Lucy awoke with a start - the lingering effects of her nightmare evident in her heavy breathing, shaking hands and racing heart.
The grey dawn of early morning was filtering through the blown glass panes of the cabin windows; white clouds of frosted condensation obscuring the yard beyond. The chill in the air was palpable…as was the sound of Rufus' grunting snores from the loft above. Letting out a shuddering sigh, Lucy brought her knees to her chest and hugged them close, relieved to know that despite the haunting memories of that horrible car accident, it was the weather, and not the rush of ice cold water rushing into her submerged car that had her shivering under her blankets.
Satisfied that she was safe, Lucy had just retreated back underneath her heavy quilt, if only to extract every last bit of warmth she could before having to get herself ready for the day, when once again she sat upright, startled, her eyes scanning the room in confusion.
She was…in bed.
For a few moments, her memory lagged as to why that should be so strange, but once her eyes fell on the now empty rocking chair, the events of the previous evening forced their way into her waking mind and had her scrambling out from underneath the covers in a state of panic. She had purposefully stayed in that chair for a reason and as her eyes continued to dart around the room, even as she snatched up her woolen shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders, she remembered what that reason was…
Wyatt was gone.
Shoving her feet into her slippers, Lucy quickly made her way towards the door, flinging it open only to be met by an icy cold blast of air that made her panic turn to absolute dread.
Where was he?
She had meant to stay up and wait for him, had every intention of keeping herself awake, but emotional exhaustion coupled with her mug of chamomile had proved to be too overpowering a combination for her as she sat in the silence of the warm cabin, waiting for him to come home. Kicking herself and nearly crying as a host of what ifs assaulted her brain, she steeled herself against the wind and stumbled out into the misty dawn of a crisp late autumn morning.
Why had she fallen asleep? Why hadn't she gone right after him when he left?
She wanted to call out for him, but her voice seemed to be trapped somewhere in the confines of her throat. Gripped by panic, fear, frustration…her emotions were threatening to overwhelm her as she frantically scanned the foggy landscape, desperate, angry…and feeling utterly helpless. Running forward into the road, she turned circles, searching….yet knowing that there was probably only one place Wyatt would have gone after the events of the previous evening…and that knowledge, coupled with her dread of what he might have said and done had angry and frustrated tears spilling onto her cheeks. How could he?
"Lucy?"
Wyatt's voice, far off and filled with concern had her hiccupping in surprise and turning quickly on her heel. She saw him –hunched and huddled, bracing himself against the cold, as he marched towards her, coming from the direction of John Fraser's farm. Desperately attempting to regain her composure she quickly wiped away the few tears that had escaped and ran through the swirling fog towards Wyatt's emerging figure, "Lucy?" he called out again in concern, "Is something wrong?" He was closer now, his face red and chapped from the cold wind. "Lucy," he called out again, now taking in her appearance, "What the hell? You're gonna freeze standing out here like that."
"Where did you go?" she demanded.
Wyatt halted his quickened step, slowing as he approached her glowering figure, his eyes narrowed in confusion as she stared back at him accusingly. "To John Fraser's." he said simply, before adding with assurance at her obvious look of dread, "But not for the reason you think."
"And what reason is that?" Lucy spat back, her relief at seeing him alive and well momentarily superseded by her anger at him for scaring the hell out of her.
Wyatt startled at her brusqueness, but either sensing her anxiety or just not in the mood to fight this early in the morning, he merely offered her a reassuring smile and stated calmy, "I didn't talk to John." Pointing to the now empty hitching post, Wyatt explained, "I was taking the wagon back…like I promised."
Spinning around, bewildered, Lucy felt her face flush with embarrassment that she had missed something so obvious as the missing mule and wagon. "Oh…I…I didn't…"
Wyatt smirked at her meaningfully, before blowing roughly into his raw hands and rubbing them together, "You want some coffee?" he asked as he made his way back towards the house, "I sure as hell could use some."
"Huh?" Lucy asked, still slightly bewildered by Wyatt's sudden and strange reappearance. She tripped after him, nearly falling flat on her face as her heel caught an icy patch, "I…I…yeah…I guess I could…ouch." Wyatt caught her arm, until she regained her footing, something that she found somehow more humiliating than if she had just fallen, "Thanks." she muttered, sheepishly, pushing past him as he stood back for her to go first through the door.
"Not a problem, ma'am" he muttered back, a half smirk pulling at his mouth as he followed her into the cabin, making his way over to the kettle.
He had just started filling it when Lucy uneasily shifted beside him, her shawl still tightly wrapped around her shoulders, "So…did you…where did you go last night? I…I…tried to wait up for you…"she added feebly, "but you were gone so long…"
Setting the kettle over the fire, Wyatt sat back and sighed heavily, "Yeah…I'm sorry about that…I just lost track of time."
Nodding in understanding, Lucy stammered, "Well…that's…that's understandable. You…you were upset and…"
"I'm sorry about that too." Wyatt admitted, his gaze focused on the table, "I shouldn't have popped off like that."
Breathing out a shaky sigh, Lucy whispered anxiously, "Thank you, Wyatt." He gave a terse nod in reply, but said nothing more. She eased herself down in a chair next to his, feeling awkward and vulnerable…especially since she had no idea what was going through his head. "I mean, not just for the apology," she added with a gulp, "but for…you know not saying anything. We can't, you know?" Lucy added, with anxious determination, "Say anything."
"Yeah, I know." Wyatt said dryly, though he didn't look at all convinced by the decided course of action. Jumping up from the table, Wyatt crossed to the other side of the room, roughly snatching his mug from the shelf and pulling one down for Lucy. In tense silence he prepared their coffee, his face sullen and tense as he plopped back down in his seat and handed her her cup.
Lucy took it with a slight nod of thanks, her fingers dancing along the sides of the warm mug before she sighed, "I…I know how hard this is for you…"
"Do you?" Wyatt asked, his eyes now raised to hers in hopeful expectation.
"Of course." Lucy replied as she swallowed hard, "None of us want to see Mary hurt…or John either for that matter." she amended quietly. He frowned slightly as she continued, "but Wyatt…this is just the way it has to be."
There it was again…that fate that she was always harping on about. Wyatt let out a scoff as he leaned forward and asked in a pointed whisper, "How do you know? How do you know any of this about Jane Fraser?"
"Her memoirs." she explained simply, "she detailed the whole thing…her capture, the loss of her child…out there in the wilderness…how she survived among the tribe…how she finally escaped and managed to make her way back home…" Lucy swallowed hard again as she added, almost in shame, "only to find John…remarried."
"But that could have changed." Wyatt whispered feebly, rubbing a rough hand on the back of his neck, "I mean, you said, everything right now is…it's different, right? The…the British troops, the beginning of this war…hell, this attack from the French…that didn't happen before, right?"
"No, it didn't, but Wyatt…what would that have to do with…"
"I don't know." he spat out in frustration, "it's just…if this is different, isn't there a chance that…maybe…maybe…"
Lucy stared back at Wyatt blankly, "No Wyatt, I…I don't think anything that has happened here will change the fact that Jane Fraser is still alive…which is why," she added emphatically, "John Fraser has to stay right where he is. He has to be here when his wife comes back."
Narrowing his eyes, Wyatt looked back at up at her, "So that's why you want me to play security guard? Dammit, Lucy you expect me to…."
"Yes, Wyatt." Lucy gritted out, blinking back a fresh supply of tears. "He has to stay here…we cannot change history any more than we already have."
"Why?" he asked, his voice rising above a whisper, "Why should we get involved in this at all? It's none of our business. Let John make his own decisions – it's his damn life – whatever happens, happens. We shouldn't have anything to do with it."
"We can't do that." Lucy hissed.
"Why not?" Wyatt spat back.
"Because we've already had something to do with it." she explained with a huff. "You saving me from that fort? The French attack? The British troops? John Fraser's injury? None of that was supposed to happen." As Wyatt rolled his eyes, Lucy pressed, "Wyatt…he's wanting to leave here because of his injury…"
"No," Wyatt argued, "he's doing that to protect his wife."
"Yes," Lucy agreed in frustration, "because of that attack…because of what the French did…what we did. We put his entire life on a different track…if we don't try to fix it…"
"Fix what?" Wyatt spat out roughly, so much so that Lucy shushed him and pointed to the loft where Rufus was still sleeping. Sighing heavily, remorse etched on his face Wyatt, gritted out quietly, "He could be just as happy with Mary as he was with Jane…hell, he might even be happier. There's no way for you or anybody else to know that."
Lucy said nothing for a while, and for a moment Wyatt had believed he had won…that he had finally gotten Lucy Preston to see that there was no such thing as "meant to be's and fate…it was all just random choices. But then her voice, wavering with emotion, broke through the tense silence that had descended between them. "John and Jane Fraser will have eight children, Wyatt." she sniffed. His head snapped up sharply to look at her, an argument ready on his lips when he saw a single solitary tear make its way down her cheek. "I know you think I don't care about what happens to Mary…but that…that's not true." she sobbed quietly, "Wyatt, it's an entire family…"
Whatever protestation he had been forming dissolved right then and there at the sight of Lucy quietly crying beside him. He knew where her mind was at that moment…and all the moments prior…and it made him feel like an ass for not seeing it sooner.
Amy.
She wasn't indifferent to Mary Fraser's suffering…or John's for that matter…for her, this was personal. This wasn't about love or even indifference…this was about wiping an entire family out of existence…just like her sister had been.
Of course, this felt personal to him too…but for very different reasons. The idea that he should be instrumental in reuniting John Fraser with his dead wife…someone whose death had given John the same amount of guilt and regret that Wyatt knew all too well…hell, that should have filled him with an inconceivable amount of joy – but it hadn't. It had, instead, absolutely unnerved him…and considering that he had, for five damn years wished the same thing for himself, was saying something.
Though he didn't want to think too hard about why.
Especially not now.
He was tempted to reach out and touch Lucy's hand, offering her some bit of comfort, but he thought better of it. He was already in a hell of a fix as it was. Instead, he nodded and frowned thoughtfully, pretending not to notice as she quickly wiped away her tears. "What happens to her?" he asked finally, "After Jane comes back, what happens to Mary?"
With eyes brimmed with tears, Lucy looked up at Wyatt and frowned, "John sends her back to live with her father."
"And that's it?" Wyatt replied flatly as he leaned back in his chair. "She just gets…sent away?"
"Wyatt…" Lucy groaned, holding her head in her hands, "What do you want me to say? She can't very well live with John and his wife, now can she? How awkward would that be?"
"She's going to just get tossed off to the side…like she never even mattered." Wyatt scoffed, obviously still upset by the "injustice" of it all. "Does she get married again? Does she ever have a chance to have a family of her own?" he challenged, "Does she get eight kids? Or does she just spend the rest of her life…alone?"
Lucy stared back at his profile blankly, her mouth gaping open in shock at how concerned he was over the fate of Mary Fraser, "I…I don't…I don't know." Lucy admitted with a bewildered shrug, "History doesn't really follow the…". She stopped herself short…realizing that to say something as cold-hearted and unfeeling as "losers" would probably not go over so well with Wyatt.
And she was right.
Seemingly aware of what she had left unsaid, Wyatt scoffed in utter disgust, "Yeah…that's what I thought."
"Wyatt," Lucy groaned…and before she even realized what she was doing, her hand was clasped over his, taking them both by surprise. Ignoring the startled look on his face…and desperately trying to keep her own composure, she pressed, "I wish I could tell you that Mary is going to be alright…but I can't. I just…I don't know what happens to her…but that doesn't mean she's not going to be okay. We just have to trust that…that she will be."
Wyatt stared back at her, an unreadable expression on his face. He looked very much like he wanted to say something, but instead, he scoffed and dropped his gaze to her ivory hand, cradled over his own, desperately trying to ignore the fluttering feeling the sight elicited.
Lucy, obviously feeling the awkwardness of holding Wyatt's hand, gave it a reassuring squeeze and had just begun to retract it, when he reached out and tentatively clasped his other hand over hers, holding it there. "And I just have to believe" he whispered softly as he caressed her hand with his thumb, "that Mary Fraser matters to John…and that when he loses her…he's going to have some," lifting his eyes to Lucy's face, he swallowed hard, "regrets."
A sudden warmth rushed to Lucy's cheeks and her breath hitched in her throat, though she desperately fought to keep her emotions in check. Wyatt didn't cease caressing her hand, on the contrary, he kept it up, a look of real concern on his face as if he knew that John Fraser's choice would be as devastating to her as he imagined it would be for Mary. She wished she could give him some kind of guarantee that Mary Fraser would be alright…that her heart wouldn't be absolutely shredded by this whole ordeal…that someday she might find someone who loved her even better than John Fraser had…the John, too, would live out the rest of his life happy, unburdened by the memory of a woman who had been little more than a placeholder for Jane…but she couldn't. Instead, she fought her own feelings and attempted to ease his, "I think," she replied quietly, bringing her other hand to rest over his, stilling it, "that if I were Mary…I…I would take comfort in the fact that someone I cared about…loved even…got a second chance with someone they thought they had lost forever." Wyatt stared back at her but said nothing, his expression, again, completely unreadable…and Lucy, again, feeling the awkwardness of their situation dropped her gaze and her hand from Wyatt's and scoffed, "I mean, how many people get a chance like that? Some people don't even get one chance."
"Lucy," Wyatt said softly, taking her hand in his again when the sound of Rufus' grumpy voice sounded from above them…
"And some people can't even get a decent night's sleep. Seriously, you two," he continued as he made his way down the ladder, "if I knew you were still going to be fighting over this this morning, I would have dragged my ass down to the barn last night…cold weather be damned."
"We weren't fighting." Lucy said defensively as she extracted her hands from Wyatt's and brought her mug to her lips. "Besides," she muttered, "you wouldn't have done that…you wouldn't have left me all alone." Rufus nodded in acknowledgement, yawning as he reached for mug. "Thanks for putting me in bed by the way," she added as he poured himself some coffee, "I guess I fell asleep in the chair."
"Hey now," Rufus replied defensively, "Don't get all sassy with me – you chose to stay there even after I told you to get your sleepy ass in bed. It's not my fault if you woke up with a crick in your neck. I told you that was going to happen…"
Lucy turned squarely to look at him, her eyes narrowed in confusion, "I wasn't talking about…wait, didn't you…?"
"Didn't I, what?" Rufus asked, smacking his lips after he took a sip of his coffee.
"Well, I…"Lucy paused as the realization dawned upon her, "Oh…" she said as she quickly lifted her mug to her lips again and cast a sideways glance at a sullen and pensive looking Wyatt, "nev…nevermind."
The rest of the breakfast was spent mostly in silence. Lucy's mind was too wrapped up in the enigma that was Wyatt Logan to say much of anything else and Wyatt too out of sorts to offer anything but a few grunts to Rufus' trifling attempts at conversation. After more than half an hour having a conversation with himself, Rufus finally gave up, announcing as he stuffed his arms in his jacket, "Well, I hate to break up all this fun we're having, but I think I'll head over to the forge and see if I can get anymore done on that coil…with the Army pushing out of here this morning, I won't be spending my days making bullets and horseshoes and all that nonsense….you need me to grab something from the smokehouse for dinner? Hello? Wyatt?"
"Huh?" Wyatt replied, pulling his gaze from Lucy and getting up from the chair, "Oh, um…no…I'll um...probably just go hunting today."
"Well if you're going to go hunting, I'm going to go help Mrs. Poe." Lucy replied with a sigh as she gathered the coffee mugs, "No use sitting around here by myself. Rufus," she called over her shoulder, "wait for me to get changed, I'll walk with you."
"Alright." he responded, eyeing Wyatt warily, "I'll um…I'll just wait for you outside, alright?" Lucy nodded in acknowledgement and as she bent over to open her trunk, Rufus grabbed Wyatt by the arm and dragged the Delta Force soldier outside to the front porch, "Okay, spill it," he challenged with a hiss, "what's going on between you and Lucy?"
Stunned, Wyatt stared back at him, "What? Nothing!"
"Yeah, right nothing." Rufus spat back, "You just couldn't keep your eyes off of her this morning…or any morning as a matter of fact." Wyatt shifted uncomfortably as Rufus continued, "And you two were awfullycozy last night…I'm talking about before all the Jane Fraser stuff, man" he added as Wyatt narrowed his eyes at him in confusion. "And hell, even with that Jane Fraser stuff…you think I don't know why you are all concerned about Mary?"
"Why wouldn't I be concerned about Mary?" Wyatt huffed out a breath, "She's our friend, Rufus…okay? She…she didn't ask for this to happen to her."
"Maybe not…but what's it to you, really?" Rufus replied with a shrug as Wyatt bristled, "And like Lucy said…that's the way it's supposed to happen."
"So to hell with Mary, is that it?" Wyatt gritted back, pointing at Rufus, "That is exactly what I'm talking about…I just think that we should…we should...what the hell are you laughing at?"
"You." Rufus said matter of factly. "I'm laughing at you. Man, you can't even see how far gone you are."
"What?" Wyatt protested, "What are you talking about? Mary is…"
"I'm not talking about Mary." Rufus interrupted with a meaningful shake of his head, "I'm talking about Lucy. You and Lucy to be specific. Wyatt, you were holding her hand this morning."
'I wasn't…that wasn't…"
"So, I'm going to ask you again," Rufus continued, completely ignoring Wyatt's attempt at denial, "Is there something going on between the two of you that I should know about? Because you know if there is…"
"There isn't." Wyatt spat out in annoyance.
"I'm just saying if I need to sleep in the barn so that you two can be al…"
"No." Wyatt said quickly, clearly agitated "You don't…I mean, don't do that."
"You sure?" Rufus asked, a grin spreading across his face, "Because it's really no big deal to me…"
"I'm sure." Wyatt stated firmly, "There's nothing going on, okay? Lucy was just…we were just…"
"Hello there!"
Wyatt and Rufus turned suddenly to find the two last people on Earth either of them wanted to see, John and Mary Fraser - waving at them from a carriage meandering its way down the hill a few hundred yards away. The awkwardness of seeing the couple after everything they had just discussed made both of them shift uncomfortably on the porch as they slowly approached the house. The sight of Mary, especially, snuggled happily next to John, made Wyatt feel particularly nauseous, knowing that in a few months her entire world would come crashing down. Still, he had to be civil and so, making his way into the lane, he waved back, "Hello John…Mary, uh…what are you doing out so early?"
"I could ask you the same thing, my lad." he replied jovially, rearing his horse to a stop, "Tom tells me you were up at the farm before daybreak, bringing back that wagon." Hopping down from the carriage he turned to lend a hand to Mary, "I know you said you'd bring it back in the morrow, but I had no intention of you doing it before the sun even made an appearance. I do hope your wife has not taken ill again? You know, that can last for months…"
"Huh? Oh…no Lucy's fine." Wyatt replied dismissively, trying not to look at Mary Fraser and absolutely ignoring Rufus' curious stare, "I just…um…I just couldn't sleep."
"Aye, I know the feeling." John Fraser replied with a nod, "I've had a few restless nights myself. But I hope our visit can put your mind at rest a bit." he added as he shook Wyatt's hand in greeting, "You left us so quickly last night, it quite escaped us that we hadn't made good on our promise…"
"Your promise?' Wyatt asked his eyes narrowed in confusion, until he saw, to his horror, Dr. Hodges, making his way towards the cabin on horseback. "Oh shit."
"What was that?" John asked innocently.
"Oh, um…nothing." Wyatt dismissed awkwardly. He had completely forgotten. In all the drama with Jane Fraser, Wyatt had completely forgotten that Lucy was supposed to have gotten a damn "checkup." While he was grateful that their neighbors cared enough about them to go out of their way to look after them, given his very recent conversation with Rufus, the timing couldn't be worse. "Hey, um…Rufus…" Wyatt piped up nervously, "why don't you…um…why don't you uh…head on down to the forge? Didn't you say you had a lot to get done today?"
"Well, yeah…but Lucy…" he began in confusion, pointing to the door.
"I'll make sure she gets there okay," Wyatt assured him, pushing him towards the road, "maybe she can even get a lift with John. You wouldn't mind taking Lucy back to your place, would you?"
"Certainly not." he replied, "We'd be delighted, wouldn't we dear?"
"Oh most assuredly, my dear," Mary replied, "and in her condition, one can never be too careful…why, with all of this mud one could be liable to fall."
"What do they mean….what's wrong with…" Rufus asked as Wyatt continued to shove him towards the road.
"Sorry I'm late, John." the surgeon replied as he neared the house, "Private Watkins had already packed up my medical bag, I'm afraid. You there, man!' he called out to disgruntled Rufus, as he dismounted "be a lad and tie up my horse, would you? There's a fine man," he added as he handed Rufus the reins, "As I was saying, it took the better part of fifteen minutes to find it in all of that mess…now then, where's the patient?"
"Um…well…." Wyatt stammered, casting a sideways look at a very curious Rufus, "she's…she's um…changing."
"Oh well then perfect timing." The surgeon replied, "Go on and tell you wife I'm here to examine her…and not to worry," he added with a nod, "I have Mrs. Fraser here to accompany me."
"Um…yeah…." Wyatt stammered, backing up towards the cabin, "I…um…okay…um…" he was just about to turn and jog into the cabin to warn Lucy about what was about to happen when she emerged onto the porch, wrapping her shawl around her shoulders as she turned to secure the door.
"Okay, Rufus…I'm rea…oh." she stopped short at the sight of everyone standing in the front yard, "What…what…." she looked to Wyatt, who was trying, non-verbally, to explain why they were there, but it was no use, her attention was drawn from Wyatt to John Fraser.
"You're looking much better today, my dear…I take you slept better than your husband did?" he asked kindly.
"Well, I…." she began, looking once more towards Wyatt, at a complete loss as to what everyone could be doing there so early in the morning. "I…Wyatt?"
Stepping forward anxiously, Wyatt explained as he shot a nervous glance towards Rufus, "We left the party before Dr. Hodges could check you…"
Lucy's eyes widened in understanding, "Oh, well…you didn't have to come all this way," she dismissed awkwardly, "I'm fine…really."
"Nonsense, my dear" Dr. Hodges said, stepping forward, "As I told you last night, it's no trouble at all…I'm quite happy to be of assistance. And as I told your husband, Mrs. Fraser will be right here, so you have nothing at all to fear…no impropriety at all."
"Oh well, that's…um…that's" Lucy began, casting a desperate look towards a helpless Wyatt as Dr. Hodges shooed her back into the cabin.
"Come along, let's get you examined," he ordered, it won't take very long, besides," he added with a nod towards Wyatt, "your husband will be able to rest easier knowing that you and your child are perfectly sound."
"Say what now?" Rufus exclaimed, before leaning close to Wyatt and saying in a low voice "I thought you said there was nothing going on between you two?"
"Shut up, Rufus." Wyatt hissed before John Fraser clapped him on the back, "No need to be so anxious, my boy. Hodges is one of the best, I've known him for years…and he'll see that she is right as rain…and if she isn't…well, you know my offer. Williamsburg has all the comforts you could wish for, I could arrange for you to stay longer than two weeks with Josiah…or even have him try to find you a place of your own. A commissioning officer and his lovely young wife will have no trouble at all establishing themselves there, I can promise you that."
"Um…again…what?" Rufus muttered beside an increasingly annoyed Wyatt.
"Look, John…"
"I know, I know." He dismissed with a wave of his hand, "But my lad, think of it this way…in the city you won't have to worry about her safety nearly as much as you would here, nor that of your child. And," he continued pointedly, "if you do decide to commission, she'll have a great deal more support and society to sustain her while you are off soldiering. And her confinement there? Why it would be nothing at all!"
Wyatt inwardly groaned at every word being expressed by John Fraser, knowing all too well that Rufus was hanging on every last word. "John, I…"
"I just don't want to see you missing an opportunity because you feel you owe anything to me. I told you," he said with a solemn nod, "you've done more than enough for me already. Mary and I are already discussing…I had an offer you know? Last night from Gibbs…the chap with the sideburns," he reminded Wyatt, "his farm is about 10 miles south of here…but not nearly as well situated."
"You…you're going to sell?" Wyatt asked in alarm.
"No need to worry, son." John Fraser replied with a smile, "Gibbs is very much aware of your situation and will not put you off…indeed, he's rather keen to have you around if you so choose it….but I do think you would be much better off if you decided on a move, yourself."
"No…you can't leave." Wyatt blurted out panicked.
"Alas," John sighed, "I must admit…I hate the idea of giving up the place entirely."
"You shouldn't" Wyatt spat out quickly, taking John Fraser by surprise, "I…I mean…I think you might regret it. You said it yourself…this is a great piece of land and…"
"Aye that it is…and it carries with it many memories." he frowned, "but I hardly need tell ye how very difficult it can be…staying here." He sighed, "Maybe it is time to move on and start afresh somewhere new…it's hardly fair to Mary, after all…to always have the shadow of…well," John said with a despondent sigh, "best not speak on that anymore. Nothing wrong with getting a fresh start, is there?"
'No…but…"
"Nothing has been decided upon quite yet," he assured, "but I imagine we'll be making our decision very soon." He smiled at Wyatt, "I don't mind telling ye, your situation has made me quite envious…I should have a child of my own by now if my poor Jane had lived and I would be lying if I said that there weren't many nights where I felt the loss quite keenly."
Horrified by the turn of the conversation, Wyatt exchanged a look with Rufus who merely raised his eyebrows and shrugged. At a complete loss of what to say, Wyatt stammered, "Are…are you sure you want to do that, John? I mean…there's…there's a war…and…and….we just…um…we don't even know…"
"If one waited for peace before they decided to start living no one would ever live at all." John replied.
"Yeah, but…but…"
"No, I have mourned long enough." John said, "Mary longs for a child and so do I – with it, our joy would be complete." he said with a smile that Wyatt could not return.
"John," he attempted weakly, "I really think you should think about…"
"Remember what I told you, lad?" John interrupted with a sigh, "You've got to keep pushing forward…and I very much intend to. Whether here or on some other patch of ground, it makes no difference…only that we are together and happy and safe."
The agony Wyatt felt for John in that moment was more than he could stand. Sure, Lucy said they couldn't tell him anything…but that was before this. How much more difficult would it be for him…for Mary…if Jane came back and Mary was pregnant? Would he choose to stay with Mary…or leave her and be with his real wife? What about those eight kids? "Listen, John," Wyatt said, his voice dropping to a whisper, "I have to tell you something…"
But just as he was about to divulge the awful truth of it all, Dr. Hodges emerged from the cabin, followed closely behind by a smiling Mary Fraser and a horrified looking Lucy, who Wyatt noticed with alarm, was walking rather stiffly. "Ah!" John remarked, "and how is she, sir? A picture of health?"
"Aye that she is." Dr. Hodges agreed, "Her constitution seems sound though she is a bit too thin for my liking." Turning to Wyatt he pressed, "Make sure she gets plenty of meat and if you can manage it, a good draught of milk with every meal. She'll also need plenty of rest…and if you find that she's got a bit of aches or pains, a nip of whisky should set her right in no time.
"Whisky?" Rufus asked, dumbfounded, but Dr. Hodges waved him off and sent him after his horse.
"Now, she expressed some doubt as to how far along she might be, so I administered a test," he explained, prompting Wyatt to dart his eyes to a mortified Lucy in concern, "the results of which Mrs. Poe can help you determine…now, I really must be be going," Dr. Hodges added with a sigh as Rufus handed him his horses' reins, "they are wanting to set off for Cumberland afore noon."
"Can't say that I blame them," John called back, "It's best to get as nearer to the Maryland border as ye can before nightfall."
"Aye and if the weather holds, it will be no trouble at all." Hodges replied in return, tipping his hat as he adjusted himself on the saddle. "You take care of yourself, John…Mary. And if you do decide to winter in Cumberland, perhaps I will see you before too long."
"Take care, Hodges. Yes, we'll see you again soon, I imagine." John Fraser called after him as he handed Mary into the carriage. "We were just discussing our plans with Wyatt, here."
"You'd be wise to listen to him." Dr. Hodges called to Wyatt as he reared up his horse, "only a fool would choose to raise a family in this God-forsaken place…I myself, can't wait to get back to London."
"Ach, off with ye now." John Fraser waved at his friend who promptly galloped away before turning to Wyatt with a bow, "Now then," he said, turning to Wyatt, "you had something you wanted to tell me…"
Though he was turned away from her, Wyatt could sense Lucy's sharp eyes boring into the back of his head. He looked uneasily over John Fraser's shoulder to Mary who was seated in the carriage smiling at him pleasantly and felt his resolve dissipate. Shaking his head, he backed away, "N…nevermind…I…I…um…I forgot what I was going to say."
"Well, no matter." John said pleasantly with a bow, "My dear, will you be joining us?" he asked Lucy, who was still staring daggers at Wyatt."
"No." she said tersely, "I'll walk…later."
"I insisted my dear, but she is determined." Mary called out to her husband.
"Well, she knows her own mind, then." He acknowledged with a wink towards Wyatt. "We'll keep an eye out for you then, my dear. But do take care," he called as he climbed into the seat next to his Mary, "the roads are quite muddy in some places."
The carriage had barely moved beyond the gate, had barely gotten to the road when Lucy wheeled on Wyatt, gritting out, "What were you going to say to him?"
"Lucy…" Wyatt groaned.
"I cannot believe you." she scoffed as she walked stiffly past him and into the cabin, leaving him standing in the yard next to Rufus who, with his arms folded across his chest, was staring at him looking completely affronted.
"What the hell?" he asked as Wyatt rolled his eyes. Undeterred, he pressed, mimicking, "No, nothing is going on between us, Rufus, you're out of your damn mind, Rufus…you do know how babies are made, right?"
"Shut up, Rufus." Wyatt scoffed as he made his way back into the cabin in search of Lucy. He had to explain – had to tell her why, because he was pretty damn sure she would agree with him but when he entered, she was nowhere to be found, "Lucy?" he called out.
"What is it?" her annoyed voice snapped from behind the screen.
Wyatt slowly eased his way towards the corner and began talking to the partition, "Look, I'm sorry about that, okay? I just…"
"Really, Wyatt…" Lucy's voice gritted out angrily, "we just talked about this and the minute my back was turned, you…."
"That's not what…dammit Lucy, will you come out here, please?" Wyatt spat out, "I don't like talking to this…this thing.
"Just a second." she spat out in frustration, "Ugh…this is the most…can someone please get me a towel?"
"Why?" Wyatt asked in concern again, "What's wrong?"
"Oh nothing….just this stupid 18th century pregnancy test" Lucy snapped, "It's only the most humiliating…ugh…towel? Please?"
"I got it." Rufus called, quickly dunking a wash rag in a basin and lobbing it over the screen, "Heads up!"
A few awkward moments passed as both Wyatt and Rufus stood on one side of the screen listening to Lucy cursing and struggling on the other side, before she finally emerged, red-faced, frazzled…and holding what looked like..
"Um, Lucy? Is…is that an onion?" Rufus asked exchanging a dumbfounded look with Wyatt. Lucy clasped her hand over it, her face flushing furiously as she attempted to make her way to the door past Wyatt and Rufus. Taking her silence as confirmation, Rufus exclaimed bewildered, "An onion is an 18th century pregnancy test? What the hell do…"
"Don't ask." Lucy spat out before yanking open the door and tossing the onion outside in disgust. "Now, you" she barked to Wyatt as she made her way over to the dry sink to wash her hands, "what did we just talk about, Wyatt? I told you we couldn't…."
"And I wasn't, Lucy." Wyatt argued, defensively, absolutely trying not to look at her or think too much on what he had just witnessed, but at the feel of her scornful glare, he amended, "Okay, I was…but Lucy I was only going to do it because he was going on about selling this place and having a kid with Mary and…"
"What?!" Lucy gasped, "Did you tell him he couldn't do that?"
"Yes!" Wyatt exclaimed, "but…I don't know he said he was wanting a fresh start and…he was…
"He was, what?"
"He said," Wyatt gritted out meaningfully, "that he was envious of our situation…" Lucy gapsed as Wyatt added for extra measure, "he and Mary both are."
"You mean?" Lucy asked pointing to her stomach, "Oh God…"
"Yeah, about that…" Rufus piped up.
"Not now, Rufus!" Lucy and Wyatt said at once.
"Oh my God" Lucy moaned, pacing anxiously now, "what are we going to do? We can't…we can't let this happen. Wyatt, we can't let this happen."
"I know." he replied, "That's why I was trying to tell him…"
"We can't do that either." Lucy said shaking her head. "He can't know his wife is alive…he'll never believe it. And how would we even explain how we could know something like that?"
"Well what do you suggest we do?" Wyatt asked in annoyance, "stand outside their window and bang drums every night?" Lucy raised her eyebrows hopefully, but Wyatt immediately struck it down, "No, Lucy…hell no – we are not doing that."
"We don't have to use drums….we can just…I don't know….make sure they don't…" Wyatt glared at Lucy, "Okay, fine…what else do you suggest we do?"
"What about birth control?" Rufus suggested with a frown, "They have anything like that here?"
Lucy shrugged, "Ugh…I don't know…they used to use different herbs and things in India and Egypt…but, here? I don't…" she gasped, "Mrs. Poe would know." She quickly crossed the room and pulled her herb book off the shelf, "I bet I could find something in here that would…"
"Okay," Wyatt challenged, "and say Mrs. Poe does know of some herb or something that would work…how the hell are you going to get Mary Fraser to take it? I told you…she wants this. She wants what we have…I mean," he started as both Lucy and Rufus looked up at him curiously, "you know what I mean…what she thinks we have. She's not exactly going to be lining up to…"
"Hmmmm…it says here that Queen Anne's lace can help get rid of worms," Lucy muttered completely ignoring Wyatt and looking towards Rufus, "that seems kind of promising, don't you think?"
Rufus hovered over her shoulder, reading the passage in the book, "Yeah, but according to this it looks a hell of a lot like hemlock…and if memory serves…that shit is poisonous."
"Well, I'm sure Mrs. Poe could tell the difference…" Lucy dismissed, "Maybe she already has some…then we could just, I don't know bake it in cookies or something."
"Do you even hear yourself?" Wyatt exclaimed, horrified, "You're talking about drugging this poor woman…"
"Would you rather her be pregnant when Jane Fraser comes back home?" Lucy asked hotly.
"Of course not." he protested, "But this…Lucy, this is…"
"This is necessary if we're going to fix this." Lucy urged, before holding out the book to him, "Look here, this pennyroyal is a type of mint it says the Ancient Romans used to use to induce menstruation….if it worked for that then…"
I don't want any part of this." Wyatt proclaimed, backing away from her, "This is on you – I told you we should just leave them the hell alone. Let them make their own damn choices. And John should know…"
"He can't, Wyatt…how would we even explain how we know his wife is actually alive? Huh?" Lucy placed her hand on her forehead and sighed heavily, "Look, I know this isn't ideal, but…"
"Not ideal? Lucy this isn't even ethical. I'm not going to help you out with this." Wyatt replied hotly, "This…this is wrong."
"So, you're saying we should just leave it all up to fate, is that it?" Lucy suggested archly.
Throwing his head back in exasperation, Wyatt groaned, "What is it with you and fate? Dammit Lucy, it has nothing to do with fate and everything to do with doing the right thing…"
"And the right thing is making sure that John Fraser is here when his wife comes back home." Lucy argued, "without…any…complications."
"Life is complicated." Wyatt gritted out ruefully. "It's never easy…not for anyone…and nothing you or I or Rufus can do can change that." He looked to Rufus for support, but found he was more interested in his shoes than the argument and so, breathing out a curse, Wyatt marched to the corner where he kept his musket and flung it over his shoulder, "Do whatever the hell you want," he spat out, "I'm going hunting."
"Wyatt…" Lucy called out, but it was no use, Wyatt had already stomped his way onto the porch, slamming the door behind him with a deafening thud. "Ugh…" she breathed out in exasperation, flinging herself down at the table and resting her head in her hands.
Frowning Rufus took a seat beside her, "Don't worry, Lucy." He assured, "He's just under a lot of pressure right now...I mean, I don't know from my own experience, but I hear," he said with a devious grin, "fatherhood can be pretty damn stressful. I mean, one minute you're pretending to be married to your co-worker, insisting that you're just friends and the next…you're picking out baby names." Lucy slowly lowered her hands and glared at him as he continued smugly, "I think Rufus is a great name for a boy, by the way…don't you?"
Notes:
I was feverishly working to get this chapter done before Thanksgiving and I DID IT. Whew.
Wyatt and Lucy's "pregnancy" has caused a bit of a hiccup...and yes, they used onion as a pregnancy test in the olden days...lovely isn't it? Both Queen Anne's lace and Pennyroyal were used as herbal contraceptives but both could be highly toxic.
I don't have much else to express in my notes except that I hope those of you here in the States have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I'm going to get back to baking my pies now.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!