were abandoned again? Even if what she did was to protect you all? Even though she didn't have full control of the situation?"

"Exactly, why didn't she call us? She could tell she was fine". Rusty's voice cracked now. "What we went through was... indescribably painful".

"So that's why you're upset? Because you were hurt in the process and you want to make that clear to her".

Rusty just stated and took a deep breath controlling his emotions, he seemed to have lost the ability to keep all this in check. He was good at hiding his emotions, but by living with Sharon and being loved with no strings attached, he made all barriers come down.

"Now tell me, Rusty. If you are so upset with her what makes you feel happy?"

"She is alive". Now the tears flowed, his whisper felt like a sigh of relief. As if he could finally breathe. "She's alive, Joe. My mother is alive".

"I believe that now you understand yourself a little better". Joe smiled as he saw the realization flash across the boy's face. He was happy to help you once again.

"Dr. Joe..." Rusty looked a little uncertain now. "Remember when you asked me who I would choose if my birth mother came back?"

"You never answered me".

"Because I never got the answer, until yesterday". Rusty grinned as if not finding out sooner made him an idiot.

"What you mean?" Joe looked confused now, he had asked the boy that question a few times over the years. But it was never answered.

"Yesterday when Stroh hurt Clarie and took me, I really thought I was going to die and, in that moment, I didn't care. And when Brenda showed up I found myself back in her kitchen and I thought it would be better this way, this would be less complicated for everyone if I had just died that day". Rusty reported everything as a dark secret, as if he had bared his soul. "I waited for Stroh to kill me there and I remember that for the first time I prayed to Sharon's God, asked Him if it were possible to take me to her. But that's when I saw her, right next to Brenda, she was staring at me with so much love, as she did so many times, I thought that was just an apparition, that God had heard me and she had come for me. And even after all the confusion that followed, I relived this all night. And I found myself facing your question, even then, I would have chosen Sharon, even having to go through everything we went through".

"Even if your mother was clean and willing to change for you?"

"Yes, I love my mother, don't get me wrong. But she wasn't the one who taught me that. Sharon who made me the man I am today, it was Sharon who loved me when no one else did, she was the one who tended to my wounds and had to rein in my teenage instincts. She's the one who showed me what I'm capable of. I owe her everything and even though this seems like I'm just being grateful, I love her. More than I thought possible and from that moment I saw her with the gun pointed at Stroh, I knew everything would work out".

"Even if she missed and hit you?"

"Even though".

Joe looked at the young man with a smile on his face, he never imagined that the boy with the sharp mind and the petulant attitude would become a good and conscientious man. The psychologist had to admit, being loved and raised by Sharon was the best thing that had ever happened to Rusty, he hoped all those words would one day reach Sharon's ears. He knew the Commander well enough to know that she would deflect praise for her team as well, claiming she hadn't done the job herself. But they could try.

"Well... the session is over and I believe you already have your answer". Dr. Joe spoke and stood up.

"You know that's not true. I have a lot of questions". Rusty tried to play.

"Oh, I know. Trust me, I know". He was smiling. "But for today you have your answers about what happened to your mother. You're upset, but you love her too much to get attached to this. Now get out of here and go talk to her or just stand next to her. You already know what it's like not to have her in your life. Don't waste time on hurts, just love her and move on".

Rusty looked at him reflectively, but affirmed and left, but before the front door was closed the psychologist heard a 'Thank you, Dr. Joe'.

It was well after lunch that Sharon and Brenda returned to the murder room, the team finalizing the latest case report and closing Stroh's file and waiting for this to finally be completed.

"What was resolved?" Provenza asked as soon as they entered the room.

"The FID cleaned us up, they saw that we were acting in self-defense. And well... Sharon is still a Commander".

"Until you convince my doctor I can go back to work I'm not a Commander". Sharon spoke after ingesting one of the numerous pills she was required to take.

"What do you mean, ma'am?" Julio looked at her worriedly, he thought that now that she would be back everything would be fine.

"The surgery I had was very delicate, Julio". She started and sat at the table next to Cami's cubicle. She thought that space was empty, but Andy's name was there, as were the photos and everything else he had on his desk. Looking at her husband she questioned him with her eyes, but seeing him take a deep breath she understood, he moved out of her office line of sight. He was probably even sadder staring at her empty living room.

"But does that stop you from coming back?" Buzz questioned also worried and snapping her out of her reverie.

"I can go back, but not now. I had a heart transplant, Buzz. I'm still in danger, my body might reject the new organ. Physically my body is still weak, I can't walk for a long time or do any kind of strenuous exercise, elevators make me dizzy, but stairs are out of the question". She said this with a naturalness that startled the others, but Peter said it so many times that she just memorized it. "Not to mention that I have to take a lot of medication just to keep me up during the day. I shouldn't even be here, did you know?"

Sharon smiled a little, but startled when she heard Peter's voice, he walked into the murder room and next to him was Susan.

"Exactly, Sharon. Which brings me to the next question: What the hell are you doing here? You have a fragile immune system, you could get an infection from being so exposed".

Sharon rolled her eyes at him and stood up. And as it seemed to happen all the time with her, stability was lacking and Andy supported her. She tried not to show her happiness at having him touch her.

"Okay, Dr. Torres, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go". She spoke and faced Andy, she hoped he could take her home. "Now Peter, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to speak to Detective Sanchez or Officer Watson, I was hoping they could help me find you".

"You were lucky, I'm right here". She spoke and smiled at him.

"You didn't look so sassy in the hospital". Peter grunted.

"I was adapting". She shrugged. "Hey, Susan".

"Hello, Sharon. Do you need a ride?" The psychologist had seen the couple's interaction and could tell that Andy still looked upset.

Sharon seemed to understand the implication of the question and stared at Andy for a few seconds, he avoided meeting her eyes and that made the Commander sigh.

"I think Andy needs to finish some reports. I would appreciate the ride". She smiled and hid the sadness that washed over her, it was as if everything she'd fought to overcome in the last few weeks came back to her. All the helplessness and loneliness.

"Ma'am?" Julio called and when she turned around he asked hopefully. "But you'll still come back to us, won't you?"

"If you still want me". She whispered with a watery smile. As soon as she left, everyone looked at each other uncertainly. It seemed that her return was the easiest part to solve, the difficult part was yet to come.

Sharon was silent all the way to the elevator and the garage, Peter hovered over her to try to help her if necessary. But Susan knew that her silence was Sharon's way of taking things in, it was easier to store and forget than to talk about it. But the psychologist was willing to make her talk and prevent the sadness from setting in again, yet at this point she hoped Sharon could start the conversation.

"He hates me". Sharon's whisper was barely heard, but Susan smiled when she saw that Sharon was opening up to her.

"Who hates you?"

"Andy. He hates me". She sighed. "Did you know this was the first time he's touched me since I got back? I'm sure he just did it so I wouldn't fall flat on my face".

"I think you're exaggerating a little". Susan teased, she wanted Sharon to vent the frustration she was feeling.

Sharon stared at her dumbfounded, it looked like Susan had committed an atrocity. She took a deep breath and shook her head in annoyance.

"I'm not exaggerating, he barely spoke to me today or even yesterday. Provenza exchanged more words with me than Andy".

"You have to give him time, Sharon".

"Now are you going to defend him?"

"I'm just putting myself in his shoes, you should do the same".

"I'm trying". She sighed wearily. The distance Andy had put between the two of them was hurting her more than she wanted to admit.

"I know it's hard, Sharon. But you will get through it, just be more patient, okay?" Susan smiled at her and was pleased to see that she was willing to fight for her life. "Now how about we schedule our sessions? Not to mention Melanie wants to know when you'll get back to your workout routine".

"You're not going to leave me alone, are you?"

"You bet not". Susan grinned at her. "This will be a new phase for you, Sharon. We just want you to get your life back, all of this".

Sharon smiled as she realized that at least one good thing came out of this mess, the new friends she made would support her at any time.

The days passed slowly and the routine in the Flynn house was adjusting, Sharon managed to continue with her physical and psychological treatment, she was improving her strength, but she still got tired easily and her emotions were still unstable. But it was on a Saturday night, the day before Rick and Emily returned to their homes and lived their lives, that it all came crashing down.

It happened shortly after dinner, the three siblings weren't home, they decided to spend time together enjoying their sibling bonds while Andy and Sharon stayed home. They were confident they would soon reconcile as the Lieutenant had exchanged a few words with Sharon and was polite most of the time. Yet he treated her like a stranger and was reluctant to really talk to her.

That day, Sharon had an extra session with Susan and managed to vent everything she felt to the psychologist, but it hadn't been enough and she somehow needed to discuss this with Andy, even if she needed to face his fury.

They were in the bedroom getting ready for bed, actually Sharon was getting ready. These days Andy expected her to sleep so he could lie in bed, and he always woke up before she did. It was when he came out of the bathroom that she acted.

"Andy, we need to talk". She started out insecure.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now". He spoke without even looking at her.

"This moment is as good as any other". She countered and this caught his attention.

"What do you want from me, Sharon?" He looked tired just like she did.

"I want to know why you've been avoiding me. I'm giving you time to get used to all of this. I know it's not easy, but I'm here and I need you to talk to me like before". She practically begged for the last part.

"There is only one problem, nothing is like before". Andy glared at her. And this almost made her smile, if she hadn't been so scared. "We can't go back where we left off".

"Is that what you're so angry about? Is that what you're afraid of, Andy?"

"You want to know what I'm afraid of? I'M AFRAID OF EVERYTHING, SHARON". This time he couldn't help himself and his voice rose to reverberate throughout the room. "I'm afraid to move, I'm afraid to breathe, I'm afraid to touch you. Because if I do that you can disappear, you won't be here and I'll go back to that hell I was without you".

"Andy- I..."

"No, you will listen to me". He said and took a step closer to her. "Don't you understand? I can't lose you again, I won't survive without you a second time. I don't think you can understand my fear".

"Of course, I understand, Andy. Do you think this was easy for me? That was easy to wake up with a stranger's heart in my chest and when I asked for you, to hear that I couldn't see my husband?"

"You were just a phone call away, Sharon. I thought you were dead, damn it. I was terrified of leaving this room, I was terrified of leaving here and not being able to feel things around me the way I felt when you were by my side. Dammit Sharon, why do you think it took me so long to say I loved you? You thought I was reluctant to admit this, but I was afraid of how much I would love you, afraid that I'd never feel happy again if you disappeared from my life. AND THAT'S YOUR FAULT. YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU, YOU MADE ME LET YOU IN. AND THE YOU FREAKING DIED IN MY ARMS".

Andy was shaking now, tears streaming down his eyes and he was breathing hard. Sharon got up from the bed, but he pulled away, he couldn't take her touch now. He went to the closet and came back with a backpack, one they used to store clothes if they needed to spend hours in the office stuck on a case.

Sharon felt her body freeze and her heart stop for a few seconds, she couldn't believe what she was seeing, she was confused now. Was he leaving her? Images of Jack leaving over the years mixed with her current emotions and she felt the tears slowly wash down her face.

Andy opened the door and was about to leave when Sharon's choked, pained voice reached his ears:

"Please, Andy, don't go. Don't leave me".

"I'm not Jack, Sharon. I'll go back... but- but I need time to think and I won't get it here". He said it in a choked voice too. "I'm going to Provenza's house". Then he left the room.

The silence was only broken when the latch on the front door was closed and Sharon's sobs filled the apartment.

To be continue...