Chapter 13

Provenza was sitting in his armchair when he heard a knock on the door, grumbling he went over there to yell at whoever was bothering him.

"Andy?" Confused Provenza stared at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I needed to spend the night outside. Can I stay here or do I need to find a hotel?" His voice was hoarse from the screams and crying from earlier. He looked restless and the older lieutenant worried that he might look for a drink.

"Come in".

Andy didn't expect a second invitation and walked in at once, he was still nervous from the whole argument with Sharon, he knew he shouldn't have left her alone, but he was afraid that if he stayed things would get worse.

Sitting on the couch Andy threw his backpack at his feet and covered his face with both hands. Patrice, who was returning from the kitchen, stopped in surprise and looked at her husband, intrigued. Provenza shrugged and she headed for the bedroom to leave the two of them alone.

"When you stop being the drama queen, I'll come back to talk. Want something to drink?"

Andy rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, he just shook his head and saw his friend enter the kitchen. He wasn't a man of tears, but God help him, he cried more in these months than in his entire life. He knew he needed to calm down and talk to Provenza, he needed some perspective.

Provenza returned with two glasses of water and sat in the armchair opposite his friend. He knew from Andy's lost gaze that something serious had happened, he just hoped he could fix this.

"What happened?"

"Me and Sharon fought". He spoke in a choked voice. Gradually he related what happened and what he said. Provenza said nothing, just listened and tried to assess what they could do. "When I leave- I don't even know what state she's in. I'm so angry that- Damn it, I can't even know what I'm feeling".

"You're a hardhead, that's for sure". Provenza snorted and glared at him. "This is nothing but fear, you idiot. You lost the woman you loved and now she was back, this is confusing and painful. What did you expect?"

"She could have trusted me." He spoke and stood up uneasily. "She preferred to talk to Buzz and Julio."

"For God's sake, is this all jealousy? Andy, we told you yesterday what Pope said, he said he made the decision to do this to her. Yes, that was totally unethical and malicious of him, but Sharon's hands were tied".

Andy looked at him with narrow and suspicious eyes, he knew he was being a little selfish and teasing, but seeing that Provenza was okay with everything that happened made him feel a little resentful.

"A few days ago, you wanted her head and today you defend her? I can't understand you". Andy shook his head in disbelief. "I'm not jealous, I'm resentful that this all happened and I wasn't there to help. And yes, I'm terrified that even if she's back she might- she might..."

The last part he couldn't say, that was very difficult to imagine it, it was like he was thrown from an abyss with no prediction of falling. The tears spilled out without warning and he didn't bother to hide them, he was too broken to care about anything.

Provenza had never seen Andy like that, especially because of a woman, he remembered very well how flirtatious he could be, but that seemed that falling in love with Sharon was what he needed to complete himself. And here he was from immeasurable joy to excruciating pain. Provenza thought his friend was going crazy and taking him along.

"Here". He handed him the cup. "I understand your feelings, God knows how much I wanted to scream at her. But now that the anger has passed I'm glad she's okay. You just need to let the anger go".

"I don't know if I can". Andy grumbled a little more composedly. "Anger is an old friend".

"Then I can't do anything for you, I'm not a damn psychologist". Provenza said and sat down again. "If you want to make things even more confusing and weird, that's your problem. I'm going to sleep, you know where the guest room is and the sheets. Be my guest". With that the older man left the room and left Andy alone with his conscience.

However, Andy didn't seem to notice the absence, what Provenza said about the psychologist gave him an idea that he intended to fulfill, but this couldn't be until the next morning. Going to the bedroom he lay down on the bed and tried to fall asleep.

Sharon tried to control her sobs, it was hard to hear what Andy said. She was also scared, but she would have to move on. And as upset as he was, Sharon thought he would forgive her. But it looked like that was far from the case.

When she finally got herself under control, she closed the bedroom door so none of her children would be worried. What she didn't need now was for them to see her state.

With a slightly shaking hand and tears in her eyes, she texted Patrice asking if Andy was there and okay. Less than two seconds later she got a message back saying he was there but upset. With a relieved sigh she thanked her and called someone else.

"Susan? This is Sharon, can you speak?"

"Absolutely. Are you okay?" The psychologist could tell by the woman's tone of voice that she was crying.

"I confronted Andy today". She whispered.

"And how was it?"

"Terrible". Sharon said and the tears returned making her angry.

"I have time now; do you want to tell me what happened?" Susan spoke and settled on her couch, set her book aside and took a sip of her wine.

"Yeah". Sharon shook her head as if Susan was in front of her. And taking a deep breath, the Commander began to recount the events of the night.

Susan walked into her office shortly after 10 am, she had already spent time at the hospital and would have the day off for her weekly patients. However, she was still brooding over Sharon's conversation, Andy seemed pretty upset with her, but Susan could only understand what he was thinking if he talked to her. And even then, this would be a little confusing, because advising the two cops would end up becoming a conflict.

However, this was left aside as she attended to her patients. It was just after lunch, when she had a short break, that her earlier ramblings were answered.

Andy Flynn was in her waiting room with a determined look in his eyes, he looked tired and Susan knew she needed to hear what he had to say.

"Lieutenant Flynn, what a surprise. What can I do for you?" Susan spoke approaching.

"Dr. Anderson, I'd like to talk to you. It's about Sharon".

"Oh... Of course. She is fine?" Susan tried to look surprised, she didn't want him to know about her conversation with Sharon the night before, even though she knew he might already know.

"She is fine". At least he thought, he still hadn't returned home.

Susan affirmed and took him to her room so they would have privacy. Andy was nervous, he wasn't sure what to do, he'd just had an impulse the night before and here he was.

"So, Lieutenant. What can I do for you?"

"Andy- you can call me Andy".

"Okay, Andy. You can call me Susan. We will be more comfortable that way". She smiled and waited for him to start talking.

Andy took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts and ask the right questions. He wasn't sure if he should be there, Sharon would probably find this an invasion of privacy. But he needed to know a little about what happened to her and he thought Susan was the right person to ask.

Susan in turn watched the man in front of her curiously, he looked nervous and a little lost, much like the first encounter she'd had with Sharon herself.

"I don't know if I should be here". He started without facing her. "But I need to know... Actually, I don't know what I need to know".

Susan smiled and tried not to compare him to her other patients. It seemed that this was the standard response from all patients: I don't know what I'm doing here, I don't know what I need to know about myself and many others.

"Okay, why don't we start with you telling me why you came here? You wanted to talk about Sharon, what do you want to know?"

"You seemed very close to her, almost protective when we were in the hospital". He began by trying to follow the logic of events. "I believe she spoke to you about our family".

"More than you imagine". She looked at him with a small smile. "But that's not what you want to ask, is it?"

"Why do you seem so willing to defend her? Why does everyone seem willing to defend her?" He spoke fast and angrily.

"And why not you?"

"What?" He looked at her confused.

"You, Andy. Why aren't you willing to do this? What do you need to hear to understand that she suffered too? That the pain you felt when you learned of her death was the same pain she felt when she understood that she was alone the day she woke up".

"She could come home, she could call". He pointed angrily.

"Yes, she could. She could have demanded that her family find her, she could have warned Stroh that she was weak and vulnerable". Susan knew she was touching a wound, but he seemed willing to throw Sharon at the stake, she could help him put his anger aside and see that it wasn't on purpose. "She could have done so many things, yet she didn't. Did you ask her why?"

"No". He whispered. "Last night was the first time we stopped to talk and I yelled at her. I didn't want to, but... I was so upset, so sore that I just-"

"You vented, that's what you needed at that time". Susan was smiling tenderly at him now. "Andy, this won't be easy. You'll still have a long way to go for this to work, but I know she loves you and you love her too. But you need to let go of the anger, if you hold on to this nothing will be clear".

"I know, but it's so hard to let go". He looked tired.

"Oh... believe me, I know. And Sharon knows too, tell me, how long have you known her?"

"More time than I'd like to remember". He smiled at the memories.

"And when you think of the woman she is, what do you imagine?"

"She is the strongest, most determined and courageous woman I know. I can count the times I've actually seen her scared. And, God, she is controlling". His laugh made Susan smile too.

"Now tell me, with all that you've told me... Imagine if that were you". She spoke and saw his smile fade a little. "Imagine waking up alone after having had a major surgery and knowing that your whole life was in the hands of a person you don't trust. Not to mention that the decision to take charge of the situation would influence the safety of your family. What would you do, Andy?"

Andy stared at her silently, he looked thoughtful, but gradually she saw his face take over with a realization that made her smile a little. Susan knew he was now getting Sharon's side.

"Look, Andy. I don't want you to forgive her right away. Or downplay your feelings about everything that happened. You're hurt and resentful about it, I understand and I know she does too. But don't judge her as if she did this for fun". Susan sighed and knew what she was going to say wasn't advisable, but she would take a chance. "Sharon is a memorable person, who knows her and lives with her has a great privilege. She has flaws just like all of us, but she is an amazing person. I've seen the worst of her during her recovery and I can tell you it's not easy for her. The only thing I ask is... take care of her. Even if this makes you uncomfortable, don't waste any more time, Andy. You already know what it's like not to have her, don't waste that second chance. What the two of you have is something extraordinary, don't let your anger dominate".

Her speech made the Lieutenant cringe a little, this was more or less what Provenza had told him, but in the Provenza way. Andy knew she was right, as did everyone else, but it was more comfortable to have the anger on her side.

"Just think about this, don't go to her and tell her you forgive her when that's not true. How did you resolve your fights and disagreements?"

"We were talking".

"And what's stopping you from doing that now?"

"My stupid stubbornness". He laughed humorlessly.

"I think you know what to do, Andy". Susan smiled and stood up. "I would love to continue talking to you, but I need to see my patient. If you want, we can schedule other appointments, but I don't think that would be very good, you know, because I'm Sharon's psychologist".

"I understand, but if we don't solve this, we can look for someone who specializes in couples, right?" Andy smiled and shrugged playfully.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to this". She followed him to the door. "Thank you for trusting me".

"Sharon trusted". He grinned now. "I think you're really good at what you do".

Susan shook her head in amusement and watched him walk away, he seemed lighter. As if she'd lifted a weight off his back. She hoped this couple would settle down soon, they both looked like a couple from a romance book that you had to read to the end to find out if they were together, even though everyone around them knew they did.

Sharon was putting the last glass in the washing machine when she heard the door latch open, she knew it couldn't be either of her children because two of them were on planes bound for their homes and the youngest will just leave to visit the friend in the hospital. Which left only the husband's choice.

Sharon closed the machine and started the wash without showing that she was nervous inside. She had no idea what he'd talked to Provenza about or if that time had helped him to cool his head. She had calmed down right after talking to Susan, the younger woman always seemed to find a way out and Sharon had never been happier about this.

"Hey". Andy's voice snapped her out of her little reverie and she smiled a little at him.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked when she saw the dark circles under his eyes.

"Yes". He shrugged. "We can talk? Without the screaming part?"

"I would appreciate that". She smiled and went to him. "Shall we go to the couch?"

"Sure". He followed her there and they sat side by side. An awkward silence took over the room. "Emily and Rick are gone, aren't they?"

"Yes, they were worried about you".

"I know, I'll call them as soon as they land". He spoke and looked around the room quickly. "Where's Rusty?"

"He went to see Clarie. She finally woke up, but she's still in the ICU".

"Oh, I see". Andy was still unsure of what to say and this pointless conversation was a way to calm him down.

"Andy". Sharon started and he looked at her hopefully. "I never thanked you for taking care of my kids".

"You have nothing to be thankful for, Sharon. We are married, they are mine now too". He said this with conviction and she smiled with emotion.

"Still. Thank you".

"I think we've had enough of this, haven't we?" He smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry, Sharon. What I said yesterday- I know that hurt you. But that was all true, I'm still angry".

"I know, I don't expect you to forgive me all of a sudden".

"And I don't want to forgive you just to say so". He then remembered what Susan had said. "And- why did you do that?"

"What do you mean? That I didn't return before?" Andy stated and looked at her curiously. "I was scared, scared of what you guys would think or say, but I was scared that if I came back Stroh could take advantage of my vulnerability to hurt you all".

The words came out of her in small whispers, as if saying that was the worst crime ever.

"But we could help you, Sharon. We would all be here to help you".

"That was the problem, Andy. Don't you see?" She stared at him trying to make him understand. "You'd be worried about me, I was too weak to be of any help, if Stroh showed up he'd catch everyone off guard. That could have been our failure, he could have killed Rusty, like he almost did. God Andy I would never forgive myself if my son was killed because I was too weak to protect him or one of you got hurt or even killed because you were worried about me".

"So, you did this to protect all of us?"

"Yes, I was also very ashamed that I had lost control of my life". She shrugged. "You know me, Andy, that was even worse than knowing you were going to hate me when I got back".

"We don't hate you". He spoke and took her hand and almost cried when he felt the heat emanating from her fingers. The last time he'd held her hand, it had been ice cold. He imagined that Dr. Torres had something to do with this, but that would be another time to address. "I love you so much, Sharon. I felt my world lose its luster and I felt aimless when I thought you were dead... and seeing you here alive still feels like a very tasteless dream and that I might wake up and find it was all just a hallucination".

"Oh Andy". She felt her heart tighten as she saw the tears streaming down his face. "My darling, I'm here. I really am here and I will be yours forever".

Unable to put into words what she was feeling, Andy pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. And when he was enveloped by her body heat and the sweet scent of her perfume, he finally knew that everything would be okay. And Andy knew it wouldn't be long before he completely forgives her.

Nearly two weeks later, Sharon stared at the wedding invitation she received from an old schoolmate. Stephanie had never been friends with her in high school, but she seemed to tend to want to surpass Sharon in everything. And the Commander hadn't heard from her in years until now, but that gave her an idea.

Sharon was repairing her relationship with Andy while she was recovering from her surgery, this time it was her turn to move the relationship forward. With a smile she heard the lock on the door and knew that was Andy arriving, she walked into the living room and was almost bouncing on her feet when he stared at her with narrowed eyes and a wry smile on his face.

"What happened?"

"Remember Stephanie from high school? I think I already mentioned her to you..."

"The one who was jealous of you?"

"That one. So, she just sent me a wedding invite. I think it's your third or fourth".

"Good God... don't let her meet Provenza or they might end up getting married". Andy snorted.

"God save us from this". She spoke and her eyes widened in shock. "Anyway, I was thinking about not going, it's in 6 hours..."

"But did you decide to go?"

"Yeah". She shrugged. "Even though I know she and her loyal followers hate me. I think this could be the right decision". Andy could tell she was repeating her entire speech from years ago when they went to Nicole's wedding, and he was happy to play along. It seemed that this time it was Sharon who was nervous about asking him to go with her.

"I believe this invitation came for you and an escort?" She stated and he smiled. "Well, I know Rusty will be out with some friends today. And well, you know me: I like weddings".

Sharon was grinning now, she was clearly enjoying this. And he was happy to be a part of that theater.

"Really? Wouldn't you rather stay home and watch a movie?"

"Nahh… the wedding will be good". He said and dismissed the idea quickly. He knew the final words and smiled in amusement as she gazed at him lovingly. That moment felt like the kick-off in their new lives.

"And how should I introduce you?" She asked boldly.

"How about your husband Andy?" He smiled and took a step forward and pressed his lips to hers.

To be Continue...