I'd been staring at the girl in the mirror for what felt like hours, mind racing. The girl that stared back at me, looked like me, moved when I did, the same tears poured from her eyes. So Why did she feel like a different person then? The last two days swirled in my mind rapidly. I have been fighting this war... alone for so long. You are not alone. Not many people surprise me, Miss Starkov. You look lovely, by the way. Are you sure? Child, Aleksander is the Black Heretic. I will always protect you, Alina. Do you wish to leave us? We have always been your family. You are Mine, Alina. And I am yours, Milaya. Forever.

I didn't know what to think. I couldn't trust anything he'd said to me before, but now? Now I could feel the truth through whatever bond was developing between us. He did want me, far more than he wanted to admit. He wanted to protect me, with a ferocity I could hardly fathom. I was beginning to suspect he was in love with me. More than suspect really, but that was a rabbit hole I did not want to go down now. It doesn't matter if he loves me. It didn't change the fact that he'd lied. Half truths were lies as far as I was concerned. It hurt. I trusted him and he'd lied. I thought I'd found someone who just wanted me, instead all I had found was someone who wanted to use me. Naïve really to think anything else. Tears leaked down my cheeks again, and I muffled the oncoming sob with my hand. Bastard. Liar. How could he? Why did it hurt so much? Baghra had ruined everything between them with one fail swoop.

It had been going so well, I'd allowed myself to relax, allowed myself to get closer to him. All so he could use me. Would it hurt this much if I didn't care about him? If he'd lied to me as a stranger, as The Black General, would it feel the same? Would I have gone with Baghra?

And under everything else, under my own pain and heartbreak, I could feel his guilt, his anger, his own despair. Could feel it like it was my own. Could feel him, knew he was still brooding alone, just as I was. Good. I bitterly hoped he felt how deeply he'd hurt me. The flash of guilt and sorrow that answered me assured me that he did. Good. I hope it hurts, just as he'd hurt me.

This new connection scared me. I didn't understand why I could suddenly feel him like he was a part of me. How I could feel so far away, and yet so close to him. But as the hours had passed, he'd felt closer and closer. More of his emotions passed to me as if they were my own. Anger. Hatred. Pain. Longing. Guilt. Despair. I shoved it to the back of my mind. He didn't deserve my attention right now.

A loud knock finally broke my trance. They'd been knocking quite awhile now that I thought about it. I sighed. I was not in the mood for guests, but perhaps it could take my mind off Aleksander. Unlikely.

"Come in." I called and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry I know it's late. I just had to see with my own eyes that you were alright." Of course it was Genya. Sweet, beautiful Genya. Genya the liar. Had anyone in this place told me the truth?

"Come to check on me? Or come to spy on me?"

"Alina...I'm sorry." Still... Genya had been so kind to me. Could I really blame her for following her Generals orders? What choice did Genya have? I sighed and meet her eyes in the mirror, then gasped, turning quickly toward her.

"Genya, you're covered in blood!" The beautiful redhead winced, blinking quickly

"Marie…" Oh Marie. Sweet lively Marie. Gone forever because of me. My fault. My fault. The tears returned full force, and Genya rushed over.

"I know darling, I know, but she wasn't alone. She didn't have to suffer in pain long, she will never have to feel pain again. She's free now." I knew, rationally, that she was right, but it only made me feel worse. It was all my fault.

"Should've been me, my fault.." I could hardly speak between sobs, but somehow Genya understood. She pulled me into a hug. I couldn't help but bury my head in her shoulder and cry.

"Never say that Alina! We knew the risks, she wanted to protect you, we both did. Any of us would give our life to protect you." That only made it worse.

"I didn't ask you to, I don't want you to!" I never wanted anyone to get hurt for me. I wasn't worth it.

"You do not understand how important you are to us, how long we've waited for you…" I really didn't. I'd only been Grisha for a few months. But I didn't know how to be the person they all wanted from me, I only knew how to be an orphan mapmaker in the First Army.

It took a few minutes, but eventually my tears finally ran dry, and I pulled away from her, wiping away remnants. I looked up into her concerned eyes and couldn't help the question that popped out.

"You lied to me Genya, he lied to me, how am I suppose to believe anything any of you say again?" She sighed and looked down at me.

"Believe me Alina, this may have started as his way to keep an eye on you, but...you are a true friend. A truer friend than I had ever hoped to have…and I do believe he only wanted to keep you safe. I only wanted to keep you safe." My heart warmed at her words, but I still found it so difficult to believe her.

"It's alright."

"It's not. I'm sorry Alina. I promise you, no more lies." She seemed sincere, but so had she, when she was reporting on me to Aleksander.

"Ok." I wasn't sure I believed her, but I was too tired to fight, to hold onto the resentment. I could trust at least one person right? I could allow myself one friend.

Genya insisted on staying with me until I fell asleep. It didn't take long, with the stress of the Féte, Baghra, and Aleksander, and Genya's soft humming beside me, to drift off.

When I finally drifted off, the normal blackness of my nightmare was replaced with a blue sky. I blinked in confusion and glanced around, stopping dead at the scene in front of me.

Aleksander, with longer hair, more boyish, so much younger, stood a few feet away. Stood in front of an almost wall of soldiers, bows all trained on him. Fear raced down my spine, and I couldn't help but back away. What the hell was this?

"There's one of the witches now!" I felt their eyes draw to me, but I couldn't move mine from Aleksander, who'd stiffened and turned toward me quickly. The horror, recognition, genuine fear in his eyes, chilled me to the bone.

"Alina…" no no no no no this isn't right

"It's time for this to end I think. Kill them both."

No no no no no no no no no no

Before I could open my mouth to speak, to ask what the hell was going on, my side exploded in pain. The scream I let out was cut off by the second arrow hitting my shoulder, toppling me over onto my back. My hands came up, quickly pulling the shaft out of my stomach. I moaned and moved my shaking hands to cover the blood now pouring from my stomach. Aleksander was suddenly in front of me, when had he moved?

I couldn't speak, the pain stealing my breath away. Large warm hands covered mine, blood soaking through my fingers.

No no no not her no please no

I could feel myself slipping away from him, blackness closing in from the edges of my vision. I could feel my eyes closing, when a sharp grunt came from above me, forcing my eyes back open. Aleksander was bowed over me, his hands still trying to stop the blood pouring out, an arrow in his shoulder.

This isn't suppose to happen…I-I don't understand…

I couldn't make myself answer him, couldn't find the strength to do anything other then keep myself conscious. I knew, rationally, that this had to be some sort of dream, some nightmare. But it felt so real.

Another grunt from above me forced my eyes back open. There were more arrows sticking out of him, his face contorted in pain.

"Aleksander…" I found the strength to say his name, though it only came out in a pained whisper. He jolted at the sound of his name, his hands pressing tighter against mine, blood seeping through his fingers now too.

The last thing I saw before jolting awake was his dark eyes, filled with tears and so much pain.

The next thing I was aware of, was Genya shaking me, then steading my shoulders when I jerked up. I looked around widely, sure we'd be surrounded by the soldiers. My hands ran down to my stomach, feeling for the blood that was just there.

"Alina! Alina honey calm down. You were having a nightmare. You're okay." She shook me gently again, and my breathing slowed. I'd barely noticed that I was hyperventilating. Once my panic had receded, I finally looked up at her. I winced at the concern I saw there.

"I-I'm sorry. Was it bad?"

"You were screaming…and you were calling out for-"

A quick, loud knock interrupted us, and was all the warning I had before the door opened and Aleksander burst inside. He looked so relieved to see me there, unharmed, he hardly noticed Genya until she stepped out of his way. She looked quickly between the both of us hesitantly, a shadow of something on her face, and I knew immediately who I had been calling out for.

"Thank you, Genya. I'm fine, you really should go get some sleep." She stepped back toward me hesitantly, shooting Aleksander a quick glance.

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying.." My heart warmed a bit at her care, but I shook my head.

"No, it's okay. Go. I'll be fine. Really."

I kept my eyes on the redhead until she was safely out the door, leaving us alone. His eyes were running over me quickly, searching for the same wounds I had looked for upon waking. His fists were balled at his side, though they relaxed when he was satisfied I wasn't hurt. He took a hesitant step forward, waiting for me to flinch away, to tell him to leave, but I couldn't make myself. I didn't want him to leave, stupid as it was . When I didn't make a move to stop him, he came closer, hesitantly sitting at the end of the bed.

"What was that Aleksander? I don't understand what's going on here. Why did that feel so-so real?"

"I don't know what's going on Alina. Some kind of bond has formed between us, that much is obvious. What you saw was a…a memory. Well more of a nightmare now I suppose. How or why you saw it…I don't know." You were not suppose to see that…

"Why not? Why wouldn't you want me to see it? What happened?" He looked startled, before realizing I read his thoughts. They were coming through easily, even without his touch, and, seemingly, without his knowledge. He looked at me silently for a few moments, weighing what to tell me, before he sighed.

"That is the day I created the Fold…"

"Oh."

"Yes. It is not a-a pleasant memory. Although this time it was different…"

"Why was it different?"

"I don't know." He sounded so exhausted, almost defeated. I wanted to reach for him, pull him close. But I couldn't. Couldn't let him off so easily. No matter how much I wanted him. I couldn't trust him. I winced at the pang of guilt that came through the bond. He stood, looking away from me.

"I should go. You should try and get some sleep." I nodded, even though every fiber of my being disagreed. Wanted him to stay. He stiffened, glancing back at me. I looked away, a blush covering my cheeks. The flopping of my emotions concerning him were beginning to give me whiplash. How could I want someone so much, and still not want to be anywhere near them? I sighed and looked back at him, now back at my door. He looked to be trying to decide whether to say something. I shook my head, enough had been said for tonight.

"Goodnight Aleksander."

"Goodnight Alina." And he was gone, disappearing out the door.

"Ahh…Mal is it? We have much to discuss Mr. Oretsev…"

"What do you want from me?"

"Your help boy. I'm afraid your friend Alina is in dire need of your help…"