The Z Fighters React To Death Battle! (Take 2) Chapter 8: Goomba vs Koopa (Updated), a Dragon Ball Z + Web Shows Crossover fanfic

2022 – Yup, updated this one, too! Mostly grammar stuff, cut out some side-story stuff, added a joke I'm kinda proud of. I'm keeping the reviews and responses as-is though, those aren't getting touched.

Things had been both quiet and hectic. On the one hand, there had been no more attacks from angered gods or invading forces from another planet, and everyone had been taking the time to enjoy it. Goku and Vegeta hadn't stopped training (obviously), Krillin had gotten back to work at the force, dealing with a few break-ins and a few robberies, but nothing too major. Bulma has been studying the book about the bat suit intently and had been trying different projects, nothing was perfect yet, but she had found the flexible bullet-proof plating to have been a stupidly obvious idea, but she hadn't been able to find the right implementation yet though. Trunks and Goten had read the huge book on Batman's adventures a few times now, finding it both amazing and somewhat hard to believe that a mere man could pull off what Batman did. However, the reason "Because he's Batman" had become the accepted answer.

Still, none of that compared to the day when Gohan and Videl welcomes their daughter Pan into the world. Skorch's heads-up had been accurate, and thankfully they were ready when the day came. It hadn't been fun, but once they saw their daughter, they knew it had all been more than worth it. Speaking of the entity, even Skorch had shown up when Pan first came home to say hello and give his congratulations to the new parents. Chi-Chi had been overjoyed to meet her granddaughter, and even Goku seemed to change drastically. Very gently holding Pan like she was the most delicate thing in the world. His usual cluelessness seemed to disappear, replaced with undeniable love and adoration. To everyone else, it was odd to say the least.

Since then, things had been calm. Yet some of the Z-Fighters felt uneasy, Yamcha felt like no matter what happened, he wasn't the swordsman he used to be, like he was lacking in a way he couldn't understand. That a piece of him was gone, and he'd never get it back. Launch had gotten bored a lot more frequently recently, as she was in a routine that had little excitement, and even less times that he other personality came out. Hercule was still training and just generally felt really damn happy, mostly because of how happy his daughter was, and because he was now a grandfather something he never really expected would happen.

On a particularly slow day, it so happened that Yamcha and Hercule came by the Kame House looking for something to do, and found Goten, Launch, and Oolong there, but no one else.

"Where is everyone?" Yamcha remarked, looking around.

"Dunno." Oolong shrugged. "Roshi seemed freaked out by a phone call he got and took off without a word, haven't heard from him since."

"Agh… That's nothing new." Yamcha grumbled, clearly annoyed by something.

"You alright Cha?"

"No, to be honest, I'm not." The swordsman scowled. "Look at us, remember back when the Red Ribbon Army attacked and we were out there fighting with the others?"

"No, not particularly." Hercule replied.

"This was before you showed up." Oolong said quickly before looking back to Yamcha. "What about it?"

"Well, what have we been doing for the past few years? Training? For what?"

"The World Championship." Hercule answered again, seeming to miss Yamcha's point. His optimism was good to have, but his ego and occasional one-track mind also meant he didn't always see things the way others did.

"But with Cell, the Androids, hell, even Beerus! What has all our 'training' done?! Even now, when there's clearly something going down, and they don't call us for help?"

"Look, Yamcha, I get it." Launch rolled her eyes. "But this time, either Roshi got a call about a cheerleading team practicing, or it was some Sayian business."

"Exactly! Shouldn't 'Sayian Business' be our business too?" Yamcha countered, raising a good point. "Who knows what's going down right now?! They might need our help!"

"Hey, I'm pretty sure whatever it is, dad and the others can handle it." Goten said matter-of-factly. "Besides, it's probably nothing-"

Meanwhile…

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN FREIZA'S ALIVE!?"

Back at Kame House…

"-and if they can't, they'll call on us."

"Or Skorch." Oolong added.

"You really sure trusting that guy is a good idea?" Launch asked quizzically, she hadn't met Skorch yet, but from what she had heard, she was a little suspicious.

"I…" The pig began but trailed off, thinking it over. "I think it's a good idea to trust him, just to keep him from turning on us."

"Fair."

There was an awkward silence as everyone looked around once again still unsure of why they were here or what to do.

"Look, if you really feel so useless, why don't we go over to Capsule Corp and watch another Death Battle? Y'know, learn what we can." Launch remarked. Everyone present all looked to one another quietly debating what Launch had said.

"Sure." They all collectively said aloud.

One uneventful to Capsule Corps HQ Later…

The few members of the… Let's call them the 'B-Team', shall we? Had gather food and drinks, and gathered around Roshi's small television. Yamcha put another disc in, not wanting to continue watching where they left off. After a minute of logos, and a few ads for other shows, something about a Nomad? No one was really paying attention. Finally, the familiar rock theme began.

(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)

"The Mushroom Kingdom is a world that houses many strange and interesting creatures, like the Goomba, a walking brown mushroom with fangs." Wiz began, as an image of what looked like a brown acorn with fangs appeared.

"And the Koopa, that stupid turtle who always gets himself killed." Boomstick added as an image of a turtle appeared. Everyone present sweat-dropped at the explanation they were given. This wasn't a battle of heroes or titans… It was… This.

"I feel like we're being mocked." Oolong remarked, frowning slightly at the match up. He didn't care too much, but this kind of felt like an attack.

"Every video game has its share of basic endless common enemies, from causal zombies to nameless machine gun-wielding grunts, but at the end of the day, you can't get any more common than these two."

"Yeah, I think we messed up." Yamcha nodded. "Where's the remote? Let's try and find a better episode."

Everyone looked around, the television remote had seemingly disappeared. They checked under the pillows, couches, even under the carpet, but it was nowhere to be found.

"Okay, now I really feel like someone's messing with us." Oolong frowned.

"I just had it!" Goten grumbled, frustrated at the disappearance of the remote. "How could it have just… disappeared like that?!"

Meanwhile…

"I need a Senzu bean!"

"Catch!"

Whap!

"Ow! That's a TV remote!"

Back At Kame House…

"But which is the best of the worst? Well, he's Wiz and I'm Boomstick." Boomstick stared.

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle." Wiz concluded as the doors closed.

Goomba

(*Cues: Melty Molten Galaxy - Super Mario Galaxy*)

Wiz: The Goombas used to be steadfast allies of the Mushroom Kingdom. After years of oppression, abuse and mockery due to their low intelligence and short stature, they decided to betray their own mushroom brethren and became the backbone of Bowser's vast army. They believed this would earn them respect..."

"It didn't." Boomstick added.

"Sounds about right." Hercule shrugged.

"Why did everyone hate them?" Goten asked, somewhat confused.

"Well, they honestly seem kind of useless." Launch stated. "They don't seem to have weapons of any kind, and it's not like they can magically grow arms to fight back."

"That's a fair point, I guess."

"The Goomba's main combat strategy is just to walk directly into its opponents." Boomstick continued, only to be overlapped by the collective face-palms of everyone present.

"Oh, come on!" Goten groaned. "They can't be THAT pathetic!"

They were then proven wrong by footage of a Goomba walking towards a red-and-blue overall clad man, who jumped on the Goomba and kept walking, the brown mushroom creature barely seeming like a threat.

"I can understand intimidation tactics, but those only work if you're at least seven feet taller, two hundred pounds heavier, and happen to have guns of steel." Hercule agreed, before slightly flexing. Launch both blushed, but felt her other side roll her eyes, annoyed.

"Admittedly, this is a very stupid tactic, and often leads to the Goomba's being stomped on, of stepped on or just kicked around like a tiny angry soccer ball. But, in their defense, it does take some real "spores" if you know what I'm saying."

There was a silence as everyone, Boomstick included, seemed to think that the joke was incredibly dumb.

"Whatever." Boomstick sighed.

"While they may be stupidly courageous, aside from essentially running into someone, Goomba's don't have much of an attack pattern or plan." Wiz explained.

BASIC COMBAT STRATEGIES

- Charges Into Opponents

- Lack Of Limbs Leaves Them Unable To Throw A Punch

- Not Very Strong

- Can "Headbonk" (Jump and hit opponents with their head)

- Able To Adapt To Most Environments Without Issue,

- Useless Fangs

- Can Be Defeated By Being Jumped On

"I mean, they have these vampire fangs, but they don't ever seem to use them." Boomstick agreed. "You'd think they'd try and bite someone, but that's probably too smart for them, and... thinking about it, why does a mushroom even have a mouth?"

"That's… an extremely good question." Launch said, thinking it over herself. "Why would a tiny mushroom have a mouth? What would they eat? Don't mushrooms survive off of natural nutrients from the ground and from energy made through photosynthesis?"

"Maybe, but they're also living mushroom things that wear shoes." Hercule added. "I don't think scientific realism matters too much right now."

As if to prove his point, a Goomba was shown bouncing around in a big green shoe. Yamcha just sighed in defeat, decided that the world felt like dumping on him today. He wasn't sure what he was doing wrong. He just wanted to figure out how to become a better fighter, yet here they were watching a Battle between a mushroom and a turtle.

"When available, the Goomba will use the green Goomba's Shoe to get the jump on its foes, easily able to hop over twelve feet in the air."

GOOMBA'S SHOE

- Grants The User Extremely High Jumping Abilities

- Cannot Be Pierced By Spikes, Spines Or Other Damaging Factors Excluding Fire

- Originally Called "Kuribo's Shoe"

- Can Be Used By Anyone

"That might be the weirdest things I've seen today." Hercule said, stifling at bit of a laugh at just how ridiculous the Goomba looked. "But they're certainly not gaining any intimidation points."

"But a shoe that lets you jump twelve feet in the air? That's pretty cool." Launch admitted with a slight shrug.

"These shoes are also rather durable, able to withstand metal spikes, the deadly spines of Spineys, and most other damaging factors. However, they aren't fireproof, and can easily be stole by just about anyone." Wiz continued, making an interesting case for the green shoe. "interestingly, Goomba's can also spontaneously metamorphize and sprout wings, becoming Paragoombas."

"Huh." Yamcha said, watching a Goomba suddenly grow wings and began flapping them, barely able to get off the ground, but still moving at a decent speed. "If these guys had hands and proper training, they could actually be pretty effective."

"What makes you say that?" Goten asked.

"Well, they're clearly not shaken or deterred by fear or the fact that often they're up against much more dangerous foes, and they do have some useful tactics… if they had the means to carry them out." The swordsman explained. "Think about what an army of them with arms and training could do with those shoes? It may not be a perfect strategy, but it may be something, at least a good first wave attack.

For some reason, the first thing everyone pictures was the Sayians all jumping around in green boots, it did get a rather loud laugh from everyone, as the thought of anyone (especially Vegeta) sitting in an oversized boot with only the top half of their face sticking out was certainly unusual.

"You'd think that wings would give them an advantage, but you'd be wrong." Wiz stated flatly. "While they do have wings, they're barely able to sustain flight. They're much more useful for hovering."

PARAGOOMBA WINGS

- Enables Slow Flight

- Better Suited For Hovering

- Easily Clipped, Have No Defensive Capabilities

- Can Drop Micro-Goombas As Living Bombs

"And when flying, the mushroom thing can bomb victims below with Micro-Goombas. You know you're a badass when you throw babies as weapons!"

"That's horrible!" Launch exclaimed, shocked by the joke. But her other side let out a laugh at the comment.

Wiz: The traditional Goomba may seem a useless pawn, but these troopers have been known to accomplish the impossible. As well as that, while on their own they are almost useless, but they have been known to be an actual threat, they can operate under what's known as the 'mob mentality'."

"Interesting." Yamcha remarked, seeming to think about something before turning to the others. "How do you think they fight in a group?"

"Probably just a big dogpile." Goten shrugged.

"Wait a minute, is that Goomba playing baseball? With no hands?!" Boomstick suddenly exclaimed. "Dude, it has telepathy powers! That's how they fight!"

The four-watching wanted to say something, but they all just stared more in shock at the Goomba indeed holding a baseball bat… somehow.

"Do they have telekinesis?" Launch asked bewildered.

"Telekinesis? No, it doesn't." Wiz answered flatly.

"So, they can hold a stick with no limbs? That… that dosen't make sense."Oolong said, watching the Goomba hit a home run.

"Well then how's it holding it?!" Boomstick demanded.

"…I don't know." Wiz finally admitted.

"I guess it's a mystery that wasn't meant to be solved." Goten shrugged.

"Or they couldn't think of an actual reason." Hercule remarked.

"To their credit, Goombas are unwaveringly brave, never backing down from a fight and always ferociously charging into battle without hesitation." Wiz continued. Despite how stupid they were, the fighters had to admit that the Goombas did have a fighter's spirit, but not much else. They have also been known to be skilled manipulators, tricking others into doing what they want them to without realizing they're being manipulated. However, sometimes their stubborn courage can backfire… Lethally."

To prove his point, a Goomba walked off of a cliff and into a pit, earning a collective face-palm from those watching.

"Wow… just…" Hercule began but sighed not able to finish what he was saying.

"Yeah, you'd think it would stop walking when impending death is directly in front of it. But… nah." Boomstick said, seeming to be in a state of disbelief over how dumb the Goomba's were.

" After dissecting a... voluntary Goomba myself-"

"Ew." Launch grimaced.

"Bullshit, you kidnapped him, didn't you?" Boomstick cut in suddenly.

"…that…that's not important." Wiz stammered.

"I thought Wiz was the sane one." Goten frowned.

"I discovered it's brain to be less than half the size of an acorn, proving what we've always known."

"Goombas are fuckin' morons." Boomstick concluded as the doors closed.

"Ture that." Yamcha nodded in agreement.

Since they couldn't find the remote, they B-Team decided to simply keep watching the episode, but they all seemed to have the same thought: Goombas. Were. Pathetic. Sure, they could somehow use a baseball bat, and they were brave to a fault, but they also would blindly walk off of a cliff and had no real form of fighting. Meanwhile, a yellow turtle with a green shell appeared.

Koopa Troopa

(*Cues: New Super Mario Bros. Wii - Castle Theme*)

"Aww, he's kinda cute." Launch smiled.

"Bowser's second most common foot soldier is the Koopa Troopa, the Turtle Warrior." Wiz began, and everyone's attention was somewhat piqued, maybe this Koopa Troopa may be a more formidable foe than the Goomba.

"Like Ninja Turtles!?" Boomstick exclaimed excitedly.

"Wait. Ninja turtles?" Oolong said in surprise. "That sounds both extremely weird, but also amazing."

"If they are a thing, they'll probably be in a later episode." Goten stated.

"We seem to say that a lot." Hercule mused.

"No, not the Ninja Turtles." Wiz corrected his co-host.

"Awh..."

"While the Goombas are the backbone, the Koopas are prevalent enough to have Bowser's army named the "Koopa Troop"." Wiz continued.

"The 'Koopa Troop'? That sounds kinda cool actually, it works." Yamcha seemed to think it over for a minute, then seemed to nod, as if giving his approval.

"Like the Goombas, Koopas have their own set of Paratroopa wings that can fly for several minutes with no problem. While they are still relatively easy to knock off, the Koopas have a bit more experience flying, and can sustain flight better than those dumbass acorns." Boomstick continued, as footage of a red-shelled Koopa with white wings was shown flying.

PARATROOPA WINGS

- Enables Slow Flight

- Decent Arial Control

- Easily Clipped

- Not Exactly The Best Flyers

"Wait, does the red shell mean something different than the green one?" Hercule asked. "Like a ranking of some sort?"

"If I had to guess, it's probably just the way they're born." Launch replied. "Kinda similar to how people have different colored hair or eyes, Koopas may end up with different coloured shells."

"Or maybe it's just random." Oolong shrugged.

"Yeah, that too."

"Despite their relatively small stature, Koopas are also fairly skilled in Tennis, Baseball, Basketball, Golf, and Go-kart driving." As images and videos flashed by on screen, everyone was left… now amazed, and not even impressed really, but more, interested. From what they had seen, it didn't seem like the Koopa would be capable of such feats, but hey, looks can be deceiving.

"I'll admit, I'm rooting for the Koopa if they can do all that." Yamcha reasoned. "I don't know much about they're fighting strategies, but they at least seem… capable to do stuff."

OTHER SKILLS

- Various Sports

- Running Banks (This raised a few brows)

- Creating Luxury Seaside Resorts (This have everyone wonder how, and more importantly, was the resort any good?)

- Go-Kart Racing

- Dancing

- Ruining Safaris (No-one understood this, but also didn't feel the need to ask.)

"Are you sure it's not a Ninja Turtle?" Boomstick asked.

"No, sadly." Wiz answered. "They also have extremely tough shells that are nearly impossible to break, made of a tough steel-like substance capable of withstanding over 200 pounds of pressure and can smash through bricks like a hot knife through butter."

"Wow." Was all Goten could say, genuinely surprised at how resilient the Koopa Shell was. "Probably take a few hits form Dad or Vegeta to crack it open…"

"Wonder how they're doing." Launch murmured.

Meanwhile…

"Goku! Mount that three-headed t-rex with the laser cannons!" Skorch yelled, eating popcorn on the sidelines.

Back At The Kame House…

"As an offensive weapon, the Koopa shell can destroy almost anything. It's a living torpedo of pain!"

"That's convenient." Oolong remarked. "Offense and defense on your back? Seems useful."

"And it seems like a portable home as well." Hercule added.

"So, it's like a violent RV?" Goten asked.

"No, not really."

"There seems to be a common misconception that it takes Mario two hits to kill a Koopa. Actually, it only takes one. There just happens to be this durable shell in the way. However, this leads to the Koopa's greatest weakness. When Mario jumps on a Koopa's back, rather than retaliating, it retreats into its shell. Why?"

"They're cowards?"

"'Cause they're a bunch of pussies!" Boomstick shouted.

Immediately the respect for the Koopas seemed to drop slightly, as everyone realized they weren't battle-hardened soldiers… they were cowards. Oops.

"Pretty much Boomstick." Wiz agreed. "The Koopas are cowards, afraid to face a dangerous foe, or any foe for that matter. Some run from danger but most just hide in their thick shell."

"Well…" It seemed like Yamcha was going to say something, but trailed off, leaving an awkward and disappointed silence in the room.

"Then again, if I were carrying an impenetrable fortress on my back and some large Italian man was trying to murder me, I'd probably hide in it too." Boomstick reasoned.

"I mean, I guess he has a point?" Oolong muttered. "But why would some Italian be trying to kill them?"

"Have you ever met an Italian?" Launch asked. "They can be pretty violent if you anger them. Or insult their cooking. NEVER insult their cooking."

"I wonder if mom is part Italian…" Goten thought to himself.

"But you'd think as soon as Mario picked up the shell, it would a perfect time to counterattack, right?" Wiz continued.

"Well yeah, but from what we've seen, I wouldn't expect them to do that." Hercule said, having a feeling this wasn't going where everyone thought it should.

"Well, for some reason, they don't. And even when they're flying after a good kick, they refuse to stick their feet out and stop themselves.

To prove his point, a Koopa was kicked across the floor, it then fell into lava, and was clearly burned alive. IT was somewhat unsettling, but also amazing just how cowardly they were.

"Okay then." Oolong said, speaking what everyone was thinking.

"Well... eh... ah, yeah, you're right, they're bitches." Boomstick agreed as the doors closed.

Then the world exploded.

Sort of.

Then time got re-wound by 3 minutes.