"Aleksander" I breathed, pulling against Bahgra's hold. The old woman was stronger than she looked however, and I felt strangely weak. There was a horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

But Aleksander would protect me, I knew that like I knew the sky was blue. It frightened me how certain of it I was. And it only confused me more.

I wanted-needed- an explanation, something to reconcile the two dueling versions of him in my mind. There was the Black Heretic, a man they said created the Fold for power, a demon who doomed hundreds to fates worse than death, something evil, something to be feared. Someone I felt so far from knowing. Then Aleksander. The Black General. The Darkling. Fearsome to be sure, but no monster. He wanted what was best for his people, defended them ruthlessly. He wanted somewhere safe for them, after so many years of pain.

And the way he looks at me sometimes, oh it sends my heart racing, filling me with a want I was only beginning to understand. How could they be one and the same? I thought I was beginning to understand him.

I needed to be free of the old woman's punishing grip, needed space to calm my racing thoughts, to make a decision. If I was wrong about him, what was I dooming myself to if I stayed? And what if I wasn't? I'd never felt as comfortable as I did here, in the Little Palace. It wasn't just the material comforts, it was the people. The Grisha had overwhelmingly accepted me as one of their own-with a few exceptions-and didn't care that I was a Half Shu orphan, didn't care that that I had the face of the enemy. Nearly everyone I'd met had a similar, or worse, story. But that didn't matter anymore, because we weren't alone anymore. We are Grisha. It felt so freeing to finally have a people and a place to call home. Could I risk losing that?

You are not alone. I couldn't help but remember the way his eyes looked as my fingers closed around his wrist and my light burst out to push his shadows away, filled with such relief it made me want to kiss him, comfort him, love him. I shook my head quickly, forcing the thoughts away and tried to tug free again.

But Bahgra refused to break her hold. I didn't want to hurt the older woman, but an inky fear was creeping up my spine. Somethings not right. Perhaps I could blind her just enough to release me? But then what? What would I do? Run? Stay? I certainly was not going anywhere with her, but where else could I go? I couldn't worry about that yet. I drew my hands together, as much as I was able, and willed my light forward. Nothing came. Not even a flicker. I tried again. Nothing. I couldn't even feel it.

Aleksander's eyes had snapped to me, a strange emotion I'd never seen in his eyes. Fear, I realized, even as my own panic set in. Why couldn't I call my light? It should be too easy, Baghra was an amplifier, same as her son. All it took was a touch from Aleksander and I could summon as easily as breathing. All I felt now was weak.

Bahgra's grip was tight-too tight-and strong, and she pulled us another few steps back. Aleksander mirrored our steps quickly, a few stray shadows drawing even closer, though not enough to gain the old woman's attention.

"I can't-I don't... what is going on?" I didn't know who the question was directed at. I tried to quell the panic, though not very successfully, my heart was racing and my breathing labored. I wanted to pull away, wanted to call the comfort and protection my light would provide. But still nothing came. I could hardly move, hadn't felt this weak since before I came to the Little Palace, before I started using my powers regularly. Hadn't realized how much my light felt like part of me, until I couldn't touch it. It felt unnatural to be without it.

"I've told you already, girl. You are leaving." Baghra's tone had sounded concerned in the beginning, spinning her tale of how evil her son was, how he wanted to manipulate her. Now it was cold, filled with venom. The shadows curled closer around us. They felt nothing like the shadows Aleksander had summoned before, these felt oppressive, like they wanted to smother me, suck the very light from me. I tried to yank away again, but the old woman's grip would not yield.

Thankfully I heard what sounded like footsteps, approaching quickly. I tried not to breathe out a sign of relief, unsure if the two Shadow summoners heard them.

"No. She is not. Let her go Mother." He practically growled. Ivan and Feydor appeared behind their general, pausing to assess the situation, then began to approach them carefully. Baghra eyed them, searching for any signs of the Heartrender pair using their gifts.

I nearly jumped when a tendril of shadow wrapped around my free wrist. I forced myself not to react further, not daring to look. Though it was cold to the touch, it still elicited the same electricity as its master's touch always seemed to. Aleksander. The shadow squeezed my wrist in what felt strangely like comfort, the pressure surprisingly soothing. I could almost feel his hands again, steading me, calming me, filling me with power. My light was at the tips of my fingers again, and I nearly cried in relief. The loss of my powers, even for those few moments, made me feel so empty, so vulnerable. Like half of me was missing, all the most important parts, and I decided quickly that I never wanted to feel that way again. To be without them would be worse than death.

While Baghra's gaze remained fixed on the Heartrender duo, I carefully formed a dull sphere of light in my free palm. As they finally came to a stop a few steps behind Aleksander, I lashed quickly out at the old woman, pulling on all my borrowed strength to brighten my golden light into a blinding hot white. The sphere missed Bahgra's face by mere inches, distracting her enough that I could finally wrench free. I stubbled back quickly, away from both Aleksander and Baghra. My powers surged back fully and I threw out another ball of blinding light, brighter than the last, at the ancient woman. When the light died out, Baghra was gone.

"Do not let her get far." Ivan and Feydor were quick to action. They hurried past, deeper down the dark tunnel, leaving us alone. Now what am I going to do? I looked anywhere but him. I rubbed my newly freed wrist, noting the bruise already forming. I could feel him watching me, and when he took a small step toward me I glanced up at him.

"Alina." He stepped closer and I couldn't help taking a retreating step back. He looked almost hurt, before schooling his expression. His shadow slid away from my wrist and returned to its place at its masters side, and I forced myself not to reach for it, my fingers twitching against the urge. Already missing it's strangely calming pressure around my wrist, the safety and calm it had sparked was fading away, leaving only the fear and pain.

But I couldn't let myself get distracted. I had to know the truth. Had to know if had been all a manipulation, if he had truly planned to take my power for his own. If he had truly cared for me at all. If this was just some game to him.

"Is it true? What your mother said about your plans for the stag, your plans for me." A strange pang of guilt hit me after I spoke, but was gone as quickly as it had come. Strange.

"Can we discuss this elsewhere?" Aleksander asked, coming closer again, and I forced myself not to flinch away again. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. It was not a terrible idea, though it would certainly be much more difficult to escape, if need be. Was that still an option? Could I be safe with Baghra out there? Would he even let me go? I did not know what the old woman wanted from me, but it was certainly nothing good. Was here any better? Even though I knew I was safe with him, that did not mean he couldn't betray me. Keeping me safe did not mean keeping me free.

"Fine. But I want answers."