Thanks to x snow- pony x, GleeJunkie007, CamoGirl14, themagicoftime and x-queen-of-applesx for reviewing chapter four.

Before I left home uncle Leon had fixed something for me that I had pretty much nagged him (More like looking at him with my best puppy eyes asking him to do… a number of times… a day!) to do for a while. In other words, he had downloaded the whole holby- city- series on a few USB's so I could just plug it into my laptop and watch. And actually, the next few days after I had been introducing myself at the dumping ground. I didn't do much else than to lie in the couch with the laptop on a lapboard on a pillow, on my stomach and feet in the air with my chin in my hand watching one episode after the other of my favorite series. Actually it was more than a couple of days since I pretty much didn't move from that spot on the sofa until Saturday.

I had been to the grocery store once during these couple of days. And bought countless cans of pot noodles, ravioli and spaghetti with sausage. Every time a meal was on I heat it up, and then lie in the sofa and eat it straight from the can. The can I put on the floor by me and one after one my collection of dirty food cans grew bigger by my spot on the sofa.

…"Take a few days off Emma. I think you need some while to think this over. Don't come back unless you're sure what you want to do. But whatever you do you will still have me right behind you"…

A part of me was angry with myself for not being able to take things from the start like this. Another part of me was angry with Mike because I would have liked him to try and keep me there even though I knew he couldn't. To try and keep me there and force me to stay there until I had somehow gotten used to it. Anything… just anything.

And a part of me was angry with exactly everything. For mum, dad and Jonas who weren't here. Mum would have known what to do- she had always known what to do. And no matter how much she worked she would always take the time to tell me what to do. Although I guess- problems were bigger now than they had been before she died when I was eleven.

And I was angry with myself for moving here from the start. With Leon for letting me go. With myself for knowing that I had wanted to go here from the start and let go of everything that was at home and start over where no one (Well, almost no one) knew who I was and the fact that I had been orphaned. And so I was just angry, just angry.

And especially angry since I knew I wasn't really angry at all. Just so very disappointed in myself for not being able to do this from the start and then disappointed in myself for putting it on everybody else when everything was my fault anyway.

And in the end I just laid there on the sofa with the laptop, headphones in my ears and the rest of the world was just gone. Towards the first evening I carried my duvet covers into the sofa and during the night I just slept right there on the sofa. Which was better than my current bed anyway, since the only pieces of furniture I had was a few chairs, a kitchen that had been there when I moved in, a living room sofa and a living room table. And the sofa's cushions was more comfortable than any air mattress.

I had pretty much shut myself out from the rest of the world and whenever someone called I hung it up without checking who it was. The only call that I knew what it was, was when twinkle, twinkle little star played loud. Out of every song I had in my phone- that was what Leon had chosen for my phone to be playing when he called. But that was only the day after I had been at the dumping ground. And he didn't call anymore.

But maybe if I would have taken that call I wouldn't have flinched when I, without having heard anyone come into the small flat. Felt someone rip my covers off and I- drowsily from watching holby the whole night rather than sleeping, looked up and recognized Leon's red thatch through my drowsy, blurred vision.

"Get up"

I didn't have any time to react before Leon demanded that. But after he had I realized he should be back in Sweden, and the fact that I had never heard him that strict before. But before I had had any more time to realize what on earth was going on Leon had also ripped the headphones out of my ear so fast my ears popped and placed the laptop on the table.

"Get up!"

"What you doing?"

"Get up!" I had had enough of his nagging and just pulled myself out of the sofa. And then was on my way to fall right back in to the cushions. But before I had the time Leon grabbed my shirt (And I hadn't changed it since I came back from the dumping ground and pulled me with him through the two- rooms apartment to the bathroom.

"Where have you been? You smell worse than the meatballs when you open the package." I only glared at him. "Get a shower. You need some clothes that you're not afraid to get paint or dirt on. . bags in the corner before Leon let go and pushed me towards the bathroom. "I'll find some clothes. You go and take a freaking shower." I just sighed- there was no fighting Leon when he was like that. And drowsily I stumbled towards the bathroom and into the shower.

When I at last came out of the bathroom dressed in grey sweatpants and a fleece shirt bought from a souvenir shop in Lofoten islands, Leon was standing in the mixed living room and bedroom and looking to the collection of cans that stood by the sofa with a serious expression on his face and when I came he shook his head.

"What a collection of bacteria you have here?" I shook my head back at him, should have guessed that with Leon's fear of bacteria and everything that was dirty he would concentrate on that. "How did you even manage to end up with this?" He searched through the boxes in the corner and found a plastic bag that he started putting the trash in.

"I'm on a very strict diet of canned food, Tesco sandwiches, double decker chocolate and cola." I answered him at last and sat down on the edge of the couch and pulled socks and sneakers on. "Do you want me to show you where we can throw it all away?" Leon nodded. "So was the only reason you came here to make sure I cleaned up after myself?"

"Mike called me." I sighed- should have guessed! I'd have to put a lone calling signal for calls from Mike and the dumping ground as well. "He was worried about you so don't you dare be grumpy with him for it. Anyway, we're only going throwing this away and then you and I are going to the dumping ground. He needed your help but since you wouldn't answer any calls on your phone he couldn't tell you. Now come on, show me to the trash room." I grabbed my phone, keys and purse and pushed them down my pockets before I showed Leon out of my apartment and away towards the room with the garbage.

"Pretty nice area this is anyway." Leon stated while walking through the block of hired apartments. "I know, I know. We've got a ton of the same at home as well but it's a nice area. Not too far away from the civilization but not too close. Close to the bus station and stops but not so close you'll wake up every fifth minute at night because of buses driving by. There are play areas for the children and a couple of small parks here and there… it's well treated. It's very nice." I didn't want to take up a discussion with Leon. He could talk about things like these forever so I just nodded and unlocked the door to the garbage and held my breath while we walked inside since these kind of smells like the ones in garbage rooms always made me want to vomit.

We had barely more than come outside again when Leon grabbed my sleeve and pulled me with him to the bus stop. He must have been here and checked it out, because he knew the way without hesitating and just as we came walking the bus pulled over by the stop and we could step inside. He paid for our tickets and then we sat down in the back of the bus and leaned against the window trying to catch just a minute of sleep before we would be at our stop.

"Emma…." Leon sighed and lifted his vision from the newspaper in his phone to look at me. "The only condition I had for downloading those holby series for you was that you promised you wouldn't lose any sleep with staying up all night to watch it." I sighed and changed my position to make myself more comfortable. "Now the reason… I guess it's understandable. But if you do it again I will take those download- USB's from it."

"I'm not a child anymore Leon. You can't use the punishments you used ten years ago."

"And if you're not a child then you should know that you can't live on canned food and Tesco sandwiches." I sighed at him again, but decided that I didn't want to waste the rest of the energy I had to make a discussion with him and just slumped against the window and fell asleep there.

And what felt like a second later I was waking up from feeling the rain falling slightly towards my face and the movement with someone carrying. Although it stopped when I lifted my head and when I opened my eyes I realized the one carrying me was Leon and we were on the road in between the bus stop and the dumping ground. And that I could finally keep my eyes open on automat instead of having to force them open like I had done what felt like just a second ago.

When Leon spotted I was awake again he more or less let go of me as soon as I was ready and I got back onto my own feet and rubbed my eyes. Then looked up the street and towards the dumping ground. Realizing it would take us less than two minutes to get there from here and my heart started beating fast and so hard I could feel it up into my head and my ears.

"How long was I asleep for?" I tried to get my thoughts away from what would happen in a minute with a drowsily asked question. "Please tell me it wasn't more than half an hour. If it was then I won't sleep tonight either."

"It wasn't. It was only about fifteen minutes. The only reason I carried you off the bus was because the bus driver threatened to continue driving and I couldn't get you to wake up." Leon patted my shoulder when it started getting hard to cover up for what I was really feeling about going here. "Don't worry about it Em. You'll see everything will work out fine. And you're still young so if not then you have loads of time to turn it around to work out fine afterwards." I sighed and walked up the driveway to elm tree house. And tried to just breathe while I opened the door and walked up the stairs following the sound of chattering voices.

"Hey Emma." Mike was the first one who spotted me from the group of people standing discussing, crowded in the hallway. "And hi Leon." Leon waved his hand in a greeting back and Mike turned to me. "Well… I knew that you didn't make up your mind but we're trying to rearrange Ashton's and Emily's rooms. And things are just crazy. So if you'd want to first help me, George and the kids to do a bit of painting and stuff and then maybe cook and so a bit or continue painting while I or George do that it would be amazing." Mike pushed his way towards me through the crowded hallway and then sat down in front of me on his knees. "Please Emma please." He lifted his hand towards me and there wasn't a chance I could tell him no.

"Fine." I stated at last. "But the last few days I've been on a strict diet of Tesco sandwiches and canned food. I'm not very good at cooking and I'm going to need a bit of practice before I do it here so the whole house doesn't end up with food poisoning or Salmonella. But… What more is it that needs doing." Mike looked around and scratched his head.

"KIDS BE QUIET. So what needs doing is to carry the things that are standing downstairs in the hallway up here. It's mostly either boxes with pieces of furniture that are pretty small and easy to carry. Or boxes with things that are easy to carry. But there's a desk for Ashton's room that's pretty heavy and is now in one piece and should stay so. There are rolls with wallpaper lying around the floor in Emily's room. And buckets with wallpaper glue and things to make that with. And in Ashton's room there are buckets with paint that we're painting the walls with. Emily's things are put in Peityn's room for now while Ashton's have been put in Brielle's. So we don't need to worry about the children getting paint over everything as long as we keep paint brushes and everything inside their respective rooms. And then the furniture needs to be put together which are Ashton's bed, dresser and desk chair. And Emily's bed, dresser, desk, desk chair and bedside table. Leon are you good with Ikea furniture and a screwdriver." Leon just shrugged, but Mike still threw the screwdriver over to him. "You're in charge of that. Just make sure you carry the pieces upstairs so we don't have to carry the full pieces of furniture. Oh well… I think that's everything. So… Emma do you want to paint in Ashton's room or put on wallpaper in Emily's?"

"I'll be fine with painting actually. If that's okay." Mike nodded and gestured towards Ashton's room. And I breathed out. I wasn't too sure if I wanted to meet Emily, after all… We were taken to the dumping ground for two very different reasons. But I wasn't so sure if I could stay a long while in the same room as her without breaking down over what had happened to her, about what had happened to me and that she got her brothers back… I knew it was a crazy thing to be jealous about. But what was I supposed to feel when she had been brought back with her brothers after so long while my brother was dead?

I shook the thoughts about Jonas and my family off. This day wasn't about me and I just had to find something else to concentrate on. Which wasn't so hard to do when Leon shouted at me to help him with the furniture instead of painting and I spent the next fifteen minutes carrying up one box after the other with pieces of furniture. And then it got even easier to think about something else, when a young girl's voice mostly echoed through the hallway.

"But why can't we fix my room as well?" I suppressed a sigh- with Violet in the house I should have expected this! "The color on the walls is too bright. I can't even sleep with that on the walls." Mike glanced to me and then down to Violet and gave her a meaning look. "Fine then, I don't need your help. I have my own money and can buy everything I need. Including my own TV that I will never let anyone watch and CERTAINLY NOT YOU."

"VIOLET." Mike had had enough. And while I waited for Leon to come so we'd start screwing together the furniture I stood with my back against them and acted like I didn't hear. "Your room is perfectly fine. And no, you're not going off to buy new things for your room, not now, and not ever unless I say you can. So now, you either do like everybody else and help us rearrange Ashton's and Emily's rooms, or you go into your room and stay in there until you're willing to help!"

BANG!

Violet had chosen the second and when she slammed her door shut it made the whole house shake. Mike sighed and when I heard him turning towards me I turned and faced him. And I could honestly tell that Mike had gotten older- and a good bit more tired since I had been living at the dumping ground. However, it just flashed by before he smiled at me

"That one can be somewhat a handful sometimes." I nodded agreeing. "If she ever goes like that on you, as long as it's possible at least from the beginning. Come and get me. I know the rules and everything better and can handle her better. Even like now when she's not even allowed to go outside or go shopping for a month as a punishment because she skipped school to go shopping. She's also on dishing duty."

Just as Leon came and we started looking on the prescriptions on how to put Ashton's dresser into one piece. I didn't say anything and blinked a couple of tears away when I realized that if I didn't stay here I would never need what Mike was telling me. And somehow that just made me really sad, that I might not be able to stay here and help with what I could.

And then, all over again I was just angry because I couldn't make up my mind because I couldn't say that I stayed. Because I wanted to stay, but I couldn't say it because I just didn't know if I could stay. And if I couldn't stay but did anyway then it wouldn't be good for me and it certainly wouldn't be good for the children. And if it wasn't good for the children then… I would certainly not be good enough in any way!

The thoughts about whether I should stay or whether I should go kept on spinning in my head during the whole couple of hours I was painting, gluing wallpaper to the wall or screwing together pieces of furniture… and then screwing again since I did it wrong because Leon refused to read the prescriptions as we went.

"Hey kids. Emma, Leon, George." Mike came through the hallway the first time we all seemed to be gathered. (Well, we all except for Violet who still hadn't come out of her room) "Why don't we just order some pizzas? We're all hungry and we haven't got much in the kitchen." I looked around. The children that I could see seemed pretty happy about Mike's idea. "Okay, pizza it is then. I'll go and order some different ones." Mike disappeared down the stairs and I heard him go towards the office.

"We should sit outside." When Mike came back Shawn stood by the windows in the stairs. "It's a really nice day. We should take those pizzas with us outside and sit there and eat and like… play football when we've eaten to take a break and stuff."

"I'm not so sure about it Shawn." Mike scratched his neck and walked down the stairs to stand right next to the younger male. "It's a good idea. But we should probably get the rooms done as soon as possible."

"Come on Mike." Shawn continued with his arguments. "This have got to be one of the last really nice days of the year. Can't we sit outside? And play football and just have a laugh and you know… that. Oh, hey Emily." Shawn looked down to his side when Emily turned up holding a piece of fabric. When she held it up to Shawn I could see it was a cap. "Do you want me to have it? Oh, but it's so pretty I don't think I will be doing it justice. I'm just going to get it dirty. So why don't you keep it for me?"

"I want you to have it and to wear it. I can make another one if it is destroyed." Shawn smiled and pulled the cap- looked like some kind of bucket hat colored in black or dark blue. And with streaks of rainbows all colors. "It suits you. Can't you wear it? For me?"

Shawn looked down on Emily and I could almost hear him suppress that sigh. He knew that whenever one of the younger (especially the girls, or anyone actually) looked at him with such puppy eyes there wasn't a chance for him to say no. And no matter how ugly he thought it was he pulled it down over his hair and edits.

"I bought the hat. But I colored it myself"

"Oh… It's really nice. I'm not ever going to take it off now." Shawn backed away and then turned to Mike again. "But then Emily, will you help me talk Mike into that we can sit outside and eat and play football later today?" Emily nodded and didn't even have the time to say anything before Mike realized he had to give in and when took the pizza guy came we took the boxes and we all sat down around the garden table and grabbed each slice.

When Marty and Tracie had just finished eating and gone over to playing football around the garden during competing and laughing and us others watching. Then finally Mike came outside after having been inside for a moment and Violet was grumpily walking after him and slumped down on the wooden bench next to me. And I- who was taller and had longer arms, grabbed a slice of pizza and handed it to her.

"Ew. I don't want that. Freaking calorie bomb."

I lowered the hand which held onto that slice and searched in my memory for how old Violet were. First when I remembered I just continued searching because no way. No way! She couldn't be just eight years, well and three quarters. People who were that young weren't even supposed to know what calories were.

"Oh I hate calories." I took a bite from my slice. "That's why I eat them." Violet just glared at me and seemed to be fed up when she stood up. "Really Violet. You don't need to worry about calories. You're eight, you're a kid. You'll have plenty of time to worry about calories later. Like when you're as old as me. Or even worse- as old as Mike. Now come on, one slice of pizza won't make you fat. And it's good!"

If I had been more alert I might have noticed the way she flinched when I said 'as old as Mike' or the word 'fat'. If I had been more alert I might have noticed the way Wheezy was looking up and at me while fingering with the ham on his slice. I might have noticed the way Mike was watching me in the corner of his eye.

"And instead. You can worry about if it doesn't taste as good as you'd hoped. Or about helping me find the right clothes since you didn't seem to like my style before." Violet didn't take anymore. Without a glance at the slice I still held up for her she span around so the blonde hair flew around her. And then stomped back up towards the house while Wheezy looked down on his pizza again and Mike turned to me.

"You've got a good hand with the kids. And they obviously like you. Well, most of them. But Violet doesn't really like anyone so that's not on you." Mike smiled slightly. "Do you think that would be enough for staying here for work?"

"No." I said in a low tone. "I know it's not. But Mike. I'm feeling bad enough about everything already so please…"

"Emma, you're nineteen years old."

"Yeah, so?"

"You're a teenager. Only… three, four years older than Nathan and Qwyn. I don't expect them to put all of their feelings to the side about everything that's happened and I don't expect you to do that. Heck! I'm over fifty and I don't do that either and I probably never will. And do you know why?" I shook my head slightly. "Because people have feelings and it doesn't matter how old they are. So if you feel that you need to get away and cry or whatever or punch me or… just let those feelings out then you can… And… I know that you think that it's too long ago to think about but you were… orphaned at a very young age and that's nothing you just get over… But at the same time. You, George and Luce all understand these kids better than what I ever could… So…. I think the kids and I know that I would want you to stay." I glanced over the kids all playing football around the garden. "HEY KIDS. HOW MANY OF YOU DO WANT EMMA TO STAY WORKING HERE?"

"ME!"

"ME!"

"ME!"

All of the kids were shouting, throwing their hands into the air and jumping where they stood. Violet was the only one who wasn't there I could tell and actually- if she had been there I wasn't so sure how she would have reacted if he was there. The children kept on going 'ME' and I could see Shawn lifting up Ella and raising her high up in the air while they continued.

"Okay kids. Go back to what you were doing. George can you keep an eye on the kids?" George nodded and smiling he ran over to the kids and kicked away the ball from Qwyn. Mike led me silently through the garden and down onto the streets. Where we walked several blocks away from the dumping ground just in silence before we sat down on each swing in an empty play area for kids.

"So we do know that the children wants you to stay Emma." Mike slightly kicked into the ground making his swing go backwards and up. "But if you're staying. It's got to be about that you want that and not them. And I'd love to make you stay too because I would love for you to stay. But if you don't want to do this or feel like you can't. Then it wouldn't be right for neither me, nor the kids to keep you here. So the choice have got to be yours…. And even if you feel like it makes me a terrible person. I'm not going to make you stay."

"You're not a terrible person Mike. Not in any way." I pushed my swing backwards and let go so I was left swinging and leaned back and forth to make it go higher. Before I after maybe half a minute pushed my feet into the ground again and waited with saying anything else until it had stopped fully. "I want to do it too. I just don't know if I can."

So. Emma still isn't sure whether she can stay working at tdg or not. And she just spent almost a week with slouching on her couch with holby city and junk food. Leon isn't way too happy about that. But at least she gets to tdg to help out, and there she realizes Violet have got some problems with too many calories, and doesn't notice Wheezy have got some other problems with eating. Also that Shawn can't tell people no. And then she and Mike takes a walk and Mike knows how she's feeling about this and doesn't blame her for it. But she still doesn't know if she can stay.

Emma is portrayed by Bella Thorne. And Leon by Jamie Bamber (With red hair) the rest of Emma's family are portrayed by Danny Bonaduce (dad) Jennifer Connely (Mum) And Max Charles (Jonas) George is portrayed by Ola Rapace. Shawn by Austin North, Violet by Rosie McClelland, Nathan and Qwyn by Cole and Dylan Sprouse. Wheezy by Romeo Beckham

Random fact

The line about smelling worse than when you open a package of meatballs actually isn't mine. It's based on basically the same line in a Swedish TV series called 'ack Värmland' where three people are working together and two of them are pregnant and the last smells like… like Emma does in the chapter. And I just had to use it. That's not the only line that isn't mine- I hate calories that's why I eat them. Was something that my brother said once.