AN: this Chapter is reflections for 3 characters. I could not remember the name of the song for Jackie and Steven's first kiss
Chapter 47
Jackie was woken during the night by her crying son, she nursed him and got him changed, she was proud that she was able to do it all on her own, but still missed her husband. It had been amazing watching him with their son her love grew, but right now it was just her and Reggie. The nurse came in to take Reggie back to the nursery for Jackie to get more sleep, at first she was glad to get more sleep but then she realized how lonely she was, she wasn't used to not having Steven with her. She always slept best when she slept with him. Even back in high school those nights she snuck in to his room she slept the best she ever did. Moving in with Donna, at least she wasn't lonely but still it wasn't the same. She looked over at the clock on the wall it was 2am, she wondered what Steven was doing, was he able to sleep? It was hard to believe how much had changed in 24 hours. Steven hadn't talked to her about it, and she hadn't said anything but she had heard the doctor and nurses talk, she knew that it had gotten to a point they were not sure if they would both make it. She didn't want to think about losing another baby, especially since they had named him and gotten attached to him already. She laid there and found herself crying, they had both made it, and he was healthy and was beautiful. She remembered telling Steven he was beautiful the night he took her to prom. She wondered how things would have worked out if she hadn't gotten back together with Michael that night. So much changed that night for her, she had seen Steven if a different light. She thought back to when they went to Sizzler and then to the mall, buying the boots that he still wore, throwing herself at him and being pushed away, she wanted him for him, not as a rebound or to get back at Michael. Most of her life she tried to hang on to childish things, but she also was so ready to grow up. Growing up meant moving out of her parents' house, having her own life not dictated by her parents or cheerleaders, but her own life. She would mourn her childhood she never really had, parents love she never had, all they had offered her was material things and thought that would be enough. Love was something they didn't take stock in, her parents didn't love each other and they didn't love her. And despite all that her nannies read her fairytales growing up, and not really witnessing it in real life she wanted that more than anything. It wasn't till a few years ago, that summer after Michael and Donna went to California that she first witnessed true love, that summer not just spending time with Steven in the basement but watching Red and Kitty interact, she realized that this was what she wanted, this was their fairytale, Red despite his gruffness was Kitty's white knight, he fought her battles, he provided for her, and he loved her. Watching them and then spending time with Steven she found herself falling quickly for him, but she had been falling for him long before that summer, before that Veteran's day date, before he had gotten arrested for her. She knew she needed to get to sleep, the sleep would pass time sooner and her white knight would be there, he would help take care of her and he would be there to help take care of their son. A year ago, she was at a loss, still feeling the effects of the loss of the baby she had never told anyone about at the time. Despite she knew she should move on, that was what her head kept telling her, her heart still loved him, even if he didn't love her the same. She realized that it was a year ago that her and Steven reunited with a little prodding from Fez. Yes it might have been more wronger than when they first hooked up, but she loved him, she had missed his arms, his kisses. She knew he was expecting make-up sex, but she was able to put it off, she was still healing and had been told it would be a little bit longer before she was healed, and then she had been off the pill and needed to wait a bit before it would start to be effective. These were things that at the time she didn't want to explain to him. She was scared he would accuse her of trying to trap him. She learned from her last pregnancy that being on antibiotics caused the pill to be ineffective and thus she had ended up pregnant the first time.
Over a year ago she was with Fez pretending to plan a wedding, a wedding she knew that she would never have, but wanted to know what it felt like to plan one. Then she got caught, Donna and her big mouth. Steven yelling at her, not sure how to explain that she just wanted to know what it was like, she would never have the wedding that she dreamed of growing up. Her parents were out of the picture or close to it. At the time she was pregnant, no white dress. She just wanted a sign that he saw a future with her, she didn't want the baby to be the reason he was with her. 'I don't know' and it was over. She realized she couldn't dwell on the past, it wasn't so much the wedding as the marriage she had always wanted. And she had that now, she loved Steven and now didn't have the doubts she once had that he loved her too. She had been so insecure in their relationship, but never let him know. After being in a relationship with Michael and his cheating she couldn't help but wonder if all guys cheat. The nurse incident didn't help disprove her thoughts and even after. She wondered if the insecurities would ever vanish completely. She looked at the clock again, it was now 3, she really needed to get some sleep, morning would come and with that Steven would be back. She reached over and turned the small radio on that she had made sure to pack in her bag, turning it on Elton John's Tiny Dancer played softly, she closed her eyes 2 years ago she was in Steven's arms dancing with him at the school's dance, then her thoughts went to just a few months ago, after they were married, before they went over to the Foreman's for a small reception they danced again in their own living room. She fell asleep imagining dancing in Steven's arms.
Steven woke up, it took him a moment to realize where he was, he knew it wasn't Jackie in his arms, his mind went back to the dark days that she was gone and he didn't know where she was. Every break up they had ripped him on the insides, he hated to see her and not hold her. He hated himself for the nurse, then he hated himself for just saying 'I don't know', he hated himself for telling her to have a good trip. He kept screwing up, and yet they would find a way to each other. He thought back to the last summer, they had been back together for several months but it seemed like Jackie had him on a probation, she had snuck in to sleep with him many times, but much to his dismay it was just sleep. And then he took her to the drive in, he couldn't help but smile at the memory, especially now that he knew that night their son was conceived. But then she pushed again about the future. He never thought to notice why she always tried to plan for the future. This being the same girl that seemed to believe in unicorns and fairytales was determined to grow up. She had pushed him to a relationship with WB, she had told him before back when her dad went to prison that she hated her dad, and that she hated his as well. She admitted that the night she found out that Bud had left him again she cried that night, upset that just when he thought he had his dad again he was gone. She accepted that her dad was never around, and the thought of one of them having a parent that might actually care meant a lot to her, she wanted that for Steven. He remembered how upset she was on the first meeting, but was so happy for him when WB returned. Now he was in his own house with his dad and sister in rooms of his house. He was lonely but wondered how his younger self could think that growing up mean life going to crap, he wouldn't trade what he had with Jackie now for anything, he just wished she was with him. He reached over and turned on the radio, Tiny Dancer was ending and oddly enough Leo Slayer was playing next, he thought of that first kiss, since that one that he pushed her away they didn't count, and their first date. She had told him he deserved love, and it took years for it to really sink in that she was right. He finally fell asleep dreaming of kissing Jackie on the hood of her dad's Lincoln.
In another house, Eric couldn't sleep as well. Finally being home after being gone so long, the long trip and eventful moments that followed. He had slept too much he figured that afternoon when he was home. Now he was in the den looking at the family albums, he noticed where pictures had been pulled, he figured those were the ones Steven and Jackie wanted copies of. He found the one picture in question, he pulled it out and folded it into his pocket to take care of it again, but he had no idea where his mom had negatives. Looking at pictures of him and Donna made him think back on his relationship with her, it seemed they were together because well it was easy. They lived next door, they had known each other forever it seemed. Was that why they were together, because of the closeness? Eric really never thought of other girls at least in long term. Most of the time because he knew there would never be anything long term with them, especially that friend of Laurie's or Jackie's cheerleading friend Leslie. Most of the girls he dated or whatever was something to pass the time when he was broken up with Donna. He wondered if somehow he missed the one when he was wasting time with Donna. Was it wasted time? What was it he wanted in life? He thought about it and realized he still wanted what he wanted back when he bought Donna the promise ring, he wanted to have a good job, live in a nice neighborhood and have a wife and family. Donna didn't want that back then, and never really did. It didn't change when he went to California and they got back together, they just never talked about it. Donna was even worse than Steven when it came to talking about their future, even as they were planning to get married they hadn't talked about it, how do you plan to get married without talking about what comes after? It was something that he realized in a letter from Jackie, they had talked a little about it before he left, and he had thought about it more when Jackie started to write him. Jackie was heartbroken, her supposed best friend didn't take the time to see it and even befriended the girl that had been responsible for the heartbreak. He had begun to see Donna in a whole new light and the thoughts of future with her began to be harder to see. He realized he had been blinded by love, and with the distance he was able to see her clearer, she had been cold and really didn't have any other friends. He thought of how she had treated Jackie over the years, if Jackie was cheating on Michael or Steven when she was dating them, he would have never thought twice to rating her out. But Donna kept silent about the number of times Michael cheated on her. Sure their friendship didn't go back as far as the others, but still he never really understood it. He had found it out of place when Jackie and Steven started and knew Michael would not be happy and thus he wanted it to end to keep unity in the group. Not really looking below the surface to see how much they matched. He felt bad later about not having Steven his brother's interest above Michael's, but he had let Donna's opinions cloud his own. How long had he let her opinions cloud his own? Sure with Donna he stood up to his dad more, but it was always more to save face in front of her. The best thing he ever did was not showing up to the wedding, now he wished he had stayed gone a little longer, just checking in with his parents to let his mom know he was alright. He needed time to find himself, and he couldn't do it with Donna because he always lost himself with her. He needed to find a girl that wanted the same things he wanted. He was looking at the pictures of his parents, they had now been married 25 years, they were in love and at times couldn't be more opposite, but that was what he wanted. Sure people may call him a momma's boy, but he loved his mother, that was what he wanted in a wife someone that would dote on him like she did his dad, and love and mother not just their own kids but the kids' friends as well. It was amazing the love he saw not only his mother but his father had for his friends. He knew that Jackie and Steven both were special to them, but they cared for Donna, Michael and Fez in their own way too. He was looking forward to seeing how his pictures turned out, he hoped to maybe lead to a career in photography. He only hope that if he didn't stay in Point Place he wouldn't be too far, he did enjoy Africa, but he did miss his family and friends and wanted to stay close. He was coming to the end of the last album when his noticed his mom standing there.
"Hey mom, I guess my internal clock is still a little off and I couldn't sleep so I came down here and was looking at the photos, Steven told me about you all going through them the other day."
Kitty went and sat down by her son, "Yes it was a nice time" she reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out the picture, "and this is going back where it belongs"
"You can't be serious? Why do you need to keep this picture, it is embarrassing to me and Steven, he almost killed me junior year picture day when I let it slip about the bath."
"So this the only picture you have taken out of the albums?"
"Yes amazing enough this is the second time I have removed this picture too"
"Well I like this picture, something that day told me you and Steven would be best friends and look you two are practically brothers" she looked at her son, "you didn't take out pictures of you and Donna?"
"No, it's not like I hate her, or regret everything we had. I know she isn't the one for me, I think I realized it back before we got were supposed to get married, but I just stayed with her because I didn't know what else to do."
"Sometimes first loves last, and sometimes they don't. Your father's parents grew up together, I think that was part of why she didn't like me, I wasn't the girl your father grew up with."
"You are not going to be like that since more than likely my wife is not going to be Donna?"
"No, because your father and I didn't marry our high school sweethearts, so I don't think you have to either. Donna wasn't your match, you will find your match, just don't rush it."
"I guess it seems odd that Steven is married with a baby before me, I never would have thought back then" pointing at the picture Kitty was putting back in it's place. "And he had asked me to destroy that picture."
"I figured as much, but trust me you never will. Steven had a different upbringing and yes while many would make judgments on how his life should turn out, we are all in charge of how it should. Steven listened to those judgments for too long, expecting to follow in Edna and Bud's footsteps, your father and I tried to get him to see that he didn't have to. He was expecting to be kicked out when he turned eighteen even though he was still in school. We only had a short time to try to show him that he could have whatever life he wanted he didn't have to settle for what others expected of him, even his friends."
"Yea I guess he has gone against everything people have predicted of him over the years. Our second grade teacher said he would be the smartest in his cell block"
"How dare she, she told Steven that?"
"Um no, one Halloween we checked out our old school and Jackie and Donna found our records and well we read them. It led to a huge fight between all of us, Steven revealed Jackie's middle name, we found out that Michael was held back thus actually older than all of us. It wasn't a good night."
"Oh dear, I know Jackie never liked her middle name, it didn't help that her mother actually hated it but Jack had insisted at the time." Ready to change the subject, "So what about you, do you know what your plans are now that you are back?"
"I want to look at my pictures and look into maybe going into photography, it was what I enjoyed doing the most in Africa. I mean I did like teaching, but I didn't find a passion in it, do you understand?"
"Yes, I do, I feel that way when I am at work or at home. My passion is taking care of people either here or at the hospital. You father has struggled with that since he left the Navy never really finding his passion. I often wonder what it would have been like if he stayed in the Navy."
"Why didn't he?"
"Your grandfather had gotten sick when he had the decision to leave or stay in so he left, he figured his mother would need him, and as much as I hated that woman at times, it was true. We got married just before your grandfather passed away, it wasn't that long after that I found I was pregnant with Laurie. We had already bought this house, and your dad was about to buy a Corvette when we found out."
"Poor dad, got that Corvette and sold it too when you thought…"
"yes, well maybe one day he will get a Corvette, well I better get back up to bed, I had gotten up to go to the restroom and well I just checked on you and you wasn't in your bed so I walked around making sure I hadn't dreamed you had come home."
"Nope, I am home, night mom"
"Night snicklefritz"
He looked at the picture of him and Steven in the bath and laughed, they would probably just have to live with this picture existing, something told him that his mom had copies hidden somewhere. He then flipped over the one that had most of their high school pictures. Graduation, Steven between him and Donna, Jackie in front of Donna wearing a cap, Michael and then Fez and Laurie posing. It was the moment that changed his life, what if dad hadn't had a heart attack and he and Donna did go to Madison together and lived together. Something tells him that it would have ended worse for them. Donna couldn't cook, he wasn't that great either, now he only regrets that Donna stayed. Maybe they would have ended the farce of an engagement sooner, he knew he was right down the road she would have regretted it, and in a way he would have too if they had gotten married. Now he had to focus on himself and discover for himself what he wanted to do with his life. When Jackie and the baby came home he hoped he would be able to see his pictures, he was interested in what ones his friends were going to use to decorate their home, he felt honored that his pictures would be on their walls, it also gave him hope that he could do something with this and be happy. He knew his dad wanted him to find something to do in his life and not just settle, that was what he had done with working in the plant, he seemed happy now working in the shop, with the cars. He hoped he could use some of the money he was getting from his work in Africa and maybe with Laurie and Steven get his dad a special birthday gift this year.
Steven woke early and remembered Jackie and Reggie were in the hospital still, he jumped and got ready faster than he normally did. He got down stairs and figured he had time to get some breakfast and maybe fix something to take to Jackie. He was cleaning up and getting ready to leave when WB came down.
"Morning son, didn't expect to see you this early."
"Well I am allowed back in the hospital in 20 minutes so I got ready and got some breakfast and got some to take to Jackie"
"I am sure that she will appreciate that, there is something lacking in hospital food"
"Like taste? I have coffee done, but just made enough for two, I wasn't sure when you and Angie would be up. Are you guys coming to the hospital today?"
"Probably this afternoon, why don't we take care of lunch for you two, I believe Kitty said something about working so it might be easier for us to get something for you guys than her today."
"Well Kitty has been stocking our freezer with casseroles for the past few weeks, if you want to pull one out later and heat it up."
"Angie and I will grab breakfast somewhere before we go to the store and check things over. Did that hippie come to the hospital last night?"
"No just Randy and Todd, not sure if Leo is going to come up or not, they didn't say"
"Well get up there and we will see you later, we can clean up here"
"thanks"
Steven was walking the hall to Jackie's room when he heard the cries behind him, he looked and sure enough Reggie was there and not happy. He stopped and waited for the nurse to catch up with him. When they reached him Steven looked down at his son, "I guess someone is hungry and wanting mommy?" He scooped his son up, and Reggie started to calm down some.
"At least daddy will do for now" the nurse said as they continued to walk to Jackie's room.
"I thought I heard him in the hall but then it stopped so I thought it might be another baby" Jackie said as they walked in the room.
"You heard right, he just calmed down when I picked him up. But I don't think I have what he wants" He leaned down and handed Reggie to Jackie and gave his wife a kiss, "morning doll"
"I missed you last night, I woke up and had a time falling asleep, I turned on the radio and finally fell asleep to Tiny Dancer, dreaming about dancing with you."
"Well I missed you too, I turned the radio on just as it was going off and Leo Slayer's song was next, I went to sleep dreaming of kissing you on the Lincoln"
"Sounds like we both had nice dreams"
"Yea because you didn't tell me you felt nothing, of course I don't remember breaking the kiss in my dream."
"Pudding Pop I feel something every time you kiss me even if it just a quick peck on the lips or a soft kiss to my forehead"
"Same for me, like that first time you kissed my cheek before prom."
She had settled to nurse Reggie and Steven had taken a seat beside her on the bed. "I had hoped they would let us go home today, but I believe they are keeping us one more day."
The day was filled with visitors off and on all day, Brook and Michael, WB and Angie, even Leo had managed to make it up to the hospital. Again Steven stayed until he had to leave. He was excited the next day he would be bringing his family home.