The Z Fighters React To Death Battle! (Take 2)

by SkorchNTorch

(Adopted from JLyman) After a mysterious being gives a series of videos to Bulma, the Z Fighters were left with the option to watch every, single one. What did they do? You guessed it! Join the Z Fighters, and maybe a few others, as they watch one of the greatest web series of all time! Rated M for... you already know.

39. Chuck Norris vs Segata Sanshiro

To that one guest (actually, more than one) who keeps reviewing my other stories telling me to only focus on Death Battle, two options for you: One, grow a pair and make an account, and talk to me, or two: go cry in the corner some more. You make me laugh every time I see this, because it means you're such a blithering simp for this story you have to come beg on my other works for more like a prostitute addicted to crack. It's pathetic, and hilarious. Get a life. XD

Seriously, if you guys do that, I'm just going to update those stories first.

THAT BEING SAID: Thank you! The fact that people really like this story is a huge motivation to keep pushing onwards, even on my bad days! All I ask, is you guys please be patient. I want to make full chapters like I was in the past, and not the shorter, jankier ones the last few have been! I understand you want the chapters, but I don't want them to be like Security Breach if you catch my drift… I update the profile, and I post updates on twitter. If you want to know how the story is coming, check there, or message me. Leaving reviews on other stories won't do anything.

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It had been about ten months since the whole 'Goku Black' stuff got resolved, and really, not a lot of interesting stuff had happened. Goku was working on the farm (along with a Squirtle which was dropped off back before Batman vs Captain America and then forgotten about mostly. Whoops.) but that life just didn't suit him. Goku wanted to be out training again. The fight with Black had given him a valuable life lesson. You gotta be stronger than yourself, because at any point, your body could be stolen. It was a weird lesson, but a lesson nonetheless(on).

Yeah, you can scroll down a bit if you want. There's a bit of talking before the Death Battle. Don't worry, we aren't offended if you wanna skip to that. After the crap we've made you sit through, go ahead and 'Control, F.' this and look for 'Invader – Jim Johnson'

Beyond that, Goku had to admit, he was pretty bored. There had been mention of Champa bringing some warriors over from Universe Six for a fight, or a baseball game, but that was cancelled due to reasons which no-one but Beerus and Champa knew (not that Goku minded an awful lot. While it would've been fun to see the others again, he didn't know the first thing about baseball. Also, the author wants to add a few more characters in before doing the 'baseball' thing. Trust us, it'll make sense later.)

And… oh. Right. The idiot we all know and love put a hit on himself courtesy of… Hit. That was probably important in some regard, but the Anime is available on Blu-ray, Streaming, and- wait. No. Are we still mad at Toei? I don't remember…

…huh? We're not?

Okay, cool.

Uhhhhhh… long story short, Goku tried to get Hit to kill him… there's a cool fight, but it's honestly pretty stupid of Goku when you think about it. But then again, we're not thinking about it right now.

Frankly, I don't know why I'm telling all of you this. Either you've read the manga, and are confused as heck, as none of this happened in it, or you've seen the anime, and are screaming at the author to hurry up and get to the T.O.P. already. Or, maybe you stumbled in here by mistake and have been reading this fic regardless. If you are one of those people… welcome!

Onto the story!

The Z Fighters React To Death Battle! (Take 2): Chapter 45 – CHUCK NORRIS VS SEGATA SANSHIRO!

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"…you're right, I guess. Four is good enough."

"Let's erase the eight universes that are lower than the others."

When attempting to balance an imbalance within the very fabric of life itself, one would hope anyone with such incredible cosmic power would be wise, calm and collected, and possess a powerful sense of virtue to best make decisions. However, in this Universe, such is not the case, as those powers are given to two, immortal child-like beings. Who presently were deciding the fate of eight entire Universes. Those which they deemed 'unworthy'…

"My Lords, you have a visitor." The Grand Priest spoke up with a respectful bow. The two Zenö's looked over surprised at who could be here.

"What's up, Zen-Chans!?" Goku called with a friendly wave. Despite the Zenö's being all powerful beings even Gods and Angels feared, Goku… didn't. Again, he was kind of an idiot (and boy, oh boy, every universe was about to learn that!)

"Goku!" The Original Zenô exclaimed, happy to see his friend again. "What brings you hwere today?"

"Listen, a while ago, you said maybe we could have a bunch of different fighters get together, and we could see who's the strongest!" Goku explained. "So, I was thinking, maybe we could do that soon!"

"I don't remember this…" Future Zenô blinked, confused. The First one quickly caught up his temporally displaced pal as to what they were talking about, and both seemed excited.

In Universe 4…

"My Lord, I believe you should see this…"

In Universe 1…

"Lord Iwan! You must come at once!"

In Universe 12…

"Giin! We have been summoned!"

In Universe 11…

"My Lord, I believe this matter is something we must attend to, post-haste."

In Universe 69…

"Nice."

In Universe 3…

"…Beep?"

In Universe 6…

"Lord Champa? Lord Champa! Please, wake up…"

And so on, and so on. In the end, the Destroyers, the Lord of Lords and their Angels were summoned, to the realm of the Omni-King(s). It should go without saying that this wasn't what any of them expected, let alone there being two of them.

"My Lords, with all due and the most abundant amount of respect… why have you called us here?"

"Oh, that's simple. We are going to determine the strongest Universe." The Grand Priest nodded, motioning to the arena. "Please, step inside."

The resulting battle was an interesting one, seeing the strengths of each Destroyer (or lack thereof *coughChampacough*) but the issue arose it was hard to tell what was going on half the time, which led to the Omni-Kings growing bored, which was probably the most dangerous mind set they could be in.

So, this resulted in Son Goku challenging Universe 11's Destroyer candidate, Top. Or Toppo, depending on who you asked. A massive, mustached warrior who was built like a tank, and had a moral compass stronger than his muscular build. While Goku was excited for the fight, Top seemed… hesitant, and even a bit put off by Goku's combat-focused mentality. He seemed to respect Goku's strength, but despised his drive being solely combat-focused, rather than to help those around him. Surprisingly, Goku lost.

"Hey… where's the guy on fire?" The Original Zenô asked, looking to the Gods and Angels (and two mortals). "This seems like the kinda thing he would be here for…"

"My Lord?" The Grand Priest asked, a bit confused as to whom the Original Omni-King was discussing. Beerus felt his eyes widen (as did Champa) and the pudgy Destroyer looked to Goku as if he had an answer, who seemed equally lost.

"You mean Skorch?" Goku casually spoke up.

"Yeah! Bones!" The Original Zenô nodded.

"Uh, I think he's dead."

"Huh?"

"Wait, he's gone?! I thought that trench-coated imbecile was immortal!" Champa exclaimed, then realized he spoke out of line and fell to his knees in fear.

"I thought Watchers were indestructible!" The Original Zenô spoke up, confused. That statement sent a shockwave of utter astonishment through most present.

"Did- did he just say-" Iwan whispered.

"He couldn't possibly-" Awamo whispered back in utter astonishment. "Their kind was merely legend!"

"I'm not sure." Goku shook his head. "After Zamasu killed my wife, we found out that apparently, she made some sorta deal to have her soul taken by him… and then she had to kill Skorch in his own realm to retrieve it? I dunno… that was a really weird day…" Goku explained. That whole sequence of events making very little sense to him. "Apparently, we went beyond out 'Realm' to do so, and things just got too technical for me at that point."

The Gods, and even the Zenô's looked to Goku, Whis and Beerus in bewilderment and confusion. Finally, the O.G. Zenô (The Zen-O.G., if you will) remarked. "…when did this happen?"

"A-a few months ago, Lord Zenô." Beerus forced himself to speak, now feeling like he was under much more scrutiny than before… which, was already a LOT. This was not going well for him, and it seemed like every word spoken was another nail in his coffin, which at this point, was more metal than wood from all the nails driven into it. "During the incident that Rumsshi caused, and was totally, absolutely, one-hundred percent responsible for." He added, earning an angered and shocked glare from the elephant Destroyer God.

"Yeah, Zamasu was Goku Black, and he was from that Universe!" The Second Zenô (2-enô, if you will. But please don't. I won't.) Nodded, remembering what he had been told. Neither Zenô felt like they needed to do anything about it, as that timeline, and Goku Black, were erased.

"I think that's how it worked…" Goku shrugged, fidgeting, before remembering something in his pocket. He had been carrying it around the past few months, but usually left it at home. "Wait, I thought I lost this…" He muttered, taking the glass coin out from his pocket. "Huh."

"Goku of the Seventh Universe, may I see what you are holding?" The Grand Priest asked, seemingly recognizing it. Goku shrugged, and tossed the glass coin towards the Grand Priest who inspected it as if finally finding that one rare trading card you knew you had, but you couldn't find for so long! He seemed… amazed, really, and while he inspected it, Goku brought up the other reason he was here.

"Also, has anyone told you guys about Death Battle?" Goku asked. The two Omni-Kings looked to one another, then to Goku.

"No." They said in unison. Goku pulled something from behind him, something he hadn't told anyone, Bulma, or Beerus included, he was taking.

"All right! This'll be fun!" Goku exclaimed. Normally, Beerus would be pissed beyond words, but he had a feeling that by sheer accident, Goku may have just saved every single Universe, and all their inhabitants. But at the same time, he wasn't sure what ramifications showing the other Death Battle would have. Then again, he had a feeling it was too late to think like that, and now, he just had to hope and pray that this wouldn't blow back on him somehow. Not realizing this was going to HORRIBLY blow back on him.

"…well, yeah! There're these two guys, and they talk about different warriors, and then they simulate them fighting to see who's stronger when there's no rules or limits on a fight! It's awesome!"

"Wait, did you never bring this up to anyone else?" Champa asked, looking to his brother.

"Bring what up? I didn't know the mortals had these for a bit." Beerus countered. "Besides, what's there to mention? It's just some show that they watch."

"Well yeah, aside from the parts when we're in it, there are other Universes, they know about us…" Goku spoke up, and Beerus froze, knowing that he maybe should've mentioned that… in some regard… The other Gods and Angels looked to Beerus for an explanation, and he was clearly at a loss for words.

"Damn it, the one time that skeletal jerk could be useful, he's DEAD!" Beerus snarled.

"This is getting boring… I wanna see the fighting!" Zen-O.G. cut in, and the Destroyers knew, even if they wanted to find out where these videos came from, they'd have to wait. If they tried to ask more questions, Lord Zenô would get angry, or worse, bored. So, The Grand Priest got everything set up while the others settled down, an awkward tension in the air.

(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)

"Tall tales of superhuman feats have existed for as long as man has been telling stories... and today, we pit the greatest of these legends in a clash of East meets West."

"Chuck Norris... no real introduction needed." Boomstick began, as a man with a reddish-orange beard was shown. Everything about him seemed to exhume power.

"Who?" Was collectively asked.

"And Segata Sanshiro, defender of the Sega Saturn... of all things." Wiz stated as a man was shown dressed for what Goku assumed would be another world's Martial Arts Tournament.

"So, who are these two and what makes them so important?" Champa asked dryly.

"He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!" Boomstick continued.

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle!"

Beerus realized he had no idea how the others were going to react to Wiz and Boomstick, and yet oddly… he was okay with that. Heck, he was looking forward to it!

CHUCK NORRIS

(*Cues: Title Screen - Okami*)

"In ancient China, there was a legend, passed down through the ages, that one day a child would be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. A warrior who would forge a new world if which he would be the guardian. With strength unrivaled and tenacity unmatched… That man... is NOT Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man!"

"Hm. Remove the competition to ensure you're the strongest, fair move." Quitela shrugged.

(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)

"Carlos Ray Norris, yes, that's his real name." Wiz began in his usual, calm reserved tone. "Was born into to a humble Oklahoma family in 1940. A loner, mediocre student and all-around physically-unintimidating pacifist, his childhood was... pitiful." The Scientist shrugged.

"Deeming someone as pitiful because they believe in peace is a most crude and narrow mindset." Heles frowned. "Love and Peace often go hand-in-hand, perhaps there is more to him than mere physical prowess."

"That is, until he answered the call of his country, joined the United States military, and began training in martial arts. From the day he threw his first punch, his life was changed forever." Boomstick stated dramatically.

BACKGROUND

- Real Name: Carlos Ray Norris

- Born: March 10th, 1940

- Served As An Air Policeman For The U.S. Air Force In 1958

- Karate Career: 1964-1974

- Racked up 183 Victories, Won 30 Tournaments (That did impress some watching. It was nowhere near the strength and power of a Destroyer God, but for a mere mortal, it would be wrong to disregard such feats.)

- Opened A Chain Of Karate Schools

- Trained Steve McQueen, Donny Osmond, And Bob Barker… Yes, Bob Barker From The Price is Right(No one knew who that was)

- Politically Known To Be Conservative (No one really knew – or cared – what that meant, politics were beneath the Gods of Destruction…)

- At Least 45 Movies To His Name

- Became The 1st Westerner In The History of Taekwondo To Earn The 8th Degree Black Belt (Note: It's Unclear If This Made Him The First Westerner To Achieve This In ANY Martial Art Form, Or If This Merely Related To Taekwondo.)

(*Cues: Party Crashers - The Expendables 2*)

"Mortal." Merus spoke up, looking to Goku. "Goku, was it?" When the Sayian nodded, he asked his question. "Where did you find this… documentary, or whatever this archive is? It is unlike anything I have ever seen…"

"I don't know. Apparently, some old man showed up from another world, gave the discs to Bulma, then just… vanished." Goku shrugged, answering honestly. "We've watched a bunch of these, and recently I figured that Zenô-Chan would be interested in seeing them too."

"I'm still not convinced that the Watcher isn't that same man…" Beerus muttered, more than a few looking to him in utter astonishment.

"I mean, I thought so too, but the energy he gives off, and the Energy Jared's world gave off were different." Goku shrugged. "Besides, the Watcher explained what happened, and he isn't the same one. After that, it was a month or two before Skorch showed up, and it's been about ten months since he disappeared…"

"You… you claim to have met a Watcher?!" Kusu sputtered in disbelief.

"Yeah, he's living in Bulma's supply closet." Goku nodded. "He's weird, but nice."

"How… how have we not sensed these energy signatures?! If they're powerful enough to break the limits of our reality… that kind of power cannot be hidden!"

"I believe you just answered your own question." Awamo commented. "If they can break the walls of our reality, what is stopping them from hiding their power?"

"Actually, yeah, Skorch always seemed pretty weak for someone who could re-write space and time in mere seconds…" Goku nodded. "Wonder where he is now…"

"Ahoy hoy."

Seemingly out of nowhere, Skorch appeared, wearing… of all things, a fishing vest, with a fishing hat, tacklebox and rod. He was still a skeleton, but a skeleton who looked ready to have a relaxing day of fishing. Everyone (Sans Beerus, Champa, Vados and Whis) just stared in confusion or disbelief.

"Skorch! Where have you been?!" Goku exclaimed, delighted to see the skeleton again while everyone else was at a loss for words.

"Cleaning up our mess, then going on a vision quest in the desert." Was all Skorch said.

"I thought you were dead!" Goku protested, remembering his wife had killed him.

"I was, got bored. Came back. We'll talk later, you're NOT gonna wanna miss this fight!" The Entity sighed, knowing their plans to go fishing were on hold…

"Turns out, Chuck is unnaturally gifted in the ways of violence. After his military career, he wandered America for 10 years battling in martial arts competitions seeking a truly worthy opponent to test his mettle against. During this time, he racked up 183 victories, held the Professional Middleweight Karate Championship title for 6 consecutive years, AND became the 1st Westerner in the history of Taekwondo to earn the 8th degree black belt." Wiz explained.

"Fascinating, I assume each 'degree' merely pertains to one's talent and overall dedication to a form?" Mule asked aloud. In their Universe, the ranking system was based more on age, rather than a specific colour of belt.

"Well, that would be under-selling it." Awamo explained, while Skorch wordlessly summoned a diagram with the different Black Belts and the marking denoting which was which. "To put it simply, in most disciplines, First Degree means you've become an expert the basics, but are more of a beginner expert. Second means you could open your own school. Third means you could teach someone to a First-Degree Black Belt. Fourth means you're a flat-out Master."

"Fifth and Sixth means you've contributed to your form in some way, Eighth means you're a Master of the Style as a whole, and Ninth means you're in line to inherit the mantle of 'Grandmaster'." Iwan added. "They also usually have age requirements, as well as a certain amount of time spent in that mastery before you can move on."

"Huh, we didn't go through all that when I was training with Master Roshi or Mr. Popo." Goku muttered.

"Most likely there were things similar to it, but the ranking system was different." Whis shrugged. "Besides, I get the feeling you lacked the patience for it."

"Hey, that's… probably true…" Goku mumbled.

"But it ends at nine?"

"Well, somewhat." Awamo nodded. "There is a Tenth-Degree Black Belt, but in our Universe, it's currently only an honorary title in most practices, and I'm unsure if that applies here…"

The Entity spoke up, looking to Toppo. "Think a'it like how he's in line to inherit the Mantle of Destroyer God. In certain styles, that is the equivalent of a Ninth Degree Blackbelt. It takes years and years of practice and dedication, and very few ever succeed in reaching it. Then, becoming the Destroyer God would be like being a Tenth Degree." He looked to Toppo and nodded. "Nice going, by the way!"

Toppo was taken aback. By many things. Bring brought before the Omni-Kings, being brought before the other Gods of Destruction, meeting an Entity which he hadn't even heard stories about, hearing about other dimensions, seeing two of those warriors brought and made to fight, being COMPARED to one of said warriors… and the fact that there was a chance the skeleton could be seen on the same field as the Omni-King, if not HIGHER IN SOME REGARDS, every word it spoke was clear, kind, and genuine. It seemed truly impressed with what he had achieved…

"Th-thank you." Toppo nodded.

"Close, it's actually Chun Kuk Do, or "Universal Way". Where Chuck harnesses the powers of the universe to achieve superhuman feats." Wiz explained.

"So, he can tap into Ki, big deal."

(*Cues: The Delta Force - Main Theme*)

"With one hand, I can crush coal into a diamond." Chuck Norris calmly states, looking a diamond on display, with 'Crafted By Chuck Norris' on a plaque beneath it.

"I'm sorry, what?" Kusu raised a brow, taken aback by what was suggested a mortal could do…

"Bah, a feat many a warrior could achieve." Rumsshi scoffed, indignantly.

"Oh really? What style of combat did you create?!" Goku asked, excitedly.

"Whoa, so this one mortal got so advanced, he believed the only way to continue to learn was to make his own style? That's so cool!" Lord Zenô exclaimed, seeming oddly childish- well, okay, not 'oddly' childish, VERY childish.

"He seems like he could make a powerful Destroyer!" Future Zenô added, making the present Destroyer's flinch, and Skorch to stifle a laugh.

"So, impressed at himself, he hired a team of filmmakers to document his life of newfound powers. Some of these real-life accounts include the Delta Force, Walker: Texas Ranger, and Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos... just to name a few." Wiz explained as different titles and scenes were shown from movies and tv shows.

"How have we not heard of this before?" Arak asked. "If these warriors exist, they must have been recorded in some regard! They claim there are these records of them, yet I don't believe any of us have seen them before!"

"They were recorded, just not in any world we exist in." Whis shrugged. It then occurred to the Angel that only he and Lord Beerus had spoken extensively (sort of) with Skorch, and they were probably the only ones who knew of the other worlds.

"What are you implying?" Korn asked, uncertain of what their angelic brethren was saying.

"What, you think the Twelve Universes are the only ones there are?" Beerus snarked. The others looked to him in annoyance, or asking for an explanation. "There are apparently way more than that, he's from one." Beerus nodded to Skorch. "Other worlds where one world is nothing more than a comic or story, yet is a real 'world' in another."

"And you never brought this to Lord Zenô's attention?" The Grand Priest asked, taken aback by this news. It was true, he had met a Watcher long, long ago, he hadn't realized there were as may worlds as Beerus was implying.

"He said we couldn't." Beerus quickly added, throwing Skorch under the bus. The Entity's reaction screamed: 'You snitch! How could you, Beerus-senpai!?' While the Grand Priest wanted to question Skorch, both Zenô's were too intrigued with the show to do so.

"According to these archives, Chuck can kick a man so hard that he does six backflips before hitting the ground, fire more bullets from a machine gun than it can actually hold without reloading, and even transform into f***ing animals." Boomstick stated in utter astonishment.

Chuck Norris, as a bird, flies toward a hunter, who turns around and then screams as Chuck Norris transforms back and kicks him. It was an odd, but impressive feat, to be able to morph one's body like that… The two Zenô's are equally intrigued.

"Whoa… that's so cool!"

"Man, I wish I could do that! How do you think he does it?"

"They do know they have the power to do so if they wanted, right?" Mohito whispered.

"I think this show is captivating them and making them forget." The Grand Priest whispered back. "Honestly… that may be a good thing." While the Grand Priest had no qualms with how childish the Omni-Kings could be, having something to distract them was welcome in his eyes.

"Why doesn't he do that more often?" Boomstick asked, bewildered, and a few watching wondered the same thing.

"Because the most dangerous animal in the world, is Chuck Norris." Wiz (and Skorch) stated matter-of-factly.

"Bah, they attempt to bolster the image and ego of a mortal. What idiot would do such a thing?" Quitela scoffed, indignantly.

"Hercule, I guess…" Goku thought.

(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)

"Chuck has taken his already unprecedented abilities even further through over 35 years of intense training on his secret weapon, the Total Gym." Wiz explained as Chuck Norris was shown working out on a machine of some sort.

"Such primitive technology, yet it can create such a warrior?!" Cognac asked, amazed.

"He even had to create his own pants with a secret gusset to keep them from exploding off his body due to his sheer kicking power. He calls them... 'Chuck Norris ACTION JEANS!'' Boomstick added. Skorch crossed one leg over the other while he floated in the air, wearing a pair.

"Naturally, powers like these has spawned hundreds- no, thousands of myths of what Chuck Norris is capable of, making it very difficult to separate fact from fiction. That is until Chuck released a book officially chronically 101 of his favorite feats, with many more not included in the book... while also proving that these 'myths' were all TRUE."

"They have to be joking, one mere mortal cannot have as much power as they claim."

"Eh, weren't all of us mortals at one point?" Belmond asked, raising a brow. "Maybe some of this is over-exaggerating for the sake of entertainment, but I don't doubt that mortals can pull of some amazing things." Belmond wasn't sure why, but he felt like Goku was an example of that. Well, he also knew Topp and Jirren were prime examples of that. As were the rest of the Pride Troopers.

(*Cues: Algiers - The Delta Force*)

"Fact #67: When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he pushes the Earth down." Boomstick stated. The sheer force that would take, left those watching in silence. SURELY, this had to be a joke!

"Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head." Wiz added.

"…I don't think even Dyspo could move that fast…" Toppo muttered. While Belmond wasn't one to discredit the skills of his warriors, despite being mortals… he had to agree this time. This man appeared to be stronger than them…

"Fact #80: According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you... yesterday."

"I-If what they're saying is true, then this mortal can somehow break the laws of time and attack you in the past while remaining in the future!" Camparri blinked in astonishment.

"Fact #71: Scientists has estimated that the energy given off by the Big Bang which created the universe, was roughly equivalent to 1 CNRK: 1 Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick."

"…are they saying that a mere mortal's KICK was powerful enough to create an entire Universe?!"

"I think so!"

"This has to be a joke. There is no way a mere mortal-"

"It's true. All of it." Skorch spoke up, seriously.

Most looked to the fishing-gear-clad skeleton with skepticism, but Goku, Whis, Beerus, Champa and Vados knew if Skorch was saying that… then they should pay attention to what the one known as 'Carlos' could truly do…

"And those are just a few of the ones that we know are true. In addition, legend has it that beneath his magnificent beard lies a third fist." Boomstick added.

"That… can't possibly be true…" Korn muttered, not sure if he believed it, himself, or if this was nothing more than smoke and mirrors.

"I'm starting to believe the impossible is the mundane to a man like this…" Liquiir shrugged, looking to his angel. "Does it not seem impossible that there are beings who could destroy an entire planet with such ease?"

"Don't be ridiculous, my Lord."

TRUE CHUCK NORRIS FACTS

- Chuck Norris Threw A Grenade That Killed 50 people, Then It Exploded.

- Chuck Norris Counted To Infinity. Twice. ("That's impossible!" Mule exclaimed.)

- When Chuck Norris Enters A Room, He Doesn't Turn The Lights On, He Turns The Dark Off.

- There Is No Theory Of Evolution, Just A List Of Creatures Chuck Norris Allows To Live. (That… was a concerning statement to those watching.)

- Chuck Norris Beat The Sun In A Staring Contest.

- Chuck Norris Can Hit You So Hard Your Blood Will Bleed. ("H-how does that-?!" Champa tired to reason, only to find no answer.)

- Chuck Norris Plays Russian Roulette With A Fully Loaded Minigun... And Wins. (A few watching knew what that implied, and merely started silently, trying to question HOW that was possible.)

- If He Wanted To, Chuck Norris Could Rob A Bank. By Phone.

- Chuck Norris Can Strangle You With A Cordless Phone.

- There's No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk, Unless It's Chuck Norris', Because Then You're Gonna Die.

- If You Spell 'Chuck Norris' in Scrabble, You Win.

- When Chuck Norris Jumps In A Lake, He Doesn't Get Wet, The Water Gets Chuck Norris'd

- Chuck Norris Can Eat Just ONE Lays Potato Chip.

- Chuck Norris Can Win A Game Of Connect Four In Three Moves.

- Chuck Norris Gets His Pizza Delivered Before He Orders.

"Oh, what else!? Is he immortal or something?! Can his blood grant unending strength and youth!?" Quintella sneered, disbelieving everything said thus far.

"His tears cure cancer, but he's never cried in his life." Skorch added. "And he does his own stunts, except for his crying scenes." The mouse Destroyer stared in utter disbelief.

"I call shenanigans." He muttered.

(*Cues: Rescue - The Expendables 2*)

"Chuck is as tough as they come... or rather tougher. Once, after being beaten unconscious and buried underground inside a truck, he revived himself with a beer shower, and miraculously drove the truck OUT OF THE EARTH." Wiz explained, this clearly beginning to sound unbelievable even to him.

"He's proficient with many different vehicles. Speedboats, helicopters, a motorcycle that shoots rockets, and weaponized dolphins."

"...Whom he can communicate with."

"The Main Man would approve!" Boomstick nodded, and no one saw the genuine fear on the Grand Priest's face.

"I'll take care of Angelfish. And you guys make sure no one gets out of here." Chuck Norris stated. To dolphins. Who nodded. Because he's Chuck Norris. By now, more than a few of the Destroyers weren't questioning this as much as they knew they should, it was as if trying to question this would only result in answers they didn't wish to hear.

"He also has a keen sense of awareness, and is ready for anything. Even a giant alligator parachuting in through a window. No, we don't understand this any more than you do." Boomstick commented, as that was shown.

"How many mortals are like this… Chuck Norris?" Merus questioned aloud. "The Mortal Rating in this Universe could be beyond anything I ever thought to be possible!" That was an intriguing thought, if the world was like Chuck Norris, would we be better off? Personally- ah, whatever.

"He also put together a team of heroes and saved the world on multiple occasions." Wiz added. That was respectable to many watching, selflessly wanting to save the innocent? They could respect that.

"This guy really is all that is man." Boomstick commented, and while many of the Destroyers were skeptical, there was an underlying sense of dread and wonder among all of them that maybe this was TRUE.

"But don't mistaken unrelenting masculinity for perfection. Despite his impressive martial arts records, he still suffered a total of 10 loses." Wiz spoke up.

"Even the most powerful warrior will eventually fall." Gin admitted with a solemn nod. "No mortal ever remains that powerful for all time… but who or what could possibly stop him?"

"Wow, who could stop this guy?!" The original Zenô asked, amazed.

"I know! Only someone who's never lost a fight before could possibly stop him!" Future Zenô added excitedly.

"Oooh… who could have never lost a fight?! They must be the greatest fighter to ever exist! That would be amazing! Do ya think there's someone who's never lost a fight?!" The two all-powerful beings looked to Skorch.

"Saitama." Was all Skorch said. To the Omni-Kings' disappointment, he didn't elaborate.

WEAKNESSES

- Does Not Have A Flawless Martial Arts Record

- Suffered 10 Losses and 2 Draws

- His Chest Hair Is So Dense Grabbing It Is Like Velcro ("Ewwww…" A few muttered.)

- The Only Martial Art He's Achieved The Highest Rank In Is The One He Invented

- Even He Couldn't Get Mike Huckabee Elected President Of The U.S.A.

- Was Bested By A Group Of 158 Warriors In The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny ("That sounds really cool!" The Original Zenô exclaimed. Skorch just smirked. It was…)

"And that's not to mention his massive amount of chest hair. Although infinite and a source of power, don't you dare question how. He's Chuck Norris, he doesn't have to tell you anything." Boomstick remarked, which irked a number of the Gods. "It makes him easily grabbable, and even once aided in his own, you know, death at the hands of Bruce Lee." Boomstick continued. "Who is one of the few warriors I think COULD possibly take down Chuck Norris…"

"Except, DEATH ITSELF, FEARS Chuck Norris." Wiz added, shocking everyone. "And when he was supposed to die, the Reaper didn't tell him, and since then, he has continued training, fighting, and doing the undoable."

That… was concerning. For a mortal to possess such power that death itself fears them, it would be akin to a mortal who was truly strong enough to match, or even surpass the destructive power of a God's Hakai.

"Yes." Skorch said, seemingly understanding what they were all thinking.

"Enough with the cryptic nonsense, skeleton! If you're going to speak, speak clearly!" Quitela snapped, only to be met with the empty sockets and black fire of Skorch turning his head inhumanly to look directly into him.

"What I'm saying is, there's a chance if any of you used the Hakai on him, it would most likelydestroy YOU." Skorch said in a clear warning. "He's not a normal man, he's Chuck Norris."

Seeing a being who existed for untold amount of time, who had witnessed countless Universes come into existence and fade from reality just as fast, seem genuinely frightened about daring to disrespect this fighter was enough to make Goku realize one thing. He had to fight him!

"In all our years or research, we've never found an opponent worthy enough to take on the roundhouse kicking, beard-punching, Texas Ranger... until now!" Boomstick declared, and everyone had to wonder who was crazy enough to try and fight this man!?

"I heard another rumor, that you were bitten by a king cobra." A man commented.

"Yeah, I was. But after five days of agonizing pain... the cobra died." Chuck Norris nodded.

Barney and other various characters are in disbelief after Booker states this. As did the Destroyers. Heles bristled slightly, she had been afflicted by such a toxin when she was a mortal… it was not a pleasant experience. Yet whatever flowed through Chuck Norris seemed to turn the venom's effects on its inflictor! That… was frightening.

The doors closed, and Skorch paused the video.

"Man! Why didn't you tell us about this guy sooner, Skorch!?" Goku exclaimed. "This dude seems insane!"

"Eh, you'd get to the episode eventually." The Entity shrugged. Leaving it at that.

"Wait, there's more of these?"

"Oh yeah! We've seen a bunch!" Goku explained. "There's all sorts of different warriors. Ones who weaponize souls, ones who transform, heck, even my friend Vegeta was in one of these against a black hedgehog who could freeze time!"

This got more of a reaction from the Destroyers. How was that possible?! Did these two beings somehow possess reality-bending powers which allowed them entry to other realms?! If so, why hadn't they come to THEIR respective universes?!

"So, how many worlds are there?! There were supposedly only Twelve!"

"I dunno. Ask him." Goku shrugged, pointing over his shoulder at the skeleton.

"Explain. NOW!" Someone demanded. Skorch leaned up, and did what may have passed for rolling their eye sockets.

"Yo, Zee-Oh-Bros!" Skorch called, looking to the Omni-Kings while everyone (Grand Priest included) felt their jaws hit the ground at how casually they spoke to them. "Y'want me t'explain this? Or do you wanna see who Chuck Norris is gonna fight?"

"Fighting!" Both Zenô's exclaimed, and the Destroyers, Angels and Supreme Kais knew they weren't getting the answers they felt like they needed at the moment.

"You son of a-" Champa muttered.

SEGATA SANSHIRO

(*Cues: Training Mode (Vintage Score) - Killer Instinct*)

"Japanese folklore hosts a plethora of horrifying tales. Raiden, the God of Thunder, devours the stomachs of children. Kappas, monsters that dwell in rivers, drowns their victims and rip their souls out their anus..."

"What."

"Don't ask. You don't wanna know."

"And then there's the legend of the karate master who will beat you within an inch of your life if you aren't playing a Sega Saturn." Boomstick remarked.

"What is this… Sega Saturn they speak of?"

"I assume that will be explained in time."

(*Cues: Segata Sanshiro - Main Theme*)

"His name is Segata Sanshiro." Wiz stated grimly. Standing before them was the man, the myth, the legend… Segata Sanshiro. While Chuck Norris may not have seemed that intimidating at a first glance, the look on Segata's face made it clear he would spill blood without cause, and he would enjoy it.

Segata throws a man, who screams.

"Men."

The thrown man hits the ground, causing him to explode.

"Women."

"Segeta Sanshiro..."

"Children."

"Segeta Sanshiro!"

"Nobody is safe from Segata's wrath!" Boomstick declared.

"This is outrageous! What abhorrent monster would dare harm children to simply prove a point?!" Heles snapped, beyond furious that someone could have such wretched hatred in their heart. Goku and the others looked to one another, as if asking 'Is she serious?'.

"In 1997, Sega's latest console, the Sega Saturn, was failing. Nintendo was dominating the market, and things seemed bleak for this once great video game titan."

"That is, until a mysterious stranger appeared with a plan so crazy, it just might work. He'd travel the land and beat the shit out of anyone not playing a Saturn." Boomstick stated.

The Destroyers and angels had no words. That… that was their plan!? To use common thug practices to scare the populace into doing what?! Playing some game?! …honestly, it kinda seemed like something the Omni-King would do. Not that any of them would DARE say such a thing.

"So, they hired this guy to beat people into playing their game console. That it?" Belmond asked, utter contempt in his voice at the prospect.

"And it did work. Sales skyrocketed, alongside the hospitalization of Japanese youth ." Wiz nodded. "But not much is known about this mysterious savior."

BACKGROUND

- His Name And Appearance Refer To The Genesis Of Judo

- In A Previous Life, Was A Motorcycle-Riding Cyborg Superhero (That raised questions.)

- Lives Alone In The Mountains, Always Training With A Giant Sega Saturn (That raised even more questions.)

- His Theme Song Orders Others To Play Sega Saturn "Until Your Fingers Break!"

"We do know that when he appeared, he had a giant Sega Saturn strapped to his back, which he uses to train his physical and gaming prowess at the same time." Boomstick remarked, sounding lost himself.

"And he appears to be dating Sakura from Sakura Wars. Yes, he is somehow dating a video game character."

"Bah! A cretin like this could never truly understand love!" Heles snarled, disgusted that the ideals and power of love would be corrupted by such a fiend…

"…y'know Heles, I'm inclined to agree with you on this one." Sidra nodded in grim agreement. He couldn't speak for what kind of relationship they had, but he had a feeling it wasn't the healthiest of ones. Or, she was as deranged as he was… even Destroyer Gods used their power for a purpose, not to subject innocents to fear without cause!

…mostly.

"Well I'm not surprised because this guy has done some pretty amazing things. He's kicked a baseball for a home run, raced over 60 miles per hour on ice... barefoot... and won the World Cup by THROWING a player into the ball to score the winning goal."

"Because what is physics and reality if not a list of things to destroy?" Belmond asked, sarcastically.

"He is a master of disguise... and breaking and entering. He can duplicate and resize himself an unlimited number of times and once took down an entire club filled with people in only three moves."

"But, his favourite and most powerful technique is his earth-shattering judo throw, which can make his victims EXPLODE upon impact... twice." Boomstick added.

"Okay, so perhaps he has some talent." The clown Destroyer conceded. He thought very lowly of this man, and his barbaric tendencies, believing Top could easily take him, but he would give credit where it was due.

FEATS AND STRENGTHS

- Can Outmatch And Olympic Speed Skater… Barefoot

- Able To Duplicate Himself And Increase Size

- Strong Enough To Punch Falling Cars And Space Shuttles Into The Air (

- Doesn't Flinch When Baseballs Hit His Chest At 90 Mph

- Can Survive And Speak In Space, Despite Lack Of An Atmosphere (The Destroyers were now wondering what kind of mortal this could be. Even with the ones they had seen, he seemed… immortal, compared to them. Heck, Chuck Norris seemed superhuman beyond words, and now Segata just seemed as powerful.)

"How bad could a baseball hurt?" Belmond asked, rhetorically, only for a flaming one to strike him in the chest at 90 mph. He didn't even flinch, merely looking down at it, then looking to Skorch.

"Dudethatsfreakingrad…" Skorch whispered. Champa was then hit with one, in the face.

"OW! What gives!?"

"In just a few short years, Segata has successfully terrorize his entire homeland into loving Sega's floundering console. Sales even surpassed those of the Nintendo 64. This was in part due to Segata's mob-ish tactics, and a string of really good games the Saturn had."

SEVERAL OF SEGA SATURN'S GREATEST HITS

- Nights Into Dreams (A Criminally Underrated 'Franchise' Began Here)

- Virtua Fighter 2

- Astal (Hand-Drawn 2D Platformer)

- Panzer Dragoon Saga (Beginning A Long-Running Tradition Of SEGA Giving Dragoon The Shaft. No, I'm Not Bitter.)

- Tomb Raider (Yes, Tomb Raider Began As An Exclusive On The Saturn… Despite The Better Version Being On The PlayStation.)

- Duke Nukem 3D (R.I.P. Duke Nukem)

- House of the Dead (A Fast, Fun Shoot-Em'-Up Which Has Continued Via Arcades)

- Athlete Kings

- Sonic R (Ha. Right.)

"Buuuttt… for reasons we'll get into in a second, it wouldn't last. The Saturn didn't sell so well around the world compared to other systems." Boomstick spoke up. "It was a valiant attempt, but it wasn't enough to save it."

"Which really is too bad, the Saturn wasn't a bad system, it was just ahead of what could reasonably be done at the time." Wiz mused. "If Sega had waited until 2001 or 2002, it might have proven to be good competition for the Nintendo GameCube. Possibly. We'll never know, though…"

"So, what went wrong?" Liquiir asked aloud. "Aside from brutalizing innocents as a scare tactic, the concept seemed sound, what caused it to fail?"

"To make a long story short, their ambitions were too high." Boomstick explained with a shrug. "The Saturn was a powerhouse of a console, but all that power made developing for it a nightmare! So, costs were high t'make the games, and then higher t'sell em'! While this was happening, a little start-up called Sony – who, mind you, were originally brought on to help with the system – waltzed in, dropped the O.G. PlayStation like, four months later after the Saturn's launch, and kicked EVERYONE'S asses! Better games, better prices, the whole nine yards."

"That's not to say the Saturn was a failure, it was quite popular due in part to Segata Sanshiro's… uh, 'motivation'. But globally, the sales weren't what Sega hoped it would be." Wiz added.

"Hm. Seems like it was merely too soon for its own good…"

"No, but thankfully he's quieter than normal…"

"So naturally, the Big N got jealous and launched a huge-ass missile at Sega's headquarters! Oh, corporate squabbles..." Boomstick chuckled as if this was totally normal.

"Ridiculous. I couldn't imagine mortals in our world acting in such a way!" Arak scoffed, disgusted by the hatred some mortals could show one another.

"Really? Ours won't stop doing that!" Quitela muttered rubbing his temples.

"…why?"

"Er, apparently they were told their food would be delivered in fifteen minutes, and after sixteen minutes it still wasn't there." He coughed.

"Mood." Skorch nodded.

"But Segata, who apparently resides on the roof of the Sega HQ, demonstrated to the world his most impressive feat of all."

"They're saying he somehow stopped a missle? Really?" Rumsshi asked, still having a hard time believing… ANY of this.

"He just straight up leapt off the building onto the missile and stopped it against a glass window, then flipped it around and rode it into space!"

"A missile of that size would travel around 3,600 miles per hour, something that no window pane in existence could possibly withstand. Just to stop it without cracking the glass, Segata would have had to make the missile weigh LESS than it should upon contact with him. The only possible explanation is that Segata is simply exempt from the laws of physics and theoretically capable of almost anything... such as surviving the vacuum of space."

"Well... until the missile blew up and he died." Boomstick added.

The nuclear missile explodes.

"Segata Sanshiro wa kimitachi no kokoronou." The man somberly spoke with 'Segata Sanshiro will live on in your hearts', translated beneath.

"People actually liked this guy?!"

"I guess."

"...Or did he?" Boomstick said, mysteriously.

"They can't seriously be suggesting he's somehow alive." Champa muttered.

"The departing words from the Japanese commercial announcer claims that Segata will always live on in our hearts... but also he lived on in, you know, the regular way."

"While most are blinded by the tears of sadness in their eyes, if you look closely, you'll see what appears to be a shooting star... or Segata reentering the Earth's atmosphere. But don't just take my word for it."

"They… they can't seriously be suggesting he survived that…" Rumsshi muttered, staring in bewilderment and apathy.

(*Cues: Segata Sanshiro - Main Theme (Metal)*)

"One year after his supposed death, a strangely similar-looking man appeared in the game Rent A Hero #1. He mentored the main character in the ways of martial arts while claiming to have once been a great hero himself."

"Then, in 2012, as Sonic and friends competed in the Race of Ages, a man bearing a giant Sega Saturn on his back was seen steering a nuclear missile away from the track."

"So, he lived for many years just riding a giant missile around?" Quitela asked aloud, then muttered: "I can't lie, that's pretty cool…"

"But the most irrefutable evidence of all came in 2013 when Segata Sanshiro himself crashed a Sega Sound Unit concert and performed his own theme song live on stage. All video footage was destroyed, but we were able to recover a few surprisingly high-quality pictures." Wiz explained as a few pictures were shown… of Segata very much alive, and well!

"Are we sure he isn't a Destroyer God in another world?"

"If he was, then that world's Omni-King most likely would've destroyed him by now for how he abuses his power." Cukatail mused aloud, thinking about the implications of this. "Then that could mean either they lack a force such as the all-powerful Omni-King, he is somehow stronger than them… or he IS that force."

"And as of the February 2015 issue of Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog comic, a familiar-looking Judo master fought the Blue Blur in a tournament on Mobius... which is our own Earth 3,000 years in the future. There's only one logical conclusion: Segata's not only alive... he's immortal."

"2013? What year are they talking about?" Arak now spoke, trying to figure out which Universe these two warriors hailed from. They both clearly possessed great power, but he had never heard of either of them! Part of him wanted to see them out and challenge them, but part of him… wanted to learn from them. At least, learn what a God could from a mortal. Despite how most of the other Gods would act (he glared at Beerus) Arak was willing to swallow his pride and admit that sometimes, a mortal could teach even a multi-millennia-old God a thing or two. From their fighting styles, to what powers they possessed, Arak believed there was a great deal he could learn from this pair, and in turn, a great deal he could teach them.

"I dunno… Hey, Skorch! Where's this take place?" Goku asked.

"In D-Zero, this would've happened around 1998-ish… so… Sonic, like, would be happening around the year 5000. And on top of that, D-Zero has been around for hundreds of millions of years prior..." Skorch answered. "TLDR I dunno."

"D-Zero?"

"Dimension Zero. I'll explain later. Just watch these two fight."

"Apparently, there's this universe where a bunch of other universes exist as stories and stuff, I guess Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro are just stories there too." Goku reasoned.

"Death may not be able to conquer Segata, but he in turn has difficulties against the death of others. Specifically, club zombies. Don't question it, you'll be better off"

"And ultimately, while he successfully revived the Saturn, his skills were not enough to keep Sega on top forever."

"Perhaps the reason he remains shadowed in anonymity is that he is biding his time, waiting for the right moment to step into the light and rescue Sega yet again."

"Lord knows they need him now more than ever." Boomstick said, sombrely.

"Regardless, it's safe to say that all should heed Segata's parting words... or else." Wiz concluded.

"Sega satan shiro! (You must play the Sega Saturn!)" Segata shouted as the doors closed.

There was a lot of skepticism from those present. The Destroyers were having a hard time coming to grips with… everything. The two Zenô's, the Watcher, the footage from another realm, the fact there may be other worlds out there, the fact that there may be warriors as strong as these two, the fact that these two claimed to be as strong as they were (no one believe they actually were…) and considering how excited the Zenô's were, those present moved right on to the fight itself.

Iwan – Chuck Norris (Segata may be "immortal", but Chuck Norris seemed to have more training and experience.)

Heles – Chuck Norris (She REFUSED to even consider supporting someone with such ugliness in their heart…)

Mule – Segata Sanshiro

Quitela – Segata Sanshiro

Arak – Chuck Norris

Champa – Segata Sanshiro

Beerus – Chuck Norris (He had a feeling)

Liquiir – Segata Sanshiro (The Destroyer wasn't sure why, he just seemed… stronger, in some ways that Chuck couldn't counter. Either way, he believed the fight would be… interesting.)

Sidra – Segata Sanshiro

Rumsshi – Chuck Norris (Loathed to admit it, the mortal did have power.)

Belmod – Chuck Norris (More because Chuck didn't seem to be a thug enforcer… like Segata)

Top – Chuck Norris (Ditto)

Giin – Segata Sanshiro

Original Zenô – Chuck Norris

Future Zenô – Segata Sanshiro (their logic being if they voted for the other, then they'd both be right for whoever won, because one of them voted for him.)

Goku – Didn't vote. He was too excited to see the fight.

The Angels – Remained neutral in this matter. (Although, they found themselves more in favour of Chuck Norris winning, because he wasn't a sadistic monster.)

DEATH BATTLE

The doors opened, revealing a log cabin next to a forest and mountain. The mailbox at the end of the drive way had 'C. Norris' written on the side. Entering in through a window, Chuck Norris is seen sitting on a couch and watching television. He cracks open a cold one as the tv cuts to an ad.

"We'll return to our feature presentation of Menahem Golan's 1986 classic, Delta Force, right after these messages…" The Announcer spoke as the screen began to play a commercial for the Sega Saturn comes on and Segata Sanshiro appears.

"Sega satan shiro!" Segata shouted, pointing at the viewers. Chuck Norris presses on his remote and changes to channel 10, but it too is a Sega Saturn commercial with Segata.

"Sega satan shiro!"

The commercial continues with footage from Sonic R, but it is changed to channel 39, where Segata once again appears dressed as Santa.

"Sega satan shiro!"

It changes to channel 13.

"Sega satan..."

It changes to channel 25.

"Sega..."

It changes to channel 69.

"Nice."

"Satan..."

It changes to channel 40.

"Shiro!"

"Well, he's persistent."

"And as annoying as those blasted mobile game ads that show up on GodTube." Mule muttered.

"Just get an Ad Blocker."

Chuck Norris goes to change the channel by pressing on his remote once again, but then the television screen begins to warp, and the angered declaration of "SEGA SATAN SHIRO… MATAWA SŌDENAKEREBA!" rang out as Segata smashed through the screen, exploding into the cabin in a display of light and shattered glass, landing with a giant Sega Saturn on his back, leaving the television broken. Chuck Norris stands up as Segata tosses the system at him. Chuck Norris proceeds to catch the system, then looks at it, scoffing as if he's heard a bad joke, and proceeds to crush it to dust with one hand.

"I don't know who you are, but get with the times." Chuck said, sternly.

(*Cues: Snapped - Air Gear*)

FIGHT!

Segata shouts and dashes at Chuck Norris, going for his Judo throw, but he steps back out of its range and punches Segata in the head. The camera slowed down in the way that usually means someone was severely injured, but to everyone's shock, Segata was barely phased by the attack. Whirling around, Segata punches Chuck Norris in the head as well. Only for his fist to do… nothing. Chuck Norris then struck Segata's chest with another fist, trying to knock his attacker to the ground. Segata does the same to Chuck, neither attack doing anything of real value or harm.

"How… they're not even flinching!"

To answer his attacks, Chuck Norris performed a powerful downward punch to Segata. The two both exchange a number of blows as a faster rate, each strike seemingly picking up speed and strength, only for neither to be affecting the other, as if their attacks cancel each other's out. Without warning, Chuck Norris backflips, pulls out a machine gun out of thin air, and fires it at Segata. Segata simply gets into his stance and the bullets simply bounce off of Segata's chest, dropping to the floor. This caught everyone off guard, as a mere stance had reflected what should've killed any mortal, perhaps even the ones they held in higher regard! While still firing his machine gun, Chuck Norris kicks Segata square in the chest, this attack catching him off-guard and knocking him through the cabin into a tree. Groaning, Segata still stands as the tree he had struck breaks behind him, falling to the ground.

"Mm. They're fast, but this is nothing the mortals in our own universe could not achieve." Quitela shrugged, not much caring for this whole thing. It felt like a waste of time.

Chuck Norris looks over at Segata from the hole in his cabin and points at him and clenches his fist. "If you come back in here, I'm gonna hit you with so many rights that you're gonna beg for a left." He stated in a calm voice, but also a very, very threatening voice.

"Hm, that one's pretty good, actually." Top conceded. "Sounds like something Dyspo would say…"

Segata lifts up the broken tree and spins it around at a rapid rate before throwing it at Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris rolls below its as it destroys his cabin. The Texas Ranger snaps his head back, and then looks to Segata, his face making it clear that Segata has now cross a line from which there is no returning. Moving faster than the eye could follow, Chuck Norris covers the distance quickly, and strikes Segata with an uppercut, a fist that seems to be filled with the fury of a man who has lost something dear to him, and the anger of a man who will make his victim regret ever even looking at him. The strike's power was true, and Segata's head snapped back, blood flying from his nose and mouth, only to be fully thrown back when two more punches to his head were unleashed. Seeing Segata remaining unphased (aside from the slight bleeding), Chuck Norris unveils his third first from underneath his beard and uppercuts Segata with it as well.

"The legends were true…"

"He does have a third fist!"

"How does he shave?!"

"That shouldn't… that… how can that work?!"

"If that much is true, then what's to say all the other legends of him weren't true?"

Moving faster than expected, Chuck Norris then runs around the Earth within an instant, leaving a fiery trail behind him as he blazes a path behind him, before appearing behind Segata and punching Segata in the back of the head. The impact creates a shockwave which is felt even in the Omni-King's world, and the forest surrounding the duo is all but leveled, leaving trees shattered and broken, sticks falling to the ground, as Chuck Norris cracks his knuckles. Segata leaps out of the wreckage and Judo throws Chuck Norris into the mountain. "Sega satan shiro!"

He yells as the other combatant slams into the mountain, his hat lowered. Lifting it up, Chuck seems a tad surprised by Segata's strength, but makes no comment on it. Chuck Norris manages to recover from the throw pulled himself up, but his impact with the mountain causes an explosion. Shortly afterward, another explosion occurs, destroying the mountain. Only for a third explosion to go off.

"…that can't be it, can it?" Giin asked aloud, not believing a warrior who had been given such a lead-in could be bested so simply…

"Nah, they do this all the time. The make it seem like one fighter won early, just to have the other come back." Beerus shrugged.

Segata overlooks the ruined mountain, then walks away. Chuck Norris flies back to the battlefield leaving a small crater where he is as Segata turns around.

(*Cues Yooo - (Kabuki Sound Effect)*)

Chuck and Segata stare down each other as Segata stops and takes a stance. A whoosh can be heard, and then there's three Segata's, then six, then twelve, then twenty-four… soon, an army of Segata clones surround Chuck Norris. The Segata's all perform the same stance.

"Are the clones real, or mere illusions?" Mohito asked, wondering about something that wasn't really explained all that well. "If one killed the original, do the clones vanish? Are they all connected to the same mind, or can they think on their own?"

"I believe you're over-analyzing this."

"I don't believe I am. If they're going to go to all the effort of what they've explained, yet fail to explain the information further than that, I believe it's a failure on their end!"

"Or it could just me made up for the sake of entertainment."

"Yet they go to such length to justify and explain everything else!"

"Did they?" Cognac then spoke up. "They never explained where their powers stemmed from, or how they were able to break the laws of reality and do such outlandish feats without the assistance or training of some higher force."

"Actually, Cognac's correct in that regard. How DID these two amass such power?"

It now occurred to all watching, that unlike the Destroyers, who were chosen, and then trained by angels (or however the exact semantics of that worked, was it the Angels chose them, or the previous Destroyers? Whatever.) or Angels (who were… ANGELS) that Chuck Norris and Segata's powers didn't seem to have an origin, other than 'because they did'. On the one hand, this annoyed them, as it hid any potential for new learning, and it also in some regard frightened them slightly, as it implied that beings who might rival Destroyers or (Lord of Lords forbid it) the Omni-King(s) power could merely just exist without training or regulations left unnerving implications for their respective Universes.

(*Cues: Ethan Meixsell - Thor's Hammer*)

Suddenly, one of them grabs Chuck Norris from behind and throws him at another clone, who kicks him, then at another who punches him in the head, and another who kicks him in the groin. From above, the circle of Segata's continue knocking Chuck Norris back and forth until one Segata clone throws him to the ground, creating a sizable dent. His hat fluttered down and lands on his face, with Chuck Norris snatching it up with an annoyed sigh. As Chuck Norris lies there, the ground begins shaking.

"SEGA SATAN SHIRO!"

The shaking was revealed to have been because of a giant set of feet that would've set Dan Schneider or Quinten Tarantino's mind's ablaze revealed to be Segata's footsteps as a giant. Segata appears, eclipsing the sun.

"Whoa! How does he do that?!" Present Zenô exclaimed, watching the giant Segata look down at Chuck Norris, who still seemed almost bored, as if this was beneath him. The Grand Priest looked to Skorch, who shrugged.

"…It just dawned on me how truly ridiculous this all is." Iwan said aloud. "And yet… I'm oddly entertained at the same time."

Roaring like Gojira, Segata brought one of his house-sized fists in for a devastating punch, but Chuck Norris retaliated with a single punch of his own, the sheer force and endurance genuinely taking the Destroyers aback. Sensing Segata's moment of hesitation, or perhaps paralysis from the impact, Norris went in for an attack, sending his strength into a fist which he then drove into an uppercut on Segata. Chuck Norris then leapt upward into the air and lands on Segata, running up him before jumping again and punching him downwards, knocking him through the ground. However, Segata didn't just go through the ground… he kept going. The force of Chuck Norris' blow sent the SEGA system supremacist burrowing down, going through the very core of the earth before blasting out on the other side. This would've been impressive enough, but it was then revealed Chuck Norris used such strength, that he broke the planet in half.

"A single strike, and a mortal can break a planet in twine." Iwan muttered.

"Beep."

"If these two are real, then perhaps we should try to understand their morals. They both seem to live for the fight, but Norris doesn't seem like a villain." Giin commented, raising a brow slightly.

"Can you say Segata is a villain? He could've simply been acting on the orders of those who made the system he promotes." Sidra said, not totally believing it himself, but wanting to keep an open mind on this, especially concerning a mortal this powerful. If they were led, that would make things easier, if they acted of their own wished, that could be problematic.

"Are you brain-damaged?! He beats the crap outta people who don't follow his stupid views! How is that not villainous?!" Quitela snapped, raising a fair point.

"His heart is impure, but he could believe he's doing the right thing…" Heles conceded. She didn't like Segata in the slightest, but perhaps he was not to blame for this. It could be some other force had pushed him towards a path he neither understood the effects of, nor he wanted to be on… perhaps he could learn, and could change… perhaps, his heart could love like it should!

"Is it fair to say they're over thinking this?" Top asked quietly, looking to Skorch.

"Oh, totally. Just don't tell them that, I wanna see where this is gonna go!" Skorch stifled a laugh.

"…can we judge someone based on how they act without knowing their entire story?"

"Hey now, I'm all for seeing the best in someone, but there are people who are just born messed up." Belmond spoke up, having mostly been quiet while watching the fight, trying to tell if this was real or fake. "Sometimes you gotta remove a problem before it gets worse, ain't that the whole point a'us? Remove problems to let solutions grow and all?"

"Sure, but does that mean you'd condemn a planet to be destroyed if someone like Segata was on it?"

"Well… I honestly can't say. That's something you can't make a snap decision on." Belmond conceded, knowing there wasn't really a good answer to the question.

"What are they talking about?" Future Zenô asked. The other one shrugged. They assumed they were talking about how they'd beat these warriors, but the two Zenô's were more interested in seeing how this fight turned out.

Dropping to his hands, Chuck Norris did a single push-up and pushes the ground, causing his half of the planet to fly towards the moon where Segata is. It strikes the moon, breaking it in half and pushing Segata. On that half of the earth, Sanshiro yelled angrily and then punched the half back, and then seemed to realize he was in space… as you do. Not only that, he noticed that he is by the planet Saturn as its ring gives off a glow. Segata takes Saturn's ring and flips it multiple times to increase its speed and power. The rings seemingly becoming a giant buzz-saw empowered by the insanity and dedication of one man's almost fetishistic obsession with the Sega Saturn.

"That… isn't possible." Skorch spoke up. "The rings of Saturn are a bunch of rocks and small particles, not an actual connected ring."

"So, the mortals breaking earth, having a fist-beard, and cloning themselves is fine, but that's where you draw the line?" Champa asked.

"…fair."

"SEGA SATAN SHIRO!"

Segata finally throws the ring as Chuck Norris sees it flying towards him, even cutting through Mars in the process. It strikes Chuck Norris and breaks through Venus and Mercury before sending the two into the sun, the rings of Saturn being destroyed by the sun's heat… but Chuck Norris endured.

"This man has to be a God in the realm he hails from. He has to be…"

Yelling angrily, Segata rocketed into the sun after Chuck Norris, and the two began another heated (no pun intended) battle. Their fists and kicks clashed with one another, Chuck Norris pulled another machine gun from behind him, but Segata somehow pulled a shield out from the Panzer Dragoon Saga and blocked the bullets, throwing it and knocking the machine gun out of Chuck's hands. The sun then destroyed both items. No one questioned why it didn't happen before. Chuck and Segata returned to their judo and taekwondo fight, with strike and blow sending ripples through the sun itself. In fact, now that a few looked at it, they seemed to be at the very core of the sun itself, and the attacks seemed to be giving the sun more energy?

"The fools… they'll destroy the sun! They'll wipe out the entire galaxy!"

"Okay, this just got a whole lot more interesting…"

(*Cues: Cues To Glory - Two Steps From Hell*)

The core of the sun seemed to turn white, and then the sun went supernova, exploding in a powerful blast which incinerated the nearby planets.

"Whoa! They destroyed the sun just by punching! That's so cool!"

Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro were caught at the center of the supernova implosion, but of course, they were left unphased. Then, something seemed to crack, and a black hole formed where the sun's core had been, beginning to draw the remains of the world they fought in into it. Chuck Norris seemed to focus his energy, images of his Action Jeans and the Total Gym flashed by, and seemed to be absorbed into him, as if they were empowering him with their strength. Segeta did the same thing, images of different games, and the Sega Saturn flashing into him… finishing with that of a woman.

"Itoshi teru, Segata Sanshiro." (I love you, Segata Sanshiro) The woman spoke in Segata's mind.

Both fighters seemed to have a renewed sense of strength and power, and yelled as they struck the other one more time. Chuck Norris finally unleashed one of his legendary round house kicks, the attacking coming towards Segata, who unleashed his punch. The two attacks clashed, and the screen inverted colour for a moment. Then something seemed to shatter, a tear in space opened, and tore outwards, fracturing the fight and showing many different visions from what one could assume were other fights or other worlds…

Rouge fighting Wonder Woman… Shang Tsung fighting against Akuma… Ragna fighting Sol… What looked like a teenager with a chainsaw standing against a woman commanding a sea of blood… Super Shadow fighting against Super Sayian Vegeta… A legion of demonic monsters locked in battle against what looked like twisted versions of angels… Two figured fighting among fire and brimstone, each decked out in green armor. The sight of that caused the Angels to snap to attention in utter astonishment.

"That… can't be…"

"I think it is…"

The Pokémon trio fighting in their evolved forms… a tall chalk-white figure fighting a mob of robed figures (that figure mortifying the Grand Priest when he realized who that may be) one of the Blackthorns fighting among a swarm of monsters… what looked like two blonde men fighting in an arcade… a mouse and a small green figure clashing with odd-looking blades… a pitcher of juice? Okay, that one had to be a joke. A woman with purple skin fighting a woman clad in black leather… and then, the last two which flashed by caught a few very off guard.

There was one, of a man in blue with a red cape, and who he was fighting was unmistakable…

"Goku, was that you?" Whis asked, surprised. Goku couldn't speak, his eyes were comically wide as he finally saw a glimpse of his fight! Even if it was just for a second…

The second one showed a woman in odd armor, fighting someone unmistakable.

"What the hell was Beerus doing in there?!" Quitela demanded. The Other Destroyers wondered the same thing, and came to the same realization. Somehow, the ones making this series not only knew of them, but had information on them. Half of them saw this as concerning, as they wondered where that information ended, and the others wondered how they could get in touch with them to get said information to screw over the others. Beerus looked to Skorch, who shook their head. The Destroyer scowled, knowing most likely they'd only get a run-around from the Entity.

The tear in reality seemed to consume all, and Chuck Norris, Segata Sanshiro, and the entire galaxy they had trashed were pulled into the black hole, leaving nothing but darkness. In the aftermath, there is a constellation of stars which form Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro fighting, and everything went eerily quiet.

"Is… is that it?" Future Zenô asked, confused.

KO?

"Apocalyptic!" The announcer shouted.

"I believe that's it, my Lords." The Grand Priest nodded.

"But, who won?"

"Unfortunately, My Lords, even I cannot say."

There was silence for a few moments, as everyone took into what they just saw. Had they killed each other? Were they gone? Was there more?

"I won't lie, that was pretty entertaining." Liquiir finally confessed, laughing somewhat.

"I still refuse to believe two mortals could have that much power." Rumsshi grumbled, mostly because it felt like mere mortals were attempting to show him up.

RESULTS

(*Cues: The Expendables 2 - Respect*)

"Holy shit, that was awesome! But who won?" Boomstick exclaimed, voicing what everyone was thinking.

"I... don't... know. I think they're still going. Our instruments just can't pick them up anymore. I believe they might have ripped a hole in spacetime. So, they've either traveled to another dimension, or completely destroyed their plane of existence... or both."

"So, they claim two mortals tore a hole in reality through sheer strength, and may be fighting to this day, am I getting that right?" Sour asked, and received a few nods. "This is absurd…"

"Well, Lord have mercy on wherever they ended up. I guess this one just kinda spaced out." Boomstick nodded as the doors closed.

"As strange as that was, I can't say it was boring."

"Beep."

"Agreed."

"So, what happened to them?" Present Zenô asked, looking to Skorch. Unfortunately, the skeleton shrugged.

"No one knows. They just… vanished." Skorch answered, honestly. In their time, across their travels, and even in the Library of Eternity… no one knew what became of those two.

"I still find it hard to believe people would get so invested over something as trivial as a game system that they'd need to hire someone… like that." Top commented, still finding it trivial and saddening that people could get so destructive over a differentiating opinion.

"So, aside from it not being as popular as other systems, what caused it to fail?" Arak asked, genuinely curious as to why this one had failed, yet others seemed to thrive.

"Well, that, and th'games were either available on other systems, or not as good as what you could play elsewhere." Skorch added, taking a sip from his slushy. Out of nowhere, several games appeared which were on the Saturn, as well as the PlayStation, PC, something called the N64 and so on. "Also, Sega's main mascot and cash-cow, Sonic the Hedgehog, like had a game planned for the Saturn, that many speculate could've saved it, mannn. But, like, when Sonic X-Treme was cancelled, it was seen as a death sentence for a Sega system to have no original Sonic games on it. Add to that, the PlayStation was cheaper to buy, cheaper to make games for, had a much larger appeal, and promised to have games from anyone who could make em', and it was like taking a high-powered-nail-gun-jackhammer to the Saturn's coffin."

"…he doesn't talk normally does he?" Sidra asked, looking to Beerus.

"So, this… Play Station is responsible for the Saturn's death?"

"Kinda, the PS1 came out in 1995 in the rest of the world, and it wasn't until 2001 when the original Xbox dropped, being the first non-Japanese game console in some time." Skorch explained, summoning the old Xbox and the old gray PS1. "Which was just a year after the PlayStation 2 released, which is considered by many to be one of the best systems of all time. With PlayStation and Xbox fanboys fighting like Beerus and Champa do when there's a slice of pizza left."

"WHICH I TOLD YOU WAS MINE!"

"Blow me."

"Really? They'd dedicate such time and energy to such petty squabbles?" Rumsshi asked, feeling disgust at the mortals of that realm. Skorch merely pointed around the area at all the Gods, and then at themselves. The message was clear.

"Oh, you'd be SHOCKED how aggressively console fanboys will fight over which is better." Skorch scoffed. "The Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 are probably going to be remembered just as much for the online 'console wars' they started compared to the games they had."

"Do these people really have nothing better to do with their lives?"

"They do not. Both sides said their system was better, and while the Xbox 360 may have been better at first, the PlayStation 3 had better tech in it, which had its own draw backs…" Skorch spoke up again.

"Did you believe one was truly superior?"

"Well, I'll be brief. PlayStation is undoubtedly superior when it comes to action and adventure games. As well as both platformers and story-driven games, with franchises like God of War, Crash Bandicoot, Infamous, Killzone, Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, Spyro, and LittleBigPlanet – that's a personal choice of mine, don't judge – which you can only play on PS systems. And then there's stuff like Gravity Rush, Yakuza, Silent Hill 2, Final Fantasy 7, Devil May Cry…" Skorch explained as a few figures and other videos appeared around the Destroyers on one side, showing what they discussed. "With that being said, I cannot, for even a SECOND, act like Xbox doesn't have some AWESOME exclusives, and most definitely has the leg up in terms of the First-and-Third-Person Shooter Genre. Halo and Gears of War can't be beaten, and to claim they weren't very justifiable reasons to buy an Xbox would be a lie. And that's not counting for things like Psychonauts 2, Sea of Thieves, Sunset Overdrive, Ori and the Will of the Wisps, Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath, and Blinx."

"So, both have strengths, it would depend on the users' preference?"

"Really, it came down to what you wanted to play, and what your friends were playing." Skorch nodded. "If you wanted more cartoony action games? PlayStation. If you wanted fast-paced shooters with gripping characters and story, even someone who isn't a fan of them can acknowledge they have some damn good games. Also, Xbox was better if you wanted to drop racial slurs at eleven-year-olds."

"What happened to the people behind the Saturn?"

"They had one more shot, missed said shot, and stopped making consoles, shifting their focus to games. And that… is a whole 'nother can of sour gummy worms." Skorch coughed, awkwardly, opening a can of gummy worms and munching on a few, before offering said can to the Zenô's.

Something tore through the sky, and everyone took a stance to fight or blast whatever was coming next. It looked like a rip along the very fabric of the sky, which made no sense considering where they were, but those present weren't about to ask how, they wanted to know who.

A figure came rocketing down, having been kicked by someone or something, and smashed into the arena, leaving an indent in it and making a few jump. Above, voices sang out, in a heavenly chorus, and down from the fracture, descended Chuck Norris. The Texas Ranger landed, and slowly rose while the other figure, unmistakably Segata Sanshiro pulled himself up, and cracked his neck. Chuck Norris looked around, before looking to Goku.

"Where are we?"

"You are in the home of the Omni-Kings, the Gods of the Thirteen Universes." The Grand Priest spoke up. Chuck Norris looked around, then looked to who he assumed were the 'Omni-Kings'. They sure as heck weren't the God he believed in, but he tipped his hat in respect, only to be sidelined by Segata. Those present could only watch as Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro continued their seemingly eternal fight, until another vortex was ripped open beneath them, and they seemed to be dragged to another fighting stadium, one in space… Once they were gone, Skorch pulled out some duct tape and set to closing the rifts, to keep more issues from appearing.

"Hey, that gives me an idea!" Goku exclaimed, realizing something. "What if we brought the toughest warriors from all the Universes together, and we had an expo to try and see who's the strongest?! That'd be awesome!" Goku exclaimed. "It could be like the Tournament of Power! Just a bunch of warriors gathering to prove their strength without any risk!"

"Goku-" Beerus began, but then stopped for a moment. That… wasn't the worst idea the Sayian had ever had. Granted, he barely had a good idea to being with, but whatever. A fight between Universes to prove who's strongest? Heh, as much as he hated to admit it, it might not be a fair fight…

"Hey, Skorch. Would it be possible for you to go back to some of the worlds you've Watched over before and find warriors from there?" Goku asked, and that's when the fire around Skorch's skull died. It was clear that in that moment, Goku had taken a bad idea, and jumped head-first into the deep end with sacks of bricks tied to his body to pull him down even faster.

"Would that be possible?" The Grand Priest asked, looking to Skorch, who seemed to be considering what was asked.

"Hey, that could work! And we could erase the losing universes!" The Original Zenô added, Skorch summoning ear muffs for the collected shout of horror that came next. And the one after that when it was revealed that if the Universes were gone, so were the Destroyers and their Lord of Lords. Except for the Angels, who were exempt.

In fact, if you listened closely, you could hear DevilArtemis' Cell laughing his 'shades laugh' right about now.

"You seem oddly calm about this." Whis mused, looking to Skorch.

"Eh, I ain't part of Universe Seven. Worst comes to worst, I move somewhere else where hopefully they have Kwartha's Dairy." Skorch shrugged.

"Kwartha's Dairy? Our Universe has that." Liquiir remarked.

"If they lose, I'm moving to your Universe." Skorch spoke up, saying this more as a fact which couldn't be argued with.

"Aw, c'mon Skorch! You can't just abandon us like that!"

"I'm not abandoning you, you'll all be erased." Skorch shrugged. "This fic has to continue somewhere, and it seems like Superstar 112, Dr. Snivy, Firestorm808 and Jyggilag – respect to all three authors, I mean no shade – are either on indefinite hiatus or abandoned their stories, I don't wanna let this die."

"Hold up, you KNOW the future, or at least some degree of it. DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!?" Beerus demanded, angered. It then occurred to everyone that… oh yeah, maybe Skorch knew this was going to happen, and had chosen to say nothing. The Entity shrugged, unsure of what to say. Sure, they knew this was coming, but they were disconnected for a few months, so they weren't sure if it had happened yet or not… and since it hadn't, they couldn't say anything about it.

Regardless, the Thirteen Universes had three days to gather their warriors, and then… The Tournament of Power would begin!

---

A.N. It's been a hot minute, hasn't it? Like, NOTHING, for a long while, after updating this story with the re-writes, I just up and vanished… so… what happened?

Honestly, nothing. I just didn't have that 'spark' to write, y'know? Hit creative burnout, took up new hobbies, got back into old ones, then I was finally able to keep writing. That's all, I'm not gonna waste your time talking about 'woe is me' and all because I couldn't write, I guess I just wasn't ready to. Anyhow, thank you all for waiting, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you all… eventually.

I THINK the next chapter will be the Tournament of Power, and it'll either be multiple short chapters, or one long one. PM me, or hit me up on Twitter or what not to give me your thoughts and opinions.

The next fics I'm working on are What If...? Skullgirls, and the Dragon Crew Reacts To STUFF! No ETA for those yet.

Also, if you know of any (INSERT FRANCHISE HERE) Reacts To Death Battle that is still ongoing, please let me know! I wanna read more of these.

Also, also, no, we haven't seen the last of Norris of Sanshiro.